Tag: Friends

HOW TO AVOID THE DANGER FACING EVERY RELATIONSHIP AND FALL MORE IN LOVE THAN EVER BEFORE! ❤️

Your relationship is in danger! This includes not only friendships, but most importantly your intimate relationship. In fact, this is the one that may be in the greatest danger. What is the giant threat facing your relationship? Before we get to that – a warning. This threat may seem like not such a big deal. Trust me it is. If you value any, or all, of your relationships, take notice of what we are going to talk about today. More important than taking notice, is taking action. If you do, you will not only neutralize this dangerous threat, you will deepen your relationships and fall more in love than ever before. This is true whether that love is romantic or platonic.

The threat facing all relationships, be they friend or lover, is society’s tendency to focus on what is wrong with someone or something. I cannot recall how many times at work I see people gathered around complaining about they person they are in a relationship with. If someone doesn’t add to the conversation, they are looked at as a little odd. I never understood this. Why would you want the person you are with look anything less than beyond perfect? By making them look bad, what does that say about you? Here is the true danger – it gives others something to remind you of and to add to. If you want success in your relationship, share as much of what is right, and none of what is wrong. This holds true double for social media. Raise your hand if you know a couple that is constantly breaking up and falling in love online? Same two people. Depending on the day, they are either convincing you the other is the bottom of humanity, or they are the reason they get up in the morning. Do you know how that makes the two of you look? Like a couple of clowns.

Another thing that sharing negative information about friends, or worse the person you love, does is give others ammunition. There are always people who wish to break up friendships and relationships. Maybe they are jealous of your happiness? Maybe they want the friend or spouse you have? Whatever their motive, sharing your problems or negative thoughts gives them something to work with. They can either take that information and spread it to others, often including the person you were discussing, causing a further rift in the relationship. They can also remind you of these negative thoughts. A somewhat innocent comment like, “I know things seem good now, but remember when they did ___ to you?” This can put a limit to the amount of joy you can experience with someone and increase the negative feelings in a relationship.

The cure to this is really quite simple. Share as much wonderful things about your friends and those you love with as many people as you can. This will not only prevent them from finding a crack in your friendship and relationship to take advantage of, but it will also strengthen your feelings for that other person by reminding yourself of all the wonderful things about them you may have forgot. It will also have you looking a lot better in the eyes of others. Who wants to be friends with someone who is constantly speaking negative about people, or discussing problems they have with them? What do you think will happen as soon as you are not around? No, instead share the love. If it gets back to them, they will be quite impressed. If it doesn’t, it will still lead to an increase in the positive feelings you have for this person. Either way, it will strengthen the relationship and prevent the ever lurking danger from harming it. Speak love, feel love. What is something you find amazing about one of your friends or the person you love?

LESSON FROM A NEW TEACHER 👩‍🏫👨‍🏫

Recently, Margie set up a coffee date with another couple. She has a knack for picking some good people. In the course of a very inspiring conversation, my new friend and teacher, CJ, said something I think will impact us all. What he said was not only profound, but will add to our lives. It is something we should all wake up to that will positively impact our lives.

We were discussing perspective and how it drives performance. He relayed something he had heard that he uses to help keep his life in proper perspective. Enough with the build up. What was it that CJ said that I think will be so impactful for us all? It was this simple question. “If you would only wake up with only what you were grateful for the night before, how much would you wake up with?” When I heard this, it struck me. How about you? When you think about all of the blessings we have that we do not take the time to stop and be grateful for, how many do they number? I don’t know about you, but they are near countless for me.

Let us look at a few quick examples to help drive the point home. There is, of course, the love of my life, Margie. There are times when we are not seeing eye to eye. We do our best to never go to bed that way, but sometimes it happens. When you and your special someone go to sleep, whether you are getting along or not, do you pause and take a moment to be grateful for them? We are talking about focused gratitude. What if you were to wake up and they were gone forever? How about throughout the course of a day? Margie gives me plenty of reasons to be grateful. Whether that is sending me silly messages about rockets while I am busy at work, or having a delicious home-cooked meal to come home to, there are always reasons to be grateful for. Because they happen so often, I have to be careful not to take them for granted.

The person you love is an easy example. There are others. What about where you live? It could not be in the neighborhood you desire. Your house could need lots of work, or maybe your rent or mortgage eats up most of your paycheck. It is easy to complain about those things, but what if you woke up homeless tomorrow? How about work? That’s a good one. Work is easy to complain about it. I am as guilty as anyone when it comes to that. Waking up early, time away from family, crazy bosses and coworkers. There are a million things to complain about. What if they told you tomorrow you were out of a job? Suddenly, all of those things you were complaining about you would be grateful to have in your life.

Ask yourself this question, “If you were to wake up with only the things you were grateful for the night before, what would you wake up with?” I think that is a powerful question that can not only change our perspective, but help us live a life filled with more gratitude and a lot less lack. I know that I am going to put this question to use in my life. How about you? Once again, shout out to CJ and Faith for a great time over coffee.

MAKE SURE TO ADD THESE TO YOUR WEEKEND PLANS💯

Taking time to just enjoy the company of good friends is something that friends our soul. After work, stress and negativity fill our week and days, we need time with someone who lifts our spirits.

It is essential to not only have these people in our lives, but to spend time with them and appreciate them. Another great thing we can do is to be this kind of friend for others. Be someone who is a breath of fresh air to everyone they encounter. It is a gift that is priceless. Make time with people like that this weekend.

SURROUND YOURSELF WITH THIS. 👫

There are many self-improvement aspects that seem like an obvious conclusion to me. One of those is that you tend to be like the 5 people you surround yourself with the most. Stop and take a mental inventory of the 5 people you spend the most time around. Can you see things you all have in common? The ironic thing is that this is one of the things people really seem to push back on. I am not sure why. If you surround yourself with people who are poor and struggling to manage their money, it is highly unlikely you will learn any financial skills from them. “I am going to be the difference!” I hear people say all of the time. It is true, that you could be the one who changes the group you hang out in. It is rather like swimming up stream, however.

Let us say you are trying to live a life that is more positive and inspired. Your friends, on the other hand, are a rather negative bunch. While you may be reading inspirational books, listening to some inspiring podcasts and whatever else you can think of to change your state, you are going to be surrounded by people who are pointing out what is wrong in the world, telling you about their medical problems, and generally being in a depressed state. That will make it a little more difficult for you to look on the sunny side of the street. Going back to our earlier financial example, if you are looking to get yourself on a good financial footing, but your friends constantly find themselves brook, it could be a long road. Maybe you could read books on investing, talk to a financial advisor and set up an automatic savings deposit. However, your friends will be showing your their purchases from Amazon, ordering out dinner every night, wearing the most expensive brand shoes and clothes and wondering how to pay the electric bill. Which one of them will help assure you of a happy retirement?

I am not telling you that you have to get rid of all of your friends, or even some of your friends. Merely suggesting that if you would like to improve your life and do so in an easier way, you might want to consider who you spend a good deal of time around. Think of people who embody traits you would like to have. Consider those people who you feel could teach, inspire and encourage you on your journey. Then, make a point of taking them out to dinner or for a coffee. Just soak up their energy. While doing so make sure to share yours as well. Be authentically yourself. You will shine your light and attract those who you can serve by just being you. The greatest part about this life-improving lesson is that you have total control over it. Who you choose to spend your time around, for the most part, is up to you. Make sure you make this decision wisely as it has a great impact.

A FUN ACTIVITY THAT WILL ADD JOY TO YOUR LIFE 🌞

Here is a fun activity that will add some joy to your life! (Just in case you didn’t get that from the title) it will take anywhere from 5 minutes to as long as you care to take. When you are done, you will not only have a bigger smile on your face, you will have a heart filled with gratitude! Did I mention it is fun to do as well?😀

Grab a pen and a piece of paper 📃. Then, take a look at the list above. Write the word listed, one at a time. ‘The inspired’ being the first one. Then sit back, smile, and think of everyone in your life that fits that description. For example, in my life, Margie is very inspired. Always thinking of new ideas. When I need help with a flyer for a book signing, I go to her.

Continue to go through the list. One word at a time. List everyone in your life that fits that description. Take your time. Picture them in your mind’s eye and write their name down. Another example in my own life, under ‘open-minded’ I would put my friend Nick. He is always open to consider new people and their points of view.

Go through each word and come up with as many names as you can. When you are done, you will have a list of people who bring out some great qualities you may need a boost in. You will also have a new-found appreciation for the amazing people in your life!😀

BONUS!!! If you want to take this to the next level, and because you read a blog like this I assume you would, here is a little something you can add. Think of qualities you either would like to grow, or maybe ones you lack. Then, write those words down. It could be patience, inner peace, kindness or any other quality. Then, do what we did here. Write all the names of people in your life that have that quality. You will end up with a list of people you should spend more time with!

DOUBLE BONUS!!! As another way to help develop and surround yourself with the right people and attitudes, apply these same techniques to celebrities. When you discover what celebrities define ‘motivated’ to use an example from the picture above, (that would be Inky Johnson and Dwayne Johnson for me) write their names down. Then you can watch their videos on YouTube, listen to their podcasts or read their books.

I would love to hear some examples from your life of people who fit the descriptions above. Please let me know how this fun activity will help your life. 😀

USE PEOPLE WHILE YOU STILL CAN!

Let us be clear right from the start, I am not advocating using people in any negative form whatsoever. Quite the opposite. When we are finished with our brief time here together, I think you will have a new appreciation for what ‘using people’ can mean. To illustrate, I would love to share two personal stories of mine with you. The first involves a very early childhood friend. Let us call him Andy because, well, that is what his name was. He was one of my very first good friends. I am thinking somewhere near the age of 3 or 4. I remember he had bright red hair and that we pretty much did everything together. Then, in second grade, he moved away. We never exchanged addresses or phone numbers. To this day, I do not even know what happened to my early childhood friend.

I could blame my lack of thought regarding Andy on the fact that I was only 7 years old. You don’t really think too much about the future when you are that age. That would be fine, except one little problem. Take a look at the picture above. That is a picture of mine and Margie’s friends Curtis and Danie, with their son. They used to run a coffee shop/cafe in town. Both very nice people and I am sure their son will be an outstanding gentleman as he grows up. This wonderful family moved out west to pursue their dreams for their future. Here is the ironic thing. Before they left, Margie and I were saying how much fun it would be to spend some time with them just relaxing and doing fun things. Every time we saw each other, we would say something like, “Yes! Let us set something up!” All of our lives were busy, and sadly, that moment never happened.

Unlike my story with Andy, we at least are able to keep track via social media. In fact, as I wrote this, I messaged Curtis to let him know I was writing something about him. It would seem that I have learned little or nothing in the 40 years since my friend Andy moved away. Before you judge me, ask yourself one question. How many times have you said to yourself, “Man I wish I would have _____ with that person. Now it is too late.” This can hold true of people who moved away or even people who have passed on. We look back and think of how foolish we spent the time that we had with them. That is not to say every second has to be be planned and accounted for. Sometimes, the goal might just to be fully present and focused on enjoying time with someone. Taking time to enjoy their jokes, their voice or the way they look at a certain situation.

I encourage you to think of someone who is important in your life. How can you better use the time with them? Is there a certain activity you wish to do with them? Maybe it is as simple as spending a quiet dinner just slowing down and enjoying each others company? It may seem like work to rearrange a schedule and make things happen. Do you know what is even more work? Living with the weight of regret that you did not make the most of people and moments when you had the chance. I advocate using people. Use them to show love. Use them to show how much you care. Use them to create wonderful memories with. Use them to show your appreciation for the wonderful humans they are. Use people…before it is too late.

CELEBRATE TODAY!

Today is Happy Friendship Day (really, feel free to Google it) I suggest we all just celebrate the amazing friends we have. There does not have to be an exchange of gifts, just an exchange of hand shakes, high fives, and hugs! Celebrate new friends! Celebrate old friends! How would you choose to celebrate?

YOUR ASSIGNMENT TODAY🌞

How many of these things could you accomplish today? Refuel your soul. How do you do that? It can be as simple as a walk in nature with someone you love. Time with just a good book and a glass of lemonade. Simply avoiding the harsh news and realities of the world for a day.

Be grateful for your blessings. We have covered this one several times in this site. Gratitude has life transformational qualities. There is always something to be grateful for. A few years ago we did a monthly grateful exercise. We are coming up on a new month, so why not get your practice in today?

Take a deep breath and relax. In our go,go,go world, we have lost the ability to have quality relaxation. I’m guilty of this. With 7 jobs i pursue, there is seldom a moment off. This is why learning how to make those moments quality ones is so important. Plus, researching the best way for you to relax can be fun!

Spend time with family, friends and a good cup of coffee. When you do this, keep the conversation positive. Don’t waste time discussing politics and other topics that can create stress. Spend the time encouraging and lifting each other up. Enjoy the smiles and the love.

This Sunday, recreate and recharge yourself. You deserve it!

LEARN FROM MY REFLECTIONS

TODAY MARKS 3 WEEKS SINCE MY CRAZY HEART SURGERY. MY PATIENCE WITH GETTING BACK IS WEARING THIN, BUT NOT MUCH I CAN DO. I USE A LOT OF TIME IN REFLECTION. AS WITH ANY CHALLENGE, I ASK MYSELF “HOW CAN I USE THIS?” THIS INCLUDES THINKING OF THE LESSONS I HAVE LEARNED. I WOULD LIKE TO SHARE A FEW WITH YOU.

AS I MENTIONED, PATIENCE IS A LESSON I’M LEARNING. THERE ARE A LOT OF THINGS I CAN BE PATIENT WITH, BUT FEELING BETTER ISN’T ONE OF THEM. I USUALLY TRY EVERYTHING TO GET BETTER AND GO WITH WHAT WORKS. THIS CAN INCLUDE SUPPLEMENTS, DIET,EXERCISE AND A MILLION OTHER THINGS. WITH HEART SURGERY, ALL YOU CAN DO IS WAIT. PAINS COME AND GO, YOU CAN’T REALLY DO MUCH WITHOUT RUNNING OUT OF BREATH. THE DOCTORS TELL YOU “THAT IS NORMAL. IT WILL JUST TAKE TIME. ” PATIENCE…A LESSON I’M LEARNING.

ANOTHER ONE OF MY FAVORITE QUOTES. IT ALSO HAPPENS TO BE SOMETHING I WAS REMINDED OF. IN TODAY’S WORLD, A LOT OF US PUT OUR LIVES TO THE SIDE WHEN OUR JOB NEEDS US. YET, WE KNOW FULL WELL OUR JOB WILL REPLACE US IN A HEARTBEAT, BUT OUR LOSS TO OUR TRUE FRIENDS AND FAMILY WILL BE FELT FOR A LONG TIME AFTER WE ARE GONE.

SPEAKING OF TRUE FRIENDS AND FAMILY, YOU LEARN THE PEOPLE THE CARE AND WOULD MISS YOU. I DO MY BEST TO ENCOURAGEME AND INSPIRE EVERYONE I COME IN CONTACT WITH. I FIGURE THE WORLD HAS ENOUGH CRITICS, IT COULD USE SOME MORE CHEERLEADERS. WHAT SHOCKED ME WAS WHO BECAME CHEERLEADERS FOR ME. THIS WAS BOTH GOOD AND BAD.

IN MY DAY JOB, I WORK WITH ROUGHLY 50 PEOPLE. I DO MY BEST TO BRING A LITTLE JOY AND LAUGHTER TO AS MANY AS I CAN THROUGHOUT THE DAY. THE NUMBER OF THEM WHO CHECKED ON ME? IT WAS GREATER THAN ZERO… BUT LESS THAN TWO. ONE OUT OF 50. YET, THERE WERE PEOPLE I HAVEN’T SEEN IN PERSON IN SOME TIME WHO FOLLOW MY WEBSITE OR YOUTUBE CHANNEL AND THEY REACHED OUT. FRIENDS I DON’T SPEAK TO REGULARLY, EVEN FRIENDS OF MARGIE’S OFFERED TO HELP OUT. A GREAT REMINDER TO GO WHERE YOU ARE CELEBRATED, NOT TOLERATED.

THERE ARE ALSO THE THINGS THAT FILL MY LIFE WITH JOY THAT HAVE BEEN REMOVED OR LIMITED WITH MY RECOVERY. I LOVE GOING FOR WALKS IN NATURE. I’M GOING TO TRY A SMALL ONE TODAY, BUT NOT BEING ABLE TO KEEP GOING CAN BE FRUSTRATING. I LOVE GOING TO THE GYM. GREAT STRESS RELEASE AND HELPS WITH MY SANITY. CAN’T LIFT MORE THAN 10 POUNDS FOR 3 MONTHS, SO THAT WILL HAVE TO WAIT.

THE END RESULT OF ALL OF THIS IS THAT THE GREATER THE CHALLENGE, THE MORE LESSONS TO BE LEARNED. THERE WERE AND ARE MANY MORE LESSONS THIS HAS TAUGHT ME. THE SECRET HERE IS TO BE ABLE TO SEE THEM AS GIFTS INSTEAD OF OBSTACLES. ANOTHER LESSON THERE…PERCEPTION GOES A LONG WAY TO DETERMINING YOUR REALITY. YOU MIGHT WANT TO READ THAT LAST LINE AGAIN. I ENCOURAGE YOU ALL TO FIND THE GIFTS AND LESSONS IN YOUR CHALLENGES.

DO YOU HAVE 6?

Although rather morbid sounding, this statement rings true. Compliments are difficult to both give and receive for many adults. We have 6 people to carry us physically in death, why can’t we have 6 people to carry us emotionally and spiritually in life? Can you imagine what that might be like? 6 people checking in on you, 6 people to encourage you on a daily basis.

Maybe this wouldn’t happen from every person on every day. How different would your life be if one of these 6 people popped in to encourage or check on you? If you have 6 of them, that would be roughly one a day. We will give them Sundays off. How much more valued would you feel? Would you have more confidence and a feeling of support when trying new things? What other benefits could this add?

The million dollar question would then be, “Neil, how do I find these 6 people?” Surely you could go up and ask people, “Hey do you want to call and check on or encourage me once a week?”At the risk of sounding a little desperate, it may also leave you wondering how genuine the compliments and concern may be.

So, if you can’t just ask them, what the heck do you do? I have two solutions. The first should be obvious. As the cliche  goes, if you can’t find a good friend, be one. By picking a few friends and just checking in on them once a week, eventually chances are they will return the favor. Noticing how good it felt to them, they will want to do the same for someone else.

Secondly, you can get a group of trusted friends together and explain this idea to them. If everyone sends an encouraging word, or makes it a point to check in on each other, the whole group will benefit extraordinarily.

To be honest, in this world of a million ways to communicate, I am rather surprised this is not a thing. We can slip an encouraging word in an email. We can check in with someone on Facebook messenger. We can even send an encouraging or silly picture to a friend via text. Gather your posse and make it a point to carry each other through life emotionally and spiritually before we have to carry each other in death physically.