This post has 2 parts. Both of whichrevolve around the fact that it is National Encouragement Day. Who encourages you? For me, it is my lady and her daughter with how hard they work in their bakery. My mother and her commitment to staying healthy. My friend Shannon with her knowledge of, and passion for our friends in the plant kingdom. Our friendKurt And his business ventures. Our friend Mary with her support of Margie and me. There are a million others. All of my friends inspire me in some fashion.
Here is the other half of the equation. How do you encourage yourself? It in a world that can be unexpectedly cruel at times, we need to have sources of encouragement we can lean on. Sometimes those in our life we rely to encourage us might be having a bad day, or just be busy with life.
Personally, I have a playlist of songs that encourage me. All I do is push play and I’m on my way. I have a daily inspiration calendar. I have a few apps that contain inspirational messages.
How about you? Who encourages you? How do you encourage yourself?
This is a picture from a little Italian grocery store I visited while taking my aunt out to her old neighborhood. I love the suggestion on the bottom. “Best served in good company”. How many things should have this suggestion? Good company makes everything better.
On this evening, I was accompanied by not only my aunt, but my mother and Margie as well. We ate at my aunt’s favorite Chinese restaurant, shopped at this grocery store and relaxed at an independent coffee shop. All that would be a great night for me, but doing it with those you love make it even more amazing.
How about you? Have there been things you have done that are ‘best served in good company?’ What other products do you think should have this suggestion printed on them? My suggestion would be coffee. Sharing a good cup of coffee with a friend makes it taste that much better. What is your suggestion?
Fred Rogers is one of my favorite sources of inspiration. Many of you know that already. I have never heard this quote before, but it only serves as an example of why I enjoy the man’s ideas so much. Think of all the people you have met that have made a difference in your life. This even holds true for people you have reconnected with after a long time. They can add so much joy into your life and help you grow and discover new things about yourself you have never known.
Margie and I DJ every Sunday. It is not my favorite thing to do as I am not really a bar person and work early Monday morning. However, we have met and became friends with some wonderful people. There are great couples like Ron and Deb, Montell and Tanya, Rise and Ron and Chris and Nicci. This is but a mere sample of them. We have become good friends with the bartender Kelly. There is an older gentle who goes by Melvis that always puts a smile on our faces. Our friend Sara is so generous with her kindness and help we always appreciate her. So many people that do sweet things for us and with us that if I mentioned them all it would take several posts.
This is just one example of an area in which we have made lasting connections. In my day job working for the Postal Service, I have made wonderful connections at each location I have worked at. Some of which we still gather with on federal holidays for lunch. I have friends from childhood. My friend Matt I have known since we were 7. A few years back, I reconnected with my friend Kevin who I have been friends with since we were both 4! Even Jenny, my friend who cuts my hair, I have been friends with for over 3 decades. Each one of these people has made my life a blessing and helped me discover some new and wonderful things about myself.
There are the unexpected connections that can have the greatest impact. While I was working as a bartender I was connected with this amazing lady. Not only have we been blissfully in love for 10 years, but we are going to get married in the hopefully not too distant future. You never know when a connection will transform your life and send it in a completely different direction. Be grateful for all of your connections. If treated and fostered correctly, they are what make life feel like heaven.
This post was inspired during the amazing dinner that Margie and my mother put together to help celebrate 1000 blogs on this site. Our good friend, Ron Perez, looked around the table and told me something that in its simplicity, was yet profound. He said, “Neil, all you need is good friends and good food.” He was right. I could not have been happier than I was that night. No amount of fame or fortune could have done it. No amount of monetary reward. People often trip over some of the greatest treasure on their way to look for it.
Having a good group of friends and being able to share some good food, is something far too many of us in the world are not able to do. In fact, having a strong social circle and good friends is one of the most determining factors in longevity. This according to the Blue Zone book that examined the lives of the longest living people and what they had in common. Mr. Perez’s statement was quite the wise one and backed up by science.
Many folks spend a great deal of their time and energy investing in obtaining wealth and prestige. If you were to obtain such things and sacrifice your relationships to do so, you would still be poor. Something about friends – money cannot buy true ones. It is something that has to be fostered and grown with time. It takes trust, honesty, love, compassion and many other things that money or fame could not buy. On the opposite end of the spectrum, if you lack money but still have a great deal of true friends, you are wealthier than you can imagine. Not only are they able to help you, be that financial or connecting you to opportunities, but they will encourage and support you emotionally.
I am still reeling from the outpouring of love that I received at that surprise dinner the other night. That made me feel like the wealthiest person in the world! By our definition, I believe that I am. In your life, keep it simple. Invest in the things that truly matter. Take care of those who take care of you. Spend your time and money building friendships and helping others. The payout will be far better than any winning lottery ticket you could come across. To me, my friends and family are the greatest treasure.
Do you want to stand out in your relationships? Do you want to be the one that makes those in your life smile? I think we all do. In order to stand out from everyone else, you have to do something different from everyone else. That makes sense doesn’t it? This doesn’t have to be dramatic or expensive to have a powerful impact. I’m going to show you how to become a significant player in the life of those you care about while making them feel amazing. Better yet, I’ll show you how to do this for $2in just a few minutes. Are you on board?
Today is national “send a friend a greeting card day” Yes, I didn’t know it existed either. “Neil, nobody sends greeting cards anymore!” That is exactly the point! By taking a few minutes to write down some encouraging or inspiring thoughts in a greeting card and making it to a friend, you stand out. How would you feel checking the mail andfinding a card from a friend telling you how awesome you are and how grateful they are for you? Pretty good, I would imagine.
It doesn’t have to even be a fancy expensive greeting card. They sell cards at the dollar store. It is the thoughts behind it and the uniqueness of the action. Imagine doing this for one friend a month,or even one friend a week! Think of how much your relationships could improve with the simple power of a greeting card?
A little rusty on writing out greeting cards? Do you want some practice? Our address here at Secret2anamazinglife.com can be found below.
Today’s post will feature a deep dive into an answer to a question I posed to several friends and associates. The question was, “What, in your opinion, makes for a truly fulfilling life?” We will take a deeper dive into the answer featured in today’s post. This includes looking at how we can implement their ideas for fulfillment into our own life. This will allow all of us to wake up with a greater sense of inner peace and joy. If these answers inspire you, and you would like to share your own feeling on what makes life fulfilling, feel free to do so in the comments below. You could be featured in a future post or in my next book! Now let us take a look at today’s answer!
Today’s answer comes from a great friend of Margie and myself. Nicci is an art teacher, a dedicated and loving mother to 2 very talented daughters and a great singer. With all that she has on her plate, it is vital for Nicci to be able to know what gives her a sense of life fulfillment. Nicci’s answer was as follows.
A network of genuine friends who inspire, encourage, and support you no matter what makes life worthwhile. I love my people so much and they are the biggest blessing in my life. This of course includes you and Margie.
There are so many things we can gain from looking at Nicci’s answer. It is important to note that she places the word ‘genuine’ in front of friends. In a world that can see our connections limited to superficial ones, especially after Covid, having friends that are genuine and know the real us is priceless. Her definition of genuine friends is also included in her answer. “People who inspire, encourage and support you…” Fair weather friends can be a source of stress and not one of fulfillment. Fostering genuine friendships require a little work and often a willingness to be open and vulnerable. This can, understandably, be scary for some. The reward is a support system that can catch you when you fall in life. It can be those to encourage you when you feel like you can’t go on. They can bring you that source of inspiration when your life is caught in a rut. All of these will lead to a life that is certainly more fulfilling.
How do we establish and grow genuine friendships? Ironically, this is a skill we are actually better at as children than adults. If you look at the quote above, it states true friendship involves being understood and understanding. The first quality is to understand that life is both give and take. To gain a genuine friend is to be one. We must not enter a friendship thinking only what we can gain, but what we can give as well. As mentioned earlier, we must also be open to being vulnerable. This can be scary at first. Sharing our inner most thoughts and feelings. What if this person chooses to use them against us? What if they laugh, or think us crazy? This is why it is easier for children to make friends. They don’t really seem all that concerned about this happening. The truth is, neither should you. Yes, some people may hurt you and use things you tell them against you. That speaks more about them than about you at all. It is also a good way to weed out who is worth being a genuine friend and who is best left with a surface relation. A safe way is to share a little at a time. Slowly deepening the friendship.
Why do you think genuine friendship can lead to a fulfilling life? It certainly can. We have only touched on but a few of the benefits. What are the benefits of friendship that mean the most to you? How do you go about creating genuine friendships along with keeping the ones you have? Feel free to share all of your answers and ideas in the comments below. We would love to hear them!
We have been advocating staying present on this site so much lately it runs the risk of becoming too familiar. Before you are tempted to dismiss this as just another post about living in the moment, I encourage you to read on. In sales, they tell you to speak about the benefits of a product before the features or the price. In other words, you paint a picture of how life will be better for your prospect before you tell them what they are getting. That is what we are doing with today’s post.
Have you ever had a day where despite challenges, you still seem to be feeling amazing and able to make it through the day with a smile? I am sure most of us have had a day like that. We have also had the opposite. Where even if things seem to be turning out well, we still don’t feel the amount of joy we should. How many of us stop and ask ourselves why this happens? Figuring out the question to this will help make our lives infinitely more full of joy, but how many of us actually do this? When we feel sick to our stomach we will spend the rest of the day analyzing what we ate to the smallest ingredient. Should we not to the same to what brings us joy?
It can be impossible to note every single detail that is occurring in our lives on the days we feel amazing. Not to mention, that would probably take a good deal of joy out of it. Instead, I will ask you to pay attention to just one detail – who you are around. They say you are the total of the 5 people you spend the most time with. If your life is not filled with as much joy as it could be, this might be a good spot to investigate. That is not saying it excuses our own behavior, but surrounding yourself with good people who appreciate your worth will make all of the difference.
This week, take a moment to notice how the people around you have you feeling. Are there people who just put a smile on your face being around them? There are people in my life that can have me smiling just thinking about them. That is why my screensaver is my lovely lady. Just thinking about her can bring a smile on my face. How about you? Who are the people in your life who make your life amazing just by being in it?
I had the pleasure of taking my beautiful lady out to lunch the other day and she inspired an interesting thought I would like to share with you. Right now, she is on a health and fitness journey. She has really been working hard changing her diet and making physical fitness a regular part of her life. Recently, her gym had her fill out a goal sheet for her immediate future. We were discussing what she wrote down, when she paused, took a deep breath, sighed and confessed, “I just do not want to be the least fit person in a group of people anymore.”
I admired her bravery and really getting in touch with her ‘why’. This, I am sure, will allow her to reach the goals she has set for herself. It reminded me of a joke. “If you want to look thinner, hang around people who are less thin than you.” Although this joke is old, and quite dated as you can see, it made me think how many of us do this. We tend to surround ourselves with people who are in our comfort zone. This is good for keeping the stress level low, but does not really push us to grow to a better version of ourselves, and can even stunt the growth when we do attempt it.
When you start to work on improving yourself, I notice there are people who get intimidated. There are many reasons for why this might be. If you suddenly go back to school, or start studying a certain subject you may hear things such as “Oh, trying to show off now?” If your friends like to binge watch Netflicks and eat pizza everyday and you start getting in shape, they may either tell you that you are spending too much time and the gym, or even make you feel guilty for being so. I think they do this because your improvement makes them uncomfortable about their own lack of improvement. There are also those who worry that if you improve too much, you might end up leaving them behind. This leaves them two choices. They can either level up their life, or try to pull you back to level down yours. I don’t have to tell you which choice most people make, even if it is subconsciously.
It is like the boiling crabs in a bucket story. If one crab is about to escape, the others pull them back in. does it help them? No. It certainly does not help our friendly crustation who almost had their freedom. Instead, you want to be part of a group that is constantly lifting each other up and helping each other reach new levels. Sometimes you might be the one doing the lifting, sometimes you might be the one being lifted. This includes both the emotional aspect, like in the first picture. As well as physically. Remember our example of getting in shape? As ironic as it sounds, our haters can often be of more help than our friends. If one of them see you slipping on your diet or workout routine, they will not only make sure to let you know about it, but everyone else as well. That is a good motivation to stay on track. It is also a good way to put your haters to work for you. Our well-meaning friends, on the other hand, might be more reassuring. Telling us things like, “It is ok if you just missed one workout.” or “Don’t be so hard on yourself for eating badly today.”
Take some time and think about the people you surround yourself with. Are they helping you become the best version of yourself? This can be supportive or motivating. We need both. Just make sure they are not holding you back from growing into the amazing person you know you can be. Look, self-improvement can occasionally be tough journey. We need all the help we can get. We certainly cannot have anyone making our journey more difficult.
As this post is published, it is the start of the weekend! Saturday baby! A day generally reserved for relaxation and hanging out with friends. Today’s thoughts will serve you not only on a Saturday, but on any day you read this. It is not about only associating with people who can “Get us things.” No. It is about associating with people who can bring something to our spirit. People who remind us to practice self-care. People, who by their very presence, are self-care. Someone who will inspire us. Someone who makes us feel heard or accepted. These are the people we should surround ourselves with. They will make our lives feel so much richer and fuller.
A quick reminder that life is a balance. It is not just about receiving, but about giving. Can you give to them the great things they bring to you? It is often the great listener that is longing to be heard. It is the one who pays genuine compliments that needs to hear some reassuring words the most. How can you not only appreciate the good others bring to you, but learn from it and pass it not only to others, but back to them as well? This is the secret to life. It is quite often in the giving that we feel the greatest joy.
Do you like to argue? I am guessing if you are reading a site like this, the answer would be ‘no’. Generating more stress in your life is a very poor waste of energy. That is energy that you can spend in laughter, gratitude and inner peace. This seems pretty logical, and it really should be. Ask yourself, how many people get upset over things people like that they do not? Take the Pumpkin Spice craze. There is pumpkin spice lattes of course. There is also pumpkin spice creamer, ice cream, Little Debbie cakes and a million other items. I think pumpkin spice tastes awful. Most of the time it tastes fake and artificial to me. Do you know what I do when someone I am out with orders one? Do I feel compelled to tell them how much I dislike it? No. Why? if it brings them joy why would I ruin it?
This holds true with everything else in this list as well. Unlike pumpkin spice, I love avocado toast. Would I really want to hear about how ordering it is not a good value? Would I want to hear that it is not as healthy as some people say? How about how someone doesn’t like the taste of it? No. I just want to enjoy my damn avocado toast. This is really crazy when it comes to things people are fans of. Like teams, television shows or whatever else. If it is not the same as us, we usually tell them how ours is better and theirs is not. Oddly enough, this seems to happen in religion too. Have you ever heard someone say, “I know your team lost to my team today, but they played a great game?” If so, it doesn’t happen that often. How about this, “I know you belong to a different religion than me, but I admire how dedicated to your faith you are?” It doesn’t have to be that intense. Do you know what most of us would be better off saying when we come across someone who likes something we don’t? Not a damn thing. If it does not harm them or someone else, and it brings them joy, let them have it.
This also makes you a lot more pleasant to be around. If you wish to be a better liked friend, here is a two-fold secret to becoming one. First, when someone voices their admiration for something you don’t like, fight the urge to inform them of your distaste for it. Just try saying nothing. If they happen to mention liking something you do like, enthusiastically add to it. If you are keeping score at home, let us recap. Do not put down what you don’t like and be enthusiastic about what you do like.
Imagine the difference in being around someone who is constantly telling you how much your team sucks, or the television show you like sucks. How awful that flavor of ice cream you just ordered is. This would not be very enjoyable. Now, what if this person only spoke up to tell you how much they liked that movie that is your favorite or how they always dreamt about going to Fiji as well? (Ok, that last one is a personal favorite) How much more enjoyable would hanging out with this person be? Which one are you most of the time?
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 