Take a look around you. Wherever you happen to be reading this. It could be while getting your morning coffee. It could be in break at work or right before you go to bed. Feel free to share when you usually read this website.
Even if you happen to be reading this while waiting for the dentist, this holds true. If you look around there will be something you are grateful for. It could be that morning coffee you are making. It could be the coworker you get along with. If it is at night, your soft pillow is something worth gratitude. Even at the dentist, you could be grateful for the exit door!
I would recommend doing this several times a day. It not only increases gratitude, but gives a feeling of peace and tranquility in a often hectic world. I would love to hear both what time of day you read this site as well as what you are grateful for around you right now!
Last post we looked at the kind of people you do not want in your life. Let us switch gears and take a look at the kind of people you do want in your life and the kind of person you should strive to become. The quote above from Epictetus gives us the formula. That is to be some who can walk away from desires in order to achieve goals. I am paraphrasing, but that is the lesson there. If your goal is to become healthier, but you often desire doughnuts and ice cream, you will have to choose one of them.
Here is another consideration. If we are constantly giving into our desires, they in a sense become our masters. If you cannot say ‘no’ to the doughnut in the breakroom, then you will forever be working on developing a healthy eating plan. That is not to say an occasional doughnut will ruin everything. What we are saying here is that you need to develop the will, the focus and the self-discipline to turn down immediate gratification in order to reach a long-term goal. That seems rather logical, but in today’s world, it is a rare quality.
Another prime example is getting hooked on social media. You know you are supposed to clean the kitchen, but you will take a break to watch just a few videos. An hour later there you sit, phone in hand with a dirty kitchen. It takes roughly 20 minutes for the brain to focus on an activity. Meaning every time you take that break, you are resetting the clock. Normal adult brains to require a quick reset around the 90 minute mark. It should not last too long, or you may find yourself unable to get started again. You must be able to discipline yourself or you will not achieve many goals in life. If it helps, make deals with your desires. You will watch that otter video after the kitchen is clean. You can have a doughnut after you complete your workout or reach a certain goal weight.
To achieve anything great in life, you must be able to delay immediate gratification to fit the long-term goal. How you do this is up to you. Doing it is not an option. Ancient philosophers knew it. In today’s world, it is even more important. Feel free to share your secrets for staying focused.
Who would not want to be a superior person. This does not mean being ‘better than someone’. It means being better than you were. Holding yourself to a higher standard. These three things can help us get there. We will take them in reverse order. The first is Act with Virtue. This is really not as complicated as it seems. To understand how to do this, focus on the last word – virtue. What do you consider a virtue? Honesty? Than do not tell lies or spread false gossip. Maybe kindness and compassion is your idea of virtue? Than act in such a manner where you show kindness and compassion to everyone you meet. There are so many virtues. You could try adding one at a time to your life. If you are still not sure, just Google, “What are some virtues?” and take it from there.
The second skill to become a superior person is to Stay focused. This may seem simple, but in today’s distraction driven world, the focused person is a superhero. The average attention span seems to dwindle by the day. Most people do not live an amazing life not because they lack knowledge, but because they lack focus. Staying zeroed in on what is important to reaching your goal is not a skill many modern people possess. Working to improve your attention and ability to focus will put you far ahead. This can be setting limits on phone use, only watching one episode of a show instead of binge watching them all. Skipping watching television or scrolling until after you complete a task is even better yet! Use it as a reward!
This is one that people either have a hard time grasping, or forget all together. Far too many people let their emotions get the best of them and then spend their time and energy trying to correct the consequences. Does anger cause you to snap at people or say things you would not normally say? Instead use it to fuel a good workout, or put that anger and frustration to use as kindling for the fire of desire to become a better version of yourself and improve your life. Does sadness forbid you from even leaving the bed? Use that pain as a motivation to help others who may be hurting. All emotions, from positive to negative, can be made to work for us instead of controlling us. Is controlling your emotions and putting them to work easy? Of course not! Especially if you have been letting them run the show for most of your life. The important point is that it is possible. Putting your emotions to work for you can give you a superior life and make you a superior person.
One goal – to become a superior person. Three simple steps – control your emotions, stay focused and live with virtue. Can you see how easy it is to rise above the crowd? Yes, it will take some work. Yes it will be challenging. Ask yourself this question, “Is your life worth it?” If the answer is ‘yes’, begin to do these three things right now. Every day of effort makes you superior to anyone who is not trying, but most importantly, superior to the person you were yesterday!
How may of us feel paralyzed by inaction? I would gather in a world filled with options and stimulation, that answer would be quite a few people. It can set us up with a negative mindset. We can get down on ourselves, asking why we are not getting more done. We may even call ourselves lazy. The truth is that we are trying to do far too many things at the same time.
I recall when I was growing up and when I had entered the workforce, the phrase you heard everywhere was ‘multi-tasking’. Which means you should be working on accomplishing several things all at the same time. My guess is that some corporate bigwig invented that idea with the thought that he would have to pay less employees. Trying to accomplish several things at the same time is like chasing two rabbits and expecting to catch both of them. It just doesn’t happen.
From a more scientific standpoint, the amount of time your brain takes to lock in and focus is roughly 23 minutes. That is when you are operating with peak efficiency. Can you see how jumping from one task to another you will never be able to give your best to anything. You would be far better off, from a productivity standpoint, to focus on one item on your to do list for a specific amount of time. Ideally, longer than 23 minutes. Then move on to the next one. By doing so, you will likely complete more and do so in a more efficient time frame. In addition, you will do a better job on each task.
As we go into the week full of tasks that need to be done, remember to focus on one at a time. Even if you have several that need attending to, schedule time for each one and approach them that way. You will feel more productive and you will be more productive.
How many times have we heard that poverty is a state of mind? It can be quite tempting to snear at that when we are looking at all of the bills we have to pay or a bank balance that is less than we hoped. Still, like any cliche, there is a large dose of truth to this.
Looking at this quote from Seneca above, we will find the key to avoiding poverty is being content. I might swap out that word for the word ‘grateful’ but let us take a look at how this works either way.
The other day I had coffee with my mother. We discussed vacations we had been on and how much fun we had. We could have focused on the fact that we couldn’t swing another vacation presently, how much more our costs to go on vacation or even how we wished we were enjoying our coffee that morning on a tropical beach. How would this thinking have left us feeling? Dismayed? Wanting? Slightly depressed? We could even have felt angry at the rising costs of everything.
This morning I enjoyed coffee at home across from this beautiful lady. We only had a short amount of time to enjoy it as she is working for a market she has coming up. We could have felt sad we didn’t have more time with each other. We could have been bummed that we didn’t have time to make it to a nice coffee shop. She could have been overwhelmed about the market. We could have even thought about how we would rather be on vacation! We would have felt cheated, overwhelmed and generally unhappy.
Luckily, all of us are rather versed in the thinking Seneca advocated above. My mother and I were grateful for the memories we were able to discuss. That meant we had experienced some good times. We were also grateful at the nice messages written on our cups. Margie and I were grateful that in the middle of life’s chaos, we were able to carve out some time to love each other over coffee.
It may sound like a subtle shift to some of you. Let us look at what that shift resulted in. Both situations had people we felt fortunate for what they had. Could it have been more? Sure it always could be. It could always be less. When you focus on what you have verses what you lack, you feel grateful and rather fortunate.
When you stop and think about it, our life is our emotions. How we feel is really how we are. If we have all the money in the world but are angry and depressed all of the time, our life is anger and depression. If we do not have as much as we would like, or even as much as we need in some cases, but we still are able to see the beauty and joy in each moment, our life will be beauty and joy. Life is really what we choose to focus on. Find ways to be content and grateful and you will never feel poor.
I want to take a look at these individually. First, let us look at what we are really talking about here. In essence, it is one thing – focus. What is the focus of your life? Have you stopped to ask yourself this question? Here is another question. Will what you are now focusing on matter after you are no longer here? That is called legacy. What your children, your grandchildren and history will remember you for. Those are things that matter. In addition, will what you are now focused on bring you peace and joy. Noticed that I did not say “Will it make you happy?” Lots of things can make us happy but not provide us with peace and joy.
Which will lead us right into the first example. ‘not what we bought, but what we built’. A new car will make us happy. At least in the short term. It will not bring us joy. What is the difference? Happiness I believe is transactional. If this happens, then I will feel this way. Joy, on the other hand, is an emotional state that does not fall victim to circumstance. When you raised a healthy family and earned the respect of those in your life, that gives you a feeling that a flat tire on that new car cannot take away. Building something takes time, discipline and patience. It cannot be bought.
Next is ‘not what we got, but what we shared’. Think of this one. You may think getting something yourself will be a lot better than sharing it with someone else. Not so fast. When people think of you, which is more meaningful to them? What you have or what you shared with them? I have known several wealthy people in my life. Some rather intimately. Never have I stopped and thought, “I like that person because they have a big house or fancy car.” Never. I have known some people who are not financially well-off. They have tended to be some of the most generous people I know because they are so familiar with how lack feels. If you shared half of your peanut butter and jelly sandwich with me, that would stick with me more, and be more impressive, than what car you drive.
This next one is really a good one. ‘not our competence but our character’. Having the ability to do a great many things can make you valuable. That is rather obvious. Being smart, or a good mechanic, can make you friends. Even those friendships seem rather transactional. Being of good character will not only make people want to surround themselves with you, but make you remembered. People appreciate what you can do for them, but they will never forget how you make them feel. It is this very thought that we are reminded of at funerals. The most heartfelt eulogies are not for someone’s skills but for their heart and kindness. They also tend to have a lot more people in attendance.
Lastly, ‘not our success, but our meaning’. We discussed this a little in the last post, but we will look at it again here. What makes a life important? It is not collecting money or accolades. They really only matter to the individual collecting them. If the meaning of your life is to just collect as many things as possible, you are going to end up very rich and very unfulfilled. Not that there is anything wrong with financial abundance. It can be a very valuable tool in the hands of the right people. With greater wealth, you can make greater change. Abundance and wealth are different from riches. When you are an abundant person, you are excelling in most, if not all, areas of your life. Your personal peace, your relationships. What is the meaning of your life? Is it solely for your gratification? Are you here to make an impact? How about a positive difference?
Start asking yourself these questions. Decide to have an important focus in your life. Make an impact and a positive difference on the lives of those around you.
Do not let the fact that it is Monday stop, or even intimate you. Discover what is holding you back from reaching your goals. Make that your enemy. Remember to focus on what you can control. Placing the blame on outside people and circumstances only puts you under their control and makes you weak.
The truth is most of the time it is not a lack of resources that stop you, but a lack of resourcefulness. Use those people and circumstances for motivation, not for excuses. Do not let them stop you. Find what you can do inside of you to improve your situation and move closer to your goals. You’ve got this!
Life isn’t as complicated as we sometimes make it. Take Monday for example. Here we are. The start of the work week. Most of what makes Monday so dreadful is a the psychology. We begin to dread the day the night before. The end of our weekend. Back to the grind.
What if we took a few steps to make Monday a lot more successful? The photo above is a great start. Stay focused on your goals. In other words, think of the big picture. Maybe you have a vacation coming up in a few months? Maybe you are saving up for a gift for someone you love. Think of everything your job allows you to do.
Next is keeping a positive attitude. That can be made a lot easier by thinking of what your job allows you to do. Would we rather be able to make money sitting on the beach? Sure, but the next best thing is to earn money to take that beach vacation. Not to mention keeping the lights and power on until then.
Lastly is work hard. I’ve said it before. Hard work cures a lot of ills. When you work hard you have little time to waste on petty drama so many worry about. When you work hard you earn your sleep. Hard work builds character and self-confidence.
This Monday, focus on your goals, stay positive and work hard. Friday will be here before you know it!
This picture is great! Obviously a point about focus. You may be thinking, like I was, “Not me! I appreciate what Ihave!” Then I took another look at the picture and thought what I would do if someone handed me a cake with one slice missing. What would you do? Can you imagine going to the store buying a cake with one slice gone? What about a slice of cake? A lot less, but if someone handed you a slice of cake, you would not ask where the rest of the cake went.
People are a little like the cake. Most are not as sweet, but the theory is the same. If someone shared a lot with you, but kept one part of their life secret, we would feel like we were missing something. Like the cake with a slice missing. Yet, if someone were to share just a little with us, we would feel like they were giving us something a little special. Just like a slice of cake.
I live with the most beautiful baker, trust me when I tell you I know a thing or 2 about cake! Whether we are given a little, or a lot with just one thing missing we should appreciate what we have. Changing focus will take us from expectation to appreciation! Imagine how that could change your life!
This quote could not be more accurate for the world today. Unlike any other time in history, there are so many distractions to keep us from focusing on our goals. As a writer I can tell you that this is true quite often. Usually, most of my writing is done in coffee shops. Today is a rare time in which I am writing from home. I do that for the simple reason that there are less distractions at the coffee shop. At home I look up and see household chores I am supposed to be doing. Maybe my beautiful lady walks by and I pause and appreciate how lucky I am. None of that exists at the coffee shop.
That is not to say that there are no distractions. I use my phone to do research on topics I am writing about on my laptop. As I am looking up something about how the subconscious mind works, I see that the Dalai Lama sent me a friend request. (This didn’t really happen, but would be cool) Suddenly I am scrolling through social media for several minutes. Then a man in a strange hat comes into the coffee shop and I pause to notice him. I glance to the parking lot to make sure some over-caffeinated soul does not back into my car. There are a million things that can take your attention away from your goal.
The secret is knowing this ahead of time and taking actions to block out the distractions. That could be plugging in your phone in the other room while you clean. It should be not texting while you are driving. You no doubt have your own examples. We need to see distractions for what they are – the enemy. We must take action like we would for any other enemy. We must be merciless. I can hear some of you saying, “But Neil, I need to take a break.” Well, how bad do you want the goal you are working towards? Understand the more you give into your distractions, the further away from your goal you are getting.
Make your goal a priority. My fourth book has been coming out for a while now. I must sit down and complete writing it. There are social events I will have to say ‘no’ to. Sleep might be a little less. Of course that will also be no time to see what uncle Fred has posted to his Facebook page. I would love to know what are some of the distractions that get to you the most and what ways have you found to help you stay focused. The more we share with each other, the more ideas we can have and the closer we will all be to living an amazing life.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 