This is not my review of the Michael J Fox movie that I enjoy. No, it is the actual secret that I use to succeed. Above is a not so flattering picture of yours truly. You may be wondering the reason I am sharing that. It shows me leaving the gym this past Saturday at about 7:15am after a one and a half hour workout. That’s right, I woke up at 5am on my off day to go to the gym. This begs another question to many. Why on earth would I do that? This is where the secret to success I use comes up.
I do not fancy myself the smartest, most energetic or have the most free time of anyone I know. Therefore, I have to make up for that in other ways. One of the main ways in which someone can make up for not being the top in these other categories is the self-discipline of hard work. I made a commitment to going to the gym three days a week. Those three are Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. I could go, and often do, other days as well, but those three are a requirement. Do you know what would happen if I did not go? Do you know who would hold me accountable? Nobody. In fact, if I didn’t go to the gym one day and just decided to relax, a lot of people would not blame me. I work roughly 45 – 50 hours a week at the post office. I DJ Sunday nights and write these blogs daily. Add to that, working on my fourth book and things can get very busy. A day off would be totally understandable.
Back to the question of why I chose to do it before the sun even got up. Yes, it was still dark out when I got to the gym. Yes, it was cold. Yes, it was raining. Here is the thing. Margie and I were doing a craft fair and had to be there to set up at 8:30am. The fair itself went until 3pm. I knew after that I would really not feel like going to the gym. Still, I had my commitment. The only option was to get up early and go.
I mentioned that nobody would hold me accountable, or give me a hard time if I did not go. That is not entirely true. That little voice in the back of my head would have let me know that I did not keep my commitment to myself. We discussed the issues with this in the post Who is your master, last week. If you haven’t read that one, it might be a good time to do so. I knew that if I did not keep my word to myself that it would begin to erode my opinion of the person I see in the mirror. Was it fun getting up at 5am and going outside in the dark, cold and rain? Hell no. Do you know what was fun? Knowing for the rest of the day that I kept my commitment to myself and to my health. That self-discipline, holding yourself accountable, is what allows me to succeed. It will do the same for you.
I love this analogy. We can all picture this can’t we? It happens in our house more than we would like. You get one bad fruit and suddenly, the whole bunch is no good. People are not much different. One of the axioms of the self-improvement industry is that you ‘become the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with’ or something close to that. If all of your closest friends are poor, there is a very good chance that you are not that far from them. There was one study that revealed you are generally within 10,000 of income to the people you spend the greatest time around. Sometimes much closer. Want to be fit, but spend your time around people who keep doughnut shops in business? Chances are it is going to be a long and difficult road to that dream body.
You may be tempted to say, “Neil, people are not fruit!” While this is true, at least for most of us, the situation is the same. One negative person in the workplace can destroy the mood of the entire office. Look at our examples above. If you are in a group of people who spends their money for short-term gratification and does not know how to make their money work for them, how are you every going to learn those skills? You will be tempted to have the same Amazon packages filling your porch that they do. How about the fitness and healthy eating example? If your friends are going out for ice cream and chicken wings every night, you are either going to not be spending a good deal of time with them, or searching for the ‘healthiest’ thing on a menu that may not offer you a good option.
That is not to say you have to dump any friend that does not align perfectly with your life goals. Just that you should be aware that attitude, habits, and discipline, or the lack of, can spread just like that mold on the fruit. One of the scariest things about this, is often, unlike the mold, you cannot see it happening. A bad attitude or lack of discipline are not visible. The effects of them are. if you have any rotten fruit in your life, you should throw it away before it spreads. That holds true as much for people and habits as it does for the oranges on your counter.
Last post we talked about celebrating the hard-working people. This post reminds us of a very important reason we do so. Actions always speak louder than words. We all know people who seem to constantly be talking a good game. They are going to start that business, they have that million-dollar idea that will change the world. Where do we find them a year from now? Right back where they were. Usually, we also find them saying the same things they were promising a year ago. The second time we hear it, we are always filled with a little less excitement, and a lot less expectation that they will follow through.
Those people sure can be annoying can’t they? Here is a shocking little truth. Aren’t we all quite often one of those people? “Oh not me!” I can hear you say. Still, once a year, usually around January 1st, we hear people say things like, “I have to start eating better.” or “I am really going to start working out.” When summer comes, where to we find them? Sitting on the couch with a remote in one hand and a doughnut in the other. I know. Temptation can be a hard one to overcome. In a busy world it is all too easy to choose the quick cheap option over the healthier, more involved option. It is far easier to spend $5 on a combo meal in the drive thru on the way home, then to go home, wash up some vegetables and make a salad. Even making ourselves some healthier burgers at home could take a good half hour. In which time we could have already thrown away our wrapper from our ‘not so happy meal’.
The cost of these decisions is far greater than the health aspect. It devalues something in addition to our heart health and waistline. It cheapens our words. When people hear us tell them we are going to start living healthier and six months from now we are buying the next size up, we look foolish. In fact, we may come across as being dishonest, or at least disingenuous. Do you know what is worse? There is someone else who is listening that values our words less and less. That person is the one who looks back at you in the mirror. When we do not keep our promises to ourselves, we feel consistently miserable and like a failure. What is equally terrible is we cease to even believe ourselves. When we declare that we are going to start living a healthier lifestyle, our declaration falls on deaf ears. This is true even if we are the only ones in the room.
To overcome this, realize a few things. When you say you are going to do something, create measurable goals to reach along the way. Write down your declaration on a piece of paper and place it where you will see it several times a day. Imagine you are a famous person being followed by the paparazzi and they are documenting your actions. Whatever it will take to help you stick to your goal. Hypothetically, let us say you slip up and eat some mini doughnuts at the farmers market you were at. What then? Put that extra time in at the gym. Make sure you eat a healthy dinner. Oddly enough, it may be healthy to give yourself a little pain. Feel bad about breaking your word. Remember, it is not as important what others think, but what the person between your own two ears thinks.
What words of yours cheapened by your actions? How can you correct this? We could all use a little help when it comes to this, so feel free to leave your suggestions below.
This is my lady and I enjoying an ice cold refreshment after running a 5K. I do this once a year for 2 very good reasons. First, it supports the Wisconsin State Fair Park Foundation. I enjoy the great Wisconsin State Fair and this Foundation raises money to make improvements to the Park as well as other great causes.
The second reason is even more personal. I use it as a litmus test to see what kind of shape I am in. I see how my body feels when I’m done (usually like I swallowed a flaming charcoal briquette) how long it takes me (women with strollers often pass me) and how long it takes me to recover.
Knowing this personal test of my fitness is coming up, it motivates me to get back to my fitness goals. Sometimes it is only a week before, but other times I am a little more diligent. That is yet another thing to compare year to year.
How about you and your life? What litmus test do you give yourself? Is it in the area of fitness or some other important area of your life? Having these tests in our lives can keep us focused and driving to our goal.
Here is an example why choosing the right partner in life is so important. Recently, Margie and I had a text exchange the revealed an interesting truth that many of us might be struggling with. Margie has been doing an amazing job of living a healthier lifestyle. I am beyond proud of the amazing job she is doing. In doing so, she discovered one of the greatest obstacles to her success. The irony of this obstacle is it was the very thing that enabled her to persevere in many other areas of life. It was, indeed, a double-edged sword.
What was this double-edged sword that my lady both fought with and could also slay any chance she had at being successful with adopting a lifestyle that would allow her to reduce her stress, live longer with her children and grandchildren and have more energy? Her independent mindset. As she so eloquently stated, she never had anyone in her life telling her, “No you should not do that.” This served her in many ways. It helped her to develop the belief in herself she needed to start her own DJ and cake business. When people told her that she might not be able to learn the skills necessary her inner response (and often outer response because that is how my lady works) was, “Nobody can tell me what to do.” This works great for many situations, such as starting your own business. Without it, she might have fell victim to other people’s doubts, limitations and superstitions. It also helped her develop a belief in herself and a sense of independence.
Like many things in life, this independent spirit can be a double-edged sword. If used improperly, it can close our minds to considering and learning anything outside of what we believe to be true. I will also prevent us from changing behaviors that we know deep down are not serving us for fear we will look wrong. Not only to others, but more importantly, to ourselves. Telling ourselves and others, “Nobody is going to tell me what to eat.” or “Nobody is going to make me exercise!” may make us feel powerful. We may even resist doing something we know would be healthier. Why on earth would we do that? If you are using the independent spirit improperly you may worry about doing something they told you to. You may also fear something bigger. The fact that the way you chose to live your life was not the best way. This can be hard for any of us.
To admit our personal identity is flawed, may seem like a failure. I disagree. In my humble opinion, I view as “I am awesome and I just found a way to level up!” As great as any of us are, we cannot know everything about everything. Being stubborn and inflexible may seem powerful, like a mountain. What can wear away a mountain? The most flexible material on earth – water. We must grow and develop. Many times that means accepting the fact that we did not make the best choices in the past. Does that mean you are a failure? No. It means you are getting better.
In many cases of self-improvement, our own worst enemy can be between our own two ears. It can be difficult to overcome a certain mindset. Especially if that same mindset has allowed us to achieve many of our accomplishments. It is a struggle, as my lady will attest to. It involves developing a great deal of self-discipline. This is true freedom. Not letting others master us may seem like the ultimate power. Mastering ourselves, growing and evolving, that is the ultimate power. My lady is doing it. You can too!
Here is something very important I have learned by having followers in, and talking to, people in over 200 countries – we all have basically the same issues. Sure, there might be slight differences in the nuances, but the core issues tend to be the same. We are going to take a quick look at the six listed above and how they can dramatically improve our life. Who wants to make their life a lot less stressful while making it a lot more productive? I can safely assume we all have our hands up for that one if we are reading from a blog called Secret2anamazinglife.
We are going to go through these quickly for the sake of keeping this post short. You are welcome to research a little more on your own, or just incorporate them into your life and reap the benefits. Exercise is a word many people either fear or think they don’t have time for. Exercise does not have to mean hours in the gym several days a week. It can be a walk after dinner. It can be zumba class, a pick up basketball game or even water aerobics if your joints are sore. Whatever you enjoy and are likely to stick to. One thing I promise you will discover is not only the feel-good chemicals that are scientifically proven to be released in your body with physical exertion, but also a sense of pride in your accomplishment and the improvements in your body. Do whatever you enjoy.
Meditation. Another word that has far too much baggage attached to it. Meditation does not mean sitting in the lotus position (something my body is not capable of at the moment) on a beach, like the lady in the picture above. No, meditation can take so many forms. Essentially, meditation is being present. This may sound easy, and in essence it is. What is tricky is how many distractions we face in the world today. That is why I suggest a walk in nature leaving your phone in the car or at the very least, turning it off. Walking in nature has its own benefits, but being fully present is something that is missing in today’s world. Even taking a few moments, closing our eyes and paying attention to our breath for a few minutes can do wonders. Throw an inspiring word like ‘peace’ or ‘relax’ in the exhale is even better. Find whatever type of meditation works for you. Done a few days in a row and stress will begin to melt away.
Reading. This is something not a lot of us do in today’s world. Yet, there is more information, on more subjects, available today than every before! Want to become more attractive? There are things to read on that. Want to learn more about your job and increase your chances of a promotion? Yep, there are things to read on that subject. Do you want to increase the joy and reduce the stress in your life? You can read the book the wonderful lady is reading in the picture above. It can be a paperback, an ebook, articles online or any other source. Sitting down reading will allow us to learn a host of information we desire. It also helps us to slow down and be more present.
Reading is great for learning about others and the world around us, but what about learning about ourself? Why do we do the foolish things we do? Why do we always date the people who seem so wrong for us? How come we don’t take actions that will get us ahead? If you want to learn the answers to these questions, hire the greatest therapist of all time – a journal. You can learn so much about yourself just by writing down your thoughts. In addition, it clears space in your head when you are feeling overwhelmed. Often, just writing things down will allow you to gain some clarity and see patterns in your life you may have missed by attempting to keep everything in your head.
We have done entire posts about the importance of self-care. If you want to bring the best to others, you have to be the best version of yourself. The only way to accomplish this is to care for yourself and make sure you are 100%. The better shape you are in, the more you can help others. Self-care may seem selfish on the surface, but it is often the best thing that you can do to serve others. Which, is why we are here in the first place, to serve our fellow humans. (and animals.) Make sure you take the time to practice some self care. If doing so comes with any feelings of guilt, remember that the better you are, the better you can help others.
To accomplish any of these items quicker, and to make sure they stick as habits in your life, make sure you are having fun. That is the whole point in life. If you are not enjoying your life, you are wasting your life. You can have fun exercising, as we pointed out in that section. Find ways to look forward to meditation and journaling. Make self-care something to treat yourself with. Pick a good book, like Living the Dream, to look forward to reading a little bit of every day. The more enjoyable you make any of the items we have listed, the more likely they are to be effective. Coming up with ways to make them fun is enjoyable as well!
Put the six items in this blog into action and there is no way you will not be living a more amazing life. I would love to hear about actions you take in any or all of the categories! All of us are looking for new ideas to make our life more positive and rewarding. Sharing how you do, could give us that idea! In everything you do, remember to have fun!
I always enjoyed the beginning of a boxing match when the Master of Ceremonies introduces the fighters. “And in this corner….” It has such a feel of pomp and circumstance. Wouldn’t it be fun to be introduced like that everywhere you go?Imagine walking into work and you hear over the intercom, “Now entering the office…number one in sales…it is Jane!” This example only works if your name is Jane, but I think you can get the idea. This sounds great until you hear the next line, “Weighing in at….” Not many of us would want our weight broadcast to every room we enter.
Today marks the end of a four-week journey of health and fitness that Margie and I were on. It came from a local gym called Peak Physique. The owner was named ‘Trainer of the Year’ in our city. He is also a good friend. It included a meal plan and fitness classes. This will be our second time we took part. The difference between the two experiences was night and day. The first time, we followed everything by the book. We were focused on the result. We wanted to lose some weight and win the challenge. It felt like we were constantly in the kitchen or grocery store shopping for ingredients. In short, it felt like a sacrafice.
Fast forward to four weeks ago. We came into this challenge better prepared and informed. We also brought something more important with us – a better attitude. We gave ourselves a little more freedom with the menu. We stuck to the dishes recommended, but did the ones we learned that we liked from the previous time. Our focus was not on ‘winning a challenge’ or even so much on ‘losing a certain amount of weight, but more so on becoming more healthy. Instead of sacrifice, it felt like an adventure. Were there times it was a challenge to bring our sore bodies to workout? Sure. When that happened, we focused not on winning a challenge, but on how much healthier our bodies were becoming. We were falling in love with the process.
The truth is that we already feel like winners before we even get on the scale. Taking control of your health and what you put in your body can be a challenge, but like we discussed with emotions, if you eat solely for pleasure, you are constantly chasing that ‘high’. Not only will it take more of the food, but sweeter and more decadent food to achiever the same amount of pleasure. Then, the food controls you. In your head you know that it is making you unhealthy, but you are at the mercy of your emotions and your cravings, you become a slave. When you learn to eat to fuel your body, your strength, your health and your immune system, you take back control. You use food and not the other way around.
This is a very difficult struggle for many. It is okay to indulge on occasion. Just make that the exception and not the rule. Once you begin to turn it around, you will be amazed at the positive changes taking place in your life. Tony Robbins once said, “Nothing tastes as good as healthy feels.” Eating that sugar and deep-fried food may sound fun and pleasurable, but at what cost? A body full of inflammation and sickness? Is that worth it? Becoming healthy is a process. You must be patient with yourself and your body. Those cravings will stick with you. After all, they have had their way for years. Everyday you get a little bit stronger. Everyday you get a little healthier. Be proud of yourself for every accomplishment you experience on your journey toward a healthier you. If you want guaranteed success, do what Margie and I did – fall in love with the process.
Here we are at the start of a new week. We can already feel overwhelmed with our ‘to do lists’ and obligations for the coming days. How many of us have self-care items on our ‘to do lists’? All too often, our self-care gets pushed down to the bottom of the list. We really must understand the importance of taking care of ourselves and the benefit to others.
Look at so many other things in our life. Take our cars for example. We get their tires rotated, we change the oil. Why do we do these things? We do them so our car will be able to get us from point A to point B. How about our cell phones? We keep them charged and updated. Why? So they will run at optimal speed and we can put them to full use.
When it comes to inanimate objects, we understand that taking care of them will help them serve us better. In the case of the car, the better we maintain it, the longer it will last and the more efficient it will operate. If we keep our phone fully charged and updated it will have a better connection and speed in use.
How come when it comes to ourselves we somehow think these rules don’t apply? If, like the car, we maintain our bodies with good food and fitness, won’t we last longer and be more efficient? Like the phone, of we allow ourselves to recharge, won’t we have a better connection with the world around us, and those in it? Won’t we have more energy and be able to operate in a faster rate than if we are living off 2 hours of sleep and 3 large coffees?
This week, stop viewing self-care as something selfish. See it for what it is; a necessary step to bringing the best version of ourselves to the world at large and to those in our life we care about. Next time you get in your car, or pick up your cell phone, remember how much better they operate when we take care of them. The truth is we operate a lot better when we stop and take care of ourselves as well.
I heard this adage in a motivational speech I was listening to the other day. It really struck me as one of the great secrets to an amazing life. It not only works in the realm of walking, but transfers to all areas of life. If you tie your motivation for doing something to the end goal, you will only be motivated for so long and at a certain intensity. Not to mention, goals and destinations change. What we need to do is fall in love with processes. What do I mean by falling in love with the process and not just the end goal? Let us take a look.
If we take the example of walking, it will show us what we are looking at. If you are motivated to walk simply to reach a destination, you will approach it in a certain way. You will just consider what it will take to get from point A to point B. If, however, you are looking to enjoy the process of walking, you will approach it in an entirely different manner. You will look for the most comfortable walking shoes. You will make sure you are hydrated and take water with you for your walk. You would take steps to enjoy the process. This is the same if you are trying to get in shape, advance in your career, or any other aspect of life.
Most of our life is spent on the journey and very little of it is spent arriving at a destination. If we tie our happiness to the achievement of goals, we will be unhappy the majority of the time. It would be far wiser, and serve us far greater, to find happiness in the process of achieving our goals. Think of something you are currently chasing. This could be wanting to achieve that summer beach body, create more joy and less stress in your life or anything else. Then, ask yourself the very important question – “What can I do to bring joy to the process of what I am now doing?” If it is getting in shape, find an activity that you enjoy. This could be walking in nature. It could be swimming and pretending you are on vacation. It could be playing basketball with friends. If your goal is to create more love in your relationship, how could you make the process of that fun and enjoyable? As a bonus, the more you can enjoy the process, the more likely you are to stick with it. As it was stated in the title, you are likely to walk further.
A few posts back, we spoke about making changes in your life. How easy it is to do a small change for a consistent period of time. In doing so, you create a major change. One of the examples we used was doing 20 squats a day. In one day, you probably would not notice a difference. In a week, you sill might not notice much, other than a soreness from using muscles that you haven’t used in a while.However, done over 200 days, which was the example we used, there would be a major difference.
Recently, someone mentioned they had forgot to stick with their squats already. This is understandable. Life is crazy for us these days. It seems we have 25 hours worth of stuff to do in 24 hours. Somewhere we also have to fit in sleeping. It is also easily correctable. There are a few things you can do that will make sticking to a routine easier than ever. The first one you might be holding in your hand right now. In fact, you could be using it to read this very post. Your cell phone. We seem to have them with us at all times. They may get in the way of healthy in person relationships, or compromise some people’s driving, but we can put them to work for us. Using the example of the squats, let us see how this is done. First, pick a time you can count on fairly regularly. Then set an alarm for that time. Most cell phones will make it a daily alarm. When the alarm goes off, you are reminded to do your squats.
Here is another great idea. Put your friends to work for you. Don’t worry, you won’t have to pay them anything. In fact, it works even better to put your critics to work for you as well. I am talking about putting yourself out there. Let everyone know what you plan to do. Tell friends and coworkers. One great way is to put it out on social media. This is kind of like throwing yourself under the bus. You are letting everyone know what you plan to do and they will be watching. Your friends to see how you are doing. Your critics to prove that you won’t stick with it. Both are good motivation.
The last idea for making it easier to stick with your goals, I do every single day. That is prepare the night before. If we wait until the action must be completed, many things can keep us from taking the actions we need. We could be pressed for time. We could not have our workout clothes clean and ready. A million valid excuses can come up. The way to beat them, and set ourselves up for success, is to prepare ahead of time. My goal was to eat oatmeal for lunch during the week. I like it with a little cinnamon and nutmeg. Occasionally, I toss some dried fruit in as well. I also get up for work at 4am. If I waited until then to pack my lunch and get my coffee together, my counter might look like the picture above. I also would probably forget the oatmeal and just stop for some unhealthy food by my work. So, I get the coffee machine all ready the night before. I get my oatmeal with the cinnamon and nutmeg ready. Even a little bag of dried fruit. Then, in the morning I just grab and go!
Sticking with goals, even small ones, can be difficult. I hope taking these steps will help you with your commitment. I know they work for me, I hope they will work for you. If you have any tricks that help you stick with your goals, please share them with us so we can all benefit.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 