This may be an unpopular stance in a social media and ‘like’ driven world, but we really need to work on the relationship we have with ourselves. The world is filled with people who will do just about anything to get out attention. When your focus is on getting attention and approval from others, they become your master.
The paradox of all of this is that when we are most authentically ourselves is when we are most impressive. An original work of art is always more impressive than a copy. You are most valuable when you are being the truest version of you. Why? There cannot be another. You are that original work of art.
People worry, “What if they do not like me for who I really am?” That is a legitimate worry. If you are trying to be something you are notand someone doesn’t like you, at least you can tell yourself, “They never knew the real me. ” If you are brave enough to be the real you and they still do not like you? That hits deeper.
To that we will go back to our art example. Not everyone likes the same art. Does that make it any less of a work of art? No it does not. You might not be someone’s cup of tea, as the saying goes. They might be a coffee drinker and that’s ok. It does not mean you are not an amazing cup of tea.
Before we get lost in analogy, let us answer a very important question. How do we become impressed with ourselves? We do hard things. We keep our word with others and with ourselves. We never stop working to become the best version of ourselves. When we do these things, we will not be hurt if some people don’t like us.
How many of you saw this headline and thought “Oh, Neil is talking to me!”? I am guessing not to many of you. Still, the truth is that it applies to all of us. We may never know all of the lives we have impacted and miracles we have worked. Have you ever seen the movie It’s a Wonderful Life? In the movie, the main character is shown what the world would look like had he never been born. He is then able to see all of the lives he has impacted and miracles he has created. Far be it from me to give advice to the Creator, but it strikes me that this would benefit many more people than it wouldn’t.
I have been blessed (I can think of no other word to use here) to be told that my words have saved the lives of several people. Just one person would have made this all worth while. On the occasion that I get hung up on the frustration of not being able to reach more people, I have this beautiful lady who reminds me of all the lives I have touched. That doesn’t stop me from wanting to reach more, but it does remind me of the impact I have had. The truth is that we all have that impact. It could be treating a retail worker with kindness when they have had a tough day. It could be someone watching us from afar and being inspired by our actions. If you are a parent, you have already worked many miracles.
How would you live your life different if you stopped and realized that you are indeed are a miracle worker? If you were to stop and consider the impact your actions had on the lives of others, would you be more inspired to be kinder and more inspiring? Well here is your wake up call! You are a miracle worker. You have touched more lives than you will ever know. When the world wants to knock you down, go forth with the knowledge that you have lifted others up. Often without ever knowing. You are a miracle worker.
Who would not want a more beautiful world? These days things are getting a little ugly in many places. We can feel helpless to make any real change. Most of us are not leaders of countries. We are not those who make laws. We do not lead religions or are not celebrities who have millions of followers. Considering these facts, how can any of us hope to make changes that can make the world a more beautiful place?
The answer can be found in our own lives. When we think about who made the greatest difference in our life it was not the government or a celebrity. No. It was usually a kind word from a friend. Perhaps an encouraging word from our parents. A supportive and loving word from our partner can change our life. Even random kind acts from strangers have a greater impact in our life.
The point is simple. If you wish for a more beautiful world, then spread kindness and love to all you meet. It is those interactions that change people’s lives.
This, on the surface, may sound a bit material. I take it with the humor it was intended to have. In other words, life is better when you have something to look forward to. It does not have to be packages. If you are buying too many things, you could get yourself in financial trouble and your house could end up looking like an episode of hoarders. Same with vacation. Trust me, I would take a 6 month vacation twice a year if I could. It would make paying the bills a little tricky.
You can manage these. Small gifts to give to others are nice packages to receive. Even consumables that you can afford for yourself. A vacation doesn’t have to be a tropical getaway. It should, in my opinion, but it doesn’t have to. A weekend away with that special someone or a getaway with friends can be just as exciting.
The important part of this message is to always have something to look forward to in your life. Margie and I pick days to read together, watch a movie or maybe go to the movies or a special place for dinner. Many of these do not cost anything but a little time and commitment. The payoff is that we always have something to look forward to and makes getting through the day far easier. How about you? What are you looking forward to in life? Can you plan something fun?
Leave it to me to pick a month that has 31 days in it to do a 30 day gratitude journey. It didn’t seem right to end it with only 1 day left in the month. Therefore, we get a bonus day of gratitude.
This picture was taken a little over a year ago. It is crazy to imagine that last year at this time I reached 1000 days in a row of posting a blog. Unknown to me, my lovely lady gathered some close friends around to celebrate. That in itself was amazing. Each person said a little something as Margie recorded a video. That is a memory I will always cherish. In this one event there are a million things I can pick out to be grateful for!
This is blog number 1367. As you can see I made it another year! Still another thing to be grateful for. I hope this month was as powerful and enlightening for you as it was for me. If you missed any of the 30 days, you can go back and read those posts. If you feel the need for a month of gratitude, they will be here anytime you wish to take the journey. Next month we will be back to our regularly scheduled self-improvement content. You are welcome to join us!
If you know me personally, or follow this blog for any length of time, you may guess that my answer here would be summer. I do love that season and the warmth and sunshine that comes with it. Certainly no denying that. I would like to offer gratitude for the upcoming season today. That season being spring. Where I live, it seems that winter lasts about 9 months of the year. It is also listed as the 8th gloomiest city in the nation. For someone who loves sunshine as much as I do, that can be hard to take. That is why spring is so inspiring. Even if you are a fan of winter, by this time most of us have had enough. Enough of the shoveling and driving through snow. Enough of the grey sky and dead looking trees.
Spring, often starts with the same sort of weather, but in the back of our minds there is hope. When that snow comes we think to ourselves, “At least it will not last that long.” We look for buds on trees and other signs that old man winter is on his way out. We are looking for the sky of grey to become one of a resplendent blue. We hope the ray of sunshine will not only warm the air, but our hearts as well. So I am grateful for the coming of spring, which will arrive here in less than a week.
The talk of spring brings attention to other seasons that we should be grateful for as well. How about the season of growth in our own life? Just like the season of spring with its up and down weather including rain and sun mixed with clouds, our own growth is the same. A season of growth causes us to learn lessons, not always in a comfortable way. We must often let go of things to make room for something better. We do so because we believe something better will take its place. That is a season of hope. In a world that can often be dark, we must know that a better time is coming. A time when there will be more love for our neighbors and less division. We must hold on to that hope. A season of hope can help us make it through many dark times. That is truly a season to be grateful for.
To catch you up to date, we are doing a month of gratitude. Today is day 2. Feel free to go back and read yesterday’s post as well. We love to hear your answers in the comments that follow today’s post.
Ah technology. Many people curse this, but few stop and appreciate all we have to be thankful for. Personally, I have many. We will start with a popular one – cell phones. Yes, they have their drawbacks, but think of all they bring us. I can stay in contact with my lovely lady. That helps me worry less. You can retrieve information at the drop of a hat. It reduces the amount of graffiti on rest room stalls.
I also love the technology in my new car. I am not a fan of the cold weather. My new car allows me to start the car from my cell phone! By the time I get in, the heated seats and steering wheel are already warm. Two more technology items I am grateful for! They make winter so much more!
How about you? What technology are you especially grateful for? There are so many to choose from! I would love to hear what you think!
Above is a list of 30 days of gratitude. We did this a few year’s back and many of you asked for a repeat. We are going to take one day at a time. I’ll share my personal answer and you are welcome to do the same. Each day we will explore something new to be gratefulfor!
Our first answer involves one of the most powerful senses – smell! Do you know often realtors bake chocolate chip cookies in houses they are showing? It gives the perspective buyers a feeling of home. Smells have a unique path in our brains. That is why a scent can bring up a memory.
There are many different smells I am grateful for. I love the smell of damp earth when I am walking out in nature. I love the smell of a diner when you walk in. That mix of eggs, toast and coffee. I love the scents of coconut and vanilla. Anything that reminds me of vacation.
How about you? What are some of the smells you are grateful for? Are there some that bring back great memories? Share with us in the comments below!
This is a simple, yet powerful quote. In all of our lives we have had situations that have knocked us down. It could be a divorce, a sudden job loss, a health crisis or abuse of any kind. Most of the time, none of these are our faults. It is, however, 100% of our responsibility what we do with the situation that we are placed in. Eric Thomas said it best when he said, “It may not be your fault that you have been knocked down, but if I come back in a year and you are still laying there that is on you.”
In no way is this an attempt to belittle what you have been through. You may have been a victim of fate, the economy or even another person. That can be cruel and unfair. Whether you stay a victim is up to you. This does not mean it is easy. It does not mean crawling out of that situation will not be painful. What it does mean is that you have decided not to let them hurt you anymore. Every day that you use your circumstances as an excuse instead of motivation, you are giving power to them and taking away power from yourself. Yes, your boss may have fired you unfairly. Yes, the economic crash may have been brought on by rich politicians who could care less about the working class. None of that is your fault.
It is time to look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself these two important words – Now What? Your name was slandered by a cyber bully. Now what? You could seek revenge, which is a terrible waste of energy and can even end up adding validation to their accusations. Better option would be to commit to living your life in such a fashion that anyone who would speak against you would be the one to look foolish. You had no choice in the actions of the bully, but the responsibility in your response is all on you. Many people have had terrible childhoods filled with abuse that we can’t even imagine. Still, the responsibility falls on them to either heal or not. I am blessed to have friends who have took the painful journey of confronting their abuse, healing and now help others. I have seen others fall into a world of addiction and have their life end far too soon.
Whether we like it or not, there is no connection between fault and responsibility. None of what happened to you may be your fault, but your life is still your responsibility. This may seem unfair, but it is also terribly liberating and empowering. That means our past, as painful as it might have been, does not have to limit our future. It only will if we decide to let it. If you need help in your journey, reach out to a friend or a professional. Do not let your past determine your future.
We spent the last few posts discussing the power of gratitude. Today, we are going to discuss another emotion with a great impact in our life. That is the power of belief. What we believe will determine, to a great deal, what we will or will not do in life. If we believe that all charities are scams, we are unlikely to donate money to any cause. If we believe all people in life are out to get something, we may have a hard time accepting compliments as being genuine. You may have not stop to consider how your belief about other people’s motivations could impact your ability to accept compliments about yourself, but you can see how it would impact that.
This post is about another important belief, our belief in ourselves. Do you believe in yourself? Sure, it may have some to do with the situation. My belief in myself when it comes to speaking in front of others is a lot greater than dancing in front of others. For you it might be the exact opposite. What happens when that belief falters? There are two very important steps we can take to help us in just such a situation. This is not mere theory. Just today practicing the second of these steps allowed me to write when I didn’t think I had it in me. We will get to that after discussing the first step.
The first is to keep track of some of the great things we have done in our life. Especially if it involves overcoming any kind of challenge. David Goggins, one of my favorite speakers and authors, calls it the cookie jar. When you are young and you were upset, you could often reach in the cookie jar and pull out a cookie to make you feel better. Sadly, that may only work so well as an adult. The cookie jar we are talking about is the reminders of all that we have accomplished. Often when we think we would be unable to. David Goggins is also an ultra marathon runner. He was asked what he thinks about at mile 50 or mile 75 when his body just wants to give up. This was a question that interested me. Not only in terms of what the hell would you think about after running 75 miles? Also because it is a great metaphor for life. How often can work, family or relationship stress feel like running a 100 mile race? Sometimes running may even sound easier than what we are going through. Our belief in ourself may come into question. Perhaps the task is seemingly insurmountable or we have already made some terrible mistake? Then what? We need to go into that cookie jar in our brain and pull out one of those ‘cookies’ of our past accomplishments. When we overcame the odds or accomplished something great. We need to remind ourselves how awesome we are.
The second thing that is important to do is to surround ourselves with people who also believe in us. Sometimes we just can’t reach the cookie jar and we need someone else to reach inside and hand us a cookie. The more they know and care about us, the better they are able to do this. It is another great reason to put in the work to build and grow your relationships. It will come back to serve you as well. I promised you a personal example of this. The people in the two pictures above are myself and my lovely lady. I am the one with the facial hair in case you are still confused. We have been together going on 12 years. Just yesterday, I took her on a date. Why am I still dating my lady after 12 years? Here is why. Today I was having a bad case of writer’s block. I messaged her to tell her. Her response? “I believe in you. You are always so smart and patient.” Those few words gave me the belief in myself to write several blogs, including the very one you are reading. Having someone to believe in you when you are doubting yourself is not only a great gift, but why a relationship is a great responsibility. It is also why a beautiful sweet lady is one of the greatest gifts and one that I treasure.
Believing in ourselves allows to accomplish far more than if we doubt ourself. Taking these two steps can help us either develop or improve that belief. Keeping a ‘mental cookie jar’ of our accomplishments and fostering our relationships with those who do believe in us will help keep us going. As I was writing this, a new self-improvement tool popped into my head. It will be in the upcoming book, but you will hear it hear first. It may not be a bad idea to keep an actual cookie jar and write down your accomplishments to put in there. When we need that emotional ‘cookie’, it can be hard to come up with. Especially if we are in a negative emotional state. Having written examples of them will take the thinking part out of the equation and still help our belief in ourself. This certainly isn’t necessary, but does make the process a lot easier and more effective. Whatever you decide to do, make sure you add these two steps to your life to improve the belief you have in yourself. Use that belief to accomplish the greatness that is inside of you.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 