Working in the bar scene as a DJ has some benefits. I get to meet people of many diverse backgrounds, I get to learn a lot about music, and engage in a lot of interesting conversation. As with any job working with the public there is also a fair share of conversation of the negative variety. This includes people who constantly complain. Those who seem to have their eyes on everyone’s business but their own. Together the aggregate of these conversations and many others can fall under one title – drama. I do my best to stay clear of all of this. I do not care what that person said about this person, or what this person may or may not be doing with that other person. It just doesn’t interest me.
Regardless, people continue to share this information with me. For me it is relatively harmless. For others it can become almost addicting. While discussing this with a good friend of mine he captured why this is quite well. “I fell like I am in season 5 episode 6 and I just have to see how this ends.” This is how I imagine people become addicted to soap operas. My question has always been why? I do not know about you, but I certainly have enough going on in my life that I have no time to worry about what others are doing in theirs.
How do we not become addicted or invested in other people’s drama? The first step was alluded to earlier. Busy yourself so much with improving your own life that you have no time to worry about other people’s drama. That is not to say you shouldn’t care about other people’s lives, just do not invest in their drama. For example, relationships. This is probably the most drama-filled category there is. If I hear gossip, I would say it is 75% about relationships. I just chuckle. Working on creating the best relationship with Margie I can is a full-time job. I am constantly creating and thinking of new and wonderful ways to both show her I love her and keep our relationship fresh. If I had time to worry about another relationship to me that would be a sign that I was not working hard enough on my own.
One of my favorite ways to eliminate the possibility of becoming addicted to drama is to do your best to find the good in everyone and everything. This can be challenging and is certainly a full-time job in itself, but is a lot more productive and will help you feel a lot better than spending your time on drama or belittling someone else. My favorite way to approach this is to turn it into a game. When someone says something negative about someone, especially someone not there to defend themselves, try countering with a positive statement about that person. The interesting thing is in the course of that conversation the one speaking positive will walk away feeling better, while the one speaking negative gossip will walk away feeling negative. After a while gossipers do not realize the negative effect their gossip has on their own well-being. You will notice that most people who gossip negatively about others tend to be unhappy with their own lives. Meanwhile, people who spread positive gossip, although they are a lot fewer, tend to be more positive individuals.
Do this for a week yourself. Once a day say something nice about someone who is not around to hear it. Start to spread positive gossip. Do so once a day for at least 7 days. Notice how you feel. During this period if you hear some negative gossip, counter with at least one positive thing. You will notice your sense of inner peace as well as your sense of joy will increase. As a side-effect you will start earning a reputation as someone who speaks positively about people. As a result I would not be surprised if the amount of people wanting to be around you increases as well. You can start by sharing something positive about someone in the comments below.
People are so careful about their diets today. Gluten-free, Paleo, low-carb, high-fat. It seems every day there is another healthy way that we should all be eating. Then there are the new allergies that people have to look out for. Some are allergic to nuts. Some people cannot consume dairy products or shellfish. In other words, these days people are being far more discerning as to what they put in their bodies. All this is good. It is good that we are eating with the idea of helping our bodies function at peak efficiency.
Ironically, and somewhat tragic to me, is that is where the discernment stops. We spend our days listening to music that is sometimes filled with violence and a total lack of respect. We watch television shows where characters try to get laughs by putting each other down with sarcastic barbs. We read stories in the newspaper, online and social media (more about that tomorrow) that are filled with harsh judgments, political rancor and other drama. Then at the end of the day we wonder why our energy is drained and we feel stressed out.
Like the picture above mentions, we need to mindful of the things we put into our body emotionally, spiritually, and physically. We will do our best to avoid that sweet treat that will only end up giving us cavities and some extra pounds to carry around with us. We should take the same approach on deciding if what we are going to consume with our eyes, ears, mind and spirit will serve us or contribute to our daily downfall. Will reading that article about the latest mass shooting really bring anything good into our lives? Does being inundated with the latest chapters of what is wrong with the world give us anything but a sinking feeling of depression and a sense of hopelessness?
Am I saying we have to be worried about every little thing we watch, read, listen to or even people we hang around? Not at all. That will only cause you to be stressed out about the things that can be unconsciously stressing you out. That would be…well…very stressful. What I am asking you is to be more aware of what is going into your body. In the beginning especially it can be hard to think of I have to get rid of that or I have to stop doing that. That can leave you feeling like your brain is fighting you and with a feeling of deprivation. As I do in all of my practices, here I advocate increasing the positive to decrease the negative.
How do we do that? Do your best to include reading a few pages of something inspirational. Those Chicken Soup for the Soul books work well. Filled with short inspiring stories that fill you with joy, they can add a little something special to your day. On this site and in my book we talk about creating a Happy Playlist of songs that bring cheer to your day. Spend time with people who make you laugh, smile and bring your spirit to life. As far as social media, we will delve into that tomorrow. If you have any other suggestions for things to add to your Diet feel free to leave them in the comments below.
When I hear people complain about problems that persist in their lives, I am reminded of myself in my early 20’s. I found the same drama-filled people going in and out of my life. No matter where I seemed to go I found myself in some dysfunctional situation. Sound familiar?
What I leaned was that I was looking at the situation all wrong. It seemed like I was a victim, but really I was at worst causing all of my problems, at the very least I was allowing it to exist in my life.
What I soon realized was when I became the person I wanted to be, the people and situations around me changed. By changing who I was, different people were attracted to be around me. That went a long way to changing the situations I found myself in.
Instead of looking around for other people and things to blame I took a long hard look in the mirror and said to myself, “Neil, why are you allowing this stuff into your life?” After getting over the fact I was talking to myself in the third person in my own bathroom I had done tough decisions to make.
I urge you to check in with yourself and ask yourself am I the kind of person that the people I want in my life would want to be around? Also ask if there may be some people and situations that would be healthier left behind. You only get one life, don’t give it away to anyone or anything else.
This is, by far, my favorite quote. It is a lesson I find we should all live by. There are two ways I enjoy looking at this quote. The first one is about ‘walking the walk’. One of the worst things we can see is someone who professes one thing, but then does another. If you want your life to be filled with less drama, but you spend your afternoon writing on social media about how filled with drama everyone else is, you are only adding to that. If you want the world to have less drama, start with yourself. There is only one person that we can have complete control over in this world and that is ourselves.
That brings me to the second way in which I enjoy this quote, as sense of hope. This is why I am writing what I do today. For those of you unfamiliar with my story, it was at the depths of darkest despair that my journey of positivity started. I was facing many negative situations in my personal life and was desperately seeking a solution from outside of myself. Everywhere I looked it seemed as if I saw one negative thing after another. The newspaper was full of negative news meant to sell and shock. The evening news on television was more of the same. I saw posts on social media that were certainly less than inspiring.
All of this negativity everywhere was not only frustrating, but had me enraged at times. It may be how some of you feel. I felt angry at politicians and celebrities that seemed to have no regard for human decency. The media only reporting these stories caused more frustration. Seeing people treating each other with hate and prejudice made me so mad.
I wanted to change governments to be more responsible and caring towards the people they serve and less driven by profit. I wanted celebrities to use their fame and position for good. It would also be nice for more of them to respect the people that allowed them to achieve that status. I wanted more people to live in light and love and treat each other with respect and compassion.
Do I still want all of these things? Absolutely. The difference is I decided to be that change. I joined political causes I believe brought about unity and positive change. I made sure I did my best to be an example of treating people with respect and compassion. Daily I work to spread positive news and keep the negative things I hear to myself. I wished more men acted as gentleman, so I do my best to treat my lady as I want to see all men treat theirs. In every way I strive to lead by example. I realized the best thing I could do to reduce the amount of negative people in the world was not be one of them.
What change do you wish to see in the world? Ask yourself honestly, do you embody that change? It may seem like changing yourself is only a small change, but doing so has caused several big changes in my own life. First, by focusing on being positive and not adding to the negative, I have felt more positive myself. I have attracted into my life people who have the same goals and aspirations as I do. Changing yourself has a ripple effect that touches the lives of so many others. If every one of us focused solely on being the change we wished to see in the world, the world we see would change.