Tag: denzel washington

WHY ARE THEY LIKE THAT? 🤨

Do you have people in your life that treat you harshly and you cannot figure out why? Let me give you two fine examples from my own life. At my day job, I do my best to bring joy and show appreciation to everyone. There is a couple I work with who seem bent on bringing drama into the work place. We looked at the best way to deal with these people last post. The funny thing is that initially, only the man worked there and we got along great. When he lady started there, everything changed. They make up lies about me to the boss. They even will spend extra energy to do things they feel make my job more difficult. This is not only sad and petty, but a complete waste of energy on their part. Not only do I not waste my time or energy on doing anything to make their workday miserable, I honestly never give them a thought. Unless, of course, it will help me come up with an example for a blog.

Another fun example is this blog. Recently, I shared it on a local social media site. I am in over 200 countries around the world, but it is always good to take care of your own neighborhood. Most of the responses were positive, but like in any crowd, there were a few detractors. It started with a gentleman who accused me on telling him what to think. Informing him that is not what this site is about, he told me that I was an online influencer making money off people for doing nothing. I informed him my site is completely free and is just for leaving the world a better place than I found it. He called me a liar.

What makes these people so cynical and miserable? I do not know their stories, but I am sure there is one. Somewhere they must have picked up on the idea that life is a negative experience. As to why that anger comes out directed at me? To me, that is not really a big deal. It serves two very important functions. First, it reminds me of the need to put positivity out into the world. Second, if they are focused on me, for that time they are not directing their misery at someone else. I am grateful for the example as to what it can be like if you do not keep a positive outlook as well. These folks, despite their best efforts, have given me no less than three things to be grateful for. When you do your best to be positive and bring light to the world, know there will be others who are offended by that. Perhaps they do not like seeing others happy when they are not. Maybe they are jealous that you have found the secret to an amazing life? Whatever the cause, do not take it personal. Send them some good vibes and move on. It is not worth your energy.

LET THIS GUIDE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE 🧬

I apologize in advance for two heavy posts in a row. Part of the reason we, at Secret2anamazinglife.com, exist is to give you new ways of thinking. Marcus Aurelius, whom we get the quote above from, has given us a lot of things to ponder. If you have read my book, The Beat Goes On, you will know how this quote was really brought home to me. If you have not read that amazing book, what are you waiting for? In all seriousness, I was faced with the possibility, and it turned out probability, that I would die while undergoing open-heart surgery.

When I share that story, people often compliment me on my perspective of the whole event. I hear things like, “I wonder if I would be the same way if I was faced with that situation?” Here is a fact to consider, you are facing that situation. Sure, nobody may be coming to saw your chest in half and slice and dice your heart, but we never know what is around the corner. When you were born, the hourglass was tipped over and the sand began to run out. Here is the tricky bit, we never know how much sand is on top.

While the above may sound a bit doom and gloom, it really isn’t. Every morning we put our feet on the floor, the sand is running from top to bottom. When we do things like assuming people know how we feel, or how much they mean to us, we could be doing them a great disservice. Marcus Aurelius was quite correct when he said, “You could die right now.” Not a very cheery outlook, but that does not make it any less true. In my case, I had an aneurism, which had it exploded, the game would have been over. I honestly had no symptoms. If it were not for a slightly related item, I would have never know until I fell over dead.

How much sand is in the top of your hourglass? When are you going to slip into the great beyond? How is it going to happen? If you answered anything but “I don’t know.” to these questions, you have a power unknown to most humans. Here is another thing to consider, the same holds true for everyone else you know. One day they could be here, the next they could be gone. Again, kind of morbid sounding, but true. This is why we should be living our life to the fullest each and every day. Do not be afraid to ask the deep questions. Do not be afraid to make yourself vulnerable and share those feelings. What if it was your last chance to do so? At one point, it will be.

It is my suggestion to take the quote above and make it a guide for the rest of your life. When I was looking at what could possibly be my end, I discovered what I thought was important was not at all what was in my heart. It is not about obtaining a certain level of success. It is certainly not about reaching a certain monetary or material level. I can only share what was important to me at that moment. When I realized I may only have a few months to live, it was about leaving people with the knowledge of how important and beautiful they were. This was true especially for my lovely lady and those closest to me. It was also true for all of you reading these posts. I wanted the world to know that each one of us has a gift and something beautiful worth sharing. Something that will be lost when we are gone. My focus was on creating lasting memories. Remember your last breath may be your next one, what will it be used to say? When you find yourself a little too focused on the material things that the world wants you to believe is important, think of this quote from Denzel Washington.

ARE YOU BUYING OR SELLING? 💰

Ben Franklin said many interesting things in his lifetime. I think this might be one of the best. In today’s world, a lot of people are addicted to material bliss. You see packages from Amazon on their doorstep daily. They have to purchase the latest model of cell phone whenever one comes out. When we tie our happiness to the accumulation of material possessions, we cease to own them and they begin to own us.

This is not an anti-material post. I am not advocating selling all of your possessions and donating the money to a worthwhile cause. I like to purchase items here and there as well. The problem comes when we derive our main source of pleasure from accumulating material possessions. Ask yourself, is that me? It is good to purchase nice things for you and your family, but there is something better.

Another great quote! I love the first line, “You’ll never see a U-Haul behind a hearse…” If we spend our lives focused on obtaining material objects to the detriment of everything else, where will that leave us? Think of when you were a kid and had to have that new toy. When you finally got it, you were so excited. It was the best day ever. What happened two months later? It just became another object. You moved on to want the next greatest toy. In essence, your money, or in this case your parents, did not buy a toy, it bought two months of happiness. There is a better way to use your capital than always chasing the latest and greatest new thing, be that electronic gadget, fashion or social status.

To demonstrate what I am saying, let me refer to the pictures above. On top is Margie and I at the Wisconsin State Fair, one of my favorite places. I have purchased many things there. Can’t think of one off the top of my head. I can remember lots of silly times with my love. Then there is a picture of me, my uncle and my sister at a reenactment. Do you know what we bought there? Me neither. Do remember lots of interesting things I learned. Then there is Margie and I at an October Fest. I obviously purchased a large container of beer. Can’t tell you what kind, or even if I liked it. I am more of a rum guy. What I do remember is having fun and discovering new food and drink together. Lastly, there is a picture of Margie and my mother making bracelets. I can’t remember much about the bracelets. I do remember they were made on a soup crawl through the city we live in. It was in the middle of winter and very cold, but we all had fun.

Referring back to the Quote from Denzel Washington, look at the last line. “It’s not how much you have but what you do with what you have.” As you can see by the examples above, spending money to create memories goes a lot further than a material item. In fact, material items can become a burden. You have to find a place for them. You have to clean them. The more things you have, the more you have to put away and clean. When the fateful day comes that you must leave this world, think of what will become of the stuff you leave behind? In short, it becomes someone else’s burden.

Do not sell yourself to pleasure. Find that pleasure in the smile of the one you love. Find that joy in a beautiful sunny day. Feel the refreshing drops of rain. Create beautiful memories to leave with your children instead of the latest gadget.

LOOKING BACK…❤️

This was me a year ago. Ok, a little less than a year ago. January 12 of last year. Shortly out of open-heart surgery and after a brief flirtation with death. Notice the tube coming out of my neck. I think that makes me look like a tough guy. The whole thing seems like a distant dream at this point. There are a few lingering effects, but I am getting better every day.

What I want to talk about today was what did change. Shockingly, not a lot. At least not right away. In reflection, this is what shocks me, it took a while for changes to occur. You would think waking up in the operating room after open-heart surgery, knowing you briefly passed on, and then going through some crazy rehab would have you walking out of the hospital a different man. Nope.

Here is what I did notice. A lot changed before my surgery and near death experience. The humorous part about that was that I didn’t realize these changes until well after my surgery was over. A lot came to my attention while writing my journey in my third book, The Beat Goes On. As I was writing about a visit to the movies with Margie only 2 months prior, I realized my focus had changed. I was facing a possibility of a dramatic change in life situation and my thought was what I would leave behind if I did not make it. Not what did I want to eat, where I wanted to go or things I wanted to do. No, what was really emotionally pressing as I was facing possible death, was making sure the people that I loved knew that I loved them and what legacy I was going to leave behind.

The picture above is an example of that. It was the last picture Margie and I took before I walked out the door to go to the hospital. I wanted one last picture. It wasn’t that I was even attempting to be noble. It was the thought that if I died, would it have mattered that I made one more trip to the Nite Owl for a hamburger? I would be dead. Wouldn’t even able to talk about it. Unless of course you can come back and haunt people and let them know where to eat the best burgers in town. I realized if I wanted to be immortal, that would depend on what I left behind and not what I took with me. It reminded me of a great quote I heard from the actor Denzel Washington, “You never see a U-Haul behind a hearse.” It is not what you take with you, but what you leave behind. While I was feeling all of these emotions (As you can read in The Beat Goes On) I wasn’t aware of why I was feeling them. It wasn’t until I was writing and reflecting that this truth came to light.

While I was going through this whole life-changing event, I did not fully grasp the magnitude of what was transpiring. I was still the goofy author who found humor in what was going on around me. Like this sign warning people not to put their hands in the toilet. I was not aware this was a temptation that had to be fought. Good to know that one could get injured that way, I suppose. Nicole, my favorite nurse that I had, warned me that I would be more emotional after the procedure. I did not feel much different until after I left the hospital. I recall wanting to go to Panera for lunch before going home. I love their hazelnut coffee. I recall sitting in front of my protein bowl looking around at the other people in the restaurant, including Margie and my mother, and thinking that somehow I was now different. I had the experience of slipping through the great beyond. Gleefully, that was temporary. Still, I felt like a foreigner in the world. Very hard to explain.

Looking back, I am sure there will be more lessons that will come to me. Even such a traumatic experience as heart surgery and death do not always give you the lessons right away. In my second book, Living the Dream, I wrote about lessons I was still learning from my Grandfather who has been gone quite some time. Life is like that. This is why it is so important to give yourself time to reflect and just think. This is also why sharing your story, whether that is in a book or blog for the world to learn from, or just in a journal for your own private use. There is something magical that happens when you put pen to paper. Lessons you never knew that you learned suddenly leap from the pages. I would love to hear some of the lessons you have learned in life after reflecting.

CLICK HERE TO PICK UP YOUR COPY OF “THE BEAT GOES ON”❤️

DAY 4 OF OUR HAPPINESS JOURNEY

Fear less, try more. Ooh…this is a good one. Another area that I struggle with. Everyone deep down wants to try more, I believe. What is stopping us then? What prevents us from trying for that new job we really want? Why not approach that person you find so attractive and start a conversation with them? These certainly would be good outcomes, would they not? Why do we not at least attempt those things that we know have the potential to lead us closer to an amazing life?

The answer is one simple word we are all too familiar with – fear. There used to be many areas of my life that fear seemed to rule the day. There were many things that I wanted to try, but didn’t because I was full of fear. What exactly was I afraid of? This may sound a bit vain because…well…it is. I was afraid of looking stupid. Whenever we start something new there is a period where we are not so good at it. I think of things in my life I excel at, take being a bartender for example, and I recall that when I started there was a growth period. It may even seem hard to imagine not knowing some of what I do, but let us not get ahead of ourselves.

The idea that there is a learning curve to everything we do is not a complex intellectual thought to grasp. I know that I will look foolish at something for a while until I become good at it. I even realize that others know and understand that I will look foolish when trying something new. The key here is that I know these things intellectually. Emotionally, that is a completely different story. Raise your hand if you enjoy looking foolish. Although I cannot see you, I bet most of you do not have your hand raised. It can seem almost physically painful to some.

So how did I, and more importantly, how can you overcome this hurdle? I am going to share some things that worked for me and they may just work for you. In the comments below this post I would love to hear what tools you use to overcome fear and try something new. I am going to go back to my example of learning to be a bartender. My very first day I was told it was easy that most people order beer or common drinks whose names tell you how to make them (think rum and coke) I was told that if they ordered something unusual that all I had to do was keep up the banter while I looked the recipe up in a book we had behind the bar. (This was before cell phones and Google) Confident in my skill of conversation I approached my first customer. I greeted them and inquired what they would enjoy. I will never forget the drink – A Quick Carlos. There is no liquor named Carlos that one could serve quickly, so I opened the book as I continued my conversation with the gentleman. Not many recipes that start with ‘Q’. Then my worst fear – there was no recipe!! I ran back to the skilled bartender who was teaching me. We will call him ‘Jimmy’ for the sole reason that was what his name was. I explained the dire situation as Jimmy looked at me as if I were 3/4 stupid. “Well then ask them what is in it.” I had not considered this course of action as I did not want to look like what I was, a new and not so knowledgeable bartender. 23 years and millions of drinks later I wouldn’t hesitate to ask someone what is in the drink they want.

Starting at the Post Office was the same. When I was being trained I was told, “Don’t worry most people just buy stamps or mail a first-class package.” My very first customer, I cannot make this up, said “I would like to send this international registered with a return receipt to Mexico.” Talk about fumbling, looking foolish and struggling. Again, 22 years and several customer service awards later, I would be fine explaining I wanted to check to make sure I am doing this right.

What changed? Having those examples of struggling and now being accomplished gave me a chance to do it. Knowing you are not the only one who has this issue also helps. I heard a commencement speech by the actor Denzel Washington. In the speech he said something that was very simple, but was great to hear out of a mouth of someone so accomplished. He simply said, “You will suck at something.” There were obviously more inspiring words around that. If not, that would have been a very short and not so inspiring speech. Still, hearing those words from someone else somehow made it easier.

To this day, I search for ways to face and overcome fear in my life. David Goggins, one of the hardest men on the planet admitted to having a great amount of fear in his life. He also mentioned what he gained by facing his own fears. Using other people’s examples can propel us to face our own. Greg Plitt (R.I.P.) made it clear that the easiest and best time to attack fear is when it first shows up because that is when it is the weakest. Let it bounce around in our heads a while, and it can grow big and strong. He also pointed out something very interesting. Fear is self-created. The only place it exists is in our own minds. We created it, therefore we have the power to destroy it.

As you can see the battle against fear is a daily ongoing fight. We need all the weapons we can muster. With that in mind, I implore of you to share with us the techniques you use to overcome fear in your own life.