Tag: Bartender

SERVICE OVER SIGNIFICANCE 🐕‍🦺

I am currently working on my fourth book, From Ruining Livers to Saving Souls, and learning a lot about both myself and life in general. As faithful readers of this blog, I am going to give you a bit of a preview. When I was growing up, I wanted to be a rock star. Really, who didn’t? My personification of what a cool leading man was Michael Hutchence from the band INXS. He seemed to have this sensual and yet mysterious aura about him. I managed to be in a few bands and have quite a bit of fun as you will be able to read in the upcoming book. Still, never quite a rock star.

Next up was being a bartender. The ringleader of the nightly circus. The star of the show. This I did for 23 years. I was pretty good, if I allow myself to say so. I flipped bottles. I learned the art of conversation to an insane degree. I mixed drinks. I was charming and friendly. I never realized the skill that made me a great bartender. It was the same skill that allowed me to excel working with the public during the day at the post office. I recall being on vacation in a different country and someone walking up to me saying, “You are the funny guy from the post office.” Crazy, but true.

During this time, I was also helping out at a meal program feeding under privileged individuals. I approached that with the same rock star/bartender personality that I had from my youth. I recall people switching lines to come to me at the meal program. They remembered something I had said to them the month prior. One gentleman told me, “You were the first person to call me ‘Sir’ in 5 years.” Before long, I had a little following at the meal program. It was good to see the smiles on the peoples faces. It was a lot like bartending, except for the fact I was serving beans and hot dogs instead of a rum and coke.

Fast forward to 2023. I went from being on the stage or behind the bar, to being behind the keyboard as both an author and a blog writer, and behind the microphone as a DJ and a host of the “Living the Dream with Neil Panosian” podcast. Highly recommend you check that out. When I was about to release my first book, a well-meaning customer explained to me that it would only sell about a dozen copies. The reason she gave for this prognostication, was that people don’t read anymore and that I didn’t have a major publisher behind me. That book has sold over 1000 copies and counting.

Why are we taking a brief trip through all of my occupations? I did skip hosting a radio and television show for a while. The former of which is the best job I have ever had. The reason why is that while writing about these and other life journeys I have had, I gained a most valuable truth. It is the secret for becoming a success in any endeavor you are engaged in. I unconsciously used the secret in every one of those professions I listed.

A lot of people say that when they become ‘rich and famous’ they will use that fame and fortune to help people. I have learned the best way to become a success at anything, and by doing so make a name for yourself, is to be of service. If you want to be important – be useful. As a bartender, I made sure to get to know my customers. What they drank. Their occupations, their family and anything else that would make them feel valuable. When I helped people at the post office, I would try to make the experience as fun as could be. My thinking was if I was stuck working there and they were stuck doing business there, why not make it the best and most entertaining 3 minutes of their day. As an author, my writing is dedicated to using my experiences in life and the lessons I learn, to benefit others. As a DJ, radio and television host, my goal is to have you walk away feeling better than when you arrived. In my podcast, we share many secrets to improve life and do it in a very entertaining way.

All of these examples are finding ways in which to serve the people I interact with. The more and better I was able to serve them, the more important and significant I became. Even at the meal program that I was fortune enough to help at, service was what set me apart. Everyone there was serving food and beverages, but I was the only one serving dignity and respect. These all became clear to me when I began to write about them for my upcoming book. If you wish to become someone of significance, become someone of service. People will always want to be around, and give their time, business and respect to someone who helps them or makes them feel good about themselves. If we all focused on the best way in which we can best serve each other, we will all be a success.

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN TO AND SUBSCRIBE TO THE “LIVING THE DREAM WITH NEIL PANOSIAN” PODCAST AND LET US SERVE YOU TODAY

DAY 4 OF OUR HAPPINESS JOURNEY

Fear less, try more. Ooh…this is a good one. Another area that I struggle with. Everyone deep down wants to try more, I believe. What is stopping us then? What prevents us from trying for that new job we really want? Why not approach that person you find so attractive and start a conversation with them? These certainly would be good outcomes, would they not? Why do we not at least attempt those things that we know have the potential to lead us closer to an amazing life?

The answer is one simple word we are all too familiar with – fear. There used to be many areas of my life that fear seemed to rule the day. There were many things that I wanted to try, but didn’t because I was full of fear. What exactly was I afraid of? This may sound a bit vain because…well…it is. I was afraid of looking stupid. Whenever we start something new there is a period where we are not so good at it. I think of things in my life I excel at, take being a bartender for example, and I recall that when I started there was a growth period. It may even seem hard to imagine not knowing some of what I do, but let us not get ahead of ourselves.

The idea that there is a learning curve to everything we do is not a complex intellectual thought to grasp. I know that I will look foolish at something for a while until I become good at it. I even realize that others know and understand that I will look foolish when trying something new. The key here is that I know these things intellectually. Emotionally, that is a completely different story. Raise your hand if you enjoy looking foolish. Although I cannot see you, I bet most of you do not have your hand raised. It can seem almost physically painful to some.

So how did I, and more importantly, how can you overcome this hurdle? I am going to share some things that worked for me and they may just work for you. In the comments below this post I would love to hear what tools you use to overcome fear and try something new. I am going to go back to my example of learning to be a bartender. My very first day I was told it was easy that most people order beer or common drinks whose names tell you how to make them (think rum and coke) I was told that if they ordered something unusual that all I had to do was keep up the banter while I looked the recipe up in a book we had behind the bar. (This was before cell phones and Google) Confident in my skill of conversation I approached my first customer. I greeted them and inquired what they would enjoy. I will never forget the drink – A Quick Carlos. There is no liquor named Carlos that one could serve quickly, so I opened the book as I continued my conversation with the gentleman. Not many recipes that start with ‘Q’. Then my worst fear – there was no recipe!! I ran back to the skilled bartender who was teaching me. We will call him ‘Jimmy’ for the sole reason that was what his name was. I explained the dire situation as Jimmy looked at me as if I were 3/4 stupid. “Well then ask them what is in it.” I had not considered this course of action as I did not want to look like what I was, a new and not so knowledgeable bartender. 23 years and millions of drinks later I wouldn’t hesitate to ask someone what is in the drink they want.

Starting at the Post Office was the same. When I was being trained I was told, “Don’t worry most people just buy stamps or mail a first-class package.” My very first customer, I cannot make this up, said “I would like to send this international registered with a return receipt to Mexico.” Talk about fumbling, looking foolish and struggling. Again, 22 years and several customer service awards later, I would be fine explaining I wanted to check to make sure I am doing this right.

What changed? Having those examples of struggling and now being accomplished gave me a chance to do it. Knowing you are not the only one who has this issue also helps. I heard a commencement speech by the actor Denzel Washington. In the speech he said something that was very simple, but was great to hear out of a mouth of someone so accomplished. He simply said, “You will suck at something.” There were obviously more inspiring words around that. If not, that would have been a very short and not so inspiring speech. Still, hearing those words from someone else somehow made it easier.

To this day, I search for ways to face and overcome fear in my life. David Goggins, one of the hardest men on the planet admitted to having a great amount of fear in his life. He also mentioned what he gained by facing his own fears. Using other people’s examples can propel us to face our own. Greg Plitt (R.I.P.) made it clear that the easiest and best time to attack fear is when it first shows up because that is when it is the weakest. Let it bounce around in our heads a while, and it can grow big and strong. He also pointed out something very interesting. Fear is self-created. The only place it exists is in our own minds. We created it, therefore we have the power to destroy it.

As you can see the battle against fear is a daily ongoing fight. We need all the weapons we can muster. With that in mind, I implore of you to share with us the techniques you use to overcome fear in your own life.

I USED TO BE TOO COOL FOR THIS

I recall some of my first exposure to the principles of self-improvement. They seemed hokey and new age at best, far out and ridiculous at worst. I was a singer in a band, I was a bartender. I had no desire to take my inner child on a play date. When I heard someone talk about meditation or keeping a journal I thought they would be someone sitting alone in a tent in the middle of the desert giving advice or something. That was actually a description I gave to my good friend Russ. In short I thought all of this self-help stuff was a bunch of B.S..

My dramatic change from someone who mocked all things that might be labeled ‘self-improvement’ to someone who is not only a proponent of such material, but a creator and distributor as well, happened over a period of time. It is like the story of boiling a frog in a pot of water. If you put a frog in a pot of hot water it will jump out, but if you turn the heat up slowly it will sit there until it boils to death. Please know I am not advocating harm to animals, but my life proceeded along a similar path. As life slowly turned the heat up on me I found myself literally boiling to death in a pool of stress.

One of the first stresses I can think of is when I was working at a telemarketing job. For those of you who have never had a job in this field, just consider what you have said, or heard other people say to telemarketers. Now, imagine being the person on the other end of the phone…eight hours a day…6 days a week. I remember listening to Bob Marley’s Legend album on my lunch hour every day. I would close my eyes, push play and picture being on a beach in Jamaica. Little was I aware I was practicing visualizing and meditation. Not that I called it that. At the time I just said I was “unwinding on lunch”. All I was sure of is that is made me feel better and be able to withstand the constant barrage of colorful phrases people share with telemarketers.

Fast forward a few years and I find myself awake at 3a.m. ready to go to the post office job I was thrilled about. This was after working an entire bartending shift I was also growing weary of. As you can imagine this and other stresses also affected my relationships with others at the time. While sitting on the couch putting on my shoes I saw an infomercial. It was for a collection of CDs from Tony Robbins. Being half asleep and feeling frustrated with the direction my life was going at the time, I thought “What the hell do I have to lose?” I ordered the tapes, went to work and soon forgot all about it. A week later they arrived. I listened on my short commute I had to work at the time and soon found myself taking detours to listen to more.

Soon I found myself looking at life from a different angle. Shortly thereafter, my job was downsized and the real test began. I found myself at the local library looking for answers. Those of you who have read my book or followed me for any amount of time have no doubt heard this story countless times. After finding things that helped a former ‘rock star’ and bartender who was too cool for self-help, I wanted to share it with others who thought themselves too bad ass for this material, but were silently, or not so silently suffering on the inside. That lead to the creation of this website, a book, a YouTube channel and seminars. In short, it brought us to where we are now.

If you came across this on accident, or are postponing on taking the leap on learning tools that could improve your life because you are simply too cool, I urge you to reconsider. First of all, get rid of the term self-help. I never liked that term to begin with. It has the feel like you are helpless and can only succeed with the help of someone else. I prefer the term self-improvement. The truth is you don’t need anyone else. What you may be lacking is information and a plan. As long as you have the desire, there are many paths that can lead you to success.

The other thing you might wish to consider is that in the beginning nobody needs to know what you are doing, or that you are doing anything at all. You can read in private. You can rent and watch movies in the privacy of your own home. You can start like I did listening to things while you are alone in the car. Once you see, and more important feel the increase in joy and reduction in stress, you can decide how public you may want to be with your quest to become the best version of yourself.

As a bonus, here are a list of a few recommendations I have for improving yourself after spending over two decades in the field. This is not a complete list by any means and if you would like to add to it feel free.

Books

  • A Happy Life for Busy People
  • Think and Grow Rich
  • The Power of the Subconscious Mind
  • The Tao of Pooh
  • The Secret

CD or MP3 Programs

  • The Strangest secret
  • Personal Power
  • Any videos or audio by Tony Robbins, Earl Nightingale, Les Brown or Eric Thomas

DOING WHAT YOU LOVE WILL LEAD TO DOING WHO YOU LOVE

“When you are busy doing what you love, you will meet who you love.”

– Neil Panosian

I am not sure if it is because I am blessed to have such an amazing relationship that we both work so hard in, because I am a self-improvement author or just because I am around so many people over the years working as a bartender and DJ, but a lot of people share their relationship struggles with me. I am very grateful for the knowledge and insight this provides me.

One of the most common stories I hear is this, “Neil, I keep thinking I found the right person but then it blows up in my face. Oh well, I guess I am going to have to look harder.” My advice? Stop! On a metaphysical level, by looking for something it tells the universe you do not have it. On a more practical level there are far better ways to find a partner that has long term potential. It may not be as quick, but the results are a lot better in the long term.

What is this secret formula? Do you. I am not talking about ways of satisfying your carnal desires until you find a partner, but they way you live your life as a whole. When you focus on doing things you enjoy, and how you enjoy them you set yourself up for the best possible results for meeting someone whom you have a lot in common with. Are you a morning person who enjoys breakfasts? Then combing the bars at 2 a.m. looking for the next partner to share your life with might not be the best option. Are you an active person who loves to cycle outdoors and go for long hikes in the woods? Then the chances are your future partner will not be found at the all-you-can-eat pizza buffet. There are exceptions, however. Oddly enough, I enjoy both of those activities. This is not about ruling out someone completely, but increasing the odds of finding the right person.

Even if you have already found the love of your life, this formula works great for finding friends to add to your life. As adults sometimes it can seem more difficult to make deep bonds with others as we can in childhood. By surrounding yourself in a group of like minded people, you will have a great chance of developing friendships that will add the maximum joy to your life!

Often the urge to have companionship can override our patience in finding the right partner. Do yourself a favor and by holding out for what you deserve and not settling. In the meantime pursue that hobby or passion. Consider researching and joining like-minded groups in your area. Spend time in places you enjoy. Are you a reader? Spend some time in library or book store. Maybe take a book with you to your favorite coffee shop. If you enjoy the outdoors hike on a popular trail a few days a week and see who you meet. It may take a while, but eventually you will find someone who is right for you. As a bonus you will probably end up making some great friends along the way.

A GOOD ONE

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“Whatever you are, be a good one”

-Abraham Lincoln

Here is a juggler/comedian i saw at this year’s state fair. I am a fan of juggling although I do not have such a skill. Perhaps that may be just why I am such a fan of this skill. It takes a lot of practice and patience. Two things that I do not always excel at.

When you do a blog on positivity and now are a motivational speaker, you are always on the lookout for inspiring ideas. So what great profound idea did I receive from a man juggling in the state fair? Surprisingly, it has nothing to do with juggling. In addition to being very skilled at his profession, here is what separated this man from all the other performers – his charisma. He had mastered self-deprecating humor, to a point where the audience didn’t know whether to applaud or laugh.

What is the point we can get from a funny juggler? It means not only did this person master his skill he also mastered the art of relating to people. Think of whatever your profession you do. Are you doing the best job at it you can? In todays world of fluid job situations it is even more important than ever to be the best you can be. As the quote from the 16th president above says, whatever you are doing, be a good one. That may also mean learning other skills. No matter what profession you are in, people skills are always a great idea to master. In an ever shrinking world, no person is an island. So if you want to learn any skill I would recommend investing some time and effort into improving you ability to relate to others. I strongly recommend picking up a copy of my favorite book How to Win Friends and Influence People.

So remember, whether it is a truck driver, bartender, blog writer, mother, brother or friend. Whatever you are doing today, be a good one

DON’T BE BITTER, BE BETTER

“If you continuously compete with others you become bitter but if you continuously compete with yourself you become better”

This is a quote I came across somewhere online but it really struck me. So many of us want to be the best this, or the best that. This is good. Wanting to be better and improving is what keeps us growing and evolving. I personally always take pride in wanting to be the best bartender I can be. I am lucky enough to know several other amazing bartenders in my life. My friends Lisa, Matt, Shelly, Shilla and Alysa are downright amazing. I never look at them and compare myself though. One, they have their own styles and skill sets that differ than mine. That is not to say I will not ask them for advice or watch them and pick up a few things I could do to make my shift a little better. Still comparing myself to them, or even competing against them does not good at all. One it makes competition and enemies out of allies and friends. Plus, it is unfair and unproductive to ourselves. As I mentioned before they are different people and have different life stories and experiences. They also have different natural talents to build on and weaknesses to address. I must focus on what I do well and how I can use what I have experienced in life to learn and grow from. What does all of this have to do with you and your life situation? Plenty. Remember to harness true power in life you must not try to master others, or even master other situations. The greatest skill in life one can have is to master over your own thoughts and emotions. To conquer your doubts and face your fears head on. Sure you can learn from a friend and even ask them for help. In fact a true friend can be one of your greatest allies in bettering yourself. Just remember the struggle really does not exist without, but within. When you master yourself nobody else can control your emotions. Nobody else can stop you. So todays challenge is to begin to take a good hard look inside and see what you can do to improve yourself. Trust me, if your honest with yourself this can be a life-long pursuit and give you very little time to even worry about trying to improve others, which is not our job anyway. So let us begin on this daring and noble struggle. Let us all work on improving ourselves and becoming the best people we can be!