THIS SHOULD WIN EVERY ELECTION ☑️

Hopefully by the time you are reading this, we have a clear winner in the United States presidential election. I am actually writing this a few days before. The victory is sure to upset some and elate others. What is important for all of us is to practice love and compassion to our fellow humans. Why? Not only is it the right thing to do, but as the Dalai Lama says above, without them humanity will not survive. Parents tell their children not to be cruel to those who disagree with them. I think most of us can recall a story when we were younger when we were told “Don’t pick on Bob and Betty just because they are different than you.” This was good advice then. Do you know what? It is still good advice. These same parents can often be the ones posted hateful messages online about opposing political views.

Isn’t it ironic that we have trouble as adults following advice we often give to children? It is true there were many issues that affect people’s lives on a very person level. I am not denying that. It is true that people have a lot of belief and passion when it comes to the issues near and dear to their hearts. That is good. We must stand up for our beliefs. That does not mean going to war with those whose beliefs differ from our own. They no more deserve to be put down for their beliefs than we do.

My challenge to each of you reading this is to find ways to demonstrate love and compassion for all of your neighbors. One thing that puts fear into leaders is to see people working together. A little bit of fear in our leaders is a good thing. ‘Divide and conquer’ is more than just a cliche, it is the truth. As has been demonstrated, when leaders just argue and blame, nothing gets solved. Let us not emulate that. Let us work together to create a better world for our children. Let us do this by using love and compassion.

WHAT WE DO NOW..🗳

As you read this blog, the United States is going through a very important election. One of the more important in my lifetime. It will not only decides who will lead our country, but also many of the elected officials that will serve with them. This will help shape the future of the country for the next few years and beyond. As you might expect, it has also been one of the more polarizing elections as well. Understanding that our control is not so much in electing an official, but how we respond to our family, friends and neighbors. This is especially true of those who may vote or believe different than us.

I am writing this post long before the election is over. I have no clue who will win and it is really not important for the point we are making here. When the dust settles and those we have elected settle in to blaming each other for what is wrong, hopefully balanced out with finding solutions for it as well, we must set the example. Whether the election turns out in favor of your candidate or not, we should act with kindness and humility.

Another very important point is to not stress over national events. Often, quite often actually, political parties and the media will seek to divide us. They do that by filling us with fear and anger. Do not let this happen to you. Tomorrow we will look at wise words that will give us a much better option. Until then, realize that if you voted, you did your part. Focus on what you can control. That is the love you bring to others. Whether you are a force for good in your community or not. We cannot control what those in power do. What we can control is how we use our own power. Let us use it to empower, encourage and inspire. Let us use it to stay united and not give up that power to fear, anger and division.

1 RABBIT OR 2? 🐇

Before some well-meaning reader reminds me, I am fully aware that I used this quote in a post not long ago. No, I am not getting lazy on my mission to post inspiring content for 1000 days straight ( this is day 855) I am posting this quote again because this came up in conversation the other day. One of the wonderful things about having conversations in the self-improvement field is that there is always so much to learn. Even after over 2 decades in the field, I benefit tremendously by staying humble and keeping an open mind. The moment you think you know it all is the moment you cannot learn anything else.

Case in point, this quote. When I wrote about it last time, I used the example of someone who is multitasking. This is a great example as to why that is not a good idea. When we picture someone, even ourselves, trying to chase two rabbits at the same time, the visual is pretty hilarious. That is always how I viewed this quote. The person I was speaking with reminded me of the flipside. “I think it means that when you focus, you are more likely to ‘catch the rabbit'” they said.

What a great way of looking at this quote. It is a reminder of the power of focus, and the penalty of the lack of focus. Working together we had come to this conclusion! There were so many lessons to take away from this. If I had acted as if I knew everything there was to know in the self-improvement industry (which is impossible) than I would not have been open to hearing his great interpretation of this quote. If I had been stuck in my way of thinking I may not have rejoiced in seeing his. Working together we more than doubled the knowledge we took from this inspirational quote.

Keep your mind open and stay humble. Do not forget the power of focus and the penalty for not focusing. Remember, if we chase too many ‘rabbits’ at once we will catch none of them.

YOU MIGHT BE ASKING THE WRONG QUESTION

This is a very difficult post to write, but one that I feel is so important. The reason that it is difficult to write, is that I want to make sure it comes out correctly. It is also difficult to explain in the small space of a blog, but I will do my best. The reason it is important is because it is a condition that almost everyone finds themselves in, myself included. It is one of the issues that I am asked about most. The answer is not easy and is seldom well received. What is the question? How can I get rid of the pain and sadness inside of my heart? This could stem from many things. It could be the loss of a job you really loved. It could be a heartbreaking separation. Most often, the pain comes from the loss of a loved one.

I think all of us reading this blog have experienced the loss of someone, if not more, that we really care about. You understand that initially the pain will be great. Depending on the individual, we have some arbitrary expectation as to when that grief may start to diminish or fade away all together. When we find ourselves breaking down in tears, months or years later we just can’t understand. How can we just make this pain go away? To me, that is asking the wrong question.

Trying to eliminate the heartache we feel with the loss of a love one, or whatever issue may be causing it, is like trying to change the current of the river because it is not going the direction we want. Often, the more we find ourselves fighting against our pain, the stronger it seems to get. What we should be asking is how to use our pain. One of the best ways it to understand the empathy and credibility that gives us when helping others going through the same situation. We can understand what they are feeling. We will have a far better idea what they need in their moment of grief.

Another thing that many of us fail to consider is that pain can come from some of the greatest blessings. If we feel a great deal of hurt from the passing of a loved one, for example, than there must have been a great deal of love felt before that. When we consider how many people have a true lack of love in their lives, than how blessed are we who, although it may be lost, have felt such deep love. There is the cliche “Better to lost in love than to have never loved at all.” Attributed to one of my favorite authors, Alfred Lord Tennyson I might add.

Lastly, is the gift we can get from the pain. Lost a great relationship from a mistake you made? Maybe love faded away? You are certain not to make the same mistake in the future and do your best to keep the flames of desire alive and burning bright. When we lose someone close to us, often the pain is mixed with regret. We wish we would have told them how we really feel, or went on a trip with them one more time. Feeling this pain can be the best motivation to love those we still have in our lives that much more. To make sure we never miss a chance to tell someone how much we care. We will spend the time to take that trip with them, or maybe just sit and listen. Knowing the pain and regret that comes with losing someone, we do our best to give the best of ourselves to those we are still blessed enough to have with us.

Does any of this make the pain go away? Not at all. Understanding the purpose in pain, and using it to serve us and others can make it a little more bearable. Next time you think about that failed relationship, learn how to do better and use the pain to motivate you to work on yourself. When tears fill both your eyes and heart thinking of the person you loved so much that has left your life, call or message a friend and send them as much love and encouragement as you can. This has helped me deal with pain in my life. I hope it will help you too.

PARTY WITH THE DEAD! 💀

Today is one of the days that the Day of the Dead or Dia de los Muertos is celebrated. Personally, I think it is a fabulous holiday. On this day, or actually several days usually, people celebrate the lives of loved ones who have passed on. There are so many ways these are celebrated and it would really benefit you to talk to our friend Mr. Google and do a little research.

Many people who do not celebrate this day have a hard time understanding what there is to celebrate. Let us take a look. When you think about the miracle it takes for you to be reading this blog right now, you will realize how much you have to celebrate. If you read to the end, I am going to throw another interesting thought for you to ponder. First, think about the odds of the exact DNA that is you being here. Not to be too graphic, but there is roughly 300 million sperm released at the time of conception. If you take in all of the other factors that need to happen for you to be born, the odds increase from 1/300 million, to 1/400 trillion. That is more than ten times the national debt of the United States! The odds of winning the lottery are 1/292.2 million. You have already won the greatest lottery of all!

You might be wondering what you being a walking miracle of a lottery winner has to do with celebrating your loved ones that have passed on. Good question. Think of what many of them went through. Some went to war. Some struggled with poverty. Some battled addiction. If we go back even further, some have had to survive slavery or abuse. Some had to move to an entirely different country! Many times with little or no resources. How many modern folks would be prepared to do that? Some even had their country taken away. Through it all they persevered. It is due to their resiliency that we are able to be here sharing this moment together. Your ancestors and mine. We owe them all a great debt. Even those so long ago that we never met them. Often, the further back you go, the more challenging the life was.

So I say celebrate your ancestors today! Raise a glass, light a candle or do whatever else you think is appropriate. Their lives allow us to be here today. Without them, and the decisions they made whether good or bad, allow us to be the exact people we are today. As I have often mentioned in this blog, many of my ancestors are still teaching me to this day. I recall advice they gave me when I was young that I can only now fully understand. I recall examples they had set that I did not even realize I was watching.

I promised you if you stayed until the end that I would give you a thought to take with you and ponder. On a day where we celebrate all that those who have gone before us have done, it might be wise to spend a moment thinking what you will want people to celebrate about you. Are you living the life that people will celebrate after you are gone? If not, when would now be a good time to start? It is never too late to live a life worth living. One of my favorite saying states that the best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago, the second best time is today.

MIRROR OR A CELL PHONE 📴

As a speaker, one of the things I enjoy doing is watching other speakers. I can see how they use their body language, how they use their words to get their point across and a million other things. Even things I do not like about their delivery can help me improve my own. To this point, I found myself watching a live seminar by one of my favorite speakers. During his performance, I witnessed something I have never seen at a motivational seminar – a heckler. Why on earth would you go somewhere to be motivated only to heckle the speaker, I have no idea.

This gentleman is a rather passionate and aggressive speaker. If you had your heart set on derailing a motivational seminar, his would not be my first choice. He is also a very smart and quick-witted gentleman. After the heckler had called him a “fake” and said all of his stuff “doesn’t work”, the man calmly asked the man one simple question. “What kind of phone do you have sir?” The man quickly pulled out the latest iPhone. When asked how much it cost the young man, he sheepishly replied his parents had purchased it for him. Passing on the opportunity to address this, the speaker simply asked how much the phone had cost his parents. “About $1000 dollars I guess.” was the young mans reply. Without changing his tone, the speaker asked the young man one final question, “You spend $1000 every year to update your phone. When was the last time you spent $1000 to upgrade yourself?”

I was obviously cheering for my fellow speaker until I realized something. He could have been talking to me. How long had it been since I invested in myself. Sure, I have bought new shoes because I thought they would help me workout better. If I bought a new cellphone I might be able to upgrade my YouTube videos, but that is not investing in myself. That is buying myself new things. What if I invested that money in courses or books to gain more knowledge? That would upgrade my videos in a much better way. I realized it had been quite some time since I had invested in myself.

We often view investing in ourselves as something indulgent or selfish. That is foolish thinking. Look around at the people closest to you in your life. Do you think they would benefit with an improved version of yourself? How about your career? Do you think improving yourself could lead to some advancement or additional compensation? I think we can agree that the answers to all of those questions would be ‘yes’. We are actually improving the lives of those we care about, and the world at large, by improving ourselves and striving to be the best version of ourselves. It is actually a very selfless thing to do.

As the new year approaches, let us all work a little bit harder to balance investing in material things, with investing in ourselves. That investment does not always have to be financial. Committing an hour three days a week to working out is an investment in ourselves. Investing time to read or meal prep is also investing in ourselves. Learning is an investment in ourselves. Therapy or meditation is an investment in ourselves. Saying ‘no’ when our spirit is drained is investing in ourselves. How do you plan on investing in yourself in the new year?

SCARY CONSEQUENCES 😨

I want to begin this post with a quote from my favorite distracted genius. “If I keep temporarily eating this junk, I’m going to permanently stay fat.” Meaning, if you just eat that one doughnut because they were free in the break room, or have ice cream because you are out with friends and they are having it. These temporary indulgences can have lasting results. I am not saying that going out for ice cream every now and again is a bad thing. I do it myself. What I am saying is that if you have too many of these moments, you will end up with permanent bad results. If you only eat a doughnut when they are in the break room, what happens if they are in there for 3 days this week? If you only go out for ice cream if a friend is going, what happens if several friends go day after day? What if both of these events happen in the same day?

Even having a snack size bag of Doritos has 260 calories. If you have 4 bags a week, that is over 1000 extra calories. See how long it takes running on the treadmill to burn 1000 calories. I can tell you it is a few seconds longer than forever. Eating that little bag doesn’t seem like much, but as you can see if you keep doing this behavior, it will result in some terrible results. That is scary.

Here is a fact to ponder. This is not only true of food. Think of mindless scrolling on your phone. Well, I am only going to watch a few reels. Suddenly, you have spent a half an hour on mindless nonsense. That may not seem like a big deal, but how many times do you do this during a day? Even once a day adds up to 3 hours a week. Meanwhile, our houses are a mess, we haven’t meal prepped and the dog needs to be walked. What do we say? “If only I had more time.” You don’t consider that few minutes of harmless scrolling that bad. Can you imagine what you would do with an extra 3 to 6 hours a week? Even if all you did was get extra sleep, you would still come out ahead. Whether it is a few calories in a bag of Doritos, or a few minutes on reels, take the advice from my beautiful Margie. If you keep doing these temporary behaviors, you will end up with some scary permanent results.

WHAT WE CAN LEARN FROM DOG FOOD

One of the interesting things in life is doing your best to watch something on YouTube, and being subjected with ad after ad. Most of the time these are geared towards something you might be interested in. Maybe something you had searched, or videos previously viewed. In my personal viewing adventures most of them have been political ads of late. Telling me how the world is about to end and if you do not vote for the candidate that sponsored the ad, the blood will be on your hands. Sometimes this is put forth metaphorically, sometimes literally.

Before the election came about, and I am sure once it is gone, my ads were a lot different. Some that always popped up were for dog food. More specifically, fresh dog food. This was either for the Farmer’s Dog or the company owned by actress Katherine Heigl called Badland’s Ranch. The fact that I had to look this up to get the name will assure these ads keep coming. Two of my favorites come from each of the companies just mentioned. One, from Badland’s Ranch, has Ms. Heigl asking the question why dogs lived longer in the 1970s then now. She goes on to explain it has to do with the quality of food they were given. The other, from the Farmer’s Dog, has starts dramatically with the sound of dry dog food being poured into a dog bowl. A booming voice informs us that “No living being should eat processed food for every meal of their lives.” This is a hard point to argue.

There are two other points that these ads brought to mind. First, I do not have a dog at present. I am being shown these ads at least 20 times a day and I do not even own a dog. This is much to Margie’s dismay. The second is what I find both ironic and amusing. These companies, and advertisers, have figured out how important it is to dogs to eat whole, natural food. How limiting the dogs exposure to processed food helps with a range of issues from digestion to problems with their joints and coat. They also recognize the fact that consuming all of this processed food has resulted in a reduction in lifespan.

Here is a crazy thought, how come we do not see ads for this in humans? They have proved that 90% of disease is lifestyle driven. We are currently consuming more processed food than ever before. Insurance companies would rather pay for ads selling you the latest medication, with a million side effects, than to tell you how important eating whole, unprocessed food is. In fact, very rarely are things that promote health covered by insurance. They would rather treat you once you are sick. Which to me sounds more like sick care than health care.

The two things that I want to bring to your attention here are as follows. First, if they have had all of this success with dogs by simply switching them to whole and healthy food, imagine what changes could await you by doing the same. If you can, try to eliminate, or at least limit, your consumption of processed food. Read labels. It should not take 35 ingredients to make meat loaf. Second, is pay attention to everything around you. Even a dog food ad can offer some inspiration.

A EASY, NEW PATH TO GRATITUDE 🙏

Last post we discussed the single best self-improvement activity you can do. If you haven’t read that post, I recommend giving it a look. In my own life, gratitude has been one of, if not the, most powerful tools to help me live an amazing life. If you spend any time at all in the self-improvement arena, you have no doubt heard a lot about gratitude. It had a prominent role in the movie The Secret. For good reason. Gratitude can bring you peace. It can take you from feeling like you are constantly chasing the next thing, to feeling abundant and happy. That is without any change in outside circumstances. After developing an attitude of gratitude, even if things do go south, you will be able to weather them a lot better.

If gratitude is so powerful (it is) then why are we not all using it? If gratitude can transform our lives in so many positive ways (it can) how come everyone is not engaged in a ritual that will bring more gratitude into their lives. One of the reasons is the methods that have been suggested. They can seem labor intensive. Really, for the return they offer it is well worth it. Let us consider doing a gratitude journal. It is probably the most suggested activity. I even wrote a section about it in my second book, Living the Dream. You basically write 3 to 5 things you are grateful for every day and why you are grateful for them. This not only gives you the initial hit of dopamine, the feel good chemical in the brain, but rewires your brain. Knowing that you will be sitting down to write this list has your mind subconsciously on the lookout for things that you are grateful for to write down. This is a very good thing.

The problem with this method is that in a world where everyone is super busy and wants everything yesterday, taking 5 minutes to write in a journal or a notebook can seem impossible. This can seem like too much work even for people who spend hours scrolling through their phone. That brings very little, if any, positive things into their lives. This, however, is the secret to our new method. Sense we seem addicted to scrolling mindlessly, let us use it to our advantage! All you will need for this activity is a cell phone and an urge to feel more grateful.

Here is the secret method. In your gallery of pictures, create a separate album of pictures of things you are grateful for. This could be your spouse, your family, your dog, your car, a beautiful sunset or anything else that you are grateful for. Had a great vacation? Throw a picture of that in there. Love a particular restaurant? How about a picture of you there? Someone who just makes you smile by the thought of them? Maybe a picture of them or even both of you together? You could even have pictures of quotes that remind you to be grateful. The possibilities are endless. Then, in one of your scrolling sessions, open the album and look at the pictures. Much like the journal, done long enough it should train your brain to think of and look for things to be grateful for to add to this album. Even if you like other forms of gratitude, this would be a great one to add. I know I am going to start an album as soon as I finish writing this post. My first picture will be of Margie and I in Jamaica for the first time. I was able to make one of her dreams come true and I am grateful for that. Not to mention, I am grateful for her and the love we share.

I encourage you to create a grateful picture album on your phone today. The coffee shop I am writing this in is about to close which will force me to stop writing, go home and get some things done and start working on my gratitude album! What will be some of the pictures in your album? What are you grateful for? Please share your answers in the comments below.

THE SINGLE BEST SELF-IMPROVEMENT ACTIVITY 😁

Over 2 decades in the self-improvement field. Over 2 decades as a self-improvement author. Over 2 decades writing this blog. Over a decade with my YouTube channel. These facts not only make me feel a little old, but show me I have been doing this a very long time. I have given seminars in some of the strangest places. There have been countless books read, seminars attended, podcasts listened to, and conversations had. There continues to be as learning should be a life-long endeavor.

The most popular question I get whether at a book signing, a seminar or even an impromptu conversation in a men’s room is, “What is the best thing I can do to improve my life.” In my second book, Living the Dream, I devote a whole section to what I personally feel is the best activity you can do to change your life. In my many years of experience and in my own life it was what has worked the best. That is developing an attitude of gratitude. What way is the best to do that? Is it a gratitude journal? Is it gratitude affirmations? Is gratitude really better than goal setting or visualization? The answer is the same activity you would use if you were looking to get in shape, lose some weight, improve your relationship or just about anything else in life.

Regardless of the area of your life you wish to improve, the activity you should use is the same. Are you on the edge of your seat? Wondering what this activity is? Personal trainers, life coaches and others will back me up on this. The activity you should use to improve your life is the one you enjoy the most. Take fitness for an example. Squats are one of the best exercises for improving your body. If you committed to doing squats, but did not like them, how long would you stick with it? A month? A week? Maybe only until the soreness kicks in. Taking a walk with your spouse after dinner is not as impactful as a few sets of squats a day. If you enjoy doing that and stick with it for a year, it will have a far greater impact than doing a week of squats and then quitting.

We began this conversation talking about self-improvement. The same holds true here too. Maybe you do not like keeping a gratitude journal. If you do it for a week and quit you are not likely to see a great impact. Maybe saying what you are grateful for out loud is better for you? If you do that for a month you are far likely to see an impact. Next post we will look at an additional way to develop an attitude of gratitude. What if gratitude just isn’t your thing? What if you would rather create a vison board? Maybe you like meditation? Then do those things. If there is something you enjoy, you are more likely to stick with it. The longer you do, the greater impact it will have in your life.

There you have it. The best self-improvement tool is the one you like the most and are most likely to stick with. Whatever that may be. Again, personally I think gratitude is super powerful, but I would rather see you engaged in an activity that works for you. If you are interested in developing an greater sense of gratitude in your life but you haven’t found something that really works for you, come back next post where we look at a way that makes gratitude almost automatic! Feel free to share what is the self-improvement activity you enjoy the most in the comments below!