MAYBE THAT IS HEAVEN 👼

Fred Rogers is one of my favorite sources of inspiration. Many of you know that already. I have never heard this quote before, but it only serves as an example of why I enjoy the man’s ideas so much. Think of all the people you have met that have made a difference in your life. This even holds true for people you have reconnected with after a long time. They can add so much joy into your life and help you grow and discover new things about yourself you have never known.

Margie and I DJ every Sunday. It is not my favorite thing to do as I am not really a bar person and work early Monday morning. However, we have met and became friends with some wonderful people. There are great couples like Ron and Deb, Montell and Tanya, Rise and Ron and Chris and Nicci. This is but a mere sample of them. We have become good friends with the bartender Kelly. There is an older gentle who goes by Melvis that always puts a smile on our faces. Our friend Sara is so generous with her kindness and help we always appreciate her. So many people that do sweet things for us and with us that if I mentioned them all it would take several posts.

This is just one example of an area in which we have made lasting connections. In my day job working for the Postal Service, I have made wonderful connections at each location I have worked at. Some of which we still gather with on federal holidays for lunch. I have friends from childhood. My friend Matt I have known since we were 7. A few years back, I reconnected with my friend Kevin who I have been friends with since we were both 4! Even Jenny, my friend who cuts my hair, I have been friends with for over 3 decades. Each one of these people has made my life a blessing and helped me discover some new and wonderful things about myself.

There are the unexpected connections that can have the greatest impact. While I was working as a bartender I was connected with this amazing lady. Not only have we been blissfully in love for 10 years, but we are going to get married in the hopefully not too distant future. You never know when a connection will transform your life and send it in a completely different direction. Be grateful for all of your connections. If treated and fostered correctly, they are what make life feel like heaven.

THE GIFTS YOU GIVE YOURSELF

Who does not like to receive gifts? I know I do. Just the other day, Margie got me this amazing book. It made me quite happy. Even thinking of it as I write this has put a smile on my face. Not everyone is lucky enough to have an amazing lady in their life like I have. You cannot always depend on people giving you gifts every day. That is unless they are the Amazon driver.

There are two amazing gifts that you can give to yourself daily that will not only make you happy, but unlike Amazon, they will actually add to your life! We are going to tackle these gifts one at a time. A little word of caution. Do not underestimate the power of these gifts. You may look at them and think, “Oh that’s cute.” Perhaps you might even think they sound a little cliche. I can promise you that if you make giving yourself these two gifts a habit, you will add so much peace and joy to your life it will seem like magic. As an added bonus, you will also reduce many of the negative stressors in your life as well. Like…well…stress. You will worry less. You will experience less anger. Are you ready to go shopping? I have great news! You do not have to go to a store. You do not have to go to a website. You do not even have to spend any money for these gifts. Perhaps that is why so many fail to see their value. You will be one of the few that do!

I can see some of you rolling your eyes at this one. “Another post about gratitude?” Yep! More than anything else in my life, gratitude has been so transformative. If you make it a focus and daily practice, the power it has to positively impact your life can seem like magic. Let us throw a little science in the mix. You think, on average, 60,000 thoughts a day. Some a little more. Some, it would appear, a lot less. 80% of those thoughts are negative. 90% are the same thoughts you had the day before. It is crazy how the human brain works. Here is how to change all of that. Begin by thinking with purpose and thinking with gratitude. I threw a lot of numbers at you but here is the important one. You can only think 1 thought at a time. Therefore, when you are thinking about what you are grateful for, you cannot be thinking about what you are worried about. When you are grateful, you cannot be angry at that very second. You can see where this is going. Less anger, less worry and more gratitude. Just think how that may affect your life.

When I mention the gift of forgiveness, people stop and say, “I thought you said this was about giving yourself gifts? Forgiveness is something you give to others?” This may seem so on the surface, but it really is the gift you give yourself. Forgiveness does mend relationships and that certainly helps. Before we get to far ahead of ourselves let us clear one thing up right away. Some people may think forgiveness is excusing the words or actions of another. It is not. What it is doing is preventing those very words and actions from hurting you over and over again. That is what happens when you keep hurt and anger inside yourself. Have you ever watched someone tell you a story about something they will not forgive? They often get upset just telling you about. Their blood pressure rises, their cortisol and adrenaline spike. Meanwhile, the person who did this to them is enjoying a latte and reading a book down the street without a care in the world.

There is a million reasons why people do hurtful and mean things. We can’t pretend to know everyone’s story. Truth is, it really doesn’t matter. Look at the quote from Buddha. We are only hurting ourselves. This is even trickier when the person that we are so upset with and cannot forgive looks back at us in the mirror. We hurt someone and never got the chance to apologize. We did something foolish. We self-sabotage. There are a million crazy reasons we get upset with ourselves. What do emotions like regret and guilt do? They can quite literally drive us to an early grave. It certainly does not change the past. It only steals joy from the present. That does not to much to help the future either. Just like when we are upset with someone else, hanging on to that pain only serves to hurt us over and over again. Do yourself a favor and let it go. Not for them. For your peace.

Can you see how focusing on these two gifts can radically transform your life? Imagine taking just a few moments of your day to pause in reflection on gratitude and forgiveness. How would that improve your life? I would love to hear your answers.

PERFECTLY IMPERFECT 👌

I have a few relatives that come to mind with this phrase. I have a grandma who talks…a lot. She is imperfect. I have an aunt that says the most inappropriate things at the most inappropriate times. Again, imperfect. Don’t we all know people like this? In some ways, unique to us, we are all people like this.

Yet in this imperfections, these people are at the same time perfect. My grandma, for example, will share so many amazing stories of her life. There are never any awkward silences in the conversation. My aunt and her inappropriate comments often break the ice at stressful times. Think funerals as an example. She makes others feel comfortable expressing themselves. Perfect!

Whatever perceived imperfections you may struggle with within yourself, know that they are perfect in their own way. Each of us bring something vital to the world that nobody else can. We are a blend of perfect imperfections.

SOLVE 80% OF YOUR PROBLEMS

Remember that doing the right thing once in a while is not what will take you to the top. Want to get healthy? You don’t go to the gym, or workout once and then you are done. You need to show up and take care of your body every day. Want to improve your diet? It is not a fad diet, but improving your relationship with food that works.

These are obvious examples. If you think of other important areas of your life the same holds true. Want to be a better spouse? It is respecting and learning about your partner every day. It is showing up and working hard at it. Same with career. The same goes for self-improvement. It is showing up daily. Winning the daily battle against laziness and procrastination. Discipline is what will solve 80% of your problems

KEEP WATERING YOURSELF 💧

How many of these amazing things do you make it a point to put into your life? The more of them we add, it is like watering a plant. The more we are likely to grow! In each of these items, there are also many options. Take ‘kind words’ for example. You could write affirmations for yourself. You could listen to an encouraging meditation or you could read secret2anamazinglife.com!

Out of these ways to water yourself, which is your favorite? Use as many as you can. The more you use, the more you will grow. You deserve it and you are worth it!

HOW TO BE PRESENT ☺️

Something I heard Sadhguru say made total sense to me. He said that the past and the future don’t really exist. You can’t live in the past or the future unless you have a time machine. When they say someone is living in the past, they are actually remembering. When we say someone is living in the future, the are imagining.

This is so true. You can only do anything in the present as well. You can do anything in the past. It is over and done with. You can’t do anything in the future because it is not here yet. You can get lessons from the past. You do this in the present. You can prepare to set up better possibilities for the future. You also do this in the present.

How, in a world of a million distractions,  do we stay present? There are a million different ways out there. Here is a good one I came across the other day. I hope it serves you. Call it the “5,4,3,2,1 method” When you find yourself slipping away from the present use this method. Sit up,  take 3 deep breathes and begin. Start by finding 5 things you can see. It can be the windows across the room, people walking by, the sun shining. Don’t stop until you have 5. Next find 4 things you can touch. It could be the feeling of the material in your clothes touching your skin, the warmth of the coffee mug you are drinking out of. Then move on to 3 things you can hear. People talking, wind blowing. Next,2 you can smell. Could be the spring air, the scent of books in a bookstore. Finally, 1 you could taste.

I like this method because it uses all 5 senses. It forces you to really notice your environment. I would love to hear how you manage to get back to the present.

WHAT ON EARTH IS IT?🤔

Here is a great gift I received from the love of my life. A book filled with 500 things to be happy about. The cool thing about all of these…well…things, is that none of them require a large amount of capital. Most of them require none at all. Can you imagine that? In a world that makes a fortune off helping people find their bliss or joy, here is a book that lists 500 ways you can do it for free or pretty close to.

One of the things that makes this book so fun, other than the amazing lady who gave it to me, is that many of these things happen to us daily and we take them for granted. Why is that so fun? It means we are passing by happiness daily to look for it. Most of them we fail to notice or fully appreciate. Some we even turn into negatives. Does this sound confusing at all? It did a little to me in reading what I just wrote, so let me clear it up with a few examples.

Here is a picture of me working out. Seriously, it is of the late Greg Plitt, one of the people I draw inspiration from. Many of us are on a quest to get in better shape. Does this sound familiar? You make an gym date with your friend after work. 5pm rolls around and you are so tired you just want to collapse on the couch. How could you have been so dumb to say you would go to the gym? Suddenly you are mad at your friend, mad at yourself and dreading going to the gym. You make it there and complain about how tired you are through your entire workout. After you make it back home you cannot believe how sore you are. With a change in perception this could be an entirely different experience. You could look forward to working out after a long day knowing that it will help reduce stress, release the feel good hormones and provide you more energy on the back end. You could enjoy the knowledge you are getting stronger with each rep. When you get home you could let the sore muscles give you a feeling of pride that you put in a good workout. 

There is a literal fountain of possibilities to be happy. Most of them require the ability to be present. Some listed in a book are as follows. Finding a matching lid to a container. We all know how frustrating it can be when you can’t. Why not enjoy a little moment of happiness when you do. A bird landing close without seeing you. How cool is it to be able to catch a glimpse of an animal that is normally scared of humans? Peeling of the protective sticker on a new gadget. Knowing that it is ready to be used. It is like starting a new adventure. Take a moment to smile about it. How about the smell of early morning coffee? If we take a second to notice it at all, we may just say, “That smells good.” What if we really took even a few seconds to pause, inhale and really savor the smell.

Here is what I noticed almost all of the ‘things to be happy about’ involved. There were two things required to transform what may be ordinary happenings into moments of joy in our hearts. Those two things are being present and being grateful. Knowing this, we can transform anything into a moment of being happy. Like our workout example above, if we change our perception, we can change our emotional state. Imagine being grateful you can workout. Sure, you may not be where you want to be, or able to do what you want to do just yet, but you can workout. Many people can’t. Think of the ability to read this blog. How many people in the world are still not literate? How many do not have access to the internet?

Let us add to the list of 500. Share your little things that bring you great joy, or could bring you great joy with a little present moment awareness and gratitude.

WATER YOURSELF 💧

Think of what it takes for a plant to grow. To be honest, I am not 100% sure on this one as plants struggle to grow in my company. What is true is that they need to be watered. Without watering a plant, it will no longer continue to grow. Then again, if you water it too much, it will also not grow. People are much the same way. It is often ironic how so many things in nature are alike.

What does watering yourself look like? That can take many forms. One of the ways is to make sure you get what you need to grow. The first thought to jump to mind is things like enough rest, proper nutrition and exercise. That is one part of watering yourself. That would be proper self-care. Much like how different plants needs different amounts of water, different people need different kinds and amounts of self-care to grow. What is certain is that we all need some.

Another type of ‘watering’ that we need is the two ‘i’s. That is information and inspiration. They will help both our mind and our spirit to grow. If you are not watering your mind and spirit, you may think you are just staying the same. Imagine what would happen to a healthy plant if you did not water it. It would slowly wilt and die. The same is true of our spirit and mind. We need to learn, we need to be inspired. This could be watching a video on YouTube. It could be listening to a podcast. (Feel free to checkout both my YouTube channel and podcast) When it comes to watering your spirit, that is important too. This could be attending services of your faith, or reading something inspirational. It could be as simple as a conversation with an inspiring friend or a walk in nature. Much like our minds, if your spirit is not watered, it slowly wilts and dies.

We all know what being uninspired and not growing feels like. Nothing seems to move the needle of excitement. Fatigue is our constant companion. The world seems dull and lifeless. That does not mean our life sucks, it just means we need to be watered. Much like a plant that is starting to wilt, when watered, can perk right up again. What we need is a does of watering for our minds and spirits.

Spend a few moments today thinking of ways in which you can water both your mind and spirit. How to help yourself grow. This could be learning about something that interests us. It could be going for that walk in nature. If we are feeling overwhelmed, we could be overwatering ourselves! That might mean focusing a little more on self-care. Spend a little more time in meditation or quiet reflection. Make sure to write down ways in which you can water yourself. When you need it most, it can be impossible to think of.

DO NOT LET THE NAME CONFUSE YOU 🫤

Many people shy away from the world of ‘self-improvement’ because it sounds like something is wrong with them. Let us not get started on the term ‘self-help’. That sounds like you are in a bad way and needing some help. The truth is far subtler. We could always improve ourselves, and thus, our lot in life. We all could use a little help. This is true when we are striving to learn something new, or unlearn something we have been doing for years. Both ‘improvement’ and ‘help’ are not a sign of weakness. They are signs you are seeking to become a better version of yourself.

Do not let the terms trip you up. Even if you love your vehicle, wouldn’t it be great to get better gas mileage? There is nothing wrong with you; improve anyway. This would be a great mantra to have in your head. If you are always working to be your best and do your best that is great. As we go through life, we learn and experience more. That means our best is a moving target. As we improve, so does the best of what we can be. That means there is never a finish line. That should not make you feel defeated, but excited. There are always opportunities to be healthier, happier and more loving. Keep striving to improve yourself. By doing so you will continue to improve your life.

WHEN IS NOW A GOOD TIME? ⏳️

Every day someone runs a red light in an attempt to get home quicker and never makes it. Every night someone closes their eyes planning on what they are going to do the next day, completely unaware they will never open their eyes again. How many lives are not only ended every day, but can be turned upside down with an injury, a diagnosis or even a job loss or loss of a loved one? Countless. Most of them never thought it would happen to them.

These facts are not an attempt to get you feeling down. Quite the contrary. We can all agree that these statements are true. What this should do is create a sense of urgency to squeeze every last drop of joy and happiness out of the life you are  currently living. The best way to do this is by becoming the best version of yourself. That means investing your time and energy into improving who you are today. Not to put it off. When I appeared on the television show Positively Milwaukee, one of the things mentioned was that the time to learn to swim is on the shore and not when the boat is sinking. What this means is that preparation is better than reaction. If we wait until the moment is upon us, it is often too late.

Take a literal example of the Titanic sinking. How many people aboard did not know how to swim? Many might have thought they did not have to know. After all they were aboard a ship “so unsinkable even God couldn’t sink it.” Something I would not recommend uttering. The fact is that the people felt safe on the ship. They were not prepared for the disaster that occurred. Even the White Star Company, who owned the ship, didn’t feel the need to equip it with enough life boats. After all the law at the time said they didn’t have to. Many people lost their lives due to these decisions.

Life is much like a journey of a cruise ship. We are sailing smooth when out of nowhere we hit an iceberg. If we are not prepared, the results can be tragic. This could even include a loss of life. Many of the lives lost aboard the ship that day could not have been saved. As we mentioned earlier, there were not enough life boats. That is why it is important to be present and enjoy every second of life. The better version of yourself you are, the more you can enjoy life. The more present you are, the more grateful you are, even the more in shape you are can allow you to enjoy more of the fruits of life.

Considering these facts, when would now be a good time to start working on your journey of self-improvement and self-development? The sooner you start, the sooner you can start enjoying life to the fullest. Not to mention, you never know what icebergs are right around the corner.