We always like to post encouragement on Wednesday. We are going to ask two questions of ourselves today. Feel free to share your answers in the comments below if you would like to add to the encouragement.
The first question is who are you proud of today? Is there someone you feel good above and beyond? Someone who makes your life better by what they do? Let them know and spread a little cheer.
The second question is often more difficult. Why are you proud of yourself? What amazing things have you done? How do you make the world a better place?
This should be everyone’s goal. We all have those people in our social media circle we think would be amazing friends, and once we get them we discover they are a dark cloud to every bit of sunshine. Then we face the daunting task of not only avoiding being sucked into their tar pit of negativity, but how we can skillfully remove them from our associationwith the minimal amount of drama.
A better course of action would be to work on our own positivity. “But Neil, it is they who are negative.” I can hear many of you saying. That very well might be true, but are you radiating positivity at your maximum amount? Do you fall victim to lowering yourself to arguing with those sunshine-challenged souls? If you do, you have already lost.
Just like the quote above says, arguing in and of itself, is negative. Therefore, if you are engaged in it, you are sacrificingyour positivity. Instead, shine so bright and refuse to engage in their banter. It will not only frustrate them, which is a nice added bonus, it will also make them search for an easier target to commiserate with. We have all heard the saying “Misery loves company.” Well, if you refuse to be company, Misery will not love you so much.
The more positive your disposition, the more likely you are to attract like-minded people. Can you think of examples of this in your own life?
I want to touch on this quote attributed to Crazy Horse, although nobody is 100% sure. A well-meaning, but rather ignorant, coworker of mine informed me this was proof that Native Americans were violent and only thought about death. The truth is far different.
Many of you know that I subscribe to the Stoic philosophy. This statement fits right in with that. It is not a preoccupation with death, but rather an acknowledgement of it. Death is what makes life so valuable. It could come on any day at any time. That is not to sound scary, but it should give us a sense of urgency.
That is what the quote is about. When going into battle this quote was said. The men knew they would face a good chance of not making it back to their families. They wanted to make sure “it was a good day to die.” Meaning they had not left anything undone. Their family, and this closest to them, knew how much they were loved. They had done their best to live a life they were proud of and would be happy to be remembered for.
We do not have to be facing battle. It can be heading to the office. This quote is just as important. Have you loved life in such a way that if it were to end today you would have no regret? Is there something you have not done? Someoneyou should tell them how much you care? Living as the best version of ourselves makes any day a good day to die.
We are hoping all of you have a safe and healthy Easter. May you gather close with family and loved ones. We will be back tomorrow with more amazing and wonderful content.
This quote could not be more accurate for the world today. Unlike any other time in history, there are so many distractions to keep us from focusing on our goals. As a writer I can tell you that this is true quite often. Usually, most of my writing is done in coffee shops. Today is a rare time in which I am writing from home. I do that for the simple reason that there are less distractions at the coffee shop. At home I look up and see household chores I am supposed to be doing. Maybe my beautiful lady walks by and I pause and appreciate how lucky I am. None of that exists at the coffee shop.
That is not to say that there are no distractions. I use my phone to do research on topics I am writing about on my laptop. As I am looking up something about how the subconscious mind works, I see that the Dalai Lama sent me a friend request. (This didn’t really happen, but would be cool) Suddenly I am scrolling through social media for several minutes. Then a man in a strange hat comes into the coffee shop and I pause to notice him. I glance to the parking lot to make sure some over-caffeinated soul does not back into my car. There are a million things that can take your attention away from your goal.
The secret is knowing this ahead of time and taking actions to block out the distractions. That could be plugging in your phone in the other room while you clean. It should be not texting while you are driving. You no doubt have your own examples. We need to see distractions for what they are – the enemy. We must take action like we would for any other enemy. We must be merciless. I can hear some of you saying, “But Neil, I need to take a break.” Well, how bad do you want the goal you are working towards? Understand the more you give into your distractions, the further away from your goal you are getting.
Make your goal a priority. My fourth book has been coming out for a while now. I must sit down and complete writing it. There are social events I will have to say ‘no’ to. Sleep might be a little less. Of course that will also be no time to see what uncle Fred has posted to his Facebook page. I would love to know what are some of the distractions that get to you the most and what ways have you found to help you stay focused. The more we share with each other, the more ideas we can have and the closer we will all be to living an amazing life.
How many of us see obstacles in our life and right away have the urge to fight them? If there is a chance to adapt and work around them it would save us a great deal of energy that could be spent focused on success. What a waste of time and energy it is to argue. Even if you manage to ‘win’ the argument, chances are you will have ‘lost’ the relationship. If the person agrees to go along with your ideas, it is never with an excited passion. It is better to state the solution you are aiming towards, and try to come up with a joint solution.
Next time you encounter resistance while working towards a goal, remember to stay focused on the solution and not the problem. Go around the rocks if you can.
In some of the most divisive areas of life, this is the rule of law. Think politics, religion and social norms. More focus needs to be put on the nine. That is the solution. In math it is to see that there are multiple solutions to the same problem. In life, our beliefs can cloud us from understanding that other courses of actions have their merit as well.
Take the current political landscape. No matter what side you fall on, there is a rather “Us against them” mentality. Even if the goals are the same, which they often are, there is still extreme resistance to any opinion other than the one we hold. There are no solution oriented discussions. Think public safety. Everyone would like the world to be a safer place. Instead of focusing on solutions, they just spend energy and effort arguing that their method is not only the best, but the only way in which to accomplish this. By making the other side look like a villain, it prevents any merging of ideas, which could offer the best solution.
Religion is another area in which it is ‘my way or the highway’. Considering most of the faiths preach love, compassion and acceptance, it always seems ironic that most are filled with judgement, anger and exclusion. Faith is supposed to be our rock in difficult times, our way to inner peace and our guide in how to treat each other. Let us focus on that instead of the differences in how we go about that. We can all pray, if we do it differently who cares? We all preach love, let us all demonstrate it as well.
These are but two examples in a world full of possible situations. Think of the math equation that started this post next time you are ready to judge someone else. Just because they are different than you does not mean they are incorrect.
In many ways, I consider myself a modern-day stoic. There are many great thoughts expressed in this philosophy. Above is one of them. This is why it is so important to not only think of, but decide on and WRITE DOWN specific goals. View them daily, if not several times a day. Can you imagine having free plane tickets with no destination in mind? What good would they be? It is a shame to have good fortune thrust upon us and to not have a plan to make the most of it. As much as I like this quote on face value, I find that flipping it around makes it even more valuable. Let me explain.
I believe when you have a firm and worthwhile destination every wind is favorable. You can tell when the wind is blowing in your favor. You raise the sails and make the most of it. When the wind is blowing against you, you lower the sails, you may even have to row a little. If you get caught in a terrible storm of life, you know to ride it out and make sure your ship is pointed in the right direction to get back on track. When you have a solid destination in life there are two types of events. The one that makes you say, “This will certainly help!” That is when the wind is blowing in your favor. The other is when you say, “I can learn and grow with this.” That is when the wind seems to be blowing against you.
Think of trying to eat better. Someone brings in healthy snacks to work. (It could happen) You think to yourself, “This will sure make eating healthier more enjoyable and easier. The next day someone brings in doughnuts and soda. (This is far more likely) Then you say to yourself, “This will certainly help test my will power.” In both of these situations you get closer to your goal of eating better even though one of them is more helpful than the other. This holds true with fitness, study, cleaning the house or any situation you can think of.
In life if you do not know where you want to go, how on earth are you going to get there? We must make our destination firm in our minds and remind ourselves of it often. Life today is filled with distractions more so than any other time in history. Staying focused on our path places us in the top tier of successful people. Where is the port you are sailing towards?
Oh, another good one! When you look at things from a different angle, it can often help you to better understand the absurdity of some of the actions we take, or things we believe. When we are young, we always want to do what the ‘cool’ kids are doing. Sadly, depending on who we think is cool, this can end up with us eating tide pods. What is even more sad, is that some of us never outgrow this desire. We want to do what the ‘cool’ adults are doing. We could be involved with doing something that brings us a great deal of joy until some ‘less informed’ individual comes along and tells us how foolish it is. Suddenly we feel the urge to give up what brought us joy or at the very least, we can feel foolish for allowing it us to bring us joy. Either way is has stolen some of the happiness we had formerly experienced.
This brings two points to mind for me. First, there is a special spot in hell for people that make fun of someone who is doing, wearing or engaged in something that makes them happy. If it is not harming anyone else, what business is it of yours? The second point is that we give far too much importance to other people’s opinion. We touched on this last post. Comparison really is the thief of joy. You would not let someone come in and redecorate your house, why let them do the same for your life? Even if someone comes into Margie and my home and tells us they don’t care for our picture of Marilyn Monroe or Nat King Cole, my first thought is “I don’t really care.” Not to be rude, but it is our house and it makes us happy.
One of the ways in which I experience this the most is in an aspect of my relationship with Margie. When we feel an overwhelming love or appreciation for each other, we may post something on social media. There are people who are offended by this. They say things such as “You two make us sick.” or “We already know you love each other.” Again, first thought in my mind is…well…I can’t say my first thought, but it isn’t a worry about offending these people with the love I express for the amazing woman in my life. Here is the ironic part. We have witnessed these same people post negative things about their partner, or when they do find that special love, post the same things they were so bothered by that we posted.
My point in all of this is that you should do what fills you with joy. Do what makes you happy. If someone expresses a negative thought about it or you, examine it for any validity. If there is none, let it go and go back to enjoying life to the fullest like you have. Life deserves to have the most joy it can and you deserve to have the greatest amount of happiness you can.
Many people find themselves in a state of unhappiness. There is a way to turn that around. That is to begin to work on becoming the best version of yourself. It begins with an honest evaluation of where you are now. This can be a bit deflating, but in order to know where you want to go, it is necessary to know where you are. Think of looking at a map. If you were to look at your destination, but have no idea where you are, how would you know in which direction you should go. It is the same with the journey of your life.
I once heard Tony Robbins say, “Progress equals happiness.” Earl Nightingale’s definition of success is, “A progressive realization of a worthy ideal.” Both of these bring up a good point. It is not the accomplishment of goals, or reaching a certain point that brings us the greatest deal of happiness. Although those certainly should be celebrated. If you notice in both quotes, the word ‘progress’ is featured. Think of trying to get in shape. It certainly is a great feeling to look in the mirror and find yourself at the level of fitness you desire. Do you know what is an even more exciting feeling? When you realize you have to by a size smaller in clothing because the size you have been wearing for the last couple of years is now too large. You know you are on your way!
One of the greatest thieves of joy is comparison. It can even upend progress. Have you ever had this experience? You are feeling good about the progress you have made towards some goal. Smile on your face, joy in your heart. Then you run into a friend who has made greater progress towards the same goal, maybe even in a shorter amount of time. Suddenly, your happiness is crushed. You go from feeling like a conqueror to a failure. It is worse if you are just about to start your journey of self-improvement. You pop on social media and see pictures of people who you went to school with that have not only already accomplished the goals you are striving for, but have surpassed them.
The phrase that comes to mind in all of these examples is “Who cares!” That is them. We never know anyone’s complete story. Maybe they post pictures of their career success but fail to mention the happy home life it cost them. Maybe they appear to be madly in love, but are fighting addiction. Another important point is that each journey is unique to the individual. I am more impressed with someone who has managed to reach a state of inner peace after fighting the demons of depression than someone who has reached inner peace after inheriting a fortune from their family. That is why it is so important to be focused on improving ourselves and the challenges we have overcome.
Here is a bonus way of making this more fun and enjoyable. Look for the small accomplishments of your friends, family and even your coworkers. Celebrate them as if they were your own. You never know what it took for them to overcome that. The more you help others celebrate their wins, the more joy and peace will come to your heart. Not to mention, the more likely they are to celebrate your wins as well. Remember, there is enough room for all of us to win!
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 