Funny how a lot of things come full circle. I started writing blog posts for an online paper called ‘The Patch’ a few years back. One of the first stories I did was about a lady who was a regular visitor to the local coffee shop in the village I was working in. It has been two years since the post office has seen fit to move me to a different location. This past Saturday I was filling in at that very station again. I decided to stop by the coffee shop to see a good friend of mine who usually works there on Saturdays. Turns out she was off, but I did run into the very lady I had written a post about two years ago. If you did not follow me a few years ago let me recap the story of this lady and if you did let me update you on where life finds her at this time. Her name is Michelle. She is a middle aged woman of a smaller stature. She is a mentally challenged individual who does not drive, is unable to hold down a “real job”. She lived with her parents as she was unable to survive on her own. Every day I would see her walking up and down the streets of the little village whether the temperature was 90 degrees or 9 degrees. Finally one day our paths crossed while I was on lunch and I asked her what she was doing walking up and down the streets. Her answer was simple, yet powerful and blew me away. “Looking for people who need help” she told me. I must have had a look that bordered between surprise and confusion. Sensing I wasn’t totally grasping what she meant she went on to explain. “I know I am not the smartest person in the world, but God has given me the mission of helping people” She went on to explain that when she finds someone who is down on her luck she will sit and pray with them. Knowing how uncomfortable that can make some people I asked her if anyone had ever objected and if so what did she do. She said some people tell her to leave them alone or that they are not interested. She told me she then continues on and as she does prays for them. As she explained to me “they don’t have to know I am praying for them to have it help them”. I couldn’t help but thinking if I offered somebody emotional support and they told me to leave them alone would my first reaction be to pray for them? She left me by saying a prayer for me right there in the coffee shop. Although her faith and mine are not exactly the same I was struck by the power of her faith and her public display of it as well as her love of her fellow humans on this planet. So here I was two years later and I asked her what was new in her world. She explained to me that her parents had passed away and she had to move to a different city with a caregiver. She informed me that she had joined a new church in that area and volunteered in several different groups. She also said that at least twice a month she had her caregiver drop her off in that same village so she could “check on everyone” I was struck by a few points here. This lady is somebody that our society has deemed unfit to even hold a job, much less live on their own. She is faced with daily challenges I cannot even begin to imagine. If she were to fall on a path of drug abuse or homelessness nobody could blame her. Still this woman who some would say was barely able to help herself has devoted her life to helping others in any way she can. Do the rest of us follow the same path or do we complain about every little thing that is not going according to plan in our lives? This week it is time to look for opportunities to help others. To make a difference. If a middle-aged woman with limited means and mental ability can use her amazingly large heart to bring such an amazing difference why can’t you and I?
RUM AND FOOTBALL LEAD TO GREAT SUCCESS…WELL KIND OF…
While relaxing with a glass of rum and the NFL network the other night I caught a segment that really caught my attention. This is pretty amazing for two reasons. The first is that drinking and rum and watching television is usually something I do to relax although it can bring inspiration of a different nature to light. The second thing is it was a great example of how the secrets to success of any nature are all the same. Let me explain. This coach who won both a college championship as well as several super bowls was speaking to a group of incoming college freshman. When asked what his secret to winning despite different situations his answer was a very powerful lesson, not only in the world of sports, but life in general. He said it is not always the most talented team that wins. Not even always the team with the greatest will to win, but the team that is the best conditioning. It was the team who at the end of the game still has energy to keep playing while the other team is sucking wind. That the secret to success was not found on the playing field but at the dinner table and in the weight room. What does all this have to do with living a successful life? In short, everything. Our attitudes, and our minds are much like our body. They need conditioning. You cannot just work out one time and expect to be fit. you cannot eat one healthy meal and be able to eat whatever you want in the future. You also cannot expect to read one self-improvement book and have your life transformed. You cannot expect to have a grateful attitude for a week and to never work at it again. Like being down with seconds to go in the game life will often seem impossible it is not the time to try to develop a positive attitude no more than the final seconds of important game is the time to try to get in shape. This is why success conditioning should be a daily exercise. If you spend an hour in the gym five days a week. you could at least spend thirty minutes a day three days a week reading a book dedicated to Improving your life. Or spend your morning commute listening to success coaching cds. Think of it as a workout for your attitude and spirit. When the tough times come your mind and spirit will be in top condition while others are ‘sucking wind’ to maintain a positive outlook you will be busy winning the game!
MIRACLE IN THE MEN’S ROOM
We have all heard the idea that we become what we think about. The power of thought has been promoted by some of the greatest beings to have lived including Jesus, Buddha, and leaders of almost every other spiritual belief system. It has recently been made popular in such recent books as “The Secret” and the “Law of Attraction” series by Jerry and Ester Hicks. One of the most powerful ways to capitalize on this power to change our lives is through the feeling of expectation. Think of how you feel when you have a negative expectations. Remember as a child waiting for that bad report card from school? yeah, me neither I was a perfect student as well. How about that review from the boss? Any situation we are dreading can be made far worse by us thinking about it or worse worrying about it. Our stomachs turn in knots…we become nauseous. Sometimes we develop a headache. We can literally make ourselves sick. Quite often the moment is never as bad as we feared. Even if it is, we have not made it any better by worrying ourselves sick about it. Think about the flip side of this. When we are excited about something. A date with a person whose company we really enjoy, a vacation we have been planning. The sad part is I know of a lot of people who use the negative power of expectation with these good things as well. I know a friend who had been planning a trip to the islands for some time. I saw her about a week before and she looked genuinely upset. I asked her what was wrong. She told me it was getting so close to her vacation she was getting nervous. She told me she was hoping that nothing would go wrong with the flight or the reservations. She was also going to pick up some medicine because she was worried she would get sick on the food. To avoid the overwhelming urge to ask her what the hell was wrong with her and to quite frankly get some ‘fresh air’ I excused myself to go visit the men’s room. Ok, probably not the best place to get fresh air, but I really needed to stop listening to a recital of all the things that can go wrong on vacation. What happened next was one of those moments that the divine power gave me a little extra help. While ‘taking care of my business’ I happened to notice what one fabulous soul decided to jot down on the wall of the men’s room. There is black magic marker was written the phrase “Do yourself a favor, expect a miracle” as I made my way back to the table my friend was at no doubt thinking of sharks attacking her while snorkeling I pondered the power of the this simple statement. If we truly are expecting miracles in our lives that fills us with a sense of hope, a feeling of joyous expectation. Even when we run into what seems to be a negative challenge if we can maintain that feeling of positive expectation we can more easily make it through the tough times. As for my friend? Sadly to say her vacation was amazing, she did not get food poisoning and all her worry, fear and dread served no purpose other than to ruin the days leading up to her vacation. So do yourself a favor and listen to the soon to be famous artist from the men’s room at my local watering hole- expect a miracle in your own life.
HOW HOT ARE YOU??
“Be the thermostat instead of the thermometer! Set the atmosphere you want to work in instead of working in other people’s expectations”
-from the website Boomsocial.net
This is similar to the post I had entitled “waking up in Neutral” Ask yourself to you respond to your environment or do you create the environment you choose to have? It can be the difference between merely looking at the thermometer or setting the thermostat. Notice one is passive, one is active. If you do not take action to change your life you will be at the mercy of others and circumstances beyond your control. If you take focused and determined action you are guaranteed to succeed. It may not be in the time frame you hoped for and may not be in exactly the way you expected, but it will happen. Of course you must check how you set your thermostat. What do I mean? Let’s look at the way a thermostat works. The temperature gets so cold and then the thermostat kicks the heat on. Some people are the same. They wait until their life gets so far out of control to take action. The idea here is to set your temperature so that your heat turns on well before your life is too crazy. Take action consistently. Now let us look at the opposite way this can operate. The other function of a thermostat is to not let things get to hot. When the temperature gets so high the air conditioning turns on to cool things off. How does this relate to your life? Have you ever been in a situation, a relationship perhaps, where things are going so well you start to get a little uncomfortable? Perhaps you say or do something to sabotage your own success? Why on earth would we do something like that? There are truly a million reasons. Some people are fatalistic. Some people are very uncomfortable with their own success. Have you ever heard someone say “Well it’s good now, but it can’t last”? My reply is always why the hell not? Why can’t it get better? Set your thermostat higher. Become comfortable with your own success. You wouldn’t sit in a house that is too cold or hot without doing something about it. Don’t settle for the same in your life. Stop staring at the thermometer and get up and change the thermostat!
A WHOLE MONTH OF IT!
We find ourselves in the month of November. Here is the USA we celebrate the holiday of Thanksgiving. Although I am no fan of cold weather I am a big fan of a holiday dedicated to reflecting on all we have to be grateful for. I have seen something happening on facebook that I would love to encourage all of us to do. A few of my friends have decided to post one thing a day that they are grateful for. If you have followed this blog for any length of time you know I am a big fan of creating lists. Lists of things that make us happy, lists of our favorite people, or a list of things to be grateful for. The problem with lists if twofold. First, it seems like a project to some people. Sitting down and having to come up with ten or twenty things can seem so daunting that many just skip it all together. Second, once the list is complete the process is over. Unless you look at the list every day it may escape your thoughts all together. By just picking one thing a day for a month not only is it not so overwhelming, but daily you are focused on maintaining an attitude of gratitude. Now I realize we are already at the fourth of the month, but that should not matter. We can go for 26 days or until the fourth of December. Just try this simple thing for 30 days. Whether you share it on Facebook, or simply write it down in a notebook be sure to follow your thought with a concrete action. Maybe a special section in your journal. After 30 days it will be exciting to notice the change in your life. Not only that, but you will now have created that list of thirty things you have to be grateful for. Gratitude is a powerful emotion. It displaces fear. You cannot be fearful while you are feeling grateful. It replaces sadness. You cannot feel sad while you are feeling grateful. So keep your list handy for a day when the blues come a calling. Second you will find yourself searching your life for things to be grateful for that you can pick as your daily item. By doing this you will have trained your brain to develop a grateful attitude. So why not try it. It takes all of 60 seconds a day of thinking and writing and can change your life for the better. How much easier and more powerful can we make it?
THE BEST CRACKER I HAVE EVER TASTED..
Once in a while an idea comes to me at the most unique times. This particular one came thanks to an enjoyable afternoon discussion over coffee I shared with a good friend the other day. It is a great example of perspective and how we can tend to settle for less than we truly deserve in life. If we were to fast for a prolonged period of time, the first bite after the fast would taste amazing whether it was the most expensive steak or a simple cracker. Either way being without food so long would increase our appreciation for whatever food we were presented with next, even if that food were not particularly to our liking or the best for us. what does this have to do with living a successful life? A lot actually. I have always been puzzled when amazing friends of mine stay in abusive relationships or settle for jobs, partners or any other situations that are so below them. There are many reasons that this can be and all of them are unfortunate, but one can be expressed with this story about the cracker. For just like going without food for a prolonged period of time, people also go through periods where they are without love, affection, appreciation and many other things that can be just as essential for our personal well-being. If a person is in a relationship where they are generally ignored they may find themselves in a relationship with a person who is overly jealous and needs to know there every move. Both of course are emotionally abusive, but when we go without attention for a long period of time any attention becomes good attention. I’ve seen people who are in relationships that lack physical intimacy dive into physically abusive relationships because although they are suffering there is physical contact and they equate that with love. On the surface this may all sound a bit crazy to some, but let us bring our mind back to the cracker. if you were full it would make no sense to you that a cracker could taste so delicious, but if you found yourself homeless and unable to eat that cracker would represent a meal fit for a king. So let us use this to discover things we may be settling for in our lives. Does the fear of growing old alone keep us in a relationship that does not serve us? Does a lack of popularity in school have us hanging on to as many friends as we can even if they are not the best people to have in our lives? Let us also use this tool to better understand people we know who appear to find themselves in situations they do not belong in. Quite often there are stories behind the scenes we never know about.
BE AFRAID…BE VERY AFRAID…
Why on earth would a blog about living a fulfilling and positive life be encouraging fear? Two reasons. First, it is Halloween and it is generally a time when spirits and ghost stories receive front page press. Second fear plays a great deal in determining the quality of our life. Fear of death and illness can keep many people from stepping outside their comfort zone and trying things that may bring amazing things into their lives. Fear of differences and personal rejection may stop people from starting conversations with new and unique people who could bring a great deal into their lives. Fear of failure can often paralyze people from pursuing their dreams and bringing not only joy to their world, but light and beauty to the world in general. Feeling inspired yet? Ok, neither am I, but the truth is that is only the dark side of fear. That is only half of the picture. Fear has another side as well. Fear can be protective. Fear of injury keeps most of us from driving reckless. Fear of hurting another person’s feelings can often keep us from saying hurtful things and finding a more productive way to resolve conflicts. That same fear of failure can motivate us to better prepare. When you hear news your job may be a victim of a layoff it can motivate you to search for additional sources of income or examine your budget and spending habits. The fear of suffering the same health issues that plagued your family can inspire you to live a healthier life. The point here is simple. Fear, like many other emotions can either be our servant or our master. It all depends on how we handle it. Does a fear of public speaking cause you to freeze up or to review your notes one final time? Does the fear of a culture you do not understand prevent you from associating with those people or does it motivate you to educate yourself on aspects of that culture to demystify your thoughts? Think of some of your fears, do they control you or do you employ them in your journey toward a more rewarding life? We all have a mix of both, but the goal is to start attacking our fears one by one and making them serve us instead of the other way around. The earlier we face our fears, before they have a chance to take hold in our minds the easier to conquer them. Of course the feeling of overcoming a life-long free gives us freedom that is almost unequaled. So this Halloween while enjoying your favorite ghost story or scary movie ponder your own fears and how you can use them to assist you.
THE KEYS TO THE PRISON….
“If you are not involved in something you truly care about, anyplace can seem like a prison”
-Darren Hardy editor of Success Magazine
Another great thing about the subject we discussed yesterday, having and developing a life-long dream, is the freedom it creates. Think of how you feel at work the day before vacation. Oh, the coffee maker is broken? That’s ok I’ll be in the tropics tomorrow. The boss is in a very bad mood and headed your way? Well he can only yell at you for a few hours and then you will be on a plane with a cocktail in your hand. Things just seem to bounce off you. Why is that? To answer that let’s look how you would feel in those same situations the day after you return from vacation. The coffee maker is broken? Damn! Why can’t there be one of those white-gloved servants to just bring me another cup like at the resort? The boss is mad and headed your way? Why can’t you just be back on the beach listening to the waves? What really is the difference? The same situations, but totally different feelings. The answer is obvious right? If you are just about to escape to your version of paradise be it in the woods, the beach or wherever it is easier to tolerate the ‘minor inconveniences’. yet, when you don’t have that vacation right around the corner the issues become far more trying and major. So what is the solution here? Take a vacation once a month? If you are like most of us that may not be in the budget. Even when people retire in the good financial situation to travel after a while they too seem to settle. Why is that, and what can we do if we don’t happen to be lucky enough to have our own private jet and gold bars in the living room? I found this answer in a rather depressing and disturbing statistic, On average men who retire die approximately 3 years later. Women fair a little better, but not much. Why is that? people are generally more relaxed, have more time to focus on recreation and enjoyment. So why to they fall apart so quickly? The answer to that question cannot only prolong your post retirement lifespan, but give you the secret to living a life of passion instead of one that seems like a job. Purpose. That terrible routine that causes us to leave that comfy bed and brave that commute to get to a place most of us would rather not be serves a very important role. it gives us a reason to do so. Now I am not advocating working a day longer than you have to. In fact, I plan on leaving myself as soon as I am able. No, the idea here is to find a purpose, a reason that fills you with passion and joy at the mere thought of it. The secret here is to find something that capitalizes on the abilities you naturally posses. In doing so you increase your chances of success and enjoyment. You are also most likely to bring something important to the world. People who find math easy and enjoy it tend to make better engineers. To me they are also slightly odd, but that is only because I cannot grasp the idea of enjoying math. I rather enjoy speaking in front of groups of people and entertaining them which tends to make me a fairly decent bartender. I also enjoy doing it and tend to bring joy to those I am serving. Of course the idea of speaking in front of large groups of people usually ranks right up there with death in people’s lists of their greatest fears, adding further proof to the fact that I am also odd. The fact here is by doing things we are naturally good at and enjoy will also bring us in contact with like-minded people who tend to make better friends. You do not have to make this your career, but by incorporating some aspect of this into your life it will tend to give you something to look forward to and make those daily challenges a little easier to handle. Of course if the coffee maker ever breaks where I work I still may need that trip the tropics. So begin to think of things you are naturally good at and enjoy. Discover new and fun ways you can make them more a part of your life.
DREAM ON…
“If you don’t have a dream, there is no way to make one come true”
-Steven Tyler
ok, not only is Aerosmith one of my favorite bands, but Steven Tyler has a most unique look on the world. Here is a man who went from having it all to the depths of drug addiction and being close to death and back again. conquering not only addictions, but the numerous doubters that told him it couldn’t be done. His secret here was he had a dream, or more precisely a vision of what he wanted from his life. It is also proof our dreams must evolve. Being someone who has been in several bands myself I know achieving the “Rockstar life” can seem like a great goal, but look at this man who achieved just such a thing. It lead to a life of excess and self-abuse. It wasn’t until he realized life was almost being taken away from him that what was important became obvious. His love for music and entertaining people. Knowing that he could not continue doing that in the state he was in caused him to become sober and increased his passion to a point where he has more energy than most people half his age. I cannot begin to stress enough how important knowing your end game is. I equate it to playing a game where you do not know the rules or how to win. How on earth would you hope to succeed? I have had several people approach me and inquire about goals they find unrealistic. “I’m 55 years old, and I have always wanted to be an astronaut. Don’t you think it is a little late to make that happen?” So what does happen if the odds of achieving a specific goal seem like a long shot? Try looking at the essence of the dream. The essence of the dream? what is that? Well let’s take our example above. This man did pick a later time in life to start pursuing a goal that may require time and physical traits he may no longer pursue, although with private space travel becoming closer to reality every day that also may not be out of the question. Let us assume this man is not a multi millionaire ( I know him and trust me he is no more than I) So what to do if you cannot afford to purchase a ticket to space? Well this is what I mean by the essence of the dream. Why is it he wants to go to space? Is it urge to travel to exotic places? An interest in celestial bodies? Certainly there are other avenues to explore there. Keep searching for everything that excites you about your dream. Provide as many answers as you can. This will not only give you several different arenas to explore, but also help fire up your passion and provide you additional motivation to chase that dream and achieve that goal. Ok, so listening to the song “Dream On” may not hurt either.
THE FIRST STEP…
“The greatest achievement was at first and for a time a dream. The oak sleeps in the acorn; the bird waits in the egg; and in the highest vision of the soul a waking angel stirs. Dreams are the seedlings of realities.”
James Allen from the book As Man Thinketh
Raise your hand if you have heard the acorn and the oak analogy before. Ok, now put it down as reading your computer with one hand in the air looks rather silly. Stop and think of this; if an acorn stands in your way how hard is it to move? You can pick it up and give it a toss or even just kick it away with your shoe. Same with the egg. you could easily crush the fragile shell. Now what if that hatched to a powerful eagle? The force is a lot more intimidating. This is why we must pay attention to our dreams, or more accurately our mental focus. If it tends to fall on the negative side, which as I recently discovered can be far easier to do than I remembered, we must address these thoughts while they are still an acorn, while they are still an egg. For if we continue to feed our negative focus with worry, fear, anger and other such emotions they become the oak. A far more difficult opponent. Conversely we must also closely watch our dreams. When they are in their infancy they are like the acorn, like the egg. Easily crushed by the opinions of others. We must feed them with positive thoughts. Feelings of expectancy. We must surround ourselves with others who support us and our dreams. Then as the acorn becomes the oak, our dreams become immune to the negative thoughts of others…and more importantly our own doubts. Quite often we can crush our own dreams when there are in the fragile acorn/egg stage. So just remember to keep yourself focused on the thoughts and pictures we keep in our mind daily. Destroy doubt and fear as soon as they are recognized and feed dreams as often as you can.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 