THE TOOLS 

A lot of people come to me telling me how they have read every book, listened to every CD attended several seminars and still their lives are in shambles. They say they know about the gratitude journal and writing down your goals and reviewing them daily. I ask if they actually tried them. Most of the time the answer is “yes”. Sometimes, however, the answer is “no”. If the answer is no then the solution is fairly obvious. If the answer is yes, I ask how long they worked with these tools. Suddenly the conversation comes to an abrupt halt or changes direction.

It amazes me when faced with a project such as building a garage for example, we choose all of the best tools. Why not? Using the best tools makes the job quick and easy. In the project of building up ourselves or our lives we tend not to look for the best tools. Sometimes we get them and don’t actually use them. Can you imagine buying the best drill and then leaving it sit on the ground as you use an old-fashioned screw driver?

What about the people who ‘try’ (a word that should be removed from the vocabulary of successful people) and then give up? Using our analogy of the garage it is like starting with the drill, and then going back to the screwdriver. “Well I didn’t see the results!” you may find yourself saying. Maybe you need a little instruction on how to use the tool or maybe a little more practice? Sticking with our building a garage metaphor, the more you use a drill the better you will become at doing it and the more efficient you will become. Just like the difference between a nail gun and a hammer. Sure both will get the job done, but one will be a lot quicker and easier. You will achieve your goal with a lot more ease and less time and energy wasted.

Here is another secret. Use the hammer until you find the nail gun. Start building your dreams as you look for and learn new tools. Take a look at your own ‘toolbox’ are there tools there you know could change your life but you haven’t put them to use? Dust them off, start putting them to work. Remember the tools only work if you do. Even a hammer will not pound a nail in unless you pick it up and put the effort in.

Feel free to share this post with anyone you think could benefit from what we learned.

THE MISSING INGREDIENT 

Have you ever cooked something and forgot an ingredient? Sometimes it is not that big of a deal.  You forgot That pinch of salt. Sure you can taste a little difference but it still tastes good. Other times it could make all the difference. Let us say you are making cherry pie and forget the cherries, big problem there. 

What i am going to share with you fits into the first category. I run into a lot of people who seem to have a missing ingredient in their lives and quest for improving themselves. I must confess as to having this problem myself for a while. See if this sounds familiar to you. Daily your life can be a struggle. You have moments of positivity, but daily it seems like a grind. You may even have a set of goals you are working towards but the path seems long and difficult. 

Fear not my friend! You are missing an ingredient. If you add this ingredient it will make whatever goal you are chasing not only easier to obtain, but you will have a lot more fun doing it. Yes, this missing ingredient is truly a game changer! Sound pretty powerful? It is, but here is what is even better, it is super easy to do. 

So let us look at your goal, what is it? Lose some of the extra pounds from the holidays? Obtain a certain position in your career? Perhaps improve and grow the love in your relationship? Whatever your goal is there is one step you should add to it and that can make all of the difference. Here is the one magic thing you can add to not only your goal list, but your daily to do list as well. It will improve the quality of your life tremendously! Have fun and enjoy the process. 

That sounds easy right? Here is why it is so vital. Most of life is a journey. If we only stop to enjoy life when we achieve a goal or arrive at a certain point we are…well…missing the point. It is the traveling there that is where we should look for the fun. 

You might be asking “what is fun about losing weight?”. A lot can be. Perhaps in your efforts you can look up and try fun new healthy recipes? Instead of going to the gym (which oddly I’m really hooked on) maybe find a sport you like or start taking walks in nature or going for bike rides with the one you love. 

Another thing to help enjoy the process is to notice and get excited about the progress and not the perfection. Stop and read that again, it is worth it. Some people will look at how much of the mountain there is left to climb and forget to look at how much they have already conquered. So you can’t fit into your jeans from high school yet, but did you notice you don’t get so winded taking the stairs? Maybe you and your spouse still argue too much, but are they being solved quicker and with less hurt?

So add the line have fun and enjoy the process to whatever goal or to do list you are currently working on.  Find ways to make the journey fun and celebrate the progress not just the perfection. You will find yourself smiling more often and when you’re enjoying yourself your goals will be easier to stick to!

Feel free to share this post with all of your friends!

SHHH….

Today is valentine’s day. Some call it a hallmark holiday and in many ways I do suppose it is. Much like Christmas,Easter and several other holidays the true meaning makes way for commercial interests. Just like the aforementioned holidays, we do not have to fall victim to this mentality and can focus on the meaning behind the day. 

In the case of today it is love. The cynical may say it is foolish and you should love everyday. This is one time I may be inclined to partially agree with the cynic. While it is true you should celebrate love each and every day (and I am sure that those of you that know my lady Margie and I realize we do) but having a day specifically set aside to remind us of the important role love plays in all of our lives can be very healthy. 

Above is a picture of the couple my lady and I are going to spend the evening with,  our friends Heidi and Bret. This couple, like all couples, have had their share of challenges. Still here they are back, and dare I say, better than they were a year ago. 

What is their secret to love? Well as we all know love is a very complex subject that has filled countless books and inspired even more movies and songs. To say there is one key to love would be selling ourselves short. 

However, because this is a blog and we should be brief i am going to share a secret Heidi and Bret, Margie and myself and countless other couples use to grow their love. Not in a relationship? That’s fine this one thing can unlock the secrets to capturing the heart of anyone you are interested in. 

These are all big claims but can all be achieved by doing one simple thing – listening. Before you dismiss this idea let’s take a look. The kind of listening I am talking about involves listening to learn. 

Let’s take a look at disagreements. When passions run high we can all too often listen just to contradict what our partner is saying. Come on, we have all done it. I know I have. Have you ever found yourself in this situation, you are arguing so intensely and for so long you actually forget what the argument is about? Even worse have you been in a disagreement only to discover you and the other party were totally disagreeing about two different things? These are all things that can happen when we don’t listen to understand what is upsetting our partner. 

When we actively listen which includes asking questions such as “what is truly upsetting you?” And “what can I do to make it better?” can shorten the duration and lessen the intensity of any disagreement. It will also show your partner you can and want to find a solution and not just who is to blame. 

Let’s not be all doom and gloom here. Listening has a very fun and exciting side. Don’t you wish you could always give the one you love the perfect gift or situation to light up their heart regardless of the funds you have available? Listening to the rescue! When I shop with Margie I listen closely  (ok most of the time). This has allowed me to learn what her favorite flowers are, what meat she likes the best, her taste in fashion. Even the conversations we have while doing the simplest things have given me clues as to what she likes and also what she dislikes. By paying attention and taking mental notes it has kept me in the first category. 

So this valentine’s day give your spouse the gift of truly listening to them. It can not only be a great gift for them  (who doesn’t enjoy really being heard and feeling important) and you (they will tell you lots of secrets if you pay attention) but also a great gift for your relationship (it will give you opportunities to grow love and limit upsets). 

*the author would also like to note listening will work in any relationship, friend coworker and clients. 

THE LITTLE THINGS

It is the second month of the year and a lot of us have began the year with the goal of being healthier and in better shape. I know I am one of them. Did you know what I discovered? No matter how committed I am, or how passionate I am about this decision I cannot wake up thin and healthy. In fact, if I expect to I can feel overwhelmed and like a failure.

I have discovered a way to start feeling good both physically and emotionally each and every day. That is understanding that I need to change my rituals. Everyday there are little things we do that become so ingrained in us we seldom even notice. Trying to change these can be a tough and uphill battle. Here is what I suggest at my seminars and what I am going to share with you here. Instead of beginning by try to stop doing all of the things you do wrong, begin by adding one thing right a day. Instead of giving up all the bad food you eat, try beginning the day by eating an apple. They give you energy and help you feel full. Then every day you do so make sure you allow yourself to feel good about doing it. Want to improve your relationship or take it to another level? Try giving your significant other one genuine compliment or sign of appreciation a day.

While you are doing these new habits certainly work on reducing and eliminating the destructive things you do as well. You will often find that by adding something positive it will make that a little easier as well. eventually maybe add 2 things a day. Perhaps adding a healthy snack at lunch or going for a nice stroll after dinner. Before you know it you will gain momentum and you will be well on your way to your goals.

Feel free to share this post and share any ideas you may have in the comments below.

NEVER LOSE AT LIFE AGAIN!

Earlier in the week we looked at how to make life one long party. Today we are going to discover how you can never suffer another loss in life. Is this really possible? The short quick answer is yes. In fact, not only is it possible to not lose going forward, you can even look back and turn some of the things you feel were loses into wins.

How good would it feel knowing whatever you were about to attempt you would do so without the fear of losing or failing? How much more might you attempt? Not only is this possible, but it can be relatively easy after a little practice. Your brain will actually begin to wire itself to work in a way that will keep you from feeling defeated or lost.

Every great person I have studied (and probably the ones you have studied as well) have gone through challenges that may have stopped most of us. I have written about Walt Disney being turned down by over 300 banks trying to get a loan for Disney land. Seriously, can you imagine yourself walking into a bank after hearing ‘no’ over 300 times? I know I can’t. Thomas Edison and how many different things he tried for a light bulb. How many times do you try something before throwing in the towel? Even something we really are passionate about can seem pointless when we suffer to many defeats.

So, how did these wonderful people do it. Certainly they had to have a large dose of both faith and passion, but they had something else as well. They had a different way of looking at what many of us would view as failure. Edison said it best. Obviously most of us would think, “You tried to make a light bulb this way, it didn’t work so you failed”. Not Edison, this is what he said, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”. 10,000? Are you kidding me? What in your life have you tried that many times? I can tell you in my own life the answer would be none.

What attitude do the great leaders have that allows them to persevere even when the odds seem stacked against them? They understand that a situation is only a failure if you do not get anything out of it. Guess who decides if you can get anything out of it? That’s right you do. If we look back on some of our most challenging times we have had we will often see we have learned some of our most valuable lessons. Maybe in Walt Disney’s case when he kept being turned down for the loan he learned new ways to present his case?

What about those times in life that just suck? You know the ones where nothing good seems to be found and you can’t find a lesson in it anywhere? You can use that to better appreciate the good times that don’t suck. An example is as follows, the other day my lady and I went to a new cupcake place and from the moment we walked in were treated terribly. The lady was very rude and not helpful at all. After we had purchased a $4 cupcake we discovered it was dry and the frosting tasted like it came from a can. We stopped at a coffee shop to wash down said cupcake and were greeted with a very helpful, silly and fun staff. The place was roomy and very pleasing. In fact, it is where I am writing this now.

So you see I appreciated the good service I got here a lot more thanks to the poor service I received there. When you are sick, it allows you to stop and appreciate your good health that can be easy to take for granted. Once you start doing this you will find your mind automatically does this for you.

IT ONLY TAKES A LITTLE

Last post we looked at the practice of celebrating each other and turning our lives into one long party. Tomorrow we will look at how to never lose in life again (I recommend checking that out) so sandwiched in between is the secret to accomplishing these or any other goal you might be trying to reach.

So what is the secret to accomplishing goals? Think of the journey. What do I mean? Imagine your goal is to hypothetically travel from a cold northern climate to a warm and sunny tropical climate (Ok, this is really not hypothetical here) You cannot expect to take one step and go from your location to the one you desire. No, you have to cover the distance that lies between you are your destination. Just like you have to cover all the distance that lies between you and your goal. Now some means of travel are fast, like an airplane or  high speed train. Others are slower like a bicycle or walking. All of them get you closer to your goal if you keep going. Remember that most things take time. It is going to take you longer to make it to Jamaica than to the grocery store down the street. Unless of course you live in Jamaica and are going to the store down the street, in which case I would love to be your neighbor.

So my friends no that the journey is where the joy can be found. Knowing that no matter what pace you are going, each and every moment you are getting closer to your goal. Every day is a new adventure!

WHY WE ARE ALL TIRED 

This quote comes to us courtesy of the movie “The Green Mile”. In todays world of extreme politics and social conflict there has been a fair share of ugliness. On social media everyday we see conflicting opinions which are healthy when presented in a healthy way. We also see our share of name calling, and sarcastic portrayals of those who have a different opinion than that of the person doing the posting.

Let us take a step back and look at what this accomplishes. Some may say it causes the person posting to be a little happier and that may be true, only temporarily. You see in order to post something like that the person has to focus on this conflict and the low opinion they have of that group. How “Stupid” there are or how “Hateful, Racist or evil” they are. Try saying these words out loud three times, “Stupid, hate, racist and evil”. If you are unable to try even saying them to yourself. Do it now, I’ll wait….Ok, how does that make you feel physically? Did you notice an effect? Even focusing on things we strongly dislike and thinking about them make us feel sick. It can even make us feel helpless. Plus, remember what we said about the RAS and how the brain seems to begin to notice more of what we focus on?

So should we ignore all the injustice we see? Absolutely not! What we should focus on is solutions we can think of. Perhaps find examples of people or situations that are the opposite of those that upset us. We will still be victim to reading how wrong we are for feeling what we feel, but understand as much as we may disagree with someone they have a right to feel as they do too. Again going back to the golden rule, we no more want to hear that we have no right to feel as we do or are stupid, evil or any other negative term for doing so than anyone else does. Not to mention by attacking others we only add to the feeling and atmosphere of hate and conflict.

Here is what I suggest. Does racism bother you? Then promote everyone getting along. Does war leave you feeling sad? Then promote peace. Poverty leave you feeling sick and helpless? Promote an atmosphere of giving and everyone having enough. It was this very thinking that caused me to embark on the life path I am on now. It was my disgust at the vast amount of negativity in the world that had me determined to begin to promote positivity and to provide tools to help others do the same.

So next time you catch yourself saying “Did you see what that person/politician/company did?” ask yourself, “What am I doing?”. Sure maybe we cannot make as big of a difference as the president of the United States, or Walmart, but all of us doing little acts of kindness and love can counterbalance those doing that which we disagree with.

I invite you all to share groups that do good or even your own ideas to promote love instead of bashing hate. Let us all work to be a little less ugly to each other and make the world a little more beautiful.

LET US CELEBRATE EACH OTHER

Here is an idea that could both make your life one continuous party (minus the hangovers) as well as cause you to be a lot more popular with your friends and strengthen your relationships. Ready to hear the idea?

Before we get to what this amazing and fun idea is, I should warn you of the side effects that is comes with. First, it will help you realize your goals a lot quicker. Second whenever you reach a goal, or something good happens to you suddenly you will find yourself surrounded by a lot more people celebrating with you. Finally, even when times are dark or challenging you will find you have a lot more cheerleaders and encouragers. Plus, there will still be things to celebrate when life is throwing you a curve ball.

Here is the simple thing we can do that can accomplish all of this. We can learn to celebrate good that comes to as many as others as we can. Once you start this you will be amazed at what happens. First, when you genuinely are as happy for the success of others as you are for your own people pick up on that. Have you ever had something really amazing happen to you and couldn’t wait to share it with someone and when you do they really seem not to care? It is a bit of downer isn’t it? The next time that you get a piece of good fortune you are not likely to share it with that person. Now on the opposite side of things when you have friends who take pride in your accomplishments, as we should it makes everything more amazing and makes you feel good about sharing with those people.

So we can see how it helps the person celebrating but what about those celebrating for someone else? First of all you notice that people celebrate different things. If you have a friend who just got out of the hospital after a trying ordeal that is worth celebrating. It may even cause you to take a look at things you may not be celebrating in your own life. Like your health or the fact you did not have to be in the hospital. Also celebrating feels good, whether it is you or another person. So it is a great way to add additional joy into your life. Also having pride in your friends accomplishments will encourage them to have pride in yours. If your friend Johnny celebrated with you when you finally stopped smoking and was genuinely happy for you and then Johnny calls you up to tell you he has finally met his weight loss goals wouldn’t you want to return the favor? Same with people who are struggling. If you have somebody sticking by your side when the going gets tough, you are certainly going to be there for them when they need it.

As you can see doing this can really go a long way to cementing good relationships. It can also help you accomplish your goals and give you more to celebrate. How? By activating a part of your brain called the reticulating activating system or RAS. Have you ever bought a particular outfit and then seen the outfit everywhere? Let me ask you did everyone just buy the outfit the same time you did? Of course not. Then what happened? The outfit was always there, but now that you bought it your brain recognized it as something worth noting. The same thing happens when we start celebrating things. Your brain then begins to look for, and here is the real bonus, create things worth celebrating. A good way to begin this is by asking yourself a question I learned from Michael Beckwith. Ask yourself every morning “What can I celebrate today?”. Eventually you will see a bit of good news, or your friend will share some or something will happen to you worth celebrating. Plus you will begin to feel like everyday is a party. This is actually how life should feel.

So start celebrating with me today! Feel free to share something you are celebrating for yourself or someone else in the comments below!

NOT WHAT I THOUGHT

This picture shows that I now have 1000 likes on my blog. That alone is a thought that is very humbling. 1000 people all like the same thing and it happens to be the content that I put out on this very blog you are reading. This is the subject I fully intended to write about this fine day. As happens often with writers and inspiration, something went left when I thought it would go right.

What am I talking about? A new fun and exciting thing we can all try together that will not only put a smile on our faces and hearts but make our life far more amazing. Are you in? This simple exercise requires three things. 1. a pen 2. a small journal or notebook. 3. a fairly good sense of introspection and observation. That’s it. No complicated tools, no degree from a famous university, no occult secret and no magic formula.

Ok, so what on earth is this activity. Here is the story of how this post came to be and this idea came to me. For the last two or three days I have not been feeling well. Some sort of stomach flu or something. Spent most of that time laying in bed. My car issues are on the way to a wonderful conclusion and things around the house have been crazy. What I really needed was some relaxing quality time with my lady. So we decided to go to the mall today for lunch and she was going to shop while I wrote. She is actually there now so I better make this short so I can pick her up.

We decided to check out a new brew pub that just opened up there. We were greeted friendly and could feel a very positive vibe right off the bat. We saw a few friends while we were there and I exchanged information with a gentleman also on the path to self-enlightenment. It was a marvelous experience. Not to mention after lots of stress physically and emotionally both my lady and I were smiling and actually had some time together. As I left to write this, the sun was shining and it was not to insanely cold, which for Wisconsin this time of year is a win. I began to just think of all of these things and then it hit me. A great idea! A fun idea! A life transforming idea!

Enough with the story behind the idea, here is the idea. I was going to write about 1000 different people all liking my blog and how that felt like such an honor. These people come from over 70 different countries, across all social, religious and political fields. Then the idea came to me. I bet this one person (that would be me, which at the time I guess I was referring to in the third person) likes 1000 different things. I started noticing the afore mentioned things I was enjoying. The sunshine, the nice people I met, the amazing time with my lady. Guess what? I had me feeling as if I were floating instead of walking. I thought “wouldn’t it be great to feel like this more often?”. Then, as I am want to do I followed that with the thought “How can I?”. The solution my friends is simple, fun and I am going to share it now.

Keep a journal of what makes you happy. That’s it? Yes, that is it. Whatever it may be. Sunshine, balloons, penguins, the way the person you love smiles at you. Write them down in a special journal. Do it whenever the mood strikes you. Just keep the journal handy. Why write them down? It makes it more visceral. Not to mention when you open to write the next time you will be greeted by the last things that make you happy.

What can you do with this information? Lots of things. You can use it when you are feeling down for things to try to turn things around. When loved ones ask you what you might enjoy doing or what gift you may enjoy ideas are there. Looking for things to put in a gratitude journal? How about things that make you happy. Not to mention something else happens that makes life more of an enjoyable adventure rather than a arduous task. You become more aware of the things that make you happy when they occur.

I am blessed to have a lady in my life that has a very unique skill. When I am down and suddenly listing things that all suck in my life (Yes even self-improvement authors have these moments) she is quick to point out things that are going right, or could go right. This can seem slightly annoying when I just feel like complaining, but let me tell you it is an amazing blessing, because it gets me out of that state. I can only imagine doing this fun activity will only make her job easier. Another bonus I just thought of, if she reads my happy journal she will know lots of things that make her man happy.

So please will you try this activity with me? Share this with all of your friends. Let us all be happier in 2017!

BE IT NOW!!

Looking at this picture I long to be here! Anyone who knows me will tell you I belong in the tropics. As I write this I am in West Allis Wisconsin where presently it is cold and snowing. What can all of this possibly have to do with the power of choice we have been discussing all week? Plenty.

If all I did was sit here behind my keyboard and complain I really wouldn’t get anywhere. Not to mention any great goal needs to be first seen in the mind. If you do not know exactly where you want to go how do you ever hope to get there? How will you know you are moving toward where you want to go or away from it?

A lot of people say “I want to be successful” or “I want to be rich”. What exactly do those two things mean to you? Is rich a certain amount of money? Does it only have to do with money? I know of some people who have money, but no peace in their life and a lot of stress. To me, that is not rich. As far as successful, that is way to broad of term.

So, how do we get clear on what we would like our lives to be? I am going to give you a secret little process you can do that not only helps you focus and put more of your mind to work to help accomplish your goals, but can be so much fun. This secret was first shared with me by my good friend Sharon at one of her journaling classes she taught. It both serves as a mental vacation, and puts the law of attraction to work for you. Are you ready to learn this powerful secret? Grab a pen and some paper and follow me. Second thought as I mentioned it is cold and snowing here, maybe I will follow you.

Sit down, close your eyes (obviously not good to do while driving although I swear some of the people I share the road with are doing this) Begin to think about a day in your dream life. Start by what happens when you first wake up. What time is it? Where are you? Who are you waking up to? Try to use all of your senses. Do you smell fresh brewed coffee? To you feel the ocean breeze through the open widow? Do you hear the crashing of waves or perhaps the song of birds? Does breakfast come to you in bed from your butler? Maybe you go into your spacious kitchen to make yourself some Kodiak power cakes (sorry personal favorite). Do you go for a jog next? Maybe a walk on the beach? In the woods? Where to you work? What do you drive? How long do you work? Include all of these plus any other details you can think of. Remember to both include people and places as well as senses and emotions. Make it as visceral as you can. That way all you have to do is close your eyes and step into your dream.

After you complete your script and find yourself back in bed concluding your dream day, put the script away. Now I recommend reading this daily until you can picture it without the script and then as often as you desire after that. The trick here is that it should always be fun, like you are escaping to that other reality. You may find yourself changing a few things as you go along, that is wonderful. adjust the script as you go along. You will notice certain opportunities begin to show up and your mind draws you in particular directions. Not to mention the time you spend visioning your dream life will have you feeling like you are on a vacation.