HEAL YOURSELF 🧘‍♀️

It is shocking that even in this day and age, self-care is considered selfish by many. This could not be further from the truth. There are many reasons why this is so, but we are going to look at two that I think we should consider. The first should be rather obvious. When you work on healing yourself, be that from a personal trauma, or just from the stress of daily life, you allow your best self to shine through. Why is this so important? You then become the best version of yourself. This is one of the greatest gifts you can give to others. Showing up to meet your friend for coffee when you are lacking sleep, barely able to concentrate on what they are saying and falling asleep when they are talking is not that great of a gift. Sure, it is great that you are spending time with them, but it is not quality time. Now, saying, “I am sorry I need to get some rest. How about meeting next week?” may seem selfish. If you show up next week and are able to not only to stay awake for their story about sick aunt Agnes, but offer valuable insight on their story as well, that is a far greater gift.

Bringing your best self to any situation is a great gift. It means you are being the best parent, the best friend and the best lover. Taking the time to heal and make sure you are able to share your gifts with those around you is not selfish at all. In fact, by taking the time to bring your best self, you are giving them a gift. You are giving them the best of you that you can.

The second reason that self-care is not selfish may be even more important. The knowledge you gain and are able to share. When you discover ways to heal yourself, you can pass those ways on to others. Maybe you are really busy and live a stressful life. You find ways to balance that stress and not get overwhelmed. How do you do that? Do you think there are other people who would like to know how to do that as well? I bet there are. Have you found a way to heal your soul after losing someone very close to you? Taking that time, and engaging in those practices, will allow you to help someone else heal too. That is one of the best things we can put out into the universe, to help others heal. If you rush through life, do not take time to heal yourself, it will not only cost you, but it will cost others. You will show up as only a shell of yourself. You will not learn any healing methods that work for you and may help others. To me, this is far more selfish than taking time for yourself.

Take time for that meditation or yoga retreat. If you need to say “No”, than do it. Taking care of yourself is not selfish. It is actually one of the greatest gifts you can give to those around you and the world itself. Taking care of ourselves will allow us to share the best of who we are and every healing modality we learn. Self-care is not only care for ourselves, but it is one of the best things we can do to care for others.

SURROUND YOURSELF WITH THIS. 👫

There are many self-improvement aspects that seem like an obvious conclusion to me. One of those is that you tend to be like the 5 people you surround yourself with the most. Stop and take a mental inventory of the 5 people you spend the most time around. Can you see things you all have in common? The ironic thing is that this is one of the things people really seem to push back on. I am not sure why. If you surround yourself with people who are poor and struggling to manage their money, it is highly unlikely you will learn any financial skills from them. “I am going to be the difference!” I hear people say all of the time. It is true, that you could be the one who changes the group you hang out in. It is rather like swimming up stream, however.

Let us say you are trying to live a life that is more positive and inspired. Your friends, on the other hand, are a rather negative bunch. While you may be reading inspirational books, listening to some inspiring podcasts and whatever else you can think of to change your state, you are going to be surrounded by people who are pointing out what is wrong in the world, telling you about their medical problems, and generally being in a depressed state. That will make it a little more difficult for you to look on the sunny side of the street. Going back to our earlier financial example, if you are looking to get yourself on a good financial footing, but your friends constantly find themselves brook, it could be a long road. Maybe you could read books on investing, talk to a financial advisor and set up an automatic savings deposit. However, your friends will be showing your their purchases from Amazon, ordering out dinner every night, wearing the most expensive brand shoes and clothes and wondering how to pay the electric bill. Which one of them will help assure you of a happy retirement?

I am not telling you that you have to get rid of all of your friends, or even some of your friends. Merely suggesting that if you would like to improve your life and do so in an easier way, you might want to consider who you spend a good deal of time around. Think of people who embody traits you would like to have. Consider those people who you feel could teach, inspire and encourage you on your journey. Then, make a point of taking them out to dinner or for a coffee. Just soak up their energy. While doing so make sure to share yours as well. Be authentically yourself. You will shine your light and attract those who you can serve by just being you. The greatest part about this life-improving lesson is that you have total control over it. Who you choose to spend your time around, for the most part, is up to you. Make sure you make this decision wisely as it has a great impact.

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY 💓

Here at Secret2anamazinglife.com, we want to wish all of the moms a big thank you for the part they played in making us who we are.

Make sure to take a moment today to acknowledge in your heart your wonderful mother. If you no longer have your mother with you, take a moment to feel that gratitude 🙏 for all of the love they have given you. ❤️

Happy Mother’s Day to all of the mothers out there from all of us at secret2anamazinglife.com! We love you and hope you enjoy your special day.

CREATE YOUR OWN SUPERSTITION 🪜

Anyone who knows me knows that I find superstition to be a foolish endeavor. Do you really expect me to believe that because my path happens to cross that of a well-shaded feline that my day will suck? How about after a few shots of tequila, when I reach for the salt shaker and knock it over, that fortunes in my life will go south? Not likely. Now if I spilled the tequila, that’s a different story.

My problem with superstition is this – it is always negative. Some of you may ask why some of these hold true for you. Quick answer – law off attraction. What do I mean? Where we put our focus creates our reality. If an event occurs, such as accidentally walking under a ladder, we expect to have misfortune.

Even the date this post is written on, Saturday the 13th. Before you tell me that I made a mistake and it is Friday the 13th that is unlucky, let me ask you why? Have you never had anything good happen on Friday the 13th? I get paid on Fridays. I’m certainly not going to turn down a check if it is on the 13th. Again, if we expect something to go wrong on that day, we will be looking for it. Guess what? We will find it too. Because it is Friday the 13th? No. Because good and bad things happen every day.

My frustration with all of this gave me a great idea. Let us all create a positive superstition! They only have to make sense to us. Such as,”every time a blue car passes me, I’m about to meet someone friendly” or “whenever a see a star, I’ll be reminded of something to be grateful for. ”

These are no more real than the negative ones, but will at least have our minds looking for something positive instead of something negative. Using the part of our brain called the R.A.S, or reticular activating system, will prompt our subconscious mind to look for what we expect. Feel free to research the science behind it. It is the same way it works for the negative, only we are putting it to work for us instead of against us.

Next time you find yourself uttering some foolish line about bad things coming in three, stop right there and ask yourself how come good things don’t come in four or six for that matter? The truth is not in any superstition, it is in what we focus on. Let us create a positive superstition that will work to improve our lives. I want to hear yours. Be creative. What fun self-empowering superstition can we come up with?

REALIZE IT IS PLAY 🤾‍♀️

One of the great secrets of life we seem to be losing is the ability of being truly present. There are cell phones which keep us focused on anything but what,or who, is in front of us. It is not just technology. Many people are preoccupied with fear and worry. What could go wrong? They often miss what is going right.

It is not just negative things either. I’ve seen people walking in a beautiful natural setting focused solely on how many calories they are burning, and missing the beautiful birds, trees and animals all around them. It would seem we are too busy worrying about life, looking at other people’s lives and trying to improve our own life to actually experience life.

One good way I have found to help is stay focused is kind if counter-intuitive. Pretend you are acting in the movie of your life. When an actor is playing a roll, they have to be extremely focused. They pay attention to their lines (what they are saying) but also to how they deliver them. (How they are saying what they are saying) They consider how their performance will make the audience (other people in our lives) feel.

This is also a good way to become the type of person you want to be. When we think about how that person would act talk and think to play that roll, we can adjust our behavior to fill that roll. Eventually, we become that person. Want to be a person who has good control of their emotions? How about someone who makes others feel good about themselves? Try to act as they would. Soon, you will become them.

As a bonus, you will be intensely focused on the moment. You will see the birds and the animals. You will enjoy the company of the person in front of you and not the person on the screen you are staring at.

WHO CARES IF YOU DON’T SEE IT?😳

I love this picture! Not only am I a big fan of Winnie-the-Pooh, but the quote is right on point. In a social media, look at me type world, people crave recognition for what they do. It never fails to amaze me what some will do for 15 minutes of fame.

Even kindness can come with the desire for recognition. What we must realize, is often we might not see the results of our kindness. A while ago, we discussed the butterfly effect. In a nutshell, it says that seemingly small,insignificant actions can have a ripple effect creating big outcomes.

I have heard countless stories of famous people who received an act of kindness that allowed them to display their talent. I recall a story about a Jewish couple buying a trumpet for a troubled youth. He went on to be Louis Armstrong, the famous jazz musician. His albums have brought joy to millions over generations. This never would have happened if not for that random act of kindness.

For every one story you hear like this about someone famous, there are countless stories from people who you may never hear about. Your kindness may not inspire the next jazz legend. Then again, it might. It might make someone’s day. It might help heal the pain they are hiding. It might just save their life.

Just because we do not see the payoff for our kindness, does not mean we should not give it. Our kindness always makes a difference. Give it freely.

WEDNESDAY REMINDER 😀

Midweek! How are we doing on not only taking care of ourselves, but those around us? Just a quick reminder that it takes very little of your energy to be compassionate and encouraging to yourself and others. That little amount of energy can have a great impact on the quality of someone else’s day, but yours as well. As a bonus, the energy we expend is returned to us with the joy we bring to others.

What small thing do you plan on doing for those in your life? One little thing to encourage or inspire someone? Please share with the rest of us!😀

YOU’VE GOT THIS! LET’S GO!🥳

Every morning, there is something to celebrate. There is some win in our lives. It is important to recognize and celebrate this win. This is not just some new-age positive thinking activity. By celebrating our wins and what is going right in our lives, we do two very important things. First, we recognize both to the world, but more importantly to ourselves, that there are good things happening in our life. Too often we can focus just on the negative. Although, this can help us with discovering a solution, doing so without also focusing on what is working can drain us of valuable emotional and spiritual energy. Which is what the second thing celebrating a win first thing in the morning does; it gives us momentum and energy to tackle the day. With all of the negative influences that may come at us, we owe it to ourselves to give our focus to the good in our lives.

Quite often, what you focus on can dictate your drive. I always have an updated version of the map you see above saved on my phone. What is this map? The shaded countries represent where this blog is followed. As you can see by the number, we are also closing in on 100,000. When a particular post does not get as many views as I would hope, or my inspiration to write is not so great, I look at this map. I think of the young person in Peru, or the elderly person in the Congo needing some motivation or inspiration. When you know that others are counting on you to show up, it can give you that extra boost to do so. When you view how many wins you already have, you are motivated to have more. Still looking to connect with some beautiful souls in Greenland. Celebrating all the other wonderful countries that follow us helps me to stay motivated to do so. Hoping to reach 100,000 people. Celebrating the fact we have reached over 90,000 keeps me focused on that goal.

In your own life, do not forget to celebrate the wins. The more you focus on them, the more they seem to show up. Don’t trust me on this one. Prove it to yourself. Try finding a different win to celebrate everyday for 21 days and see what happens in your life. Even if that win is waking up to another day and a chance to do better than the day before. I would love to know what win you are celebrating?

WHAT I LEARNED WHEN I DIED ⚰️

For those of you who may be new to this blog, or to me in general, this title may sound a bit confusing. Let me explain. Last year I had open-heart surgery and had a brief flirtation with death. This cannot help but change someone’s life. I am sure you can appreciate that even if you have managed to stay on the right side of the great beyond. I am extremely fortunate that God was much like every hotel I have ever checked into. When I got there, I was told, “Your room is not ready yet. Please come back later.” Trust me when I tell you that, at the very least, I never get upset having to wait to check into a hotel anymore. There were many things that I walked away with from this experience. I chronicled them all in my book, The Beat Goes On.

What I would really like to share with you is the powerful thing I learned before I died. It happened when Margie and I were at the movies roughly 2 months before my surgery. That is not us in the picture above. I am shorter and Margie is cuter. I had been diagnosed with the problem, aneurysm on my artery, 3 years prior. They told me it could unexpectedly explode at anytime and I would die. As you can imagine, that causes a slight shift in the way you live your life. Every pain at the gym was initially viewed as “Did I rupture it?” I say initially because even the looming specter of possible death hanging over you like a storm cloud, can become oddly routine.

This all changed when they told me that I did indeed need surgery. They told me the surgery was dangerous and there was a chance I might not make it through. Oh, and how about having it in 2 months right after the first of the year? It may seem like I am making light of it now, but that is actually how it went down. After setting a date for the surgery, Margie and I went on a date of our own to the movies. An hour into the film, I regretted drinking several cups of coffee before we left and excused myself to the men’s room. It was there that I realized the full extent of what dying might mean. It could mean that would be my last thanksgiving, my last Christmas, and who knows, my last movie with the woman I love. This realization did not bring on a feeling of fear or dread. It actually brought on a sense of urgency. How could I make the most of all of those events? Thinking of Margie, I began to wonder, “What could I do that would make this woman understand how much I love her even if I am gone?” Then my brain went into overdrive multiplying that to include all the people an events in my life. I began to wonder if I had shared enough content? Had I inspired all of the people I could? When it came right down to it, the burning question was, “Had I done enough to leave the world a better place than when I arrived?” Not only for those I deeply care about, but for the world as a whole?

These were deep questions that did not have easy answers. What they did do was light a fire under me to take action. Do you think you have time to make the world a better place? Do you think you have time before you die to not only tell but have those you care about feel how much you love them? Do you know what you could do to accomplish these things? Do you know how long that might take? Do you have enough time left to do so? If you are mulling these thoughts around in your mind, you might have come up with the question, “How do I know how much time I have left?” That is a great question. None of us do. Before going into the hospital for an unrelated issue, I had zero idea there was anything wrong with my heart. This is true for most people with an aneurysm. You feel great and then you fall over. It is pretty much that quick. There are no warning signs. That is why you not only need to get checked out regularly, but you need to have a sense of urgency and do all you can to leave the world a better place by sharing the gifts that were given to you and only you.

WHAT DRIVES YOU?🚗

Inky Johnson is one of my favorite speakers. If you have never heard of him, I would highly suggest you look him up on YouTube and watch his story. It will bring out the emotions in you. One thing he said was “Perspective drives performance every day of the week.” What does that mean? He further expands on it by saying, “Why you do what you do will determine how you do what you do.” If we reflect in our own life, I am sure we know this to be true.

Take your job for example. When you think of going to work in the morning, does an image like the one above come to mind? If so, I can tell you what your work day must feel like. Have you ever asked yourself, “Why do I go to work in the morning?” Before you answer make sure you are not asking yourself, “Why do I have to go to work in the morning?” Most of us live in a country where we don’t have to go to work. It is a choice. Of course, if we choose not to, there are some consequences that go with that. Just small things like no heat or no eat. If you just go to work to pay bills, chances are you will keep feeling like the photo above. Your job will seem like a prison sentence. Although, it must be reminded, one you can free yourself from at any moment.

It is better to have something you are working towards. For example, maybe you are saving for that next wonderful vacation? The picture above was taken at the Riu Negril in Jamaica where Margie and I were last month. The staff and hotel management were amazing and we had a great time creating memories and meeting new friends. Whether your dream is a new car, a vacation, a new outfit or a million other things, a goal could transform that sentence into an opportunity. Yet, there is one goal that I recommend above any others.

Here is the fickle thing about material goals – they can shift or disappear all together. Margie and I had been going on vacation for the last 5 years. There was a hurricane one year, the pandemic, my open-heart surgery another year and well…you get the picture. Sometimes that new car is not enough to keep you motivated to get to the office. I will tell you what is though. Focusing on who you want to become. Knowing what the process will bring to the table. I work roughly 50 hours a week just at my day job. I work Monday through Saturday. I DJ with Margie on Sunday. For those keeping track, that is zero days off. It can be extremely difficult to stay motivated. Especially, getting up at 4am to start everyday. What does is the knowledge that I am setting a good example. I am demonstrating to the love of my life that she has a man that will work hard so we can enjoy the finer things in life. I am showing my readers that there is time to put in a full-time job and still pursue your passion. Most importantly, I am showing myself that I can be a self-disciplined man who will embody the values he puts forth to others.

Having a ‘why’ in our life will make everything easier. Like Inky said, “prospective drives performance.” We used the example of our job, but imagine putting this in place in…say…your relationship? Why put forth effort there? Personally speaking, I put forth maximum effort in my relationship for several reasons. Margie deserves nothing less. She deserves to know how much she is loved and valued. By treating their mother with respect, I am hoping to set a good example for her children to follow in their own lives. Again, I also have a moral responsibility to represent the values I teach others. Who follows anyone who is an example of “Do what I say and not what I do.”? What is your ‘why’? Does it represent the values you hold dear?