Category: Uncategorized

HOW HOT ARE YOU??

“Be the thermostat instead of the thermometer! Set the atmosphere you want to work in instead of working in other people’s expectations”

-from the website Boomsocial.net

This is similar to the post I had entitled “waking up in Neutral” Ask yourself to you respond to your environment or do you create the environment you choose to have? It can be the difference between merely looking at the thermometer or setting the thermostat. Notice one is passive, one is active. If you do not take action to change your life you will be at the mercy of others and circumstances beyond your control. If you take focused and determined action you are guaranteed to succeed. It may not be in the time frame you hoped for and may not be in exactly the way you expected, but it will happen. Of course you must check how you set your thermostat. What do I mean? Let’s look at the way a thermostat works. The temperature gets so cold and then the thermostat kicks the heat on. Some people are the same. They wait until their life gets so far out of control to take action. The idea here is to set your temperature so that your heat turns on well before your life is too crazy. Take action consistently.  Now let us look at the opposite way this can operate. The other function of a thermostat is to not let things get to hot. When the temperature gets so high the air conditioning turns on to cool things off. How does this relate to your life? Have you ever been in a situation, a relationship perhaps, where things are going so well you start to get a little uncomfortable? Perhaps you say or do something to sabotage your own success? Why on earth would we do something like that? There are truly a million reasons. Some people are fatalistic. Some people are very uncomfortable with their own success. Have you ever heard someone say “Well it’s good now, but it can’t last”? My reply is always why the hell not? Why can’t it get better? Set your thermostat higher. Become comfortable with your own success. You wouldn’t sit in a house that is too cold or hot without doing something about it. Don’t settle for the same in your life. Stop staring at the thermometer and get up and change the thermostat!

A WHOLE MONTH OF IT!

We find ourselves in the month of November. Here is the USA we celebrate the holiday of Thanksgiving. Although I am no fan of cold weather I am a big fan of a holiday dedicated to reflecting on all we have to be grateful for. I have seen something happening on facebook that I would love to encourage all of us to do. A few of my friends have decided to post one thing a day that they are grateful for. If you have followed this blog for any length of time you know I am a big fan of creating lists. Lists of things that make us happy, lists of our favorite people, or a list of things to be grateful for. The problem with lists if twofold. First, it seems like a project to some people. Sitting down and having to come up with ten or twenty things can seem so daunting that many just skip it all together. Second, once the list is complete the process is over. Unless you look at the list every day it may escape your thoughts all together. By just picking one thing a day for a month not only is it not so overwhelming, but daily you are focused on maintaining an attitude of gratitude. Now I realize we are already at the fourth of the month, but that should not matter. We can go for 26 days or until the fourth of December. Just try this simple thing for 30 days. Whether you share it on Facebook, or simply write it down in a notebook be sure to follow your thought with a concrete action. Maybe a special section in your journal. After 30 days it will be exciting to notice the change in your life. Not only that, but you will now have created that list of thirty things you have to be grateful for. Gratitude is a powerful emotion. It displaces fear. You cannot be fearful while you are feeling grateful. It replaces sadness. You cannot feel sad while you are feeling grateful. So keep your list handy for a day when the blues come a calling. Second you will find yourself searching your life for things to be grateful for that you can pick as your daily item. By doing this you will have trained your brain to develop a grateful attitude. So why not try it. It takes all of 60 seconds a day of thinking and writing and can change your life for the better. How much easier and more powerful can we make it?

THE BEST CRACKER I HAVE EVER TASTED..

Once in a while an idea comes to me at the most unique times. This particular one came thanks to an enjoyable afternoon discussion over coffee I shared with a good friend the other day. It is a great example of perspective and how we can tend to settle for less than we truly deserve in life. If we were to fast for a prolonged period of time, the first bite after the fast would taste amazing whether it was the most expensive steak or a simple cracker. Either way being without food so long would increase our appreciation for whatever food we were presented with next, even if that food were not particularly to our liking or the best for us. what does this have to do with living a successful life? A lot actually. I have always been puzzled when amazing friends of mine stay in abusive relationships or settle for jobs, partners or any other situations that are so below them. There are many reasons that this can be and all of them are unfortunate, but one can be expressed with this story about the cracker. For just like going without food for a prolonged period of time, people also go through periods where they are without love, affection, appreciation and many other things that can be just as essential for our personal well-being. If a person is in a relationship where they are generally ignored they may find themselves in a relationship with a person who is overly jealous and needs to know there every move. Both of course are emotionally abusive, but when we go without attention for a long period of time any attention becomes good attention. I’ve seen people who are in relationships that lack physical intimacy dive into physically abusive relationships because although they are suffering there is physical contact and they equate that with love. On the surface this may all sound a bit crazy to some, but let us bring our mind back to the cracker. if you were full it would make no sense to you that a cracker could taste so delicious, but if you found yourself homeless and unable to eat that cracker would represent a meal fit for a king. So let us use this to discover things we may be settling for in our lives. Does the fear of growing old alone keep us in a relationship that does not serve us? Does a lack of popularity in school have us hanging on to as many friends as we can even if they are not the best people to have in our lives? Let us also use this tool to better understand people we know who appear to find themselves in situations they do not belong in. Quite often there are stories behind the scenes we never know about.

BE AFRAID…BE VERY AFRAID…

Why on earth would a blog about living a fulfilling and positive life be encouraging fear? Two reasons. First, it is Halloween and it is generally a time when spirits and ghost stories receive front page press. Second fear plays a great deal in determining the quality of our life. Fear of death and illness can keep many people from stepping outside their comfort zone and trying things that may bring amazing things into their lives. Fear of differences and personal rejection may stop people from starting conversations with new and unique people who could bring a great deal into their lives. Fear of failure can often paralyze people from pursuing their dreams and bringing not only joy to their world, but light and beauty to the world in general. Feeling inspired yet? Ok, neither am I, but the truth is that is only the dark side of fear. That is only half of the picture. Fear has another side as well. Fear can be protective. Fear of injury keeps most of us from driving reckless. Fear of hurting another person’s feelings can often keep us from saying hurtful things and finding a more productive way to resolve conflicts. That same fear of failure can motivate us to better prepare. When you hear news your job may be a victim of a layoff it can motivate you to search for additional sources of income or examine your budget and spending habits. The fear of suffering the same health issues that plagued your family can inspire you to live a healthier life. The point here is simple. Fear, like many other emotions can either be our servant or our master. It all depends on how we handle it. Does a fear of public speaking cause you to freeze up or to review your notes one final time? Does the fear of a culture you do not understand prevent you from associating with those people or does it motivate you to educate yourself on aspects of that culture to demystify your thoughts? Think of some of your fears, do they control you or do you employ them in your journey toward a more rewarding life? We all have a mix of both, but the goal is to start attacking our fears one by one and making them serve us instead of the other way around. The earlier we face our fears, before they have a chance to take hold in our minds the easier to conquer them. Of course the feeling of overcoming a life-long free gives us freedom that is almost unequaled. So this Halloween while enjoying your favorite ghost story or scary movie ponder your own fears and how you can use them to assist you.

THE KEYS TO THE PRISON….

“If you are not involved in something you truly care about, anyplace can seem like a prison”

-Darren Hardy editor of Success Magazine

 

Another great thing about the subject we discussed yesterday, having and developing a life-long dream, is the freedom it creates. Think of how you feel at work the day before vacation. Oh, the coffee maker is broken? That’s ok I’ll be in the tropics tomorrow. The boss is in a very bad mood and headed your way? Well he can only yell at you for a few hours and then you will be on a plane with a cocktail in your hand. Things just seem to bounce off you. Why is that? To answer that let’s look how you would feel in those same situations the day after you return from vacation. The coffee maker is broken? Damn! Why can’t there be one of those white-gloved servants to just bring me another cup like at the resort? The boss is mad and headed your way? Why can’t you just be back on the beach listening to the waves? What really is the difference? The same situations, but totally different feelings. The answer is obvious right? If you are just about to escape to your version of paradise be it in the woods, the beach or wherever it is easier to tolerate the ‘minor inconveniences’. yet, when you don’t have that vacation right around the corner the issues become far more trying and major. So what is the solution here? Take a vacation once a month? If you are like most of us that may not be in the budget. Even when people retire in the good financial situation to travel after a while they too seem to settle. Why is that, and what can we do if we don’t happen to be lucky enough to have our own private jet and gold bars in the living room? I found this answer in a rather depressing and disturbing statistic, On average men who retire die approximately 3 years later. Women fair a little better, but not much. Why is that? people are generally more relaxed, have more time to focus on recreation and enjoyment. So why to they fall apart so quickly? The answer to that question cannot only prolong your post retirement lifespan, but give you the secret to living a life of passion instead of one that seems like a job. Purpose. That terrible routine that causes us to leave that comfy bed and brave that commute to get to a place most of us would rather not be serves a very important role. it gives us a reason to do so. Now I am not advocating working a day longer than you have to. In fact, I plan on leaving myself as soon as I am able. No, the idea here is to find a purpose, a reason that fills you with passion and joy at the mere thought of it. The secret here is to find something that capitalizes on the abilities you naturally posses. In doing so you increase your chances of success and enjoyment. You are also most likely to bring something important to the world. People who find math easy and enjoy it tend to make better engineers. To me they are also slightly odd, but that is only because I cannot grasp the idea of enjoying math. I rather enjoy speaking in front of groups of people and entertaining them which tends to make me a fairly decent bartender. I also enjoy doing it and tend to bring joy to those I am serving. Of course the idea of speaking in front of large groups of people usually ranks right up there with death in people’s lists of their greatest fears, adding further proof to the fact that I am also odd. The fact here is by doing things we are naturally good at and enjoy will also bring us in contact with like-minded people who tend to make better friends. You do not have to make this your career, but by incorporating some aspect of this into your life it will tend to give you something to look forward to and make those daily challenges a little easier to handle. Of course if the coffee maker ever breaks where I work I still may need that trip the tropics. So begin to think of things you are naturally good at and enjoy. Discover new and fun ways you can make them more a part of your life.

THE SECRET TO BEING BEAUTIFUL

Diets, Botox, plastic surgery, supplements, 90 day fitness plans. They are over. They promise each of us the result of a more beautiful appearance. The marketing companies spend untold amounts of money playing on our fears and our dissatisfaction with our lives and ourselves. The only more amazing thing is the amount of money, in the billions yes that is Billions with a ‘B’ that we spend trying to find a cure that honestly lies within each of us. What is this secret? How do we turn we use it to transform ourselves and our lives into something extremely beautiful? To answer that let me use an example of two beautiful women in my life. My amazing and lovely friends Stephanie and Kim. What makes these two women so special? Great Question. Both a hard-working women at the jobs they do. both are full-time parents to their children and take great pride in the job of raising their children in the way they believe to be best. They also spend times working on improving themselves through various self-improvement activities. The add physical fitness when time affords. They learn new things that allow them to be even more amazing parents as well as spouses to the men in their lives. Now each of the things mentioned above alone could qualify them as beautiful people and I would certainly say it does. Do they sometimes have issues in all the issues mentioned above? I am sure they would be the first to admit they do. Try as we may nobody is the perfect spouse, they perfect parent or even the perfect employee. So what secret do they use, knowingly or not to be the beautiful people they are? It goes by several names, attitude, approach to life, passion. Call it what you will it has many features. One they focus on what it is going right in their world. They are filled with gratitude and express it to the people and situations they feel it towards. They are proud of the people in their lives and let them know it. Instead of complaining about something their children of spouse has done, they are often thanking them publicly for everything that they do for them. They also offer words of kindness and encouragement to others with no expectation of anything in return. Could these ladies complain of the vast amount of obligations and responsibilities they deal with daily? yes and they would have every right. it is their decision to not only endeavor to complete those responsibilities with the best of their ability, but to go the extra mile for others in their lives. In return others are drawn to them and they find themselves on the receiving end of many good fortunes. The best part bringing that positive and passionate attitude to life creates an inner beauty that shines from inside them all the way through to the outside making them two of the most beautiful people The feelings you create in the souls of others will do more for your beauty than a years worth of Botox treatments. Several trips to the spa or any other outer activity we may try. I’m sure you may know people like this in your life. I myself am fortunate enough to have many more. if you happen to meet Stephanie and Kim you will be able to see what true beauty looks like. I am grateful for them and for all of my friends who show me many different definitions of the word beautiful. so if you are looking to increase your beauty before you run to the spa, or order that next miracle product try looking inside or yourself. Your soul is the ultimate beauty product

COMING ATTRACTIONS…

Just an update on this fine blog here. Recently I decided to see if I could fly by falling off a ladder. The experiment was a terrible failure. I did receive some great parting gifts for my efforts which included a dislocated shoulder, torn ligaments in said shoulder and bruised ribs. I also received some very valuable lessons along the way. There are a lot of things I do on a daily basis I took for granted. Even taking a shower has been quite an adventure. I have also learned the art of patience. What used to take me 5 minutes can now take all day. In addition I have learned to be more comfortable asking people for help and receiving it graciously. Still one of the greatest gifts I have received is one of perspective. I was walking a small ways to a park down the street from my house just to get some fresh air. As I was doing so I was noting with a great deal of humor all of the new challenges this condition brought. Then I saw a gentleman in a wheel chair making his way down the trail in the park. His condition was not temporary and truly he had to make adjustments and develop patience that will last a lifetime. I knew my state was not all that bad, but I am not a patient healer, but this made me thankful for the fact my condition will improve. It also made me think how much worse my fall could’ve been. So it was a good lesson in that no matter how bad things seem to be going for you someone always has a bigger right to complain, and often does not. So appreciate what you have instead of morning what you lost.

Ok, all that being said, another thing that proves difficult is typing. So for the next week or so we are going to look back of the last year and revisit some of my favorite posts from this site. There may be additional commentary and for those of you who are new to this blog may share some things you might have missed. Before long we will be back with new and hopefully enlightening material for you! Until then, stay on the sunny side of the street even if it is just in your own mind!

THE ILLUSION OF VALIDITY

This was a term coined by Nobel Prize winning economist Daniel kahneman. His original definition was as follows “the sense that you understand somebody and can predict how they will behave” but it has sense been expanded to “A tendency for people to view their own beliefs as reality” Now I am not going to get into the debate on how this can be applied for political and religious purposes, that is not my field of expertise. What we can use if for is self-empowerment. Quite often we use this in a negative way. I know I am not good at speaking in front of groups so I will avoid anything that might cause me to do so. I confess to using it in regards to my dancing ability. I do not think I dance well at all so I seldom if ever do so. Yet imagine what this could do for us if we used it to empower us? What do I mean? Well it is kind of the old “fake it until you make it” principle. What if you just knew you were going to become a success with that new book you are writing. Ok, so that may be one I am currently doing. I had a more mystical friend of mine have the most uncanny luck. I asked her how she always managed to be so lucky. “In a past life a was a princess” she told me “So great things just naturally flow to me” now to be honest I am not sure what to make of past lives, but this young lady firmly believed she was destined to succeed. Therefore her subconscious mind caused her thoughts and actions to be focused on abundance. It can be used for more than financial gain. What if you operated on the theory “It is all going to work out in the end” that was your belief? Would a current challenge seem so overwhelming? How about “Every challenge is only making me stronger and preparing me for greater things ahead” whoa, that is a powerful one. What we believe goes a long way in determining what we experience. If you believe people are genuinely bad, every anger person will stick out more and effect you more than if you believed people were genuinely good. That is not to say that both people will experience some of both kinds of people it is just what we choose to focus on that becomes our reality. If that sounds rather esoteric it really isn’t. If you are running your car on fumes looking for a gas station you are a lot less likely to notice a coffee shop on the side of the road. So choose what you wish to focus on. pick things to be grateful for, things that show beauty. You will be surprised at all you missed. Who knows you may even see me dancing.

ANOTHER FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTION…

Ok, this title is kind of a lie. This is more like a frequently heard statement. When I start talking happiness and positivity to some people the response I get is something along the lines of “I’ll be happy when I win the lottery” or “I’ll be happy when I finally get a car that runs decent” more money, more health, more friends. Yes all those things can add joy to our lives. Those things can also be taken from us. True happiness is something that happens within. Positivity is an outlook and a journey, not an event or a destination. I know this sounds rather ‘new age’ and fluffy. In fact before I started this journey myself I would’ve argued happiness can be found at the bottom of a glass of rum. On a tough day at the post office, you may still get that argument. To better explain the theory that happiness is an inside job, let me cite a quote from a great modern-day philosopher

“Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body”

George Carlin

Does wearing a cross around your neck make you a more spiritual person? No more than wearing your favorite players jersey would make you a great athlete. Our spirituality, our happiness, very few things are more important to us. So why let your happiness be determined by outside factors? If you develop inner joy and then win the lottery imagine how much happier you would be? What if you develop inner happiness and then lose your job? How much better would you be equipped to handle that? Truth be told I may discover one of both of those here in a short period of time. The point here is in order to have a sense of peace and joy you can count on, you must develop it within. You cannot make it dependent on outside factors. You must take control over the important things in your life. Your happiness should be one of those areas.