Category: Uncategorized

I DON’T NEED SELF HELP!

I really dislike the term self-help. To me it always sounded as if something was wrong with the person. Then again, the word ‘help’ has a bad reputation. Especially for men help seems to be associated with being weak. Personally I do not see it that way. One thing admitting you could use a little help in a certain area shows you trust the people you are sharing that information with. It also shows a true desire to better one’s self. Both of those I find to be admirable qualities.

Another aspect of working to improve yourself is that you are growing. Without growth we are left with a feeling of discontent. One of the best ways to be happy with yourself is to progress in respect to any goal you are working on. In short – progress equals happiness.

If there is a certain area you are not particularly strong in that does not mean you are weak as a person. On the contrary, recognizing the fact that there is an area you could improve on and working to do just that takes a great amount of courage. Looking for self-help, or as I prefer to say self-improvement does not mean you are bad at something it just means you are trying to get better.

As we are working at these goals it is also important to remember our strengths. Everybody is good at some things and not at others. My lady can create amazing cakes, I cannot. I have a better grasp of history than she. Does that make either one of us less than the other? Not at all. Last post I quoted the great scientist Albert Einstein. I am going to do so here again. “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” This quote may sound silly, but it is as true with humans as it is in fish.

As we continue in the season of spring which is often associated with rebirth and renewal, allow yourself to be reborn. Grow your strengths and acknowledge your weaknesses. Ask for help when you need and don’t feel ashamed. Here is one more thing to keep in mind as you do ask for help. How do you feel when you are able to help someone? If you are a person who reads a blog like this, I imagine you feel quite good. When you don’t ask for help from someone who cares about you think of the good feeling you are depriving them of.

Feel free to share the ways you are working to improve yourself in the comments below. I wish you the greatest fortune in all your endeavors.

GAIN A NEW PERSPECTIVE 

This is me…on the roof of my work. Every few months I like to go up there and look for things that need fixing. This serves a dual purpose. First I check for things that need fixing on the roof. Today I found some broken metal brackets and loose covers. Last year it was a few bad goose eggs stuck in a vent.

It also allows me to do something else. As I walk around the border of the roof I can examine things on the ground below at a quick glance. I can see the entire landscaping and what needs attending to. I can see the parking lot and where there may be issues. In short, I can see a lot of things that may not be apparent when I am looking at them on the ground.

What does this have to do with living an amazing life? Life is not much different than what I do here. Sometimes in my life I need to take a step back and view things from an entirely different angle. I think it was Les Brown who said, “sometimes it is hard to see the picture when you are in the frame.” In other words, when we are emotionally involved in a situation it can be hard to see it objectively.

Have you ever been working on a problem for what seems like forever and a friend comes along and points out what is a simple, and should have been obvious solution? How frustrating is that? We were so focused and attached to the problem we were unable to see the solution. Albert Einstein said “we cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.”

That is what I am going to suggest you do for the next 24 hours. Try looking at situations from a different viewpoint. Pretend you are someone else, maybe even someone who has the opposite views you do. If you are facing a challenge try this simple method, write down all the facts of the matter with as few opinions and beliefs attached to them as possible. When you are done, trying looking at the problem from as many different angles as you can. You never know what ideas may come to the surface.

WHAT I LEARNED FROM A FISH

This is a puffer fish. His look kind of reminds me of mine when the alarm goes off in the morning. 

You can eat puffer fish, but they must be prepared correctly. If not, you could die. I recall while on vacation once I saw just such a dish on the menu. Normally I am quite the adventurous man, especially on vacation, but this time I considered the situation. I was fairly certain the chef knew what he was doing as the dish was actually listed on the menu. The odds of tasting something new without it ending fately were pretty good. 

Even with all of this confidence the trade off wasn’t worth it. There was a possibility of death just to taste a new fish. Normally decisions are not this black and white, but every decision we make has a trade off. Don’t want to go to your job anymore? You will be awarded great freedom, but then again you won’t have much money to enjoy said freedom. 

The most important time I have found this to come in handy is in disagreements with others. Have you ever found yourself in a disagreement with someone who in your mind has clearly done something wrong or hurtful but either cannot or refuses to see it? Now you are faced with a few options. If you continue to disagree until they see your side, which may never happen, there will exist the possibility of additional hurts being said. If you end up convincing them that they are ‘wrong’ or ‘to blame’ they may end up feeling resentful, hurt, ashamed or a host of other unpleasant emotions. While it may ‘serve then right’ it does damage to your relationship. Knowing 2 things going in may help. One, people seldom do things maliciously. Especially if they are people who care. Perhaps rather than make them feel bad, what is really needed is to help them understand how it made you feel. That leads us to our second point,  know your goal. Is it just to prove your right and they are to blame? If so, you won’t be looking forward to keeping too many friendships alive. If you are reading a blog like this i hallucinate your goal would be more to solve the issue at hand, find a better plan for the future and return to the love and goodwill that was there before the disagreement began. Knowing this ahead of time will certainly lead to a different course of actions. Even realizing it in the middle of a disagreement can lead to a quicker and more loving resolution. 
So think about what payoff your actions will lead to. Is this easy? No. Especially in extreme emotional states. With practice you will get better at it.  This will leave you with less regret and “why did i say that?” Situations. 

SAME..BUT DIFFERENT

As we watch what is going on in our current political climate i am reminded of my great friend Cari. That is a picture of her above. Not only does she obviously have great taste in books (you can get a copy of that very book by clicking this link A Happy Life for Busy People) but she is one of the sweetest people I have the honor of having in my life. Cari literally will help anyone and everyone she can. When her friends are hurting, she is hurting. She is a great listener and has a kind word about everyone. She even bakes amazing cookies. 

Other than the fact I am grateful for my friend and can take a moment to brag on her,what is this post about? Here is something about Cari and I, when it comes to some very important issues we have major differences. We are both very spiritual people and lean heavily on our faith. It is one of the things that I respect most about Cari. She stands by her beliefs even when it is not the easiest thing to do. She also does her very best to not only stand by them, but live her faith as well. She ‘walks the walk’. She also expresses her faith quite openly.

One evening Cari and I met for dinner which ended up lasting several hours. We discussed at length our beliefs and how they would apply in certain situations. We discovered on a lot of issues, important ones, we were miles apart. On others our views were in direct conflict with each other. 

A discussion like that could lead to conflict between the two individuals. How often have we heard never to discuss religion and politics? Here is what came of the evening with my friend. We expressed our views openly and passionately while the other party listened with the intent of understanding and not to ‘correct’ or even contradict each other. On several issues we agreed to disagree and on others even incorporated each other’s belief to gain a more complete understanding. 

The reason i bring this up is to encourage all of us to do the same. We can obviously see on a bigger scale governments having difficulty doing this, but it starts at a fundamental level between two people. I encourage us all to search for common ground and learn to agree to disagree. You can certainly respect someone and their convictions even if you do not agree with them 100%. Feel free to share any ideas you have for doing so in the comments below. 

DON’T LET IT KILL YOU!

Stress..wouldn’t it be great if our life didn’t have any? Sure a few days where everything goes along perfectly would be nice every now and again, but when it comes to having no stress in our lives at all let us be careful what we wish for. 

Ok before I lose you completely let me explain what i mean. Imagine if everything we had to lift was as light as a feather? Sounds great, but how on earth would we build the muscles needed for our body to work properly? It would be great if our partners agreed with everything we thought, but where would the variety in our relationships be? I can just imagine what you are thinking,  “Neil, i really could skip the stress that comes with disagreeing with the one i love. “. It is no fun going through the frustration and sometimes hurt feelings that come with disagreements, but often times this is when we learn the most about and grow closest to our partner. 

You see whenever stress appears in our lives the easiest way to not let it get to us is to ask one very important question,  “how can i use this?”. By asking this, and by using the stress to better ourselves it will keep us from feeling overwhelmed. Here is a list of  some of the possible things we can come up with. 

  • I learned something about the person i disagreed with
  • I learned something about myself
  • Here is an opportunity to show something great about my character 
  • I made it through this stressful time

So next time stress appears in your life look it square in the eyes and say “I’m going to use you, you will no longer use me.”

SOMETHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO

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Last post we discussed having something to look forward to. This post we will give you some ideas on just how to do that. Is there something you particularly enjoy? A hobby? Do you enjoy reading? Fishing? For me it is the Wisconsin State Fair. Write down a few of yours. Let us take fishing for example. Do you have friends who enjoy your hobby as well? If so, make a point to get together with them to discuss the ideas we will mention here. If not, perhaps it is time to look into making some fun and fabulous new friends? This can be done by joining local fishing clubs, or perhaps an even online forum.

Now begin to think about how you can enjoy this hobby all year long. I recommend setting up things throughout the year to celebrate your passion. In the case of fishing, perhaps you can gather a group of like-minded friends to plan a yearly fishing getaway? Even breaking this down to planning meetings to get you excited. Taking time to read up on new places to fish. A shopping trip to stock up on new equipment you may want to try out.

Perhaps you can’t always get away? How about subscribing to a fishing magazine? Once a month you will have something to look forward to and enjoy even if you may not have time to grab a rod and reel. Spending an afternoon to read up on the latest equipment, stories of great fishing trips and pictures of all the fish waiting out there for you to catch.

You could also consider starting a blog on the subject of your choice. Not all about setting up your own blog? Join an online forum. You can check in and chat with others while sharing fishing (or anything else) stories. Learning and living the life even while you are stuck in the 9 to 5. You can make new friends, learn new facts and just enjoy hearing new stories.

Doing this will give you several things to look forward to all year long. Do you have a particular passion you enjoy? How do you enjoy it, or could expand to enjoy it more often? Feel free to share it with all of us in the comments below!

KEEP THEM COMING!

20170409_124751This is a picture of the annual bike expo I attend. In recalling the first time I attended I assumed it was just row after row of bicycles you could buy. At that point I was beginning my passion for the sport. Soon I discovered there is a world inside of this sport. Inside the expo, which happens to take place at the Wisconsin state fair my favorite place to be, there are stands for different charity rides, stands for different bicycle shops, magazines relating to the sport, even clothing and accessories.

  • Here are a few things that make the bike expo something I look forward to each and every year. First, it happens just as the weather is starting to warm up. Despite living in a state that feels like it is winter eleven and a half months a year, I am really a sunshine and warm weather person. Seeing all this fabulous equipment designed to be used in warmer temperatures lifts my spirits and takes my thoughts to wonderful rides out in nature. Mini mental vacations are something I advocate regularly, and this provides a good one.

In addition it motivates me to return to the sport. Something for the last 2 years I have been a bit lax in. this spring finds me in the best shape I have been in for almost 10 years. I did it using several of the tips I share on this website, so I am looking forward to getting on my bicycle and exploring my neighborhood and the trails in it. This makes the thought of getting in better shape actually exciting and something to look forward to.

A third thing I enjoy is meeting people involved in the sport. They have people who give demonstrations on everything from how to change your bicycle tires, to healthy eating. You meet people who share different trails you never knew existed, some are even close to home! You can easily hear recommendations on everyone’s favorite things to drink, trails to ride, places to visit and a million other areas involved directly, or indirectly with cycling.

What is the point of all of this? How do I use my passion for a bicycle expo to live an amazing life, and more importantly, how can it help you do the same? Allow me to share with you. During the winter my sense of positivity can be a bit challenged. Some days it can seem the temperature will never be above freezing and I will never see the color green again. Knowing this about myself I try several things to help myself. This year I took a trip to Las Vegas with my beautiful lady. I often visit the local Horticultural exhibit here which is filled with living plants 365 days a year. In addition I try to give myself things to look forward to. I also like to take that one step further and examine the reasons I have to look forward to them. This is a step that takes life from great to phenomenal. Instead of just ‘looking forward to the bike expo’ I think about trails I would like to learn about, perhaps a new shirt or biking jersey I would like to purchase. I take stock of any bike parts I may need.

Thinking of all the little things involved in a pleasurable experience grows that feeling. It also can take it from a single day or weekend into a week, or even longer. My greatest example is the afore mentioned Wisconsin state fair. It is my single favorite thing to attend each and every year. Anyone who knows me remotely well, understands I begin planning for the next year the day after the current year fair ends. What did I not get to see? Was there a food I wanted to try? Something I wanted to purchase? Then right about now discount tickets go on sale. I make going to purchase them a special day. Around June, the preview book comes out. I like to sit down and learn what things are new and what I am going to look forward to doing. I have state fair shirts I wear that remind me of the good times to come as well. There is even more, but you can see how I have turned a once a year event into a virtual all year celebration.

So I encourage you to come up with a few things to look forward to. We will get into that a little more tomorrow, but start to come up with a few ideas now. Even think of ones you already have. The holidays maybe? Family vacation? Start to examine all of the fun you have during these events and how you can begin to expand them to enjoy all year long? Maybe sit down with your spouse to look at fun vacation destinations? Look at pictures from vacations past and discuss the new fun things you will do this year!

Feel free to share your ideas in the comments below.

KNOW WHERE YOU WANT TO GO

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This goofy character is me at our local museum which is one great museum if I must say so myself. The other day my lady took me there on a date. For those of you who know how much I love learning that is as good as it gets. Even during a day filled with love and learning I still have an eye out for something I can use to help live an amazing life.

One of the first things I have people do in my seminars is determine where they want their life to go. Sounds simple enough, but really it is not. A lot of people know a lot more about what they do not want than what they do. This time of year I hear a lot of people complaining how it is still cold and dreary where I live. Ok, some of those voices come from the other side of the mirror. I hear people say “I don’t want to live in this state anymore”. The fact is a lot of us approach our life challenges this way. Such things as “I don’t want to be overweight anymore” “I’m sick of living paycheck to paycheck”. These statements can be heard by people anywhere and everywhere.

There is nothing wrong with being discontented with where you are in life. In fact, this can be very helpful. What we need to focus on is not where we do not wish to be in life, but instead where we do want to be. When people say I don’t want to live here it is too cold. They could end up in the artic circle. They were not focusing on where they want to go. As you can see in the picture above I have a specific goal in mind, Fiji. I would like to visit there for the sunshine and the friendly nature of the people and culture. Tired of being overweight? Focus on the benefits of living a healthy active lifestyle. It is a lot more productive and fun for that matter to focus on where we want to go instead of where we want to leave.

So how do we do all this? The first step which I do in my seminars in more detail is to create a life mission statement. This contains two parts. The first part is the declaration, or where you want to go. The secret is to make this powerful and positive. Instead of “I don’t want to be overweight” try “I am determined to live a healthy and happy life”. Make the words powerful and positive. If your statement is weak, chances are the actions behind it will be too.

The second part is where we make sure this motivation lasts. The ‘why’ of your statement. Here is a secret about that too. We as humans are really only motivated by two basic principles at our core; the need to achieve pleasure and avoid pain. If you can include both of these in your mission statement it will keep give you  the motivation to keep going when the going gets rough.

How does one include both of those in a powerful and positive mission statement? Let me give you an example. Sticking with a person determined to live a more healthy life. Notice I didn’t say ‘wanting’ or ‘trying’ to live a healthier life. Say “I want to live a healthier life”. Now say “I am trying to live a healthier life”. Finally take a deep breath and say “I am determined to live a healthy life”. You can feel the difference choosing the right words can make. So including the pleasure or what we stand to gain is pretty easy. In our above example it could read something like this. “I am determined to live a healthier life so I will have more energy to accomplish my goals”.

Ok, but what about including pain or what we stand to lose? How can you do that and keep your statement positive? That requires a little creativity, but can be done. In our example if you do not live a healthy life, you may lose time with your loved ones. That is not a particularly fun thought, but you can include it in your statement to add even more motivation. Here is how. “I am determined to live a healthy life so I will have more energy to accomplish my goals and spend the maximum time with those I love” Read that in the mirror every morning or when you are tempted to eat an entire medium pizza and it will keep you motivated and on track!

Again I go into this in more depth at my seminar and in my upcoming book. For right now create your own positive life mission statement using the guidelines above. Don’t worry about it being perfect, just get one down. You can always tweak it as you go along. The sooner you get focused on where you want to go and motivated to do so, the sooner your life will transform before your eyes! Feel free to share this idea with friends. Perhaps get together for coffee and work together on your mission statements.

IT IS A GOOD DAY

FB_IMG_1491490829567I like this picture. “today is a good day for a good day”. Seems pretty logical, but how many of us actually wake up and decide, that is declare in a determined fashion, that today is going to be a great day? I suggest we all try that. Print this picture out to remind yourself. If you are anything like me, first thing in the morning remembering anything is a little tricky. I wonder how much I know before my first cup of coffee.

Ok enough about me and my ability to function without caffeine. Back to the matter at hand. When we begin the day determined to have a positive outcome and then face the day we give ourselves the advantage of starting out the day right. Even if we are faced with challenge after challenge, even if it turns out to be less than a great day, if we start with a determination to make it so we will surprise ourselves with how much control we have over this.

Not to mention, what makes a great day? Sure everything going smoothly and receiving only good news that would count. Winning the lottery? Check. Waking up with the body of our dreams either our own or next to us would work. What about things not going well and hearing some troubling news? Do not answer too quickly. If those challenges could teach us a valuable lesson and help us grow that would be good. If hearing some troubling news allowed us to be help to a friend or even a shoulder to cry on, could that be good? Being able to show someone we care in their time of need is a good day even though it may not make us feel like grinning ear to ear. What about finding out we did not get that raise, or as so often has been happening in my case an unexpected auto repair? We can be grateful and appreciate the money we do have that although would much rather be applied to our Fiji vacation fund will at least still allow us to take care of our obligations. It may also show us new ways in which to make a little go a lot farther. Maybe we didn’t wake up with the body of our dreams, but we did wake up with the possibility to improve that. Maybe we still do not eat as healthy as we should, but we ate one less piece of pizza than we used to. Still working on the one myself.

The point being is this, Everyday can be a good day. More to the point, there is some good in each and every day. Does this sound like I am looking at life as the glass half full? Maybe. Is it true there is also bad in each and every day? Perhaps. Still, how does focusing on that make us feel? It is easy to do and everywhere we look we are reminded of such, but we have a choice. I am not advocating sticking your head in the sand and pretending there are no challenges, but to make the most of them. Begin to develop a habit of asking yourself, “What good can I find in this?”. At first it might be difficult, especially in the face of what seems to be a dark day. Ask this question enough and you will be amazed as to what answers your brain will come up with. Just keep asking “What good can I find in this situation?”. Do so with both positive and challenging situations. It will give your mind some good practice and help you feel the sense of accomplishment.

So this weekend let us determine to have a good day each and every day! Feel free to share this with your friends. Get them in the habit of finding the good in every situation as well. Working together you can help each other. Sometimes it takes an outsiders point of view to see some good you may be missing.

THE MOST POWERFUL WARRIOR 

Who was the most powerful warrior? Ask this question to 50 people chances are you will get an equal amount of different answers. Vikings, samurais, and Spartans among many others. Still even among these different groups there are different kinds of warriors. So who is the most powerful warrior? To me it is the warrior who is fighting the greatest battle, one which can never be fully won. That is the battle of one’s own heart and mind. The inner warrior

It was Lao-Tzu who said “Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power”. Once we can control our emotions and live in action and not reaction. Once we can respond to anger with love we show the signs of an inner warrior. Are these things easy to do? Absolutely not. It may be the toughest battles we fight. It is easy to surrender to the negative emotions we are surrounded by every day. To maintain a positive disposition and encourage both ourselves and others takes a strength and courage very few have. When you meet one of these warriors know you are in the presence of someone very powerful.

If you should find yourself feeling defeated, or falling victim to the emotions of fear and anger as we all do at times, know you must speak to and heal your inner warrior. Also when you see friends that fit this description see them for what they are, fallen warriors. We are fighting demons that many know nothing about. When you stand beside a friend who is struggling. when you offer an encouraging word to someone full of doubt you are literally fighting beside a fellow warrior.

So as the weekend approaches let us all work with our inner warrior and learn to become the master of the space between our own two ears and not the victim.