Category: Uncategorized

PAIN-FREE WAY TO SELF-IMPROVEMENT 

Here is something so powerful I am excited to share with you. Why is it powerful? One, it is very simple. Most powerful things are. Two, it can help turn your life around with ease. Yes, I said it. What if you could work towards any goal you are chasing with less struggle and less pain? Sounds great doesn’t it? What is this secret method? I am about to share it with you, but before I do it must be proceeded with a word of caution. This idea may sound way too simple and you could be tempted to dismiss it. Trust me when I tell you that it would be in your best interest not to. Do not dismiss it because of its simplicity, rather rejoice that you have found something so powerful that is so easy to do.

Ok, what is this secret formula? Let’s take a look at what some of your goals may be. Weight loss? This will help. Being more positive? This will also help. Being better with your money? Again, you can use this formula to assist. Are you excited yet? You should be. Ok, here is the magic to improving your life with little or no struggle – increase the positive to decrease the negative – sounds catchy but what the hell does that really mean?

Let’s take a look a look at some of the examples. Weight loss is a great place to start. It would seem persistence is the key here. I should know. I’ve lost 20 pounds…several times. Anyone familiar with me knows that I love pizza. I also love chips and salsa. Burgers from the nite owl, a local place here, are another vice. I also preach if something makes you happy and doesn’t harm others you should include that. Well, obviously burgers, pizza and chips and salsa are not going to get the scale moving in the right direction. So, how can I still enjoy those and remain healthy? Trust me this is a question I really worked hard to find an answer for. Instead of deprivation and feeling like something is missing in my life I chose to add something healthy. I now go to the gym 5 days a week. I also started experimenting with healthy recipes. If I eat a salad, there is less room for pizza. That means I might just eat a few pieces instead of the whole thing. It also means I don’t feel like I am giving up something which often makes sticking with your plan hard to do. 

Want to eliminate some of the negative people in your life or on your social media page? Try adding positive people and sites (just search ‘motivation’, ‘happiness’ or other such terms or add Secret2anamazinglife) then in addition to the drama and political banter there will be an inspiring quote or a picture of a cute piglet, puppy, beach scene or whatever else makes you happy. 

Another bonus when you do this is that quite often the negative things seem to fade out if not all together, at least a little. You may find you like eating different types of healthy foods. You may find the feeling of starting a savings account and watching the money grow will motivate you to do so more often. 

Please feel free to share ways in which you add positive things in your life and the impact it has had in the comments below. 

UNLEASH YOUR SUPERPOWER!

Did you know that you have a super power? Yes you reading this right now. If you find yourself scratching your head, rolling your eyes or any other sign of disbelief let me assure you that you do. This thought occurred to me at the most unique time. Still it is something we can all do that can not only make us feel like a superhero to ourselves, but seem like one to all other we interact with as well. My favorite part? Doing this can take your relationship to the next level and make you a hero to the one you love.

Those are all pretty bold claims, but let me prove them to you. Let us start with the last one because that is the one that I feel this idea can make the biggest difference in. How can we become a hero to the one we love? I am going to give you a clue, the answer has been in front of you all of the time. There are two steps you must take to make this happen. The first step is to listen and observe. You will be listening for something very specific from your partner. The next thing you should do is to write down when you hear these items. I know, I know, another list. Anyone who follows this blog or knows me in person knows that I am a fan of lists. Why? In short, lists work.

Here is what you are going to be listening and looking for. Have you ever done something that just wowed the person you love? It could be something dramatic, like take them out for a fancy dinner at a special place they like. It could also be something simple like helping out with the dishes so they can focus on making a masterpiece cake. (shh…I’m trying to help myself here). Either way, they let you know that really made them happy. Start that list. Things I do to make my partner happy. I suggest doing this list when they happen as it is fresh.

The next items you will be looking for is things you do to make your partner feel loved. Maybe you share a special smile they love. Maybe you buy them a red balloon? Maybe you make them a tres leches cake? (still trying to help myself) Again, these can be big things, but mostly they are little small things. This can often be harder for ladies as men are not very likely to tell the woman they love “thank you baby that really made me feel loved.” If you do have a man like that, hang on to him, but more likely ladies you will have to look for the more subtle signs. Write down everything that fits in this category.

Once you have these lists, and I recommend you update them as often as you can, you have a really great power. Knowing, and more important, paying attention and putting to work things that make the one you love feel happy and loved will make you both very happy. Get into a disagreement? Now you have a few items that can help get things back on track. Your spouse going through some rough times? You can help them make it through and keep their smile.

The best part is this works with bosses, parents, children and anyone else in your life. Pay attention and make your list. Then, at anytime you need to you can be the light in someone’s life. Feel free to share this with everyone you know. After all, they may make a list for you.

WHY YOU MUST BE TO HAVE

Does the title of this post sound confusing? If it does, do not worry, the concept it conveys took me a long time to wrap my head around myself. This principle was first introduced to me through a book I was reading on law of attraction. In this arena it was said you have to see and feel yourself as if you were already in the situation you were desiring. I must confess I struggled with this. How can I imagine myself on the shores of Fiji when I am scraping the ice off my windshield in West Allis Wisconsin?

Even the business books I have read advocate putting yourself forth as what you want to become. Once again convincing people I am a wealthy executive while I am driving a PT cruiser that spends more time in the shop than on the road is no easy task. It is hard to convey the attitude of wealth when you experience lack. It is no easier than feeling healthy while you are sick.

What all of these examples had in common with me is a “Fake it until you make it” kind of mentality. I am not a fan of faking anything. I find genuine people refreshing and strive to be as genuine as I can be myself. It somehow felt dishonest. I wondered was I not fully understanding the concept correctly?

Several things managed to change  my opinion and mindset on this. First, was my favorite quote, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” When I first heard this quote from Mahatma Gandhi it changed my life. Not only did I understand the great deal of responsibility that I had to create my own reality, but it also gave me a feeling of great control over doing so.

Next influence that allowed me to change perspective was the words of the famous author and speaker Earl nightingale who said “We become what we think about all day long.” That certainly made a little more sense to me. If I kept thoughts of where I wanted to go in my head instead of where I was I would be more likely to get there.

The last example came from one of my greatest influences, Tony Robbins. He explained it as they teach you in racing school. When you go into a spin, focus on where you want to go not the wall you do not want to crash into. The majority of people are focused on what they do not want and where they do not want to go. That is why you often see cars on an open road crash into the only tree within a mile of where they are.

This lead to an interesting discovery that occurred to me, there is no law of physics that states our mind and bodies have to occupy that same place at the same time. In fact, if they do we are really not going anywhere. We must live in the present while preparing for the future.

This all does three very important things. First, it helps prepare us for our success. Allow me to give you an example. In the next few years I plan on running for office. Right now as I hear stories of politicians and the issues they face I imagine myself in their positions and think of what I might say and do. I also conduct myself as a public official does, so when the time comes that I am elected I will not have to worry about changing how I act or carry myself.

The second thing being want you want before you actually achieve it does is give you conscious and subconscious mind a target on which to fix themselves. In essence, saying to your mind, “This is where we are going, now find the way there.” You will suddenly find yourself surrounded by the people you need to be and in the situations you need to be in. That leads us to the final benefit.

What kind of people do you think happy and positive people want to be around? If you are thinking other happy and positive people you would be correct. Like attracts like. It is a natural law. Creative people do not do well to surround themselves with people who choose not to exercise their creative potential. Motivated people enjoy the company of other driven people. The benefit of all of this is that they feed off each other. The takeaway is this, if you want to be happy, surround yourself with happy people. The way to attract happy people? Be one yourself.

 

WHAT I GAINED BY BEING A WARRIOR 

Recently I completed the warrior dash race.  (That’s me in the middle, Siraya to the right and Deanna to the left) The warrior dash is a 3.2 mile run that is filled with 12 obstacles including, but not limited to, swimming across a small lake, running through fire and climbing through the mud under barbed wire. If you notice our fabulous appearance that is the result.

So why, on a perfectly fine spring day, would three normally fairly sane people do such a thing? The reasons vary and the best I can do is to give you some of mine.

When I first heard of the Warrior dash it hinted at adventure. The kind one cannot find by simply strolling through the park on a sunny day. The inner child in me was jumping up and down raising both hands screaming “pick me! Pick me!” It was that same voice that got me scolded for coming in with muddy and ripped clothes from some ill-planned adventure. As an adult there are very few opportunities to pursue such experiences. Although if my mother saw me I am sure she would not be happy about my clothes. So, allowing the adventure craving inner child to have some fun was one reason to do this.

Then there was the test of physical endurance. In our typical 9 to 5 world there exists very few opportunities to use the body for what it was designed for, and that is to move and utilize our muscles. Being able to see where I stand as a 41 year old man certainly was it’s own adventure. To be honest, I was pleasantly surprised with how my body reacted.

Knowing I was about to test my physical stamina brought us to the next reason for signing up for this adventure. When the day finally came I wanted to not be disappointed in myself for the way I performed. Keeping this in mind got my sleepy butt out of my warm bed and to the gym on more cold days than not. When I felt like I could not do one more rep or run one more step I thought about looking old and out of shape on the course and managed to push on. Knowing if I skipped a day at the gym that would be one less chance to prepare that I could never get back. Having this end goal in mind helped motivate me on a daily basis.

Another important reason for me doing this is to be a good example. Telling folks they can chase a goal and achieve it is one thing. Doing the same yourself and setting the example is quite another. I employed many of the tools I teach on this very sight to stay focused and motivated. ‘Walking the walk’ in my opinion, is part of being a true warrior.

All of the above reasons were very good and did keep me motivated to continue, but all of these reasons combined were not as powerful as this last one. All the proceeds of this test of endurance benefit St. Jude children’s hospital. Knowing there are so many children born without the basic abilities you and I take for granted made me put my heart into doing this. Knowing all the funds from myself and all my fellow warriors would benefit children and their families facing challenges I can barely appreciate made me feel like a winner before I even began. One finds it very difficult to complain when running through ankle deep mud, when you know it benefits children who may not even have legs to walk on. Using our strength, our endurance and of course our entrance fee to benefit these disadvantaged children and their families that share the struggle with them is what made me truly feel like a warrior.

Each step tested our mental, emotional and physical endurance, but knowing each step helped children and their families pushed us further than we could normally go. In this spirit, everyone we met on the course was so friendly and so helpful. To see such a large group of people pushing themselves so hard for such a great cause gives a warmth and fire to the heart. With that thought in mind I tip my fuzzy hat with horns on it to not only my two fellow warriors who stuck with me the whole way, but to each and every warrior who fought their own physical limits to help children who face far to many. Next year will I not only do this again, but I plan on raising even more money for St. Jude. I hope to see even more of you on the course!

WHY I DO NOT HATE 

I warn you this post will touch on subjects that are not that pleasant to discuss. It is not the point of this website to delve into the realm of politics or any controversial topics, but sometimes they provide us with the opportunity to shine the light on ways we can improve both ourselves and the world. This is one of those opportunities. I caution that at first this post may sound negative and depressing, but I challenge the reader to stick with me until the end to find the message of hope.

The other night my lady and I saw the movie The Promise. A very fine movie with a very important message. The movie is a love story told with the backdrop of the Armenian genocide. During the first World War Turkey, who sided with Germany, took the lives of almost 2 million Armenians. Perhaps you may have not heard of this until now. There are very good reasons why. First, Turkey has never admitted to this atrocity and claims all of those lives were lost during a “Voluntary relocation”. I am not sure about you, but I have never heard of 2 million volunteering to move at the same time. Another reason you may not have heard of the lose of all of these innocent men, women and children is because another country that has refused to officially recognize this event in history is the United States of America. Why? Quite simply, they need the use of air bases in Turkey for their interests in the middle east. Hearing these facts and knowing I am Armenian one may assume I hate, or have a prejudice against Turkish people. I do not. I have a friend named George. He owns an ice cream stand with the best ice cream I have tasted. We often laugh and I enjoy supporting his endeavors. He is Turkish.

In the Second World War we are all too familiar with the tragic loss of the lives of 6 million of our Jewish brothers and sisters. Innocent victims who gave their lives for nothing more than their spiritual beliefs. I am not Jewish, but I feel the anguish of what their people went through, and in many ways, are still going through.

That was still not the largest genocide in history. In the course of the founding of the country I live in 100 million, yes you read that number correct, Native Americans were killed in the name of civilization and expansion. Most of the ‘killers’ in this case were Christians who thought they were claiming lands from a less deserving people. They included not just the military who fired shots, but politicians who starved out innocent families after forcibly relocating them. If this all sounds a bit contrived I invite you to read the book Bury my Heart at Wounded Knee or study the trail of tears.

Why is this not part of the history we are taught in schools? One, patriotism. It would be hard for some to love a country knowing some of the terrible things that occurred in it’s founding. Also, the ones who win the wars write the books to teach the people. Often decedents of the very people who committed these acts are the ones teaching our children. Being that I am also Native American one could assume I harbor ill will against my own country or people who belong to the faith that murdered many of my ancestors. I do not. My friend Cari is a devout Christian who I feel honored to call my friend. Cari and I not only have healthy discussions on the differences in our beliefs, but how we can use both to help make the world a better place.

So, the question you may be asking yourself is why, or more to the point, how can I not harbor any ill will against any of these groups? There are several reasons I would like to share with you and tell you what you can do if you find yourself the victim of hate or racial discrimination. Believe or not, on occasion I still am.

The first reason I have nothing but love for these people is forgiveness. People often view forgiveness as a weakness. It is quite the opposite. To suffer at the hands of others or to be openly and unfairly judged based on your faith, race, religion or any such trait and to be able to forgive takes far more courage and strength than to continue the cycle of hate. More importantly, forgiveness is the gift you give yourself. This holds true for may reasons as well. When you hold hate and anger in your heart it not only steals your joy and slowly kills your spirit, but actually has many negative physical effects as well.

When you close your heart to people because they are different from you, or because they hurt you it can cost you the ability to get to know a great many wonderful people. When this is done on a large scale as mentioned in the examples above we lose even more. In the movie I mentioned one of the main characters is a promising medical student. He is very talented and has a natural passion for healing. That ability goes unused for many years simply because of the nationality he happens to be. His imprisonment was not only his loss, but a loss to all of those he could have been helping. Can you imagine if we had lost Albert Einstein to the Jewish holocaust? What would the world have all missed out on?

Another reason not to continue the cycle of hate is understanding. In the case of the three examples mentioned above there had been generations of teaching to masses of people to learn to hate, or at the very least think less of certain people. In most cases it stems from governments against other governments. Can you think of even some beliefs in your own family that you may not agree with? One of the greatest weapons now is knowledge. My grandfather taught me a great number of important things. I am going to quote him here the best I can remember. He told me “Never hate somebody you don’t fully understand. If you still dislike them, you still don’t fully understand them.” Getting to know all the different cultures on this beautiful planet can bring us a great deal of compassion. You do not have to agree with them, but understanding traditions and faith make it very difficult to keep any hate in your heart.

What if you find yourself victim of such ill will? Here is my sound advice I not only tell everyone in this situation, but follow myself – be the best version of yourself. You do this for several reasons. First, it shows the person’s ignorance for what it truly is. Second, you make the best representation of the very group they are persecuting. Frank Sinatra said it best when he said, “The best revenge is massive success.” Consider some of the famous Armenians (Cher and the Kardashians) or Native Americans (Johnny Depp and Chuck Norris). Now whether or not you enjoy these people’s talents they all have achieved a great deal of success.

Striving to learn why people learn to hate others with the passion they sometimes do has given me reasons to continue to be the best version of myself and to have compassion and seek understanding of those different than me. I ask you to pause and think of what we may have lost in the over 100 million lives that were unfairly taken in the examples above. Great doctors and people of healing? Great composers and musicians? The world will never know. What we do know is if we do not stop the cycle of hate we stand to lose a lot more. Do your part by fostering understanding and cooperation between all groups. Even if you disagree with someone, do your best not to talk ill of them personally and certainly whatever group they may belong to. It may seem like innocent gossip, but it is planting the seed of hatred that may grow into the examples above.

This may all seem very dark and negative, but the point is each one of us has the power to stop the cycle of hate and to turn the world around. The responsibility lies with all of us. In short, Love one another.

WHAT I LEARNED FROM A FARMER PART 2

If you recall a while back I wrote a post about what I learned from a farmer. WHAT WE CAN LEARN FROM THE FARM Here is another thing we can learn from a story I have heard about an old farmer.

This farmer was asked about what he was doing to address that squirrel problem. He was asked, “What are you doing about these squirrels? They are eating half of our crop! Are you trapping them? Are you poisoning them?” The farmer just smiled and shook his head as he replied, “nah, I’m just planting twice as much.”

You see that farmer discovered something I was just reminded of recently. We can fight against what is holding us back, or we can work twice as hard and still succeed. The farmer could have trapped or poisoned the squirrels and just been faced with more. That is not to say we should not address challenges, just remember to work on what we have control over as well. Like the farmer let us plant twice as much.

So, if your business is struggling make twice as many calls as you normally do. You and the spouse not getting along that well? Instead of focusing on what you think they might be doing wrong, focus on being twice as loving yourself. Feeling more stressed out lately than normal? Do twice as much to take care of yourself. Maybe add a second stress relieving activity to your day or meditate twice as often?

Even taking control of our lives gives us a boost knowing we are not leaving the quality of our life up to outside circumstances and people. While there will always be ‘squirrels’ in life, we must always remember to plant twice as much.

*disclaimer* I am actually a fan of squirrels and no squirrels were harmed in the writing of this blog.

YOU NEED TO ARM YOURSELF

Arm yourself? Is this turning into a blog about gun control? Certainly not. If this phrase sounds a bit to confrontational for you, let me remind you of one thing. We are in a fight. Some of us may not look at it that way, but that is truly what it is. We are in a fight for control of our mind, our body and our spirit. Daily we are exposed to negative influences on social media, in advertising and even through the people and situations we come in contact with.

If we are honest with ourselves, hasn’t there been a day where stress and overwhelm has stolen our day? You had things you wanted to get done, but then something happened that just left you feeling totally drained and overwhelmed due to some stressful situation? Maybe it has even stolen some joy out of your day. You had a nice party to attend or lunch to enjoy with a friend and because of something you are overwhelmed by you can’t fully enjoy it? Sometimes it can even make the littlest thing seem so stressful. 

Have you ever noticed when you are totally stressed out that is when everything seems to fall apart? You are running late for work because your car won’t start, and because you are rushing you spill coffee on your lap. Then halfway to work you realize you forgot your cell phone and cannot tell your spouse you will have to stay a little later at work resulting in them being upset you will come home late without telling them.

Whew! I don’t know about you but that makes me tired just reading that story. So how do we keep from getting overwhelmed? I am going to share something I do that not only helps from getting me too stressed out, but also helps me improve my life and learn more than I ever thought I would. Care to find out what that is? I have developed that habit of asking two very important questions. Yes, that is it. Sounds easy doesn’t it? Well it is and it isn’t. All that is required is remembering two questions. You may even wish to write them down on a piece of paper because during stressful and overwhelming times trying to remember those two questions Neil told you to ask to keep from being overwhelmed can be…well…overwhelming. The ‘difficult’ part about this is learning to come up with constructive answers. There is no shortcut that I know of to being able to do this. What I recommend is to begin doing this today. You do not have to wait for stressful situations either. You can ask these two questions about any event in your life and the result will be more knowledge and more productivity.

So what are the two magic questions? I was beginning to think we would never get to them myself. Here is the first question, “What else can this mean?”. Let us say we were supposed to meet a friend for lunch at noon. Here it is 12:30 and we are sitting alone with no call or text. Our first reaction may be that our friend is rude, that they do not respect our time. These options could be true, but if we ask ourselves “what else can this mean?” we open ourselves up to other possibilities. Perhaps our friend was in an accident? Perhaps they are having a day like we described above? Maybe they are stuck in bad traffic and do not want to use their phone and are more worried about getting to us safely. Maybe we didn’t communicate the time correctly? Maybe they just do not understand how important being on time is to us? When we start to explore these other options it not only prevents us from being stuck in a feeling of anger and frustration, but surely prevents the friendship from taking too much of a blow even if we have to explain when we say to meet at noon we would really like to do so. Coming up with positive alternatives to negative situations can be tricky. Especially in the beginning when our brain is not used to it. To help it along we can pair it up with the second question.

Ah, the second question. This question is one of my favorites and has helped me survive quite a few stressful situations. If I was to be perfectly honest it has probably helped the welfare of the few of the people involved in stressing me out too. What is this question? When faced with a challenge and even one you may not be able to come up with a single positive meaning for, although I promise that will get easier with time, use the second question. Ask yourself, “How can I use this?” If you can find a way to get some good use out of a stressful situation you have, in effect, used it instead of allowing it to use you! How cool is that? When you realize there is something you can get out of a stressful situation it loses its power over you. Take our friend being late for lunch example. We could use that to practice patience certainly, but we can also use it to practice communicating something that bothers us with tact. We could use the extra time to do a quick meditation. Maybe we could read our favorite inspirational blog on our phone as we wait?

When stress comes knocking and bad things happen keep yourself armed with these two questions to fight off the effects of negativity and to keep from being overwhelmed. “What else could this mean?” and “How can I use this?” Feel free to list some of your examples of how you put a negative situation to use for you in the comments below and inspire other readers.

I’VE HIT THE WALL

Hitting the wall is a phrase most often used in sports. It usually refers to the feeling of totally exhausting yourself. When you’re running for example, you get to a point where it feels if you take another breath your lungs will explode. 

This feeling is not limited to the arena of sports. When pursuing our life’s purpose and passion we can often feel like we have hit the wall. That we have tried everything we can, or maybe everything we are trying is not working. This can be especially frustrating if our goals have a noble intent. 

This is where I find myself presently. My goal has always been to help individuals reduce stress in their lives and become the best versions of themselves all while enjoying the process. Currently work on my latest book has ground to a halt. Views on both my website and YouTube channel have flatelined. I was even told by our local library that, and I quote, “stress reduction is not a very interesting or helpful adult education topic. Perhaps you could do a talk about local history.” Most of my efforts to bring my helpful tips on decreasing stress and increasing joy from my book A Happy Life for Busy People have not come to fruition. 

When sharing my frustration with the love of my life about the inability to share these great tools I have learned and help others live a more passionate and rewarding life my lovely lady, as she so often does, came up with a great solution – write about it. 

In sports if you manage to keep going after hitting the wall you get a second burst of energy. You feel unstoppable. My passion is to truly help others and I will continue to push on to do so. I am recently in talks to make an appearance on a podcast. Tomorrow I shall return to the keyboard to conquer another section of my next literary masterpiece. Oh, and the local library? I’ve made arrangements to rent out the room to host a seminar on my own to help those who need it most. 

So, when you feel like you have tried everything and are getting nowhere, hang in for just a little while longer. They say it is always darkest before the dawn. I firmly believe that right around the corner will be the next opportunity to bring my message of stress reduction and hope to many more and help make the world a more positive place one person at a time. 

I invite you to share what you do that allows you to keep going when the going gets tough. If you know of any opportunities for me to share my motivational message with others please feel free to share them as well.  

TURN YOUR LIFE AROUND STARTING TODAY!!!

My quick start video for transforming your life
CLICK HERE TO WATCH THIS POWERFUL VIDEO 

LET’S GET STARTED!!!

Last post we talked about improving our lives. Here is one simple way we can do just that. Work on strengthening our decision muscle. It is true one decision can literally change our lives. The decision to say “It’s over!” or “Let’s begin!”. Can you think of some decision you have made that has totally changed your course of life? Going to work at a certain place of employment? Dating a certain person?

Let us decide to make one new decision that will positively affect our lives. Before we do so, however, let us look at what it actually means to decide. According to membean.com “The root word cis and its variants cid and -cide come from a Latin root which means to ‘cut’ or ‘kill.’ A decision, for instance, is a ‘cutting off’ of all possibilities except for one; if you are decisive you have ‘killed’ all other options.” Think of that, you have killed all other options.

I like to use the word ‘declare’ more than the word ‘decide’. I feel it has more emotional power. If you decide you are going to be more healthy, you could decide tomorrow you are going to eat a whole pizza. On a side note, these two things have both happened to me in the past. When you ‘declare’ something it is like shouting it from the rooftops. You are saying “this is how it is going to be no matter what.” If you are faced with an obstacle you work around it. If you do not succeed at some point, you pick yourself up and start again.

Great lives were created one decision at a time. Let us all choose one decision to change our life today. Feel free to share your inspiring decision in the comments below.