Category: Uncategorized

IT IS NOT WHAT YOU SAY, BUT HOW YOU SAY IT!

This is my favorite book. Read it no less than 7 times. Every time that I read it I either find something new I missed, or am reminded of some important aspect I forgot. One of the main lessons in this book it how you speak with and treat others. Yes, some of it has to do with getting them over to your side of an issue, but that is not the entire lesson. The core principle is treating others with dignity and respect.

Last post we discussed the idea of emotional maturity and self-control. What I see lately is not only a total lack of those two qualities from those in power, but a praising and celebration of treating others poorly. This not only confuses me, but saddens me as well. When, as a society did we praise people for lack of dignity and respect when it comes to dealing with others? We have people in the highest positions of power calling those that disagree with them, or sometimes even question them, terrible names followed by rants attacking their personal character.

They say that the empty can rattles the most. That could not be more true. If someone were emotionally mature, or even have an intellectual point to make in disagreement, they would not take the juvenile path of name calling and insulting. Not to mention to me, what is the greatest point we should ponder in all of this. When we call each other names or put someone down, especially on a public stage, we have no idea how harmful those comments can be. We never know what people are fighting in their lives. With the cost of living so high and the fear of violence as high as it has even been, it is more important now than ever to treat each other with courtesy and respect. That does not mean you have to agree with them. What it does mean is that we need to be emotionally mature enough to disagree with someone without acting like an undisciplined child.

What would we do if the insults and names that we lash out with is what puts someone over the edge? Can you imagine if your childish behavior lead to the loss of a life? Maybe it was the last loss of hope in humanity someone was clinging to? There is no reason to treat someone in this fashion. We can learn to respectfully disagree. Perhaps everyone might give this book a cursory glance.

WE NEED TO BE REMINDED

I often mention that Mr. Rogers is one of my favorite philosophers and teachers. Many think this is some kind of joke. “He teaches children.” they say. That is only partially true. He taught lessons that we should learn as children. What is abundantly clear is that many have either never learned these lessons, chose not to learn them or have sense forgotten them. Looking at the picture above, “What do you do with the mad that you feel?” Even the subtitle ‘Self-control, expression and healthy outlets’. How many people do you know could use a refresher in these lessons? I think all of us could at some point in our lives.

Do we still need Mr. Rogers? Looking at some of the issues in the news such as Brown University, Australia, and even the director Rob Reiner, it is apparent lots of folks do not know what to do with the mad they feel. We need guidance in self-control, expression and healthy outlets. Certainly, Mr. Rogers is not the only solution, but would it not help us to review some of the childhood lessons that we do not always live up to?

One of the best things we can do for this world is to make sure that we teach the children these lessons. Not only our children, but by our example teach any children, or adults for that matter, that may be watching our behavior. Let them see there are healthy ways to solve a disagreement. Emotional maturity may not be discussed as openly and often as it should be. Let us work together to change that. Mental health in general is a very important topic that we need to make sure everyone feels safe to bring up and ask for help. Each of us working together can change the world.

HEALING IS POSSIBLE

We all have a good deal of healing to do in our lives. It can be from a break-up, a job loss, a physical ailment, abuse from our childhood, or even the loss of a loved one. No matter what healing we are in the process of going through, it can seem overwhelming. I recall coming back from my open-heart surgery. There were days when it seemed I would never be back to normal. Even 4 months later, I had my first day back to work. I had been feeling like I was normal. Five minutes into my day I was gasping for air and my body felt like I had just run a marathon. I felt so defeated , like I was back to square one.

Emotional healing can be even more complicated. It can seem you take one step forward and two steps back at times. You think you may have got past that break-up and then you hear a song on the radio that puts you into tears. Perhaps you think you have managed to find a way to move forward in life after the loss of a loved one, only to wake up in a sea of sadness. This is often how healing works. It is messy, difficult and at times overwhelming.

What will help us to traverse our healing journey and not become overwhelmed? Many lean on their faith. That is a great idea as it can bring peace in the most trying of times. Some lean on friends and family. That can be helpful as it gives the other party a feeling of value in your life. Just make sure to consider their well-being as well. One way that we can do daily is to celebrate the smallest parts of our healing journey. This can be making it 5 minutes before breaking down when the day before we only made it 3. The more we note the small progress we made healing, the less overwhelming it will seem.

One additional thing to keep in mind is that healing is not always a linear journey. There will be ups and downs. Somedays we must celebrate just making it through the day. Other times it is making it through the hour. Healing is just that way. The last thing we need when we are trying to heal is to put any pressure on ourselves. Give yourself the gift of grace as you work your way to healing.

YOU NEVER KNOW YOUR BALANCE, SPEND WISELY

After reading the quote in this picture, there is not much to say, but yet you could spend forever pondering it. We will spend a little less than forever but spend a little time pondering the virtues of spending our time wisely. Looking at time as a currency certainly gives it more value in many people’s eyes, which is ironic in itself. Can you imagine spending money never knowing how much you had? You could wind up with a bunch of worthless junk and not enough money to afford food and shelter. Sadly, this is how many people do live.

I often look at life like an hourglass. The sand only goes one way and it is always flowing. That is like our life. Our years are flowing from the top to the bottom. We can do things to slow the flow, but there is no putting the sand back. In addition, it is as if the top of the hourglass is covered. We never know how much sand we have left. Try looking at an hourglass and pondering this. Even a little timer that comes in a boardgame will do. Watch the sand flowing and realize the time you have left is doing the same. This should not make you sad, but create a sense of urgency.

We only have so many more tomorrows. How many, none of us know. That is why wasting our time on senseless gossip or the destruction of others is not only a vile use of our time, but a waste. There is a cliche that says, “Every minute you spend in anger is 60 seconds of happiness you lose.” That might not be it exactly, but you get the idea. We must use our time in ways that not only serve our peace and development, but that of those we care about. Doing things to help the world live in peace and harmony is a good use of anyone’s time. How about you? How are you spending your time?

THE GREATEST GIFT

Today is the birthday of this special lady. One of those things that I run up against every year is what do you get a lady that brings so much into your life? This is further complicated by the fact that I love surprising her with little gifts as often as I can. When I see something that I think will bring a smile to her face, I pick it up. Saving it for a holiday or special occasion is not exactly something I am good at.

In my second book, Living the Dream, I advocate active listening as a way to learn what would make a heart-warming gift for that special someone. It has served me so well in the past and I hope this year as well. Also working on ways to communicate not just with your partners ears, but with their heart and soul. This makes someone feel valued and special.

After thinking of the perfect gift, I realize these are the things that make up a perfect gift. Listening, speaking to someone’s heart and spending quality time with them is a gift that never goes out of style. Happy birthday my love! I hope your day is as special as you are to me!

CHRISTMAS MOMENTS

I cannot claim the idea for today’s post as my own. It was my mother who gave me the concept. Where she got it, I cannot recall. It involves having ‘Christmas Moments’. What are Christmas moments? They are the gift of the special moments of joy that you either give or receive from others or the world around you. The secret to these moments is being present and intentional to appreciate and notice them. Being present really helps when you are receiving them and being intentional helps when you are looking to give them. Both of these bring joy to both your life and others.

The photo above is from a recent Christmas party held at the place that Margie and I DJ at on Sunday. Gathered around are some of the wonderful people who visit us on a weekly basis. It was nice to be able to sit and chat without having to work and yell over each other. This is an example of a ‘Christmas Moment’. Another example I have is the other day after a particularly tough day involving car repair, shoveling and working, I came in to discover that my lovely lady had a nice hot ginger beverage waiting for me on the kitchen table. It both warmed my body and my soul. In the time it took to drink it, I treasured this Christmas Moment.

You might be thinking, “Those Christmas moments sure sound wonderful. I wish I could give them to others!” You are in luck! Giving Christmas moments is just as fun and even easier than receiving them. During the crazy holiday season, there are endless possibilities to give gifts of kindness and encouragement. It just might make the difference between breaking and being able to go on to a stressed out retail employee. Even fellow shoppers are extra stressed this time of year. Many lines are longer, items may be out of stock, not to mention weather is a constant stressful factor.

How do you give a ‘Christmas Moment’ to someone else in these stressful times? Thanking a hard-working employee and letting them know you appreciate them would be priceless. Smiling and letting a person push their cart past you can lessen the stress during their shopping experience. There are Christmas moments that nobody else may notice but you. Returning your cart to the store so the employee will have one less cart to gather up in the inclement weather. You may not think one cart would not make a difference, but imagine if everyone who thought that brought their carts back? You may not get a pat on the back for this, but you will know in your heart that you did something that made someone’s life a little easier. That is a Christmas moment.

I am sure you can think of a million other ideas for Christmas moments that you can give or receive. I would love if you would share yours, but even more if we will just go out and enjoy giving and receiving them.

PREMEDITATIO MALORUM – YOUR KEY TO SUCCESS 🙌

What is this Latin phrase that we mentioned in the title? It literally translates to “the premeditation of evils”. What that consists of is mentally rehearsing troubles that we may encounter so that when they do arrive, we are better prepared to traverse them. Taking it a step further, it is often experiencing voluntary discomfort in order to prepare for life’s unexpected discomfort. This may all seem a little over-the-top for those not well-versed in the philosophy of stoicism, but it makes sense in a practical sense as well. Let us explore both.

Mentally preparing for life’s hardships takes some emotional investment. What it pays off in is an increase in gratitude and appreciation for the life you already have. Let us demonstrate by example. When you first wake up, try to imagine life without someone you really care about. Think about the inability to speak with them. The lose of companionship. Missing their smile. Really do your best to feel how you would feel if they were really gone. When you realize how much you would miss them and how much your life will change, you will be more likely to appreciate and see the value of that person and far less likely to take them for granted. This is not only true with people. It can be the same for a job, a pet or even a car as we will see in the next example.

This is a picture of the front of my 2024 Rav4, after meeting with a snow bank. On my way to work I hit some black ice and the car swerved into a snow bank cracking the bumper. This did not, in any way, improve my opinion of winter. I also have a 2005 Ford Escape which I use to transport our DJ equipment on Sunday. Ironically, it handles far better in the snow. As I dropped this car off to be worked on, I was grateful to have the other available to take with me to work and back.

There are some major differences. My 2024 has automatic start, heated seats and even a heated steering wheel. When, at 4am, I leave for work it helps me not mind the cold as much. In fact, I was getting used to how it felt only having to brave the cold a few feet from house to car. I was starting to take it for granted. Well, now I am driving my older car. No automatic start or heated anything. I leave the warm house with the hot lady and get into a cold car. The car happens to stay that way for the first several minutes of my journey. Just to make sure the point was driven home, mother nature decided to give us temperatures of – 5°F. When my new car returns, it will be quite some time before I take all of the heat for granted.

How many things in our life are like this? The fancy new car becomes our car. The promotion we worked so hard to get eventually becomes our job. It is not until things are taken away that we really appreciate them. This is the benefit of practicing voluntary suffering. By submitting ourselves to being uncomfortable for lengths of time, we not only appreciate comfort more, but are less phased should it be taken away.

This Stoic principle may not seem like the most enjoyable to engage in, but it will make you far more grateful for the rest of your life and better prepared for any challenge that life may throw at you. I would recommend engaging in it today.

ONE OF YOUR GREATEST ACCOMPLISHMENTS

We speak at length how to accomplish many things in life. Goals, aspirations and relationships. One of our greatest accomplishments can be found in the relationship we have with ourselves. Is it a truly authentic one? This also plays into our relationship with others. Are we confident enough to be ourselves in the company of  others? In a world of social media highlights and filters, being ourselves can seem like less than everyone else. Here is a newsflash we all may have forgotten, there can be a competition. Here is why – we are the only person we can be. Nobody can be us, and we cannot be them. We could strive to do so, but we cannot only end up a cheap copy of the real thing.

That should be liberating to hear. When people, including our own brain, think we should be further, they are forgetting that each person has a unique journey that travels at the speed that is right for them and their lives. The only person whom we should strive to be is a better version of the person we were the day before. This takes courage and resiliency of character. If we are able to be ourselves in a world that is trying to change us into something else, that is one of the world’s greatest accomplishments!

YOUR 2 CHOICES

We touched on this a little earlier in the week. You really do have control of your mind. It doesn’t come easy. That is especially true if you have be letting it run the show up until now. Things like declaring your intention to have a good day no matter what the world throws at you in the mirror first thing in the mirror, go a long way to taking back that control. How else can we regain control of our minds? One word that always comes to the forefront is gratitude. Taking a few minutes each day to focus on all we have grateful for is a method to start to take back that control. If you do this at the end of each day, say by writing a few things in a gratitude journal, your mind will subconsciously be looking them throughout the day without you even having to tell it to.

Another method we discussed a while ago is the method of accomplishing goals. That is writing your goal on a top of a paper and taking an hour a day, five days a week, to come up with as many ideas on how to reach that goal as possible. Not only will you be focused on your goal in that hour, your brain will begin to bring to light ideas in the oddest hours. Meaning that in the background, our minds continue to work on that goal as we go about our day. This ‘goal’ could mean many things. How to improve our health, our relationship, our career, or even our sense of inner peace.

Make your mind work for you. It is up to you to take back control of your mind. Once you do, it can help you accomplish things beyond your wildest imagination!

LIFE IS GOOD WHEN YOU ONLY WANT THIS FOR CHRISTMAS 🎄

Here is hoping your Holiday season is coming along quite well. One question that is always difficult for me to answer is, “What would you like for Christmas?” The same is true for my birthday and any other celebration. I may have finally come up with the perfect gift. Looking at my life, I certainly have enough ‘stuff’. Probably more stuff than I need. My relationship is amazing and with the most beautiful lady. Time spent with family and friends are always so rewarding. My job pays me fairly well. What possibly could be something I am missing?

The gift I am speaking of is continuation. How many people ask for that under the tree? When you have a life like mine, there is so much to be grateful for, why would you need anything on top of that? All I would like is more of the same. Waking up next to the woman I love. Having a job to go to. Being able to work out and continue my journey to good physical fitness. Coming home to that same beautiful and wonderful woman. Going for walks and out to coffee with my mom. Trips to the zoo and museum on occasion. Great conversations with friends. Having the privilege of sharing my thoughts and the tools and strategies with wonderful souls around the country and around the world! These are all gifts I would just like to continue in the coming year.

Are there challenges in my life? Sure. My job is not the most inspiring and does not make the best use of my talents. The weather where I live is far too cold for my liking. There are miscommunications with those we care about. There are many different challenges. Do I wish for those to continue? Yes, actually I do. It is those that allow us to grow and become better versions of ourselves. They are not always fun, but sometimes there are necessary. They also test our commitment and resolve towards becoming that best version of ourselves. Are you living a life that if it were to continue as it is that you would be grateful? If not, what is standing in the way of that and how can you change it? This holiday season, let us collect our blessings and gratitude and understand they are the greatest gifts of all.