Above is a rather sobering photo from our local museum, which is set to relocate later this year. If you look really close, you can also see my mother sticking her face into the group of other souls posing for the picture. One day both her and I will look like them.
Look closely at the photo. Study each of the skulls there. Now answer a few of these questions. Which one of those people were the richest? Which one was even the tallest or best looking? You might think these are stupid questions. How can you tell anything about a person after they pass away? We all look the same. That is the point I am making here. At a certain point, we all look the same. We all end up a pile of bones. In life, many of us spend an insane amount of time, energy and resources on looking the best, or standing out. In today’s world, everyone wants to be famous. That is all well and good, but ask yourself what you are looking to be remembered for. Is it looking like the next hot model or dashing gentleman? How long does that last? Maybe one of the skulls above belonged to a supermodel?
A better word to consider is legacy. If you want to be immortal think about what you will leave behind, not what you can take with you. Will you be remembered as someone who added something to the world when they were here? If you work it right, your legacy will outlive you. It is one of the main reasons I write this blog and my books and videos. I hope to reach, inspire and empower people long after I am gone. How about you? Again I am reminded of that quote from Denzel Washington, “I never saw a U-Haul behind a hearse.” You can’t take it with you no matter how hard you try. Therefore, your wealth for eternity will be more determined by what you give and not what you get. Consider this when you are looking to stand out from the crowd.
No matter what your situation in life, there are always trying time. With the price of everything going up, many of us live paycheck to paycheck. Another post about wealth being a mindset does nothing to pay for the loaf of bread you would want to buy. Keeping this in mind, there is a way to make the journey for a better life a lot more enjoyable and to keep from feeling like you are struggling. Does that make a difference? I believe it does. Having the mental fortitude to press on when it feels as though life is pressing you down makes a big difference.
Even more annoying than wealth being a mindset thing is people talking about feeling grateful when you are struggling. How can you feel grateful when you are working just to survive. I get that. The truth is, that is when gratitude has its biggest payoff. It can be hard to begin a journey of gratitude, but once you do it can change your life. That may sound like hype, but I am here to tell you that I personally know it to be true. Before I share how gratitude changed my life, it is worth mentioning that gratitude, unlike money, increases the more you give it. When you begin to focus on what you have to be grateful for in your life, you will find that you notice more and more things to be grateful for that you might have missed.
Here is my brief story of how gratitude literally changed my life. I was 23 years old when I started my day job. For reference, I am now 50. A lady who was a customer there taught journaling classes. She was trying to convince me on the power of gratitude and keeping a gratitude journal. To prove to her it didn’t work, I agreed to try it for 30 days. Starting something to prove it doesn’t work is the least motivated you can be. I made sure to follow her directions to the letter just so she could not tell me I did it wrong. After a week, I noticed my mood lifted…a little. After two weeks, I found myself noticing things in my life that I had taken for granted. After three weeks, I realized how amazing a lot of the people in my life were, how lucky I was despite my challenges. When the month was over, I found myself encouraging others to keep a journal. That was a far cry from proving it didn’t work. Shortly after the month was over, my car was totaled in an accident that saw me go through the windshield of my car. Less than ideal. The complete story is in my first book, A Happy Life for Busy People.
Just as I was learning this valuable new skill, life chose to test me in the most extreme way. Instead of deterring me, it actually proved the power of gratitude even more. It changed one of the most important conversations I had in my life. One that I had been ignoring for far too long, but one that had the biggest impact on my life. That will be a story for tomorrow’s post.
There are so many guides to create success and abundance out there today. Even this site has many posts dedicated to improving your state both materially and financially. Why? In today’s society material wealth will help you create change, improve your health and provides many of the things we need. It is far from the greatest wealth. If you have great financial and material abundance but do not have peace in your soul, your life will be one of stress and misery. The old cliche that ‘money cannot buy happiness’ has a ring of truth to it. If you are not at peace with who you are and the life you are living, no amount of material wealth will make you happy.
One way to certainly add inner peace to your life is to do what the quote above says. That is to simply live with honor towards other people, animals and the earth in general. What does ‘live with honor’ mean exactly? It is not a subject often discussed at length today. Honor may be a word that seems dated. It should not be. Mutual respect towards all, especially those who are different or that we disagree with, is such a challenge many would rather not even think about it. It is that respect that can allow us to sleep well at night.
Mutual respect can be as simple as not causing harm to anyone. This is far more than not slapping that annoying coworker over the head. Harm can be gossiping behind someone’s back. It can be littering on the planet we all share. Yes, that also includes treating others harshly. This can be true even to someone who we may feel deserves it. Have you ever ‘gotten the better’ of someone in an argument and still felt terrible that night or the next morning? That is annoying isn’t it? You had the right to tell them off like you did, but it sill is eating away at your gut. That is because a lack of compassion, even for those who do not deserve it, is not right.
We never can completely know someone’s intent or the experiences or stories that have resulted in the actions they have taken. Another important point to consider is that it is not our right to judge. We do not deserve to be judged by others anymore than we have a right to do the same. Next time you feel the urge to gossip or say something hurtful, ask yourself the simple question “Would I like this very thing to be done to me?” The answer we know before the question is even said. If we cease to do this to others, will it still be done to us? Yes, sadly it will. That is not our concern. There is a saying that “What others think of you is none of your business.” While I think it could be helpful to learn if you are doing something that hurts others, I think it would be more valuable to work on making sure our intent is true.
If you want to be truly wealthy, take a pause from the investments and get rich quick schemes. Instead invest on the things that money cannot buy such as compassion and respect for others and for ourselves. Invest more on building inner peace than you invest on building your real estate portfolio. The dividends will be greater and you will end up with true wealth.
This post was inspired during the amazing dinner that Margie and my mother put together to help celebrate 1000 blogs on this site. Our good friend, Ron Perez, looked around the table and told me something that in its simplicity, was yet profound. He said, “Neil, all you need is good friends and good food.” He was right. I could not have been happier than I was that night. No amount of fame or fortune could have done it. No amount of monetary reward. People often trip over some of the greatest treasure on their way to look for it.
Having a good group of friends and being able to share some good food, is something far too many of us in the world are not able to do. In fact, having a strong social circle and good friends is one of the most determining factors in longevity. This according to the Blue Zone book that examined the lives of the longest living people and what they had in common. Mr. Perez’s statement was quite the wise one and backed up by science.
Many folks spend a great deal of their time and energy investing in obtaining wealth and prestige. If you were to obtain such things and sacrifice your relationships to do so, you would still be poor. Something about friends – money cannot buy true ones. It is something that has to be fostered and grown with time. It takes trust, honesty, love, compassion and many other things that money or fame could not buy. On the opposite end of the spectrum, if you lack money but still have a great deal of true friends, you are wealthier than you can imagine. Not only are they able to help you, be that financial or connecting you to opportunities, but they will encourage and support you emotionally.
I am still reeling from the outpouring of love that I received at that surprise dinner the other night. That made me feel like the wealthiest person in the world! By our definition, I believe that I am. In your life, keep it simple. Invest in the things that truly matter. Take care of those who take care of you. Spend your time and money building friendships and helping others. The payout will be far better than any winning lottery ticket you could come across. To me, my friends and family are the greatest treasure.
This should be a no-brainer for most people. Being rich seems like it would add a little joy to life. Not having to get up to go to work. Being able to do what you want, when you want. Not worrying about things like house and car repairs. When you are feeling ill being able to go to the hospital without first weighing the cost that you will incur by doing so. How about dressing nicer or eating at fancy restaurants? Yes, life is a lot better when you are rich. That is not at all what this post is about!
Many of you know that I am currently working on my fourth book. In doing so, I have asked many people their definition of a fulfilling life. Today I asked the person behind the counter at one of the local coffee shops that I frequent when I write. His name is Antonio and he is always a very pleasant fellow. His answer was at once both simple and profound. He said, “Being happy.” After a moment of contemplation, he expounded on that thought and added, “Being happy with your body, with who you are spiritually. Being rich in the important things.” It started me thinking on how we define true wealth.
The thing about the wealth we were talking about is that it is both conditional, and to a large extent, beyond our control. Stock markets crash. Business fail. Droughts and famine happen. Here is another thing about material wealth, it really is a bit down on the list if you stop and think about it. If you work on your wealth to the detriment of your own health, is it worth it? You work day and night and end up with a heart attack. How much is the money worth now? What if you spend all your time chasing material success and do not spend any time investing in your relationships? How could would it feel to be rich and alone? The picture above is a prime example. It shows me and my three book covers. It was taken in sunny Jamaica. It is great to have published 3 books and it is always great to be in the tropics, but if I had nobody to share it with, what fun would that be? The best part of that is the lady who took the picture, my fiancée Margie.
We hear of so many wealthy celebrities who turn to drugs or tragically commit suicide. Many of us ask, “How could they want to kill themselves? They had everything.” This is proof that material wealth does not, by itself, make a fulfilling life. Taking care of our mental health, and the mental health of those we love, is so important. Investing in our physical, mental and spiritual health is where the real wealth comes in. Spending the time to create a deep and loving relationship that will give us joy whether things are hitting the jackpot or hitting the fan is real wealth. Become rich is things the world cannot take away.
There is one more area I want to mention that it pays to be rich in. That area is kindness and compassion. There can be no greater wealth than to be someone who is kind to others. The more you invest in this, the better you will make both your life and those you share it with. Someone who has a heart full of kindness and compassion is someone who is truly rich indeed. Someone who has a heart filled with revenge, greed and disrespect is poor, no matter how many dollars he has in the bank. Become rich in the things that matter. That is what will give you a fulfilling life.
These days it seems everyone is working to get rich and famous. From side hustles, to an attempt to go viral, it would seem that we are all chasing the brass ring. To this end, many people wish to use the Law of Attraction, or as it has become known, the secret. One of the most important aspects of this law is that you must be what you wish to attract. This gives many people, including myself, a headache trying to figure out.
When thinking about gaining wealth and fame, the question becomes, “How can I be and/or feel wealthy, when my circumstances would have me feeling the opposite.” With the price of everything from heat to groceries going up, that is certainly understandable. The ‘secret’ is contained in something we touched on a few posts ago. Our control is not in bending outside circumstances to our will, but working on the circumstances that exist between our own ears.
How can you feel wealthy with all of the bills coming in and the paycheck not getting larger? By focusing on all that you do have. This may sound cliche or positive thinking to many of you. In a way I suppose it is. That does not change that fact that it works. A brief glance at the world around us will remind us of how much we all have to be thankful for. Take our health for example. Even if it is not perfect at the moment, it certainly could be worse. Our friends are another source of wealth. We may wish we had more, or saw the ones we have more often, but the fact is having friends is a great form of wealth.
There are a million things from a roof over our heads, running water to access to the internet to read something like this, that we should be grateful for. Our lives are filled with so many blessings that often go overlooked. Spending as little as five minutes a day focusing on all we have to be grateful for can transform our lives. It can take us to living a life of lack, to living one of abundance. Don’t trust me, prove it to yourself by trying this today.
The picture above serves 2 purposes. First, it makes Margie and my cat-loving friends happy that I featured a cat in a blog post. (I am a dog person) Second, and more to the point of this post, it represents the kind of delusions that we are referring to today. People at my day job are always amazed that I am able to maintain a positive attitude in such a negative atmosphere. My response? “There is no law of physics or biology that states your mind and body have to be in the same place at the same time. I might look like I am here, but mentally, I am on a beach drinking out of a coconut!”
Above is me actually in the tropics enjoying a great book. The benefit to this way of thinking is that it reduces the stress that we may feel in any situation. There are 2 more interesting and important benefits that being slightly delusional can bring us. First, is acting as if the situation is already as you desire it to be, will help it manifest that much quicker. Let us suppose, if you will, that you want to be a best-selling author. If you conduct yourself as a best-selling author would, you would take interest in things that such a person would have interest in. You may find yourself speaking to publishers and literary agents. You will sign up to be part of author festivals. You will network yourself out to people a best-selling author would want to connect with. By taking these actions you will put yourself in position to succeed at your dreams and ambitions. This will make the percentage that they are likely to occur improve significantly. Once that happens, the second benefit will kick in.
Acting as if the situation has already reached our desired outcome helps us do one more thing – be prepared for it. What do I mean? Did you know that roughly 33 to 70% of people who win the lottery end up broke? This sounds crazy. Most of us think if I had a couple of million dollars, I could make it last a while. The truth is that if you are poor and you win a lot of money, you still often handle it like someone who is poor. You were not prepared to be wealthy.
Let us say you want to be famous. Maybe as an individual, or like in the picture above, part of a famous power couple. If you act and think like a power couple would before you become famous, then you stand a better chance of success. Knowing famous couples always have people trying to tear them apart. They look for anything that could be misconstrued as infidelity. Therefore, you make a conscious effort to make sure everyone knows that you are faithful to one another. Famous couples are often accused of being rude or mistreating others. It would serve us well to develop the habit of treating everyone with dignity and respect. That way when you are at the county fair being respectful to one of the vendors and they say, “I recognize you two from the internet! You are the cake designer and the guy who writes all of the motivational stuff.” You still smile even though they only got your lovely lady’s title exact. Margie and I even went on vacation 4 years ago (has it really been that long?) and no less than five people knew us in a foreign country! That has only continued to grow as her amazing creations are shared on internationally online and my influence continues to grow across the globe.
Look at this famous power couple 💑
Be a little delusional. Use it to your advantage. Practice what being a success would look like to you. It will reduce the stress you feel in life, help it manifest quicker and have you prepared when success does come. Delusions can be a little work. In the case of Margie and me, we work to make sure our love is strong and discuss what we would do if someone disrespects our relationship. That way as we continue to grow in service to others, we will be less likely to fall victim to any of the trappings that may bring. Ask yourself, “What delusion can I start living that will help me the most?”
I’ve always been a fan of Bob Marley. Well, at least since my friend Kevin introduced me to him many years ago. Although we may differ in our recreational habits, I admire a great deal of his philosophy. Like the quote above. There is one caveat I would add to Mr. Marley’s quote. integrity and positive influence, you couldn’t buy it for all the money in the world. If you do not believe me, try walking into Walmart and asking what aisle integrity is in. I would love to see the look on the face of the employee trying to help you with that one. No, I believe these things are true wealth.
As this week draws to a close, try shifting some of your time spent focused on material gain to increasing your integrity. Not only with others but with yourself. Think of the standards you have. Do you always live up to them? I would say it is difficult to do all of the time and that there is always room for improvement. That is one of the great things about being a human being, there is always room for improvement. Do you always keep your word with others? What else could be included in your definition of integrity?
How about your ability to affect those around you positively? How much do you work on that? Do you just do so in the moment or do you spend some time thinking of it? Do you try to incorporate being a positive influence in every area of your life? That is something I can honestly say I am proud of is that I work very hard to be a positive influence on all of those I come in contact with. Whether that is at the Post Office during my day job, as a writer here on this website or in my books, or even when I am simply ordering a pizza. As mentioned above, there is always room for improvement. I keep trying to find new and better ways to bring joy and positivity to others. Perhaps that is why I order so much pizza, but I digress.
I can honestly say that when I feel I am being my authentic self or a affecting those around me positively, that is when I feel the wealthiest. The better I find myself in these two categories, the wealthier I feel. How do you measure wealth? How do you feel your bank account would add up by Bob Marley’s definition? I would love to hear your answers.
Wouldn’t it be great if we had treasure all around us? If you have an overflowing bank account would you leave that money in the bank or would you put it to use to make your life better and more enjoyable. If your answer is ‘yes’ you are like most of us walking around this earth. If your answer is ‘no’ feel free to place that money in my bank account I would be more than happy to give you a demonstration on how this all works.
Most people desire money so greatly because they believe it will make them happy. You may be tempted to disagree, but if you follow the trail it always ends in happiness. If you want money to ease your stress of finances, that would make you feel less stressed and happy. Perhaps you are noble and would like to make money to help feed and cloth children in poverty. Knowing that you helped those who may not be able to help themselves would make you feel like you did something good and in turn that would leave you feeling…yep, you guessed it, happy!
Some people chase happiness in more spiritual realm. They find happiness in some sort of enlightenment. In the end their accomplishments, even in the spiritual realm, will lead to happiness. Some people enjoy serving others. Some people enjoy overcoming obstacles. There are a million different things that all of us do to mine for the treasure of happiness. Wouldn’t it be great if there were a tool that would allow us to carry those fleeting moments of happiness with us? In effect, extending the duration of happiness. Good news, there is and I am going to share it with you. In fact, you may use portions of this tool unconsciously right now. Switching to doing so with a purpose will allow you to have, and be surrounded by an inner feeling of joy even in the darkest of times.
This tool was brought to my attention by a story shared from a coworker. Weekly, I am scheduled to visit our friends at the post office in the city of South Milwaukee in the state of Wisconsin where I live. On this particular day, I was greeted by an employee named Michelle. She was excited to share some recent photos of her son’s engagement. They had traveled to the romantic city of Savannah in the great state of Georgia under the premise of a family photo so that the future bride-to-be would not suspect anything. Tears of joy flooded the faces of all parties involved and you could tell that mom was quite proud of her son and excited for her future daughter-in-law. She had several pictures in her phone that she was going to have printed out and could recall all of the details of this great story. You could see the emotions flood her as she relayed it to me. I couldn’t help but feel happy for her.
In parting, I remarked how wonderful it was that in the middle of all the insanity that is occurring the world, it was great she had such a wonderful memory to carry with her. As I began to walk back to my postal truck for the trip back to the post office I normally work at, I was still struck my how much joy she had. It was if she was still in sunny Savannah despite the fact that she was clearly in the sunshine-challenged city of South Milwaukee. I note this phenomenon often telling others that “There is no law of physics that say your mind and body have to be in the same place at the same time.” Quite often while shoveling snow here in Wisconsin during the winter, my mind is on a tropical beach drinking out of a coconut.
This is something that we, like our friend Michelle, can do with the events in our life. Capture those beautiful moments with pictures, video and anything else we can think of. Put those cell phones to good use. Then share your joy with others. Maybe print out some of those pictures and keep the frame on your desk. Every so often, take but a few quick moments to travel back there in your mind. Use as many of your senses to make it real. Remember what the tropical flowers smelled like. Feel the warm sun and the cool ocean breeze on your skin. Taste the wonderful rum cocktails (remember, as tempting as this may be, we are still only doing this in our minds) Hear the birds and the rustle of the palm trees in the wind. You will be amazed at how much good a mini mental vacation will do you.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 