Tag: toxic vibrations

3 IDEAS TO DEAL WITH PEOPLE YOU CAN’T STAND.

Recently, a good friend asked me a question that I think we all struggle with at some point in our lives. To paraphrase her, “How do you maintain your good vibes philosophy around people you can’t stand?” Here is a basic challenge of life. Even while we are doing the best to live an amazing life, there are those dedicated souls who work tirelessly to do their best to make sure that doesn’t happen. Their motives differ, but they are a pain just the same.

How do we deal with these people? How can we mitigate the influx of negative vibes that are often thrown our way, without throwing a punch or a sarcastic reply in return? Trust me when I tell you that I get this. I work with some fairly difficult people. There are some in my family. I am sure that I am the difficult person for others sometimes as well. The best option, if you are able, is to eliminate or limit your exposure to these people as much as you can. Nothing is worth the price of your peace. Sometimes, this isn’t an option. You have to deal with your judgmental in-laws because you love your spouse. The office won’t move Jane to another shift because she is such a Debby Downer, or get rid of John because he is a proper ass to everyone. What do you do then?

Next to living in a bubble that protects you from what I like to call sunshine challenged people, what are your options? The first one is simple – develop an attitude of gratitude. You can do this in 2 ways. The first is being grateful that you do not have to be around them all of the time. Have you ever been around someone so toxic that as soon as they leave the air even seems fresher? I know I have. That is the gift they give. They make the time you are not around them that much better. As the cliché goes, without the rain, you would not appreciate the sunshine. It might be always raining in Jane’s world, but as soon as you are away from her, the clouds part and the sun comes through. It may even feel as though angels come down and start singing.

The second type of gratitude you can develop is almost comical. You hire these people. Not in a literal sense. Let me explain. Have you ever had a personal trainer? It is someone you pay to push your physical limits. At the end of every workout, you might be thinking to yourself, or out loud, “I pay you to make me feel like this?” However, a month later when you look in the mirror and see the results you are starting to experience, you feel a debt of gratitude. You are going to do the same with our negative friends. You are going to hire them as your personal emotional trainer. Let us face it, they do try our patience so they are making our patience muscles stronger. Struggling not to have an emotional meltdown when dealing with them? That is the emotional equivalent of your trainer at the gym yelling, “One more!” Except in this case it is usually one more stupid thing our friends have said or done. There is one very negative lady at my work. When she begins her monologue of what is wrong with our work place, the world and even on several occasions my lunch, I just look at her and think, “You don’t even realize that you are helping to make me a stronger and more resilient version of myself, do you?” Sometimes this even elicits a chuckle as I am thinking this to myself. By testing our optimism, our temper or our patience, these people are helping us work out our emotional muscles. Just like the trainer at the gym, we may question them in the moment, but a year down the road and we will thank them as we find ourselves more peaceful, patient and better able to keep our optimism.

The third suggestion I gave this young lady might be a little uncomfortable for some, but it often works when others fail. It works especially well on people who work on themselves to create the best life they can have. Like, a 3 time author who writes a self-improvement blog for an example. The third way to keep an optimistic attitude around people who seem to suck our soul is to call ourselves out. What do I mean by this? Ask ourselves some very difficult, but very empowering questions. Ask yourself, “If you are going to work so hard on every aspect of your life only to let Jane the soul sucker ruin your day?” or “Is your well-being and peace of mind so cheap that you would hand it over control of it to John, the jerk of the office?” One man put it very succinctly, albeit in rather colorful language, when he said, “I will not be their bitch.” Meaning, he would not allow others to dictate his well-being. This takes practice and a lot of patience. You may not succeed at first, but once you do, it is so worth it. As a bonus tool of empowerment, I find listening to the track “Ain’t my bitch” by the band Metallica can really pump you up.

Challenging and negative people are a fact of life. They can be found almost everywhere. These 3 tools will help us deal with them without sacrificing our peace of mind. If you have any secrets to an amazing life that you use in dealing with someone who gets under your skin, please share. The more tools we have in this area, the better!

GET THE ANTIDOTE BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE!

There are plenty of toxins floating around today. I am not even speaking of the covid-19 pandemic we are in the middle of. No, I am talking about emotional and spiritual toxins. There are news stories about violence in your city and throughout the world. There are demeaning and disrespectful political comments. There is even the sad news about this corona virus and how many lives have been lost. Somedays we are exposed to more things that are hazardous to our emotional and spiritual well-being than we can handle.

I have a suggestion that can help us be proactive and save us from a good deal of emotional and spiritual suffering. You know how it feels when after a hard day at work you come home to see climbing death tolls on the news or hear some elected official calling other people names. It is a anchor to your already sinking soul. You see the fear in the eyes of people on the street about a virus that seems to be growing stronger by the day. Even little things that used to lift your spirits such as the smile on the face of a stranger are now hidden beneath a mask. The world can seem to be growing darker by the day.

What we need is an antidote. What do I mean? While an antidote is something taken to counteract a particular poison. We are familiar with being bitten by a venomous snake and then having to get a dose of antidote. What about the venomous people and things we encounter everyday that poison our spirit? Is there an antidote for them? There sure is! Much like each poison has its own antidote, so does each spiritual poison. They also vary from person to person. This is where you get to be an explorer and discover antidotes for you. This is an adventure you should undertake without delay. You certainly wouldn’t want to wait until after you get bit by the snake to start looking for an antidote. While we all may not be exposed to venomous snakes, there are a few snakes in the grass in every community. We all are vulnerable to certain toxins depending on our particular situation.

Let me share some personal examples of toxins in my own life and the antidotes I have put in place to counteract them. My day job is at the United States Postal Service, my night job is DJing. Although there are plenty of nice people I consider friends at both locations, there are also those who may call my faith in humanity into question. Add those to the inevitable sunshine challenged individuals we all come in contact with and you can find yourself feeling rather antisocial. That is the effect of the toxin of unpleasant people. What is my antidote? I have a group of people that always do a great deal to restore my faith in humanity. Here in West Allis Wisconsin, where I live, there are 2 options I use. (there are more, but for sake of brevity we shall stick to two) My friend Curtis at Urban Joe’s café is always full of good humor and serves amazing food and coffee with a smile. If I need an emotional lift, not to mention a great breakfast or lunch, I stop at Urban Joe’s and see Curtis. The same is true of my friends Ricky and Jodi at Peak Physique. It is a local gym that can help find ways to keep you fit during quarantine. Both of these folks are great at bringing a smile to your face. Ricky and I have had great conversations exchanging information on sources of self-improvement. Just a few stops around the neighborhood and I have an antidote for the poison of unpleasant people.

What about all of the stressful news we are exposed to on a daily basis? Hard to avoid seeing less than inspiring items on television, online or even to some extent on social media. Luckily for us, there is an item that can be a great antidote for the toxin of negative news. It is the show Positively Milwaukee. I have written about this show before when I was fortunate enough to be invited to be a part of it. For those of you who may have missed that post, allow me to share a brief description of the show. It is a show that highlights some of the most positive people, places and events in the city of Milwaukee. It is hosted by a young lady named Carole Meekins. She is passionate about sharing positivity and it shows. Every Sunday morning she is there supplying an antidote for all of the negative news we may be exposed to. What if you do not live in Milwaukee? You certainly can still benefit from this show as the episodes are all available on YouTube as well. I will share the link to the episode I appeared on at the end of this post. I encourage you to check out as many other episodes as you can. Each one will bring a smile to your face and joy to your soul.

Whether it is finding people like Curtis, Ricky and Jodi in your own community or discovering a wonderful gem like Positively Milwaukee, I implore of you to find your antidotes today! Some other suggestions are things like joining positive pages on Facebook, following positive people on Twitter and just finding other things that bring us peace and happiness. I would love to get more ideas of antidotes from you. Share what you do to counteract the negativity in your life in the comments below.

SEE THE EPISODE OF POSITIVELY MILWAUKEE I APPEARED ON BY CLICKING HERE