The other morning at my day job I was listening to a motivational podcast. Many people ask, “Why after almost 2 decades in the self-improvement field and writing four books and publishing three, do you still listen to self-improvement material?” The answer is quite simple. You can never know everything. There is new information being brought to light all of the time. Becoming the best version of yourself is a life-long journey. There is no finish line.
Another, and perhaps more applicable, reason to listen to different motivational material is that it is presented in a different way. That is why you can have so many successful people in this field. A lot of their messages are the same. What is different is how it is delivered. You may hear something said by Tony Robbins and it may not resonate with you at all. Someone else may tell you the exact same tool or strategy, but in a different manner and you get it. The same holds true for those of us delivering those messages. That was what happened on this particular day.
The saying I heard is one that may be of use to you. Your personality creates your personal reality. To be honest, I do not even recall which person said this. Looking at the way it is worded, I would guess it is Tony Robbins, but I could be wrong. Who said it matters less than what we can do with this. In the two photos above, we see both what makes up a personality and how we can use our personality to fit into a career that would be most beneficial for us. Neither of these are complete lists, but it sure gets you thinking.
Let us take a look at a more personal example that I think will help this make a little more sense. At the afore-mentioned day job, we have a gentleman who stops in every morning. We will call this man ‘red truck guy’ as that is what he drives. His purpose for coming in? The best that we can figure is that he comes in to complain about his life. He comes in before the business is open and gives us a graphic description of how everyone in his life is incompetent in some fashion and how they are all out to get him. This is not an exaggeration. After several minutes, which seems longer, of complaining he departs. Here is the thing, this man creates the life he complains about. He has negative opinions about people based on about every factor you can imagine. He treats them as he views them. Then he acts surprised when these same people treat him negatively. It is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Our personality is reflected back to us in the life we live. If our personality is warm and welcoming, that is how the world treats us. If, like in the example of our unfortunate fellow above, we find reasons to dislike our fellow man, life will be a negative experience for us. It is a reflection of the 2000 year-old emerald tablet. This said “That which is below is like that which is above.” Many of us have heard the saying, “As within, so without.” That is how our personality reflects our personal reality. Does this mean if you have a pleasant personality your life will not experience any difficulty? Of course not. You will have a life that will be a lot better to deal with those challenges. It will be filled with a lot more loving and supportive souls to assist you on that journey.
Last post we touched on how important it is to go from cursing the darkness, to being part of the light. This is one of the quickest ways in which we will bring about a global change that will make the world better for us all. After yesterday’s post, there were some questions in regard to the best ways to be a light in a world of darkness. There were a few that were mentioned, but today we are going to touch on a few more so that your week ahead will be filled with more light and less darkness.
We will start with what I believe is the biggest source of light you can own – an attitude of gratitude. Before we get started on why this is so, I must thank Eduardo from Italy who reminded me of the power of this light. Think of turning on a light in a dark room. The darkness is gone. Both light and darkness cannot exist in the same space at the same time. This is true in the physical realm, but what about the emotional and spiritual? Also the same. When we are a light emotionally and spiritually, at least for the moment we are being so, there can be no darkness. The best way to do this is to be grateful. When we are focused on what we have to be grateful for, really focused, we cannot be focused on what we are fearful of, angry about or whatever negative emotion threatens to derail us.
Let me assure you it can be very difficult to be grateful when the world is dark. This takes practice and the more you do it, the easier it will become. Why go through all of the effort? If you eventually are able to feel grateful, even when your world seems darkest, you will have unlocked the key to an amazing life. There is nothing more worth the effort. That is not to say it is easy to accomplish. Looking at the quote above, it gives us an idea of how to be grateful for the struggles. Let struggles teach you patience, and failure remind you that there is still room to grow. Again, this will not be easy but if you keep at it, the reward will be an amazing life.
There we have it. How to be the light. A few more suggestions I really like in the quote above. Be your own sunrise. I even like how that sounds. Speak words that heal. How powerful is that? Especially in a world filled with gossip and doom speaking! Act with purpose and think with kindness are two ways to fast track your life to be amazing. I look forward to all of you becoming more of a light with me. Let us all work a little harder to bring the light and curse the darkness a little less.
This is a good thought. Every situation does not always serve us in the same way. For example, at my day job I have been working 55 hours a week for the last year. Certainly nice money, but had me burnt out. Now, they hired a coworker for me. It will be a lot less money, but I will be able to focus more on my writing and fitness more.
I could have cursed the fact for the last year I have not been able to spend as much time with Margie as I wanted, or I could have used the extra money to save for our wedding and pay off my car. Conversely, I could lament the fact that I will be earning a lot less or celebrate all the extra time I will be afforded.
Keep this thought in your head. “What is wrong is always available. But so it’s what’s right. ” There is always a sunny side of the street. You can find it when you practice an attitude of gratitude. I always tell people, “If you can’t find something to be grateful for, you aren’t trying very hard. ” Even being able to read these words means you have the gift of vision, access to the internet, and the freedom to view what interests you. We are followed in over 200 countries, but if you live in North Korea, you would not be able to view us.
The above example listed 3 or 4 things you could be grateful for. In any situation there is always something to be grateful for. Sometimes you have to search hard. Most times you do not. So don’t curse the seasons or your situation. Instead, plant and act accordingly. Remember, what is wrong is always available, but so is what’s right.
This post comes to you on a Monday. This can be one of the toughest days of the week for many. In actuality, every day should be a challenge. Why? We should be challenging ourselves. This idea of never ending improvement is a good one. We can always be healthier, smarter and most importantly, kinder. Tony Robbins has a term he uses called ‘C.A.N.I.’ standing for “Constant and never-ending improvement”. Many of us are living life focused on a achieving or obtaining a certain goal. That is all well and good, but then what?
Whether you are 18 or 80, we should be working to be the best version of ourselves. It not only helps in our relationships with others, but with the world at large. The better version of ourselves we become, the more we can enjoy the world around us. Ask yourself how you can improve today. Even if it is just one percent.
Today is uplifting Wednesday. It is a day filled with posts that encourage and give us that little bit of extra strength to make it through our journey. We are going to do things a little different today. I am going to share a little bit of my own personal journey. We will discuss how the growth happened, and what makes it continue to this day. It is my sincere hope that by doing this, many of you may take a look at your own journey and decide you can take your life to the next level as well.
A good portion of the people in my life currently have either come into my life, or became close to me in the last 10 years or so. As a result of this, they only know the current, or at least the last ten years, of the person I am. They somehow assume that I came out of the womb practicing and knowing the self-improvement tools and strategies that I use today. Although I have been in this field for over two decades, it really started to sink in roughly 12 years ago.
About that time, I was in a relationship of many years that was not healthy and honestly had probably ended long before it became official. Why? As is the case with all relationships, there was blame to go around. In reflection, judging my past self by the standards I have today, I was a terrible partner. At that point in my life, I was probably not even a very good friend or coworker. I was learning the tools of self-improvement, but my ego prevented me from putting a lot of them to use. It is impossible for us to make any change until we take an honest look in the mirror. This takes a lot of guts, ones I did not have at the time.
Two very important things occurred to change that. The first was a book I was reading – Theodore Rex by Edmund Morris. Not a self-improvement book at all, but a biography of Theodore Roosevelt. In it, I read about his father and some of the not so pleasant traits he had. I saw many of those traits in me. Good Ol’ Teddy’s journey too, was fraught with challenges that were not all that dissimilar to mine. He suffered from asthma as a young child. He also had many challenges where he had to build himself up on his own. That he did and he went on to become the leader of the free world, a hunter, explorer and many other things.
This inspired me. The “Hey, if he can do it, so can I!” way of thinking. Like I mentioned earlier, this was not a self-improvement book, but it really motivated me. I did the number one thing Tony Robbins recommends to change your life long before I heard him say it. That is, I raised my standards. It can be ok to be disgusted with what you see when you look in the mirror as long as you use that for motivation. I was sick of being anything less than the best version of me that I could be. At the time, I did not have many role models for what a good relationship should be, and my personal growth was so slow, that it wouldn’t have mattered much if I did. So, how did I manage to turn myself around and become, what I humbly say, is one of the hardest working men when it comes to relationships?
It all started with an argument with a lady with pink hair. I had met Margie months prior. We both happened to be coming out of relationships we had spent most of our lives in. One evening while we were hanging out as friends, endeavoring to get to know each other better, a disagreement occurred. When we are in a stressful state, we tend to revert to actions that are ingrained in us. This is what I did. If my memory serves, it turned out that I had a right to be upset. What I did not have a right to do, was communicate it the way that I did. I will never forget what the now love of my life told me. It was one simple line that changed my life forever. Was it a line from a romantic poem? Was it some sage advice passed down through the ages? No on both accounts. What she told me was the hard truth, and there was no denying it. She said, “Just because you are right, does not mean you can act like an asshole.” Doesn’t sound very life changing does it?
It was one of those moments, I don’t know if you ever had one, where you want to be upset at something someone said to you, but there is one problem – it is true. It was this moment, as well as many that followed, that Margie has held me accountable. Not to her expectations of me, but to the standards I have set for myself and our relationship. That is one of the great secrets of personal growth. Make sure the standards you have for yourself are higher than any outside expectation.
Not long after Margie and I got together, I recall sitting at a beer garden with my mother talking endlessly about this new, amazing woman in my life. In one of those moments of parental wisdom, my mother calmly informed me, “You know you will have a lot more arguments with Margie, but they will be a lot more productive.” She never could have guessed how right she would be. Not only has Margie held me accountable for the standards we have set for our relationship, and those I have set for myself, she has done something equally as amazing. Throughout our years together, I have watched her grow both in beauty and as a person. The more time goes by, the more amazing she becomes. I know the only way to not only keep a woman like that but, more importantly keep her happy, is to work equally hard on myself and our relationship. There is not a day that goes by where I am not working on something to increase the love between us and to become the best version of myself. Having an outstanding woman such as her in my life makes me want to be a better man and pushes me to do it now. That, my friends, is the power of love. Huey Lewis would be proud.
I hope this story has conveyed two very important points. First, no change can happen unless you are willing to take a long, hard, honest look in the mirror and identify what you will no longer tolerate in yourself and your character. That means no more making excuses. It means being painfully honest with yourself. This isn’t beating yourself up. In fact, it should excite you knowing that from this day forward you will continue to become a better version of yourself. This will help every relationship you have in your life. Not just your romantic one.
Speaking of relationships, that brings us to our second point. In any relationship, but most importantly your romantic ones, you should always strive to have personal standards that exceed any outside expectations. That includes both for the relationship as well as for yourself. It also means having a partner that knows those standards and is working on growth themselves. It means feeling gratitude and value for that amazing person in your life that makes you want to work harder. We are going to get into tools and strategies for doing that in our next post. These two items changed my life, and I promise they will do that same for you if you are brave enough to undertake them.
Life can really take us on a crazy ride sometimes! We can face some very difficult and interesting challenges. How do some people seem to keep going and some find it more difficult? A good deal of it breaks down to why they believe they are here. Maybe you are looking to take control of your health after years of neglect? This can be quite a difficult challenge. Especially the older we get. Maybe you want to fit into your jeans or look better at the beach. That may be enough to get you into the gym. When the doctor comes into the room and tells you that unless you make some changes, you are likely to suffer a heart attack, that will have you cleaning out the cabinets and walking to work.
It is not just the quest of improving ourselves in which a ‘why’ becomes helpful. Making through a challenge can often only be done with a strong ‘why’. The greatest example I can think of is a loss of a loved one. We may often feel like there is no way that we can see living our life without them. Knowing that there are others who both love us, and would feel the same about our loss, can keep us waking up every morning.
This is not to say that life will not be a struggle sometimes. That it can feel like the weight of the world is on our shoulders. What a strong ‘why’ can do, is help us carry that weight as we work on gaining the strength to be able to do so regularly. It is good to have one overarching ‘why’ in life, but we can have several others to keep us going.
In my own life, my ‘why’ is to positively impact the lives of millions of individuals around the globe. In my personal life, much of my ‘why’ revolves around being the best man for my beautiful lady, Margie. It is being a good example of how to treat your lady for anyone who is watching. It is living up to the standards that I have set for myself. Did I mention it is helpful to have many reasons to become all that you can be? How about you? Have you made sure you have enough, and strong enough, reasons for your life? Work on them today. They just might end up saving your life.
Mr. Dyer got it right here! He grew up in a rough world. He lived in an orphanage a good part of his young life. He had many challenges, but still viewed the world as a loving world. To some of the more cynical, this may sound like some positive thinking nonsense. Let us take a step back and look at what we are talking about with this quote, because it really is a good one.
Let us start from the beginning. “Loving people live in a loving world.” Does this mean that they will never face challenges? Of course not. Does this mean that everyone in their life will be loving? We all know that you cannot control others, nor should you try. What does it mean? It means that by being loving to others, they are far more likely to receive that love in return. Let us look at a logical example. I am writing in a local coffee shop, as I so often do. When I come here, I am always pleasant to the staff. Not only because that is how we should be, but because I know first hand how challenging working with the public can often be. Knowing that I always treat them with respect and kindness, how do you think they feel when they see me coming through the door? What kind of service do you think I will receive, even on a busy day? This not only holds true for people working at a coffee shop, but your friends, the Uber driver, your coworkers and anyone else you come in contact with.
Now, let us look at the second part of the quote. “Hostile people live in a hostile world.” If you are someone who is always complaining or noticing what is wrong in the world, how do you think others will treat you? Let us take the same coffee shop example. If you always complain about your drink, or treat retail help like indentured servants, how do you think they will feel when they see you walk through the door? What kind of service do you think you will receive? Nobody really wants to be around a hostile or negative person, even a hostile or negative person.
The last two words of this quote may be the most powerful, “Same world.” In every life there are things to complain about. There are circumstances that are unfair and negative. There are also moments of beauty and joy. There are random acts of kindness to notice. It is not about denying either of these, but which one we focus on. The crazy powerful thing about it is, the choice is ours. If the world seems unloving or unusually negative, we can turn it around quicker than we might think. If we feel like life has been unfairly hostile to us, we can change that too. Whatever we feel our life is lacking, we need to give away. Tony Robbins says, “The secret to living is giving.” It really is. Not only will giving bring us a great amount of joy, but it will also bring us untold returns. Whether we give away love and positivity or hostility and negativity is up to us. Just so I can have two posts that quote both Winnie-the-Pooh and Tony Robbins to make the same point, I will leave you with this quote from that loveable bear.
In today’s world, it is easy to get discouraged. We know that there are negative influences at every turn. There of course is the nightly news. Turn that off. There is all the political division. Do not fall for that. There are different faiths convincing you they are right and everyone else is wrong. Love everyone anyway. News even comes to our phones. Turn off the notification.
Even if we take all of the measures to insulate ourselves from the pressures of life that may bring us down, it can still get through. We can witness it at the coffee shop. Coworkers can come up and inform us of it. Sometimes we can just feel discouraged and lacking hope. It is at this very moment we should do what the photo above suggests. It works 100% of the time. There is nothing that feels as good as knowing you helped make the world a little brighter for someone else. The opportunities are everywhere. People post their tough days on social media. There are charities to help at. This could be a food bank, a domestic violence shelter or a million other options. Even something as encouraging a server in a restaurant, like my lovely lady did today, or a retail setting can make their world a lot brighter.
Wisdom from one of my favorite philosophers. Winnie-the-Pooh touches on something very helpful here. When we are feeling discouraged, it can be tempting to just sit at home and wallow in our misery. Seeking out others in “our corner of the woods” that could use some encouragement is just what the doctor ordered. It not only gets us out of the house, which will help our emotional state in and of itself. “Motion equals emotion.” as Tony Robbins says. Yes, I just quoted both Winnie-the-Pooh and Tony Robbins to make the same point. That is just how my brain rolls. It will also give us a mission and an important reason for being. Two more ways to positively impact our emotional state before we encourage a single soul. When we do find those in “the woods” that need us, we will be helping them as much as they will be helping us.
Creating as many of these win/win situations as we can will rid our life of that terrible feeling of discouragement. Here is something that should be obvious, but since we are focused on feeling discouraged, I thought I should mention it. This works even if we are having a good day. When we encourage others, it will give our own emotional state a lift. This is true whether we are feeling down in the dumps, or even if we are walking on cloud nine. Encourage someone today! It will make someone’s day and may save yours!
This past Saturday evening, Margie and I went to enjoy Greek Fest. It is an event celebrating the Greek culture. We love the food, music and crafts sold there. On the way into the festival we found this doll face down in the gutter. Perhaps it was an omen of things to come. As we were standing in line to get into the festival we were behind a young man, no older than 16, wearing a shirt that had the quote, “No gun, no fun”. I found this very dispiriting. Considering the rise in violent crime and mass shootings in our nation, I would not allow my child to wear such a shirt and spread such a message.
My mother phoned us and informed us that she was deciding to join us. This was great as there would be another person to split the food with. We got in line and as Margie put it to the lady taking our order, “We will have one of everything.” This included such items as stuffed grape leaves and flaming cheese. As we sat down with our many dishes set to enjoy, chaos erupted. People began running and screaming. Suddenly, a voice came over the PA system announcing they were shutting the festival down. Apparently, a disagreement turned violent somewhere in the midway. I am not sure if the young man mentioned earlier was involved, but I would not have been surprised.
We grabbed our food and headed outside of the festival grounds. Not too far is a small park where we sat on a bench and enjoyed our food, which was now a great deal cooler, and talked about what had just happened. It is a shame that disagreements turn so quickly to violence these days. I do not pretend to have all of the answers, but I can think of some. As we were leaving the park we witnessed a mother dragging her young son by the arm yelling words at him that would make a sailor blush. At one point even telling him that nobody would want him because he was ugly. I could not help but wonder if this is where the problems all start. We need to raise our children in an environment that includes respectful discipline as well as compassion for others.
Some of you may conclude that this is how the world is trending. You may shake your head and think that a few are ruining it for all of us. In some ways I would be inclined to agree with you. Before we draw any conclusions, let me share with you the second half of our evening. My mother somehow managed to convince the overly tired Margie that she might want to walk through a local park. In our leisurely stroll, I found many of these painted rocks. This is an idea that really took off a few years ago. People paint rocks, often add inspiring messages, and hide them throughout the city. There is a local Facebook group where you share a picture of the ones you find and hide. We found many this night and were reminded of the neighbors who use this fun and creative way to bring a community together.
Through the use of social media, a tool that often drives us apart, this group has found a way to connect us. Through the colorful painting of the rocks and especially the inspiring messages some contain, neighbors have found a way to bring joy to others. In a world that can often be found splitting apart at the seems, there are signs of healing and growth. It reminds me of a flower growing in the concrete. There are always reasons to find hope.
The sad events at the festival will hopefully spur some action to toughen laws and put the accent back on what happens at home. The example of finding the rocks in the park shows us there are many good, caring souls out there as well. As I lay in bed falling asleep that night, I could not help but thinking of something I heard Tony Robbins say many times, “What is wrong is always available, but so is what is right.” Yes, there was a negative event that happened in the city. If that is all we chose to focus on, we may draw a number of conclusions. Yet, throw a fun and neighborly hobby done by folks from the ages of 4 to 84, we can see and feel a sign of hope. One solution is to promote and participate in events that bring our communities closer. Thank you to all of the member of the West Allis Rocks Facebook page. You brought light to a dark day.
One of the first reasons I was brought into the world of self-improvement was the man above, Tony Robbins. Like millions of others, I saw his infomercial at 3a.m. and ordered the product “Get the Edge”. Those CDs transformed my life. Not only for the content and strategies contained within, but because they influenced and motivated me to share what I learned with others. Not only did I improve my life, but by becoming a blog writer, author and life coach, I was able to positively influence the lives of others. I am still a big fan of Tony Robbins. I refer back to some of his work as a good reminder of some of the core principles that began my journey.
Then there was my fitness journey. Still a very active, and often up and down, journey. One of the main influences to get me moving was the man above, Greg Plitt. Not so much for a desire to have a physique like him. Although, that would be a bonus. His knowledge of fitness, both the physical and mental aspects, were a great boost. In addition, he has great motivational videos that both reinforced what Mr. Robbins said, as well as introducing some new and powerful concepts. The more videos I watched, the more I learned. Then, I learned a very interesting fact – he was dead. He met an unfortunate demise while filming a video. I had been learning for months from a man that I did not even realize was no longer with us. I still watch some of his videos to get me into the gym and to educate on several fitness and nutrition aspects.
That leads us to this man. Probably, one of, if not thee, greatest influence on my writing and personal development career. His name is Earl Nightingale. His message, The Strangest Secret, is something I have listened to thousands of times. His strategies for success are straight forward and filled with common sense. He was one of only 100 survivors on the U.S.S. Arizona when it was bombed in Pearl Harbor. He owned his own insurance company. He had his own radio program. He earned the first gold record for a spoken word recording and went on to launch the self-improvement recording industry. The company named after him, Nightingale-Conant, has many great products to help you improve your life. He also reminds me a bit of my grandfather, but I digress. He passed away in 1989.
The point of this message today is that every day I learn from people who have passed away. The only reason that I can do so is that they shared their story before they did. That is why it is so vital to share the talent you have inside of you. Your greatest moment may come long after you are gone. Our lives on this planet are finite, our influence on it does not have to be. Read that last line again slowly. How many authors, artists, musicians and others were only truly appreciated after they were gone? There is a day that we are born, and a day that we will die. Most self-improvement is focused on the moments between. That is for good reason. I put forth that we should also think about the influence we will have after we are gone. What you leave behind could save the life of someone who is not born yet. What you leave behind could change the world for your great-grandchildren. Do not let your influence die with you. Share your story today. Whether that is a video on YouTube, writing a book, or sharing a blog. That could be recording your music, sharing your artwork or a million other ways to express yourself. Do not keep it inside you. Tomorrow is never promised.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 