One of the things that drives me crazy is people who explain away bad habits, a negative attitude or abusive behavior with the phrase, “That is just the way I am.” In a world where you can change literally anything about yourself, it is no longer ‘just who you are’. No, the correct phrase would be, “That is who I am choosing to be.”. When you do your best to excuse away your character flaws it says two things. One, you do not have the self-awareness or self-discipline to work on improving yourself. Two, you choose to let your emotions control you instead of controlling them.

Saying “That’s just the way I am.” makes you look lazy and disrespectful. This is not saying that you need to change yourself to please someone else. No. Having quirks and creative differences make us the beautiful unique creatures we are. When you find yourself making that statement after describing a negative behavior, no that it is a choice. “He wants me to control my temper, but that is just the way I am.” Really translates to those of us hearing it to “I have an anger management problem that I am too self-centered to work on.” If you enjoy having a bad temper, that is on you. To pretend that is something that is ‘just you’ and that you cannot change is not true.

Conversely, when you hear someone say “I am working on that.” They not only sound instantly more respectful, but also more self-aware and self-disciplined. None of us are perfect. There are all things we need to work on. If you find yourself adding the phrase “That is just who I am.” after a negative behavior, you should realize that you are making an excuse. There are no areas in our life that we cannot work to improve. Be the type of person who says, “I am working on that.” Even more to the point, be the type of person who does. You will not only receive more respect from others, but you will come to respect yourself more.