TELL ME ABOUT YOUR FAVORITE 🍎

A few posts back we stressed starting more positive conversations both online and in person. We put forth that sharing with each other why we love one another, or at the very least, what we find admirable, would be a great start. Considering that randomly asking people, “What do you like best about me?” Can be difficult for some people. Not me, but then again I am not like most people. I have come up with another question I am going to both ask you, my readers, and suggest you do the same through your social media and in your personal conversations. I am going to share my answers with you in this post, and I would love to read yours in the comments below.

The question is a two-part one, but a simple one. Who was your favorite teacher you have had and what did they bring to your life? Margie and I shared our answers with each other last night over dinner. It was funny how each of us was affected by different teachers for entirely different reasons. It was also nice reflecting on people who have made a positive impact on our lives. I also learned some things about my beautiful lady and what really touches her and what she values in people. A pleasant side-effect to this conversation.

Now for my answers. My favorite teachers inspired me in many different ways. There were no Cameron Diaz Bad Teacher, type moments. No, my teachers inspired me in both positive and negative ways. Some of these happened in the moment, some happened in reflection. Let us start when I was young. Shall we?

One of the first teachers I remember having a fond interaction with was in my 3rd grade class. This teacher was big on having us write stories. She was constantly complimenting me on my ability to write a good fictional story. She even kept some of mine as examples to use in the future. This was very helpful to boost a young man’s self-esteem. It shall be noted, however, that out of my 3 published books, none are fiction. The second teacher from when I was young was my 5th grade teacher. She was big into reading to us. Something that Margie remembered about one of her teachers as well. One day she lost her voice and guess who she picked to read to the class? Yep, yours truly. For 2 whole days I stood in front of the class and read a book called Owls in the Family. The class was ruthless in their review. Although I was able to read quite well, I was not the teacher, who had read the book several times and did different inflections for each character. It was one of my first experiences in public speaking. It also turned out to be my first experience in being heckled. Good to get both of those out of the way when we are young.

There was only one teacher in middle school that I recall having an impact on me. Her name was Ms. Bede. She taught both business management and short-hand. Two subjects I was fairly certain I would not need in my future endeavors. Although in hindsight, the first might have been a little helpful. She was a sweet little lady. Reminded you of someone’s grandma. For that reason alone, I think she had everyone’s respect. What I enjoyed about her is that she really seemed to care. She was constantly on my case about paying better attention. After assuring her I had no desire to be a court reporter so I had limited use for short hand in my life, she gave me words of wisdom I remember to this day. “Young man, I suggest you pay less attention to socializing with the young ladies and more to your homework. Do you think in the future people will be paid to just talk about themselves?” I wonder if Ms. Bede has ever watched the Kardashians?

In high school, I had several teachers who made an impact on me. First one I recall was my physics teacher, Mr. Velk. When asked why we should pay attention to physics, his answer made sense to me. “Let us suppose you are on a roof on a windy day and want to throw a rock and hit someone in the head with it. Wouldn’t you like to know what angle and how hard you would have to throw it?” Not exactly the most noble of pursuits, but it taught me to find the practical application for whatever I was learning. There was also my history teacher, Mr. Hein. His passionate zeal for the subject, and often colorful and racially insensitive language, really made history come alive. The teacher the year before had just repeated dates and facts in a monotone. He also had really bad breath.

That leads us to my final example. My senior year teacher in the subject of English. We often butted heads. I could not understand how knowing what a dangling participle was, and how many levels the story Paradise Lost was told on, could improve my chances for a better life. To this end, it was questionable as to whether or not I would pass this class, and thus graduate school itself. It was what she said to me on the final day of school that, upon reflection years later, would impact me. After signing some generic thing in my yearbook, she looked me right in the eye and told me, “I pray to God you will never have a career in writing.” In her defense, I would have told that version of myself much the same thing. Still, 3 books and almost 2000 blog posts later, here we are. Never let anyone, even an authority figure, tell you what you can or cannot do.

The point here is that there are no bad teachers. I view teaching, just below being a parent in the field of noble careers. To be able to impact the lives of young people is something I respect and admire very much. There were many great teachers that I have had in my life time. I have touched on just a few and only stuck to the field of professional teachers. Yet, if we are honest with ourselves, doesn’t everyone have the opportunity to teach us something? I would love to hear about teachers who have made the most positive impact in your life.

BUILD STRONG CHILDREN 💪

Last post we discussed many of the great ideas put fourth by Frederick Douglass. I could not walk away without discussing one of my favorite quotes from this great man. “It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.” What a powerful statement. This speaks to all of us.

Let us start with the obvious. If you are a parent, which I think is one of the most noble and difficult jobs, this certainly speaks to you. Raising a child that not only has a good education, but good morals, a healthy self-image and compassion for others will make a huge difference in the future of the world. This is accomplished, and affected by, a lot more than we think. It is not only making sure they pay attention in school, do their homework and chores. It is setting a good example in our own behavior. Children may listen to what we say, but they will certainly pay attention to what we do. If your children live in a household with an abusive relationship, what do you think they will learn about relationships? If they watch you speak condescending to certain people, how do you think they will treat others when they grow up? If you do not take care of your health and indulge in self-abusive behaviors, do you think your children will grow up to learn a healthy lifestyle?

Parents are not the only ones affecting the lives of children. We all are. It could be a teacher. The job I consider as noble as that of a parent. Both of which play a large role in the development of our youth. Again, it is not just the academic lessons you pass along as you teach, but the examples you set as a person. This holds true not just for parents and teachers, but for all of us.

You never know when children may be watching us. If you are screaming at your spouse in the parking lot, a child could be driving by in a car and see two adults acting that way. This often occurs to me when I open the door for Margie. I am hoping a young boy will be watching and learn that is how you should treat the woman you love. Not because she is not capable of opening the door for herself, but because you respect her enough to do it for her.

Our world is filled with people in rehab, going to therapy and sitting in prison. A lot of these cases are the result of early life trauma. It can take many years of struggle and pain, both emotional and physical, to overcome. It can cost all of us a good deal of money. Living in a world that is prone to violence because people did not learn basic respect for human life costs all of us peace of mind. These costs are far greater than spending the time to make sure we set the proper example for, and raise strong children.

Like I said last post, Frederick Douglass had a lot of great wisdom to share. A man who lived through the horrors of slavery shared what he endured, so that we may leave the world better for our children. To let those lessons, and all that he went through to bring them to us, go without putting them into action would be a shame. Let us all work together to build strong children so that we may not have to repair as many broken adults.

3 TALKS THAT CHANGED MY LIFE

As a professional speaker, the pandemic has really changed the way I do things. The seminars I usually hold several times a year have disappeared. The speaking engagements I have with groups and companies have either been postponed or moved to a virtual setting. Recently, I was offered a very unique speaking opportunity. My friend Katie, who is a teacher, asked if I would speak to 3 different 4th and 5th grade classes at Franklin Elementary school in West Allis Wisconsin where she teaches.

Being that I have a passion for inspiring people of every age I was quick to accept this generous offer. Shortly after saying “yes” my mind began to race with concerns. “Most adults take a while to understand some of the concepts I speak about. How will 4th and 5th graders understand?” My brain began to do its best to fill my mind with doubt. I shared my concerns with both Margie, the love of my life, and my mother. It was through discussions with both parties that I began to change my focus from how will I do this and what if I do not do well to the more important focus of what can I say to the children that will serve them the best?

It was with this focus I began to consider what I would like to discuss. Of course I was going to share the steps it takes to be a writer and how my book came together. Then I began to ask myself a very important question, “What would I have liked someone to tell me when I was that age?” The focus of the project they are working on is how to improve both their school and their community. I began to think of ways I consider best for helping to do both of those things. Then it occurred to me, my poem! As some of you may recall, this past year I had written a poem on how to have the best city you can. That poem won a city wide poetry contest and is now stamped in the sidewalk in 2 locations throughout the city.

The poem read as follows:

The true worth of great city is not defined by its buildings or how many have a steeple.

The true worth of a great city depends on the quality of its people.

Whether you are a child, a woman or a man,

if you want a great city, be the best person you can.

That is the idea that I wanted to convey to these wonderful and talented young people. Each one of them, just like each one of us has the ability to change their community. We can do so by being the best person we can. I wanted to empower the hearts and minds of the students to understand that each one of them was special and each one of them can make a big difference despite their small stature.

In our own communities it is so important to remind the young people what a big difference they can make. I applaud Katie, Amanda and Jordan, their teachers, for taking on such an important project. Teaching, and learning from, students on how we can make a better community is more important now than ever. Next post we will take a deeper look into my experience with the kids and much of what I told them, and what they taught me.

WHAT IS YOUR STORY?

This blog post created itself last night. After Margie and I had finished our Wednesday night show and found ourselves driving with our friend Kelly. We began sharing defining moments from our childhood that defined who we are today. It caused me to reflect on a few moments that I would like to share with you. More so, it made me think of something far more important that we will get to right after this moment of reflection.

For those of you who may have been reading my writings of late, I have shared the story of my senior year English teacher. On the final day before graduation, she pulled me aside and said in an almost pleading tone, “I pray to God you will never have a career involving writing.” Given the evidence up to that point I would have been inclined to agree with her, but here we are.

Another fun story involved a teacher I had for business. She was a kindly lady. She kind of reminded me of someone’s grandmother from a Norman Rockwell painting. My relationship with this wonderful woman was great. We laughed, smiled and shared many good conversations. I would have said I was the perfect student with one glaring exception. In this class it just so happened I was surrounded by friends of mine. It also happened these were friends that like conversation as much as I did. Daily we shared conversations about life, love and our pursuit of happiness. When the time came out for giving everyone a grade I still recall what this teacher wrote. Written next to my grade was the comment, “Neil will do a lot better in life when he understands you can’t make a living discussing life and its challenges with people.” Once again, here we are. Discussing life and how to positively approach and overcome its challenges. Granted you might be reading this in Greenland, South Africa or Fiji while I am here in West Allis, Wisconsin, but virtually we are engaged in this conversation.

Let me share a more comical example from my youth. Second grade I do believe. I had a good friend who had just moved away and I found myself in trouble for something. That part seems to remain vague. As punishment I was to stand with my back against the wall and watch the other kids enjoying recess and playing on the playground. Sounds a little cruel in hindsight but I guess it served as a lesson – almost. As I was standing there I thought of a joke. One of the kids walked by and I told him my joke. He thought it was so funny he went to bring other kids to hear it. Before recess was over I found myself doing what could be described as a forced stand up comedy routine.

I saved this example for last because it was by far the darkest example. I was part of a group called ‘peer helpers’ in high school. The program was designed to help students who were facing addiction, abuse or any other emotional trauma. To me it sounded like a great idea on the surface. It became apparent very quickly that I disagreed with the approach of the program. It seemed to approach the issues from that of the adults who formed the group and not of the youths facing the challenges. I soon politely left the group. All would have been ok with one exception. I really did have the desire to help and still talked to many of the kids I had met in the program. I tried methods I believed might reach them. This was especially true because most of them had stopped asking for help from the Peer Helpers program.

Again, this would have all been good, but my locker happened to be right across the hallway from the lady who was in charge of the program. Once she noticed that quite a few of the students who left her group were coming up to my locker and asking questions she stormed over. She issued what can only be viewed as a veiled threat. She yelled how dare I think I could help kids better than she could and I better stop what I was doing “or else.” I really wasn’t trying to do anything but help people the best way I thought I could. I continued to do so with a little more discretion. Two days before I was set to graduate I was summoned to the principle’s office. When I arrived the teacher was there along with several police officers. This teacher, this adult, this individual who is supposed to be an example told all of them I had threatened to physically harm her. Not only was that a total lie, but I had no malice towards this woman, merely a difference in philosophy. Luckily, with the support and sworn statements of my character from other instructors I had and her changing her story several times the matter was all but dropped.

What is the point of all of these stories? The point is that anyone of these stories could have had a very negative impact on my life. What made the difference is that I chose what they meant to me. My high school English teacher could have prevented me from ever starting this site which has close to 1000 posts. What she told me could have dissuaded me from ever writing my book A Happy Life for Busy People. My business teacher tried to convince me there was no future in listening to the challenges people face in life and trying to help create solutions, but that is the basis of all I do.

Through my punishment that day in second grade I learned the power of humor to reach people. I also learned that sometimes when the world seems to be taken away from you, the best solution is to make the world come to you. It is a theme that kind of plays throughout the videos on my YouTube channel. It also showed me new and wonderful ways to make friends. The lesson that if you can introduce your material to enough people it can really change your situation didn’t escape me either.

The final dark situation could have steered me in many different directions. I could have decided not to trust authority. Certainly learning that ego can override professionalism and make people act in ways they shouldn’t. I could have decided that it meant if I try to do things on my own in a way I feel will help the most people it will lead to trouble and could land me in jail. Of course it also showed me the value of displaying and acting with the best character and highest standards.

What is your story? What events have transformed your life? Have you let them decide what you can or can’t do? Are they putting limits on your life or are you using them to motivate you? The story of our lives should not be told through the mouths or actions of others. Realize you are not a victim of your past but a victor over it. You have made it to today despite what you have been told and what has happened to you. Do not let your past or those in it steal your power for a strong future. Find the empowerment in every challenge you have faced, or may now be facing.