Tag: success

NEVER LOSE, JUST IMPROVE

That sounds like a great life. Never lost, just win. Also sounds a little impossible. Looking at this quote from Nelson Mandela, we can see it is not only possible, it may be easier than we think. Whatever life throws our way, we can use it to our advantage. That’s why I would like to tweak Mr. Mandela’s quote a little bit.

“Lose or win, I will never fail to learn. – Neil Panosian

Did I really just quote myself? Yes. The reason why is simple. This is a mantra I have used, and continue to use to put my life on a never-ending upward trajectory. Whether my life is in a peak or a valley, it is always improving.

How do you accomplish this continuing and never-ending improvement? Through a change in mindset, but even more simply, asking a simple question. That question is “What can I learn from this?” When you learn your life improves. You can learn in celebration. What went well? What skills did I use to create that success? What bad habits might I have avoided that could have sabotaged my success?

We learn a great deal in pain and loss. Feeling the pain of losing a loved one, which can be the most painful, can show us how to better love those we still have in our life. Losing a job sucks, but we can learn how to develop new skills, be resilient and better prepared next time.

One of the most powerful situations to use this in (although I recommend using it all situations in life) and one of the situations with the most dramatic returns is intimate relationships. Think of it. You do something that lights your partner up. What was it? What about that thing you did or said affected them so greatly? You did something to hurt or disappoint your partner? You can learn from that. What not to say or do. What hurts them and what emotions may get triggered.

Bonus learning – try looking at the opposite of situations to gain twice the knowledge. That way you can improve your life twice as fast. The successful times can teach us about failure, just as hurt and pain can teach us what truly brings us joy. Get the most out of each moment in life and you will get the most out of your life in return.

WHAT DECIDES YOUR FUTURE?

I am not sure what a man fighting a lion has to do with this quote. Maybe he made a habit of fighting lions. Seems like that habit would lead to a fairly short life. That does reflect the point we are attempting to make here. The man may not actively choose a short life and quick death, but by choosing a habit of fighting lions, in a way he is.

The decisions we make in life decide our future. Do we make a decision to pursue comfort at any cost? If so, it would be highly unlikely that we will accomplish anything to great. Truly worthwhile goals require discipline, sacrifice and consistency. Even if our intentions are noble, if our habits are not it will amount to very little. When life gets tough we do not rise to our ambitions, we fall back to our habits.

Most of us would like to be successful in life. Success too is a habit. You cannot strive to be a success in one area while being lazy in others. If you are a person who drops trash in the ground and doesn’t pick it up, chances are you will not be able to maintain a high standard in areas of life you deem more important.

Take a hard look at your habits. What kind of future are they going to deliver for you? If it is not the future you want, what habits could you adopt now to change that?

KEEP BLOOMING 🌻

This is so true. In a world where people are mistakenly focused on material gain and other outward signs of success, it is important to remember where real change starts. If there is anything you wish to accomplish, you must start by becoming it. That may sound backwards to some of you, so allow me to explain.

Real change happens internally. If you do not change who you are inside, that change will usually not be long-lasting. That is why so many who won the lottery end up broke. They have not changed to someone who is comfortable with having a lot of wealth.

You must work on changing your mentality first. If you want to be fit, you must become a person who likes, and is dedicated to fitness. You want to eat healthy? You must become someone who  has a better relationship with food. Someone who understands that you should eat to live and not live to eat. That healthy can be both delicious and fun!

Here is the tricky bit. When you start changing your mentality, you would think everyone would be behind you. Especially, those closest to you. Often, this is not the case. It can be a fear, be that conscious or not, that once you level up you will leave them behind. Sometimes that might have to be the case. When you are working on sobriety, you can’t hang around with addicts anymore. Maybe they just do not possess the drive to improve their lives? A little encouragement and reassurance can go a long way here.

In the end, you might be doing it alone. Quite often, self-improvement is just that – improvement by yourself. Those closest to you might be your most difficult test. Do not stop them from allowing you to bloom!

Quick side note. Be careful not to judge them either. Many people lack either the knowledge or the discipline to improve their lives. Some of the best ways we can help this is to offer encouragement and a positive example of what can be done! It may just be your success that will change their life!

ADVICE FROM THE GREAT 👑

This quote is very powerful. Let us take a look at it in two separate pieces. The first part, “Let us conduct ourselves so that all men wish to be our friends.” What does this mean to you? Most people are looking for friends with benefits. No, not necessarily those benefits, but what can they get out of being friends with you. Nobody wants to spend their time, which is the most precious commodity, with someone who does not offer something positive. Are most friendships really this transactional? Let me ask you a question. Would you want to spend time with someone who makes you unhappy, is not a good conversationalist and does not enlighten you? Most of us would answer ‘no’ to that, and we should. Life is short.

The point of this is that we should endeavor to become people worth knowing. If we want to conduct ourselves so that all people wish to be our friends, what would that mean? It would mean learning to be a better listener. It would would mean developing the ability to blend honesty and compassion. It would not mean calling someone a nasty name a 5-year-old would use just because they hold a different opinion of you. Are you the type of person people will talk good about even when you are not around? That is usually a good litmus test as to how good of a person you are.

Now the second part, “All fear to be our enemies.” To me, this does not mean fear of retribution or violence. Those are actually acts of desperation. If we may take a glance at the first half of the quote, it will give an answer to the second. If you are someone that everyone would like to be friends with, how would that reflect on someone who doesn’t like you or wishes to be your enemy? People would look at them funny. “What is wrong with this person that he doesn’t like Bob? Bob is such a great guy.” There is always something wrong with people who pride themselves on tearing down other’s reputations. You should be so busy with improving yourself that you have no time to dwell on other’s faults.

Being well-connected is another way to have people fear to come against you. How do we become well-connected? By being someone that everyone would like to know, do business with and call their friend. Become a person of discipline, purpose and integrity. Nobody wants to go against someone like that. Before long, they just might add ‘the great’ after your name as well.

STOP BEING LAZY! 🦥

One thing that drives me slightly more crazy than I already am is the laziness in which we communicate these days. It is easier to understand how that can be helpful is texting or messaging someone. What is sad is when it starts to filter into real life conversation. Looking at the examples above can be helpful. Think of someone saying them to you. Can you imagine the difference in how they would make you feel?

Would you agree that to a great extent, the quality of our life is the quality of our relationships? Get in a fight with your spouse in the morning and how does your workday go? Have an argument with a coworker and what kind of mood do you come home in? The cause of most discord in relationships is communication. Either a lack of it, or the method in which it is delivered. Even if you are looking to take your relationship to the next level, mastering your communication is the key. Telling your spouse they “Look good” is nice. Saying something like, “The effort you put into that outfit really highlights your already attractive features.” creates a completely different feeling.

If you do not know how to communicate with skill, there are a million resources to help you in that area. Books on how to communicate. Reading poetry that makes you feel a certain way and thinking of how to work it into your speaking. Even reading greeting cards can help. Think about it. You pay $7 or more to deliver a folded piece of paper with often only a line or two. To get you to spend that kind of money those words have to be impactful. Want to be more romantic? Watch romantic movies, read romantic books and do so with the intent to learn. Want to learn how to genuine compliment someone? How about a boss or client?

Do you think this is not so important? Remember, people may forget what you say to them, but they will never forget how you make them feel. People are driven by emotion and they back up that emotion using logic. That is why your words must illicit a powerful emotional response. More to the point, a positive one. People give their attention, their time and their business and money to those who can make them feel important, valued and happy. You can do that by not sounding like a teenager sending a text. Do not be lazy with your communication. Learning how to properly communicate and convey your emotions will transform your life.

NO WIND IS FAVORABLE ⛵️

In many ways, I consider myself a modern-day stoic. There are many great thoughts expressed in this philosophy. Above is one of them. This is why it is so important to not only think of, but decide on and WRITE DOWN specific goals. View them daily, if not several times a day. Can you imagine having free plane tickets with no destination in mind? What good would they be? It is a shame to have good fortune thrust upon us and to not have a plan to make the most of it. As much as I like this quote on face value, I find that flipping it around makes it even more valuable. Let me explain.

I believe when you have a firm and worthwhile destination every wind is favorable. You can tell when the wind is blowing in your favor. You raise the sails and make the most of it. When the wind is blowing against you, you lower the sails, you may even have to row a little. If you get caught in a terrible storm of life, you know to ride it out and make sure your ship is pointed in the right direction to get back on track. When you have a solid destination in life there are two types of events. The one that makes you say, “This will certainly help!” That is when the wind is blowing in your favor. The other is when you say, “I can learn and grow with this.” That is when the wind seems to be blowing against you.

Think of trying to eat better. Someone brings in healthy snacks to work. (It could happen) You think to yourself, “This will sure make eating healthier more enjoyable and easier. The next day someone brings in doughnuts and soda. (This is far more likely) Then you say to yourself, “This will certainly help test my will power.” In both of these situations you get closer to your goal of eating better even though one of them is more helpful than the other. This holds true with fitness, study, cleaning the house or any situation you can think of.

In life if you do not know where you want to go, how on earth are you going to get there? We must make our destination firm in our minds and remind ourselves of it often. Life today is filled with distractions more so than any other time in history. Staying focused on our path places us in the top tier of successful people. Where is the port you are sailing towards?

THE HAPPIEST PEOPLE I KNOW ☺️

Many people find themselves in a state of unhappiness. There is a way to turn that around. That is to begin to work on becoming the best version of yourself. It begins with an honest evaluation of where you are now. This can be a bit deflating, but in order to know where you want to go, it is necessary to know where you are. Think of looking at a map. If you were to look at your destination, but have no idea where you are, how would you know in which direction you should go. It is the same with the journey of your life.

I once heard Tony Robbins say, “Progress equals happiness.” Earl Nightingale’s definition of success is, “A progressive realization of a worthy ideal.” Both of these bring up a good point. It is not the accomplishment of goals, or reaching a certain point that brings us the greatest deal of happiness. Although those certainly should be celebrated. If you notice in both quotes, the word ‘progress’ is featured. Think of trying to get in shape. It certainly is a great feeling to look in the mirror and find yourself at the level of fitness you desire. Do you know what is an even more exciting feeling? When you realize you have to by a size smaller in clothing because the size you have been wearing for the last couple of years is now too large. You know you are on your way!

One of the greatest thieves of joy is comparison. It can even upend progress. Have you ever had this experience? You are feeling good about the progress you have made towards some goal. Smile on your face, joy in your heart. Then you run into a friend who has made greater progress towards the same goal, maybe even in a shorter amount of time. Suddenly, your happiness is crushed. You go from feeling like a conqueror to a failure. It is worse if you are just about to start your journey of self-improvement. You pop on social media and see pictures of people who you went to school with that have not only already accomplished the goals you are striving for, but have surpassed them.

The phrase that comes to mind in all of these examples is “Who cares!” That is them. We never know anyone’s complete story. Maybe they post pictures of their career success but fail to mention the happy home life it cost them. Maybe they appear to be madly in love, but are fighting addiction. Another important point is that each journey is unique to the individual. I am more impressed with someone who has managed to reach a state of inner peace after fighting the demons of depression than someone who has reached inner peace after inheriting a fortune from their family. That is why it is so important to be focused on improving ourselves and the challenges we have overcome.

Here is a bonus way of making this more fun and enjoyable. Look for the small accomplishments of your friends, family and even your coworkers. Celebrate them as if they were your own. You never know what it took for them to overcome that. The more you help others celebrate their wins, the more joy and peace will come to your heart. Not to mention, the more likely they are to celebrate your wins as well. Remember, there is enough room for all of us to win!

KEEP SWINGING ⚾️

It is spring here in the Northern hemisphere. In this country, that means the start of baseball season. Out of all the sports, this one has one of the longest seasons. There are 162 games to play in a single year. By contrast, in the National Football League, they play 18. That means in the course of a baseball season you can have a run of good luck and great play, followed by a run of less than stellar play. What makes a good season? How can you get back on track after a bad streak? The answer is the same in baseball as it is in life. That answer is you keep swinging.

A few days ago we celebrated 1000 days in a row of sharing content. This is actually day 1003. How did we manage to keep this up through a busy life and many obstacles? We kept swinging. Sometimes our content reached hundreds, in many countries. Sometimes it was only a few in a few countries. On occasion we received lots of engagement. There were weeks when we received none and were left to wonder if anyone was reading at all. Life is like that too. Some days life can seem to be flowing along smoothly. There are days when we hurt ourselves just getting out of bed. Even a few days where we just can’t make it out of bed at all. What to do in any of those situations? Keep swinging.

Showing up in life doesn’t guarantee us success. Not showing up does rather limit our opportunities however. In my own personal experience, sometimes when you show up and can barely go through the motions is often when people need you the most. There are times that whether I am writing, at my day job or as a DJ, I feel I am not bringing my best and someone will tell me how much I have impacted their lives.

Many people talk about grind and hustle. I want to remind of the power of persistence and resilience. Being able to show up in the face of life’s storms takes a special skill but one that will define you as someone who can be counted on. It will expose you to the maximum amount of opportunity and increase your chance for success. I am going to leave you with a quote from the Rocky movies that wraps up what we have been talking about nicely. As always, I would love to hear your feedback!

WANT SUCCESS? KEEP IT SIMPLE 💯

This post was inspired during the amazing dinner that Margie and my mother put together to help celebrate 1000 blogs on this site. Our good friend, Ron Perez, looked around the table and told me something that in its simplicity, was yet profound. He said, “Neil, all you need is good friends and good food.” He was right. I could not have been happier than I was that night. No amount of fame or fortune could have done it. No amount of monetary reward. People often trip over some of the greatest treasure on their way to look for it.

Having a good group of friends and being able to share some good food, is something far too many of us in the world are not able to do. In fact, having a strong social circle and good friends is one of the most determining factors in longevity. This according to the Blue Zone book that examined the lives of the longest living people and what they had in common. Mr. Perez’s statement was quite the wise one and backed up by science.

Many folks spend a great deal of their time and energy investing in obtaining wealth and prestige. If you were to obtain such things and sacrifice your relationships to do so, you would still be poor. Something about friends – money cannot buy true ones. It is something that has to be fostered and grown with time. It takes trust, honesty, love, compassion and many other things that money or fame could not buy. On the opposite end of the spectrum, if you lack money but still have a great deal of true friends, you are wealthier than you can imagine. Not only are they able to help you, be that financial or connecting you to opportunities, but they will encourage and support you emotionally.

I am still reeling from the outpouring of love that I received at that surprise dinner the other night. That made me feel like the wealthiest person in the world! By our definition, I believe that I am. In your life, keep it simple. Invest in the things that truly matter. Take care of those who take care of you. Spend your time and money building friendships and helping others. The payout will be far better than any winning lottery ticket you could come across. To me, my friends and family are the greatest treasure.

DISCIPLINE BUILDS WHAT MOTIVATION CAN’T 💪

Being a big fan of motivation, this quote holds extra sway. Motivation can inspire action. It is like a match that lights a fire. The tricky bit about motivation is that it varies. It can be up one day and be quite hard to find on another day. If we only did things when we felt motivated to do so, our lives would be a lot worse off. Can you imagine what your bank account would look like if you only went to work when you felt like it? How about if you only paid the electric bill when you felt motivated to do so? The house would probably be pretty dark.

Motivation can lead us down the wrong path on occasion. Like in the picture above. You may be motivated to eat half a pizza because it tastes good. If you follow doing what feels pleasurable in the moment, you can be in for a lifetime of regret and consequences. If you have the discipline to eat things that fuel your body and not just your tastebuds, you may not have the momentary joy, but you will have a long-term reward of good health. Here is the unfortunate truth, people will often discourage you from making good choices making discipline even more difficult. You will hear things such as “One bad meal won’t make that much difference.” or “You went to the gym a couple days ago. You deserve some rest.” Momentary pleasure can lead to a lifetime of regret.

Another reason to choose discipline over motivation is that it is not dependent on the opinions of others. If doing the right action for you depends on the applause and encouragement of others, what do you do when you are alone? We should work on being able to do the right thing when nobody is applauding us. Often, we can find criticism coming in our direction when we are working on discipline. Hearing things such as, “He is not at fun as he used to be. Never goes to the club and is always at the gym.” Months and years later when you are healthy and enjoying life, and their liver is shot, suddenly they may not think ‘living for the moment’ is so fun.

I am not advocating doing away with anything fun in your life. We need escapes in this stressful world. What I am cautioning against is becoming a slave to pleasure or relying on motivation to take the actions you know you need to take. Motivation is great and I encourage you to get as much of it into your life as you can. I have many great ways to do so here on this site and in my 3 books. While you are looking for ways to keep you motivated, make sure to work on your self-discipline. It will take over when motivation is no place to be found.