This picture and quote is obviously meant for a romantic relationship. It also could work both ways, for a man or a woman. A true measure of success is the joy your life brings to those around you and the world at large. In my humble opinion, this also holds true of the planet as well. An animal you helped may not be able to smile, but knowing that you could positively affect the life of another living creature means that you are a success. Picking up litter and helping the planet, also a success.
In a world where we all too often measure success in material means, we may forget what true success looks like. It looks like the smile on the person next to you. What good would it do if your business is booming, you drive the latest car and live in the biggest house if your family is suffering? What good does it do you to be a public success and a private failure? That is why we see so many celebrities that we feel have it all going in and out of rehab or worse. They may have bought the big house, but they never took care of what was in that house.
The same can be said of judging success by looks. Yes, it is important to be healthy. What good would an amazing body and dazzling looks do if you have a heart full of anger and jealousy? Again, you took care of the body, but forgot about what is inside the body. By developing inner peace and compassion, you will treat others with the same. That will make people smile for sure. In a world that is filled with chaos and people looking for their 15 minutes of fame, true success would be putting smiles on the faces of others.
I have discussed this topic with all of you before. It is a key tool that we all need for success, but as society advances it seems to become more and more rare. It will help us succeed and accomplish great things, yet it is shunned and looked upon as something negative. Do too much of this and people call you ‘unfocused’ or even ‘lazy’. It is something that I do daily, but do not use it productively. It costs nothing, but could offer a return that is very valuable.
What is the mystery tool of success we are discussing? It does not have a scientific name. At least as far as I am aware. The best term I have heard for it came from my friend Heidi who called it “Duh time”. Does not sound like a key to success, does it? What is ‘Duh Time’? Let me explain how it shows up in my life every morning. You may recognize it in your life as well. I wake up for work at 4am. At that hour, I confess to not being as sharp as I could be. One of the last things I do before leaving the house is put my shoes on. This should take mere minutes. Half awake, I sometimes just sit there staring blankly as if my brain is buffering. That is my ‘duh time’. Quickly, I admonish myself and get moving as not to be late.
What ‘duh time’ represents is an opportunity to allow our brain to organize itself. It is one of the only chances our subconscious mind has to send information to our conscious mind. It is where creativity lives and thrives. Have you ever noticed how when you lay down to sleep your brain is suddenly flooded with great ideas and answers you have worked to find for hours, days or perhaps longer? That is because we busy our minds with trivial matters in an attempt to feel some sort of progress. Now, with the advent of cell phones, even time that was normally used for this purpose has been filled with activity. This leads to stunted creativity and a mind screaming for a chance to rest and recharge.
Even when we experience an unplanned moment of ‘duh time’ such as my morning buffering, we view it with distain. We feel emotions such as guilt and shame that we are not doing something more ‘productive’. The ironic thing is that the more time we spend on focused and undistracted thought, the more productive we will be. In a world where hustle culture is praised, we forget that one thought could save us lots of hustling. This is not to say that work is not required for a successful life. Just that work backed by focused thought would be far more productive.
This quote above can be found, in some version or another, throughout history. It can be found in the bible, with many great philosophers and thinkers. Most of them thought they were the first ones to come up with the idea. What that translates to, is that this is one of the great truths of life. What we continue to focus our thoughts on, that is what we will become. What happens if we do not take time to focus our thoughts at all? Then, it will be very difficult for us to become much at all. That is why allowing ourselves time to think is so important. If you find yourself thinking, “Neil, where on earth am I going to find this time?” I get it. As someone who works 40+ hours a week at a day job, is a DJ on the weekend, is working on his fourth book and now has posted daily over four years straight, time is a premium. If you are worried at making the most of the time you have, you need to devote some of it to letting your mind wander.
Our minds are able to accomplish amazing things, but we must provide them the opportunity to do so. We cannot rely on that moment before we fall asleep, or when we find ourselves in the shower, to let our minds speak to us. First, those moments are not very convenient for recording the information we come up with. Are you really going to get out of bed and write down what you are thinking? Do you have a pen and paper in the shower? What we need is to provide ourselves with a digitally free moment of contemplation. Try this for thirty days. Give yourself a dedicated 30 minutes or more a day for mental gymnastics. You will be amazed at what you come up with. You can do this while you wait in line at the grocery store. Maybe a walk after dinner. Just make sure whenever you do so you have no distractions. Also make sure you record the thoughts that come to you. Many of them will end up being worthless, but it only takes one good thought to change your life.
The ‘secret of success’. It is something that billions are spent on every year to discover. The amusing part of this is that it can be found in this quote by Aristotle. You need to have successful habits. Ones that continually push you to be a better version of yourself. If you make exercise and learning a habit, there is no limit to where this world may take you. When we are stressed, we do not rise to the level of our goals, we fall to the level of our habits. That is why it is paramount that we begin to work on them as soon as we can. Habits take time to develop. They are also easier to develop when we are not in a stressed state.
A few years back, I appeared on the television show Positively Milwaukee. One of the strategies for success that I advocated that day was that we should learn to swim while we are on the shore and not when the ship is sinking. Meaning, that learning and perfecting skills should be done before we need them. When will we need them? We never know. That is why it is so important to get into the habits that will be profitable to our lives now. Profitable does not only refer to financial concerns. A habit that increases, or profits, our health is a vital one to have. Self-care is a great habit to develop for mental health purposes. When will we need a hand with a mental health? That can be right around the corner!
Another important aspect to consider about success is that it cannot be compartmentalized. We have seen this is CEOs, celebrities and others. If your success in one area of your life comes at the sacrifice of others, you are not a success. If you are wealthy, but you family is not happy or your friendships are suffering, are you truly successful? We need to develop excellence habits and apply them to every area of our life. What healthy habits for excellence do you have? Which ones do you think would be healthy to develop?
The ability to be satisfied with your life as you are working to improve it develops a special inner peace that many never find. It also tends to open our eyes to opportunities that we would miss in a depressed state. This alone will add to the increased satisfaction of our life. It will have us feeling lighter knowing that there are things in our life that are going well. It is a feeling that can help balance the challenges we face.
This can all be accomplished by creating a habit of sitting down and asking ourselves, “What can I be grateful for in my life?” Yes, more benefits of being grateful. This change in attitude and perception has daily benefits. A life filled with more inner-peace has a ripple effect. It comes out in the way we treat others. Guess what happens when you treat others with more compassion and grace? You have less drama and problems in your life. That leads to more inner peace. You can see how this can go. It is careful to note it works the same way in reverse. If you are constantly focused on what is not working in your life and feeling down, you may snap at someone for little or no reason. Now you have a fractured relationship that needs attending to. One more problem that weighs on you.
Focusing primarily on what is going right is not permission to ignore all that needs fixing. Quite the opposite. It is setting yourself up in a better emotional state to handle those challenges. Give yourself the life you deserve. Treat yourself with more grace and compassion and you will be amazed at how much better your life becomes.
I am not sure this is the most valuable skill to learn, but it does rank up there. Resilience is a vital skill that not only helps us survive, but thrive. It is a skill that not only has to be developed, but maintained. Learning that we have control over our inner environment is a remarkable change in mindset. Yes, challenges can knock us down. It is learning not to stay down that makes all of the differences. Discovering ways to turn negative experiences into motivating or productive moments is the key to success.
Listening to the words of our friendly Roman emperor above, we can see how this skill can be developed. Many of us busy ourselves trying to control a world that is outside of our…well…control. We cannot control the environment, the thoughts and actions of others or a million other variables. What we have complete control over is our interpretation of them. Will we use them as an excuse not to push forward or will we look for a way to put them to work for us? A great first step is learning how to put challenges behind us quickly. We can them revisit them for the lesson when the emotional sting is not that strong.
In what way do you develop the skill of being resilient? Let us share all of our tools and strategies so that we may learn from each other. When you see someone else who is struggling to develop this skill, offer your encouragement. While we are learning to believe in ourselves, the belief of others can go a long way.
As we approach the start of the week many of us will worry that we are not as far as we should be. This could be in the area of career, finance, relationships or a million other categories. The question we should be asking ourselves is what metric we are using to come to this conclusion? Is it the new house our friend on Facebook bought? How about the new car we saw pull up at Starbucks while we are writing? The couple posting their wedding photos while we are still requesting a table for one? Never, and I repeat – never measure your life using someone else’s ruler.
If you find yourself frustrated with your progress because you are not living up to your own standard, that is one thing. Then, by all means be upset with yourself. If you know you could have worked harder or given more, than it is ok to give yourself a little pain as motivation. If, however, your pain is because you are not as far as someone else even though you have given it your all; stop it. You never know what advantages they may have had. Perhaps it was not advantages, but lack of challenges to overcome? I have quoted Earl Nightingale’s definition of success many times. “Success is the progressive realization of a worthy ideal.” If you are progressing on your goals and working towards them you are a success. This includes discovering things that do not work. Some may call that ‘failure’ but the more informed know that it is just another step in the process of success.
Comparison really is the thief of joy. Why let comparing yourself to other steal the joy of the progress you made? Everyone evolves and grows at their own pace. As long as you are working on growth and evolvement, than do not look to your neighbor to decide how good your progress is. Instead look at who you were a year ago, or six months or maybe even yesterday! Use your own ruler when measuring your success.
Thank you for taking the time to join us here at Secret2anamazinglife.com today. I appreciate the time you take to read the words I have to share with you and hope you leave here a little more inspired than when you arrived. Today I will be celebrating my mother’s birthday and this is a thought I think she would not only agree with, but personifies a great deal.
In today’s world everyone seems to be craving a special identity. The term ‘influencer’ barely existed 10 years ago. It would seem that people will do anything for their 15 minutes of fame. Here is the ironic thing, we do not need to have our faces, or any other body part, all over the internet to be famous. We all have an identity. This is true whether we realize it or not. Today I am going to share with you what that identity consists of and how to improve it. What you choose to do with this knowledge is up to you.
What you give is who you are. Have you ever thought about this before? Over two decades in the field of self-improvement and I have never quite heard it worded that way. The more I think about it, the more true it rings. We spend a great deal of time on trying to accumulate things in today’s world. The new car, the cool clothes and of course our little corner of the internet. All of this in an attempt to develop an identity. How many of us realize it is who we are in that car, what we do in those clothes and what we have to offer in our corner of the internet that make us who we are.
Think of something as simple as being kind to others. When we give kindness that is who we become – a kind person. We must be careful as the opposite is equally true. If we are someone who only gives the world complaints and negativity, that is who we become. It is not what we take or what we accumulate that defines who we are as much as what we give and leave behind. Once again I would like to reference my favorite quote by Denzel Washington, “You never see a U-Haul behind a hearse.” In other words, it is not what we accumulate that will define our legacy, but what we leave behind. That can be the time and effort we have given to those less fortunate. It can be the kind word or smile we share we a stranger who may be struggling. It is what we give that will forever define who we are. If you want to be someone special, learn to give.
I mentioned at the beginning of this post that is was my mother’s birthday today. She is a perfect example of giving as a legacy. She retired 9 years ago now. Since then she has worked even harder I think. She has taken care of many family members experiencing health challenges of different degrees. She volunteers at the zoo in our city. It happens to be one of our favorite places to go. She also is part of the local woman’s club, and helps supply the food pantry at her church. In other words, fills her time with giving. Speaking of the food pantry, a woman appreciated her donations, and her, so much she sent her a birthday card. My mother appreciated the card so much she gave the lady a hug and told her so. This, undoubtedly, made the lady feel good. It would probably motivate her to be kind to others or to my mother again. Do we show appreciation just to continue this cycle? Of course not. This is an example, however, of how continuous giving can create a world filled with love and appreciation. What a great legacy to leave behind! Happy birthday mom! Thank you for all of your giving.
I have been involved in the world of self-improvement for over two decades now. I have seem many people, some with the best of intentions, try in vain to improve their lives. Why, when someone is so enthusiastic about improving their life do they fail to do so? It has to do mainly with their mindset when beginning the journey. Our attitude at the onset of a task has a great deal to do with the outcome. Sometimes more so than the circumstances in which we find ourselves surrounded with. That is why it is so important to get this right. To make preparations for the journey before we begin. You wouldn’t go for a long hike without making sure you brought enough water would you?
What is the proper mindset for self-improvement and what preparations should we be making? I think the quote from Mr. Churchill above gives us a few answers. To begin with, we must understand that improving our life is not a linear journey. There will be peaks and valleys. When some experience a setback, they feel that their journey is not working. The setbacks we experience in life often are some of the best teachers and provide knowledge we cannot gain in any other way. We need to prepare for them. We need to do more than understand from an intellectual standpoint that they are coming. We need to prepare for them emotionally as well. How you do this will depend a great deal on you as an individual.
Some things that work for a great deal of people include, but are not limited to the following. One of the most powerful things you can do is to understand your ‘why’ for improving your life. What happens if you do not improve your life? What happens if you stay the same? This might be a good time to scare yourself a little. Does your family have a history of cancer or heart disease? That might be a good motivation to stay in shape. Then there is the other side of the spectrum. What will happen if you do succeed in your efforts? Will you gain the respect and admiration of your spouse or family? Will you have more energy to play with your children or work on your passion project?
You must also create ways of maintaining your enthusiasm. This can be planning little rewards for yourself when you reached certain points of your self-improvement journey. If you are trying to lose a good amount of weight, make sure to honor yourself along the way or it may feel like you will never get there. It also includes giving yourself a little pain when you mess up. Just make sure to not beat yourself up so bad that you feel like giving up. If you binge on a couple of doughnuts after a month of eating good? Yes, realize you made a mistake, but also realize that maybe you used to do it once a week. Keep your enthusiasm. Keep working towards your goal.
One of the main things you can do to assist in this is to keep your goal in front of you. This can be something as simple as an affirmation on the bathroom mirror or more involved like a vision board. Keep your reason for maintaining your effort in front of you too. It could be a picture of your children, your husband or wife. Whatever the reason that will make you push harder when much of you is telling yourself to give up. Make these preparations, and develop this mindset at the beginning and the journey will be a lot easier.
How many times do you have to try something before learning it? Two times? Three times? Thomas Edison failed more than 1000 times before inventing the electric light bulb. Can you imagine sticking with something that long? I am not sure that I would. The point of all of this is that the amount of times that you do not succeed at something in life will always outnumber the times that you do succeed. In other words, you will fail a lot more than you succeed. Knowing this, you would think that failure would be a well-studied subject. On the contrary. Most people do not like to think about failure, much less study it.
If failure is something we are going to experience often in our life, should we not spend some time learning how to do it properly? Many of you might be asking how can you ‘fail properly’? Don’t you just fail or succeed? The average person does, yes. If we are looking to create an amazing life, it involves learning to put everything that occurs in our life to work for us. This includes failure. How can we do that? The first step is changing our mindset around failure. We must see it for what it is – a learning experience. Your muscles do not grow in the gym without encountering resistance. The same is true for you as a person. You only grow when you encounter resistance. In fact, the bigger the resistance, the bigger you must grow to overcome it. Just as the heavier weight in the gym requires more muscle growth. The photo above may seem cliche, but it is 100% true. Failure is a ‘first attempt at learning’. You do not learn much if you succeed at things the first time. It also would lead to a boring life eventually.
The second step to making failure work for us is learning to mine it. Yes, it is time to imagine ourselves as miners and see what we can get out of failure. The obvious may be the lessons and knowledge. If you have ever tried to put out a grease fire with water, you will soon learn, in spectacular fashion, that is the exact opposite thing you should do. It is a failure in the moment, but you will never put water on a grease fire again. You gained that knowledge. How about trusting someone with a secret only to discover they told everyone they know? Failed in that judge of character, but learned they cannot be trusted with confidential information. In addition, if there is something you want to get out, perhaps this was the person to tell. In each case you walked away with more knowledge than you went in with.
Another thing we gain from failure is resilience. If we always succeeded, how tough would we be when faced with a challenge? Not very. Failure teaches us perseverance, patience, and mental and emotional fortitude. These are lessons that you cannot learn with success. Therefore, failure is actually something we can be grateful for. It gives us a kind of strength that success never could. You owe it to yourself to learn how to fail properly. We are all going to do it in life. We should learn to do it in a way that will give us an amazing life!
Today in the United States we celebrate Martin Luther King Jr. day. It is only fitting that we start off with a quote from the man himself. My favorite thing about this quote is that it is a simple, yet effective formula for success. Many people view becoming successful in terms of grand events. Winning the lottery, getting that promotion, losing all the weight they want or whatever they view to be successful. Being great, or successful, is not that complicated.
Take a look at the examples above. Winning the lottery? How about saving or investing the money we would have spent foolishly? Getting that promotion? While we are working to make that happen, we should be doing the best we can at the job we currently have. Putting in a hard days work, whether we are acknowledged for it or not, is being great. How about losing weight? That seems to be on a lot of people’s minds now. It is admirable to be healthy, but understand that even the small things we do will make us great. Saying ‘no’ to the doughnuts in the breakroom is great. Going for a walk after dinner when all we want to do is lay down, that is great.
Doing the ‘small’ things greatly is what prepares us for when the big things arise. If we work to keep our studio apartment in order, guess what will happen when we move into that mansion? If we keep working on passing on the doughnuts, or maybe adding healthy meals to our plate, eventually we will start losing that weight. We are a success long before we reach our goal weight. We are great every time we do not give into temptation. We should celebrate every small step on the way to greatness and make sure we do each one to the best of our ability.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 