John Wooden is one of my favorite persons that I have studied. His attention to detail and the importance he placed on character are some of the greatest lessons we can all learn. I am going to share two of them with you here, and then we are going to end by taking a hard look at the quote above.
One lesson I recall was his pregame approach. He told all of his players to check for wrinkles in their socks. His players, much like you might be doing right now, looked at him quizzically. What does worrying about a wrinkle in your sock have to do with winning basketball games? That seemingly minor inconvenience, left unattended to, would lead to irritation, and eventually a blister. This would leave the player unable to perform at their best.
In our own life, how many minor irritations do we let go until they are preventing us from performing at our best? Every morning, as I put on my socks and shoes, I am reminded of this simple lesson. To make sure even the smallest, seemingly unimportant, details are attended to. Paying attention to the small details before they become larger problems will allow our life to proceed in a far easier fashion. Can you imagine if you never changed the oil in your car until the engine started acting up? By then there would be far greater, and more expensive, problems to deal with. Think of this tomorrow as you put on your socks and shoes. As a bonus, this has saved me much pain when I have set out on hikes with my mother.
His other advice he gave his players was not to pay attention to the score board. This may not seem like something you would hear a coach say, but he had good reason. If the players saw that they were up by a lot of points, they may relax a little and get sloppy. If they saw they were down by a lot of points, they may give up and quit playing hard. Even if they saw the game was close, they may get nervous and make mistakes. Instead, coach Wooden told them to focus on playing the best they could each and every play. If they did that, when they looked up at the score at the end of the game, they would like what they saw. How about you? How much of your effort in life is influenced by the circumstance you find yourself in? If we all just focused on being the best version of ourselves that we could be each and every day, I think when we look at the scoreboard of our life, we would like what we see.
Lastly, we will talk about the quote we started this post with. “Things work out best for those who make the best of how things work out.” This really is one of the great keys to life. There will be ups and downs. It is not our circumstances that decide if we will be successful, but our mindset. Therefore, you stand a better chance at success if you work on improving your mindset over your circumstances.
Last post we discussed the importance of having fortifications of positivity in your life. If you did not read that post, I cannot stress enough the importance of doing so. In this post we are going to talk about winning the toughest war you have, the one in your own head. It is composed of many different battles. It is also a war without end. This may sound rather fatalistic, but that does not make it any less true. As with so many things in life, such as our diet and our fitness, we do not ever have them ‘handled’. Even if we get to a state of satisfaction with these areas, if we stop working on them they will not stay the same. If you get your body into great physical shape and then cease going to the gym or being physically active, your body will not stay in that state. After my heart surgery I can attest to that.
Here is the good news. Once you reach a state of accomplishment, it is easier to maintain than it was to get there. It his great book, The Art of War, Sun Tzu reminds us of the advantages of fighting from a higher elevation than our enemies. When you are climbing the hill in any journey it is difficult. That could be trying to get your weight under control. It could be reducing your stress. Climbing that hill is hard. Here is the good part, when you are on top of the hill, staying there is a lot easier than getting there.
You may be wondering what exactly is he getting at with all of this talk about fighting and wars. My life is not that bad. Les Brown, one of my favorite speakers, said “Life is a fight for territory.” If you do not control your life and what it consists of, someone will be more than happy to do that for you. There is no greater example of this than what is in your own head. I am often asked, “How can you be so positive all of the time?” or “What can I do to be more positive like you?” Two great items to get to here.
First, if you want to be ‘positive like me’, know it is something that will take years and years of effort. Before you say to yourself, “That sounds way too difficult.” Ask yourself what is the alternative? Your thoughts create your emotions. Do you know what your emotions are? They are your life. In short, how you feel is your life. Can you have a good run of luck and still feel sad and lonely? Sure can. How many celebrities have all of the fame, fortune and followers you can imagine, yet commit suicide? Have you ever seen some of the poorest people in third world countries who seem to have a grin permanently affixed to their face? Of course we have. Life is truly an inner game. Without mastering your mind and emotions, you will be at the mercy of them, and of life in general.
I fought the uphill battle against my emotions. I fought against the negativity. I fought against the seasonal depression I suffer from. I fought against the sadness of losing loved ones. I fought against defeats in business and my career. Want to fight uphill? Become an independent author trying to sell as many books so you can reach as many souls as you can. When I started, I was fighting uphill. These emotions had a strategic advantage. They had been there my whole life and had established themselves. They were at the top of the mountain. Many times, they won the battle. I slipped into depression. I lost my temper. I felt defeated. I kept fighting. With every loss, I learned. Eventually, I found myself winning battles and climbing that mountain.
Now I find myself at the top of the mountain in this area, so to speak. Does that mean I am positive all of the time? No. If you do not believe that, ask my lovely lady Margie. She will definitely tell you I have my dark moments. What it does mean is that those moments are now fighting uphill to defeat me, instead of the other way around. With the tools and strategies I have learned climbing the hill, I can usually fend them off with little or no damage. Do they knock me off the top every now and again? You bet. They say the wolf on top of the hill is never as hungry as the wolf climbing the hill. Sorry to use all of these cliches, but they do help paint a more accurate picture. These negative emotions, the depressing thoughts, the anger, they used to rule me. Now they want that power back.
It is said that those who lack power will fight to achieve it, and those who have power will fight to maintain it. The same holds true for the battle for your mind. Those negative emotions will be ever fighting to overpower you. Make sure they are fighting uphill. Last year, I released my third book and it was a flop. As an author, I had two successful books up to that point and felt like I was on the top of the mountain. I thought for sure the sharing of my recent health struggles and brief flirtation with death would really connect with people. I was wrong. What did those voices in my head start to tell me? “You are not a very good author.” “Nobody wants to hear what you have to say.” “Nobody really cares about your journey.” For a while it knocked me off the top of the mountain. What it didn’t do was keep me there.
If you are fighting uphill at anything in life right now, know that you will have to take some defeats along the way. That doesn’t mean you failed. It means you are climbing the hill. It means you have more to learn. Also know, when you get to the top of the hill it will be easier, but it will not be over. In the example of my third book failing to connect as I had hoped, I had tools and strategies that picked me up and helped me continue to fight. I had friends that encouraged me with what they enjoyed about my writing. I had my beautiful lady who not only literally picked me up when I was down, but fights along side of me. I have the very tools and strategies I wrote about in my first two books and talk about in the third that helped me survive death. They certainly can help me get back to the top of the mountain again.
In your own life, the time to prepare and conquer your mindset is now. Fight those inner demons. It is not easy, but it is worth it. Once you are on the top of the mountain, it will be easier. You will be able to not become stressed when things do not go your way. You will be able to maintain an attitude of gratitude (which is a great tool by the way) even in times of struggle. You will become your own hero.
I was never friends with Bob Marley. He died when I was 5. I feel like we would have had a lot to talk about. Although his recreational habits may differ from mine, a lot of his life philosophy really falls in line with what we discuss here. Take this quote above discussing greatness. He uses the word ‘man’ but it applies to everyone. Many people who are determined to be great focus on all of the wrong things. They do their best to acquire wealth, fame or power. What they should really be focused on is developing character, integrity and positively affecting others.
When you become focused on bettering yourself and being a source of positive influence to others and those you care about, the world will see you as great. If you have a wealthy friend, but you know them to be dishonest and they won’t even return your calls, would you consider them great? I know I wouldn’t. However, if you had a friend that was poor, or did not have many friends or social media followers, but was always there to lend a hand or even to just listen, would you consider them a great individual? I think it would be safe to say that answer is yes.
All this is not to say that you shouldn’t pursue goals or chase your dreams in life. It is good to better your plot in life. It is more important to better yourself if you truly want to be great. By doing so, your plot in life will often follow in its improvement. We should all strive to be great and do so by becoming the best version of us that we can.
Success should not be something that is viewed as complicated. It really isn’t. It is also individually defined. I think this is what may lead to it being viewed as complicated. When some people think of success, they see something like the picture above in their heads. I want to take you back to the reason I started this blog in the first place. In case you are brand new here and have not read any of my previous posts or any of my books, let me tell you quickly how we got here. In three simple words – my life sucked. My job was considering downsizing me. My personal relationships were in the toilet. My finances were close behind. I found myself at a local library attempting to find information on how to turn it all around.
How did that go? Let me ask you this, have you ever been to the self-improvement section of a book store or library? Google “Self-improvement books” and see how many results you get. You would not be able to read all of the titles, much less the books, in your lifetime. I recall this only adding to my frustration at the time. In my head I screamed, “Why can’t there just be a book that would supply simple tools that the average person can use to turn their life around?” Not finding one that appealed to me started the journey of writing my first book, A Happy Life for Busy People. That book is filled with the information I wish I would have known that day at the local library.
It has been 10 years since I wrote that first book. It has been 20 years that I have been involved in the self-improvement field. To this day, I search for simple ideas that can have a radical transformation on life. It is one of those formulas I want to share with you today. To achieve success in life you really must do one thing. To learn from all situations, both good and bad. It is really that simple. As we grow and evolve in life, it requires learning from experience. When we have a good outcome, learning how we can apply that in other areas of our lives. Did it involve a certain action? Maybe a change in mindset?
Learning and appreciating the gifts that are disguised as ‘negative experiences’ is one of the more difficult, yet rewarding skills in life. We did something wrong? Great! What can we learn from that? Do we need to improve our communication skills? do we need to be more present with those we love? Can we have a better handle on our emotions? Even if we make a mistake, which we all will do, as long as we learn from it we are still going in the right direction.
Our simple formula today can be summed up as this – do more of what works and learn from what doesn’t. If we do nothing more than follow this simple formula, we will be improving and growing every day. That, my friends, is the secret to an amazing life.
The picture above serves 2 purposes. First, it makes Margie and my cat-loving friends happy that I featured a cat in a blog post. (I am a dog person) Second, and more to the point of this post, it represents the kind of delusions that we are referring to today. People at my day job are always amazed that I am able to maintain a positive attitude in such a negative atmosphere. My response? “There is no law of physics or biology that states your mind and body have to be in the same place at the same time. I might look like I am here, but mentally, I am on a beach drinking out of a coconut!”
Above is me actually in the tropics enjoying a great book. The benefit to this way of thinking is that it reduces the stress that we may feel in any situation. There are 2 more interesting and important benefits that being slightly delusional can bring us. First, is acting as if the situation is already as you desire it to be, will help it manifest that much quicker. Let us suppose, if you will, that you want to be a best-selling author. If you conduct yourself as a best-selling author would, you would take interest in things that such a person would have interest in. You may find yourself speaking to publishers and literary agents. You will sign up to be part of author festivals. You will network yourself out to people a best-selling author would want to connect with. By taking these actions you will put yourself in position to succeed at your dreams and ambitions. This will make the percentage that they are likely to occur improve significantly. Once that happens, the second benefit will kick in.
Acting as if the situation has already reached our desired outcome helps us do one more thing – be prepared for it. What do I mean? Did you know that roughly 33 to 70% of people who win the lottery end up broke? This sounds crazy. Most of us think if I had a couple of million dollars, I could make it last a while. The truth is that if you are poor and you win a lot of money, you still often handle it like someone who is poor. You were not prepared to be wealthy.
Let us say you want to be famous. Maybe as an individual, or like in the picture above, part of a famous power couple. If you act and think like a power couple would before you become famous, then you stand a better chance of success. Knowing famous couples always have people trying to tear them apart. They look for anything that could be misconstrued as infidelity. Therefore, you make a conscious effort to make sure everyone knows that you are faithful to one another. Famous couples are often accused of being rude or mistreating others. It would serve us well to develop the habit of treating everyone with dignity and respect. That way when you are at the county fair being respectful to one of the vendors and they say, “I recognize you two from the internet! You are the cake designer and the guy who writes all of the motivational stuff.” You still smile even though they only got your lovely lady’s title exact. Margie and I even went on vacation 4 years ago (has it really been that long?) and no less than five people knew us in a foreign country! That has only continued to grow as her amazing creations are shared on internationally online and my influence continues to grow across the globe.
Look at this famous power couple 💑
Be a little delusional. Use it to your advantage. Practice what being a success would look like to you. It will reduce the stress you feel in life, help it manifest quicker and have you prepared when success does come. Delusions can be a little work. In the case of Margie and me, we work to make sure our love is strong and discuss what we would do if someone disrespects our relationship. That way as we continue to grow in service to others, we will be less likely to fall victim to any of the trappings that may bring. Ask yourself, “What delusion can I start living that will help me the most?”
