Tag: stress reduction

SECRET TO MY CALM 😌

When asked to describe me, I always find it interesting to hear what words people choose. I am always hoping for dashing, handsome, charming. Instead, I often hear words like calm, laid back and relaxed. Not the description of the gent on the cover of a romance novel, but not bad either. Usually, after giving such a review, I am asked the same question. It is usually some version of, “How do you remain that calm?” The answer is a simple one – I only give my emotions to that which is truly important to me. This is easy to understand, but to many, almost impossible to do.

This usually generates the follow up question, “How can you do that?” One of the ways I do that is to remind myself of how I used to be. Those who let other people and situations control them are putting control of their life at the mercy of others. You must ask yourself, “Do you want to control your life, or do you want others to?” If you are reading a blog dedicated to living an amazing life, my guess is you want to be in control over your own life. When we live in reaction, that is the opposite of what we are doing. I know. I used to live that way. It can leave you feeling like a ship in the ocean without a rudder. There is no way to steer your life and you are at the mercy of the wind and the waves.

It is important to understand that the same holds true of your own emotions. When you let yourself react to life and those in it, you are a slave to your emotions. They own you. People often tell me things like, “Neil, I can’t help if that is how things/people make me feel.” I get it. Life, and the people in it, are often less than ideal. That is an eloquent way of saying they can sometimes suck. While they have the freedom to act as awful as they please, what they don’t have the power to do is to make you feel any way other than how you choose to let them. This may sound difficult, but it really isn’t. Controlling our emotions can be done by understanding how they are formulated in the first place. What you feel is determined primarily by 2 factors. What you focus on, and what you decide it means.

Yes that person may have called you a racial slur or some insulting name. Are you going to focus on their ignorance or your truth? What does it mean to you? Does it mean the world is full of hatred? Does it mean you are less than? Does it mean that you have an opportunity to demonstrate a positive example for your race and make this person look foolish? Does it mean this person is serving as an emotional trainer to help you strengthen your compassion for the less-enlightened? That is also an eloquent way of saying having pity for the ignorant and stupid. There is nothing that infuriates someone trying to upset you than not allowing it. Not to mention, not getting upset about that which does not matter greatly reduces your own stress.

You will certainly be faced with situations in which you need to be emotionally involved. There are situations that disrupt your spirit and upset you. I was once told that the most important decision in fighting a battle, is whether it is worth fighting in the first place. You must ask yourself the same thing when you find yourself at the mercy of your own emotions. It is a fool who wastes his time trying to master others. The true power is learning to master yourself and your own emotions. That is the secret to my calm. That is a secret to an amazing life.

ONE DAY AT A TIME ⏰️

This is a great and valuable reminder. All too often in life we spend too much time working on, and focused on the future. I am not saying you should not have plans and goals, but not to find yourself prisoner to them. What on earth does that mean? So glad you asked. Let us say you are trying to write the next best-selling book. (mine is due out in late spring/early summer so stay tuned) If you remain focused on the fact that your book is not finished and how much more you have to do, life will have a very stressful and not so fun feel to it. Instead, do your best to make what you write everyday the best it can be.

If you will permit me to mix my analogies, it is like building a brick wall. If your focus is on how to build the best brick wall it can be overwhelming. If, however, you focus on how to lay the perfect brick each and every time, you will look up one day to find you have built the perfect brick wall. Life is the same way. People are concerned with controlling their future. That is good. The best way to control the future is to make each day the best it can be. If we do that, it is like the brick wall. If we just think about making each day the best it can be, one day we will look up to see we have built the perfect life.

The best part about this way of living is it reduces your stress. If all you focus on is the 24 hours you are given, the burden seems lighter. If you work hard to make each day the best it can be, it often makes tomorrow that much easier. This holds true in your job, your family, your health and nearly every other aspect of your life. Do your best to make today the best it can be. It is your greatest insurance for a better tomorrow.

KEEP IT IN CHECK😎

First “hump day” of the year! As we check in with ourselves in the middle of the week, we must remember to keep our stress levels in check. We do this by practicing some fun self-care activities to keep our energy and vibration up. You’ll find some listed above. I would love to hear any you might add.

TRY NOT TO FREAK OUT😮

I have heard a lot of people expressing how crazy the world seems lately. I put that word in italics for a great reason. A lot of our world is based on our perception. We have all heard the cliché ‘Perception is reality’ The reason that it is a cliché, is because there is a great deal of truth to it. The world does seem to be filled with dramatic and rapid change. The same was probably true during the industrial revolution. Also during the dark ages, when any day you could be killed if your neighbor said you were a witch. That must have been some stress to live under. I honestly believe that the amount of stress doesn’t change, just the name and form of stress.

Whatever form stress may take, there is one thing we can say about being stressed out – it sucks. Feeling overwhelmed or out of control of our own life never feels good. There are a lot of new tools to help us deal with this stress. There are meditation apps. I even saw an app where celebrities can read you bed time stories. These are great, but I believe there is a tool that has been around for centuries that can do a better job. In addition to helping us get a handle on our stress, it can do so much more. It can give us a greater sense of mental clarity. It can also give us a great insight into our thinking patterns, acting as a cheap and readily accessible therapist. That way when life is getting at you, or like our poor chap in the picture above, you get a bad phone call, you can use this tool and help avoid overwhelm and burn out.

You might think a tool that can do all of this would be expensive. You will be pleased to know you can get this tool as cheap as a couple of dollars. I wrote about this tool in my first book, A Happy Life for Busy People. I also wrote about it a total of three times on this blog in 2013. Oddly enough, we haven’t spoken about it since then. I think it is long overdue that we bring up the topic again. This amazing tool is the journal. Before you are tempted to dismiss this idea because of its simplicity, let me caution you against doing so.

I am going to share with you some of the reasons this tool is so effective. First of all, a handwritten journal forces us to slow down and record our thoughts. Second, we are…umm… well…recording our thoughts. Trying to keep all of our thoughts in our head can be equated to plugging more and more things into an outlet. Eventually, the circuit will blow. This could be a feeling of anxiety, a panic attack or a full-blown nervous breakdown. These are expensive physically, mentally and with the cost of healthcare, financially as well. The cost of a journal can be as cheap as a pen and a spiral notebook. This takes some of the load off that circuit. It also gives us a record to thoughts we have and what may trigger them. Often, when we write down how we are feeling and read it back later, we can feel a little foolish for how we may have reacted to a certain situation. It is good to have that record.

A journal can be a safe place to share our feelings, even if it is only with the paper. It can be a place of emotional release. A journal can be the cheapest therapist we can hire. Beautiful thing is, this therapist doesn’t have office hours and is always available. In order to keep life from becoming overwhelming for you, might I suggest picking up a journal and just begin recording your day. Getting things out will take the burden off of your mind and will help you from having a melt down, or just blowing a circuit. I would love to hear your stories about how journaling helped you. If you want to learn more about journaling, feel free to check out my book, A Happy Life for Busy People, available on Amazon or wherever fine books are sold. You can also go back and read the posts from 2013 or listen to the episode on my podcast at the link below. Whatever you choose, I would love your feedback!

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THE GREATEST GIFT 🎁

Here we are at Monday again. The start of a new week and lots to accomplish. While we have a lot of projects to work on, we must not forget the greatest project we should devote our life to, that being the improvement of ourselves. Many people may consider this a selfish venture, and in some way I guess that could be correct. After all, if you are in better physical shape, you can do this easier with less pain. You improve your financial outlook and you have a lot less stress. Speaking of stress, that is one area we really benefit by getting under control. Almost every malady in our life is brought on by one stress or another.

All of the above is true, but we must remember something else. Those around us benefit greatly when we become the best versions of ourselves. If you are fit and healthy, you can imagine that would be a benefit to your spouse. It would also benefit your employer and coworkers as you will call in sick less often. If you are manage to get your stress under control you are more likely to treat those around you with a great deal of compassion. The importance of this cannot be overstated. If the world was under less stress and everyone treated each other with a greater deal of compassion and understanding, can you imagine what that would be like? This may sound like a fairytale to many of you, but the interesting point is that it is entirely possible. There are two very important things we can do to help this become a reality.

The first thing we can do is get to work on ourselves. Becoming the best version of yourself is a lifelong commitment. There is always more to learn. We can and must continue to work on being healthy. If we wish to have a better world, one of the most important things we can do is make sure we are bringing a better person to it. We will bring joy and improvement to three different areas. We will be helping ourselves, others and the world around us. Not bad for one action. Next time you think placing time and effort on improving yourself is a selfish action, this might be something to remember.

The other thing that we can do to help bring about a better world, is to help others become the best version of themselves. It is VITAL to mention here this does not mean telling others what you think they should do better. It is being a supportive and encouraging friend to whatever self-improvement action they are working on. Knowing that we have the support of others can help us with any goal we are working on and give us the strength to improve that area of our lives.

If you wish to give a gift to yourself, those you share life with as well as the world at large, just work on becoming the best version of you. This does not only have to include effort we put forth, but making sure we take time for self-care and stress relief. It may seem cruel to say ‘no’ when someone asks you to do something, but if it will cause you a great deal of stress, or you are feeling like you need some time to heal, it would be far better to take that time. Become the best version of yourself and help others who are struggling to do the same. It is the best thing we can do to create an amazing world.

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YOU JUST NEED TO RECONNECT

In a world of adulting and Bill paying, sometimes you need to reconnect with the simple joys of life. Above is a picture of an alpaca. Animals can bring us a great amount of joy. Whether that is a family pet, going to the park to watch the birds, or even an alpaca at the state fair, Animals rarely fail to put a smile on our face!

Animals not your thing? Maybe you have an allergic issue that prevents you from enjoying them? Maybe you would just like to have another outlet to bring you joy? How about going back to simple childhood activities? In an age of cell phones and high resolution video games, it can be refreshing to pick up a crayon and draw a picture. That is just what my lovely lady is doing in the picture above! We, for some reason, feel we should leave these activities behind as we grow older. Truth is, as adults, we may need them more than ever!

What simple activity do you practice to bring you joy?

MORNING RITUAL 🌄

Last post, we looked at why waking up even ten minutes earlier could benefit you. In case you missed that, I will give you a quick recap. In my own life, I was able to work in some mild exercise to get my blood pumping and my mind moving. I was also able to make my coffee, get dressed and do everything else in a less stressful fashion. Anytime you can reduce stress in your life, that is a win. Not hitting the snooze may sound like additional stress, but it really is not. Do you know what is stressful? Hearing the alarm in the first place! When you hit snooze, you get to have that stress an additional time…or two…or three. Not to mention the 5 or 10 minutes between hitting snooze and the alarm going off again are not filled with blissful slumber. In fact, most of the time it is filled with the dread of hearing the alarm.

The stress of waking up only lasts a moment. Once you are out of bad and standing up, it usually dissipates fairly quickly. Unfortunately, if you have hit snooze too many times it is usually replaced by the stress of running late and trying to get ready. The key is to fill your morning with things you look forward too. These are morning rituals. There have been many listed in the pictures above. We will look at what some high achievers do in the picture below. In the meantime, think of what rituals would work for you. Would some simple stretching help to get your body limber before your morning commute? How about being able to make your coffee with time to enjoy the aroma and maybe even a sip or two before you head out the door? How would reading something inspirational affect your mindset first thing in the morning?

After you make a list of morning rituals you would like to incorporate, then decide how long each would take. Set your alarm accordingly. If you hit snooze, you will know that you will have to forgo one of these items that will make your life better. That may help get you up and out of bed. After a few days of going through your morning rituals, you will feel how starting your day less stressed and more inspired will feel. Do this for a week and you will not want to stop. I can speak from personal experience. When I did not hit the snooze, my mornings, and by consequence my days, were a lot less stressful.

Here are a few of the things some people you may recognize do with their mornings. You may notice it is a nice blend of productivity and stress relief. I suggest the same for us. If you are thinking, “Neil, this all sounds great but that would mean I would have to get up an hour early!” I would tell you two things. First, there is a great book called Miracle Morning that I would recommend you check out. It will have you realize that an hour early could change your life. It will also show you how to do this in as little as 6 minutes. The other suggestion is to divide it up by day. Your Monday morning ritual may involve something to get you fired up. Your Tuesday may involve something to ground you. You can switch between exercise, stretching, meditation, journaling and just five minutes of meaningful silence. Before you know it, you may want to do a few of each and find yourself setting the alarm a few minutes early!

I would love to know what your current morning ritual is and what you would like to add to it. As for me, when I go back to work, I am going to get back to my planks, squats and reading my motivational day by day calendar. I would love to hear yours in the comments below.

TAKE MONDAY OFF!

Here is a post we can all get behind! As I write this, I’m on vacation listening to a steel drum band. The funny thing is, I used to have every Monday off. It was my designated off day. Back then, I loved Mondays. Looked forward to them even!

This got me thinking, how taking off an occasional Monday could change our perception of them. How would your view of Monday change if it involved sleeping in, spending some time at your favorite coffee shop… or maybe listening to a steel drum band? I say do it! Treat yourself. Take a Monday off and plan something fun!

MAKE THESE A PART OF YOUR DAILY DIET

While it is important to focus on what we put into our bodies in terms of food, the is a lot more to our daily diet than that. What do I mean? What is your daily diet of self-care? What is your daily diet of activities to improve your physical health? How about improving your mental health? How about your spiritual health? What about your daily diet of information?

Above you will find some good suggestions to include in your daily diet. However, I suggest taking a look at your own diet. What is your daily diet for self-care? If it is nothing, you may find yourself feeling drained and uninspired. How about your daily diet when it comes to physical health? If it is not good, you will feel tired and may find yourself sick more often. This holds true on mental, emotional and spiritual levels as well.

What about your daily diet of information? Do you spend your morning commute listening to some political talk radio that gets your blood pressure boiling? Maybe you spend and hour every night watching the news and feeling depressed and hopeless? What if you spent that hour listening to something that would give you tools and strategies to succeed? You could include something that would inspire you and make your heart soar!

What does your daily diet look like? Could you benefit by including any of the items listed above? Please share what items you are going to add to your daily diet to improve your life in the comments below.

MONDAY CAN BE A TOUGH ONE

It is Monday as this blog is released. For many, this can be the toughest day of the week. First day back to work. With the challenge of waking up and commuting there, often problems that occurred during the week have to be dealt with. Even if you are reading this on a day other than Monday, the same can hold true.

Listed in the photo above is a good remedy for this stress and anxiety. Before bed, just focus on one thing that makes you smile. This can be something you are looking forward to. Perhaps a vacation? Run a mental movie in your head of everything that includes. Feel the sunshine on your skin. Taste the wonderful food at the resort. Smell the ocean breeze and suntan lotion. See the palm trees and blue water. Hear the lapping of the waves on the shore.

What if you don’t have something to currently look forward to? Think of a great memory. Maybe a fond walk with a love one. Do the same thing of engaging as many of your senses as listed above. One caution, do not let yourself be filled with sadness or regret that this is a memory. Instead, be filled with the feeling of gratitude that you had that experience in your life. Remember, not everyone is blessed enough to have memories like that.

We have focused on the importance of our morning routines. That often starts with the night before. The last 20 minutes before bed (and the first 20 upon waking) is when your brain is most susceptible to suggestion. Why not fill that time with something that fills your heart with joy. As a bonus, you will sleep better and, more than likely, have more enjoyable dreams.