Tag: stoicism

WILL THEY STOP AT YOUR PORTRAIT?

There are a some people who call me a ‘motivational speaker’. Nice title. I hope that I do motivate some to take actions that will allow them to become the best version of themselves. I look at myself more as a coach, or even a servant. Using what I have learned, and continue to learn, to help others improve their life as I have.

If you met me recently, or at least in this stage of my life, you would hardly guess the person I used to be. There were many roles I filled. I was a bartender. I sang in a rock band. Perhaps it was being thrust into the limelight. It could have been the praise, earned or not, that was given me. At one point I could not have been further from being an enlightened person. I am not attempting to paint myself in a bad light here. What I am doing my best to convey is the fact that I know what it is like to live a life that is…shall we say ‘self-focused’.

It took many different tools, strategies and people to help to get me where I am now. That story could be an entire book by itself. Much of it is contained in my books that you can find by searching ‘Neil Panosian’ on Amazon. Being introduced to self-improvement world by accidentally purchasing an infomercial at 3a.m., to more recently falling in love with a lady who both keeps me guessing and keeps me in line, have all contributed to becoming a better version of myself.

Speaking of that amazing lady, she is behind a lot of my work. She authored the foreword to my second book. She also convinced me to start my YouTube channel. One of the first videos we did was about writing your own eulogy. The idea came to me after my cousin was killed by a drunk driver. You can even hear the emotion in my voice while we are filming the video. It was filmed at a cemetery. The idea was to write your own eulogy. This is helpful in so many ways! I break in down in detail in my second book, Living the Dream. The main benefit is to decide what you want your legacy to be. The side-effect of that is that you can tell if the actions you are taking right now are taking you in that direction or away from it. After that video, and some more intense life-altering events, I took a hard look in the mirror. I was not thrilled with what I saw.

Determined to become a man I could be proud of, I began to change many things in my life. With the support of my lovely lady and other friends and family, you have the man behind the keyboard today. Am I where I want to be? Not at all, but at least I know where I want to go and take actions to get there. You can do the same. It doesn’t happen overnight, but it will not happen unless you begin! After a brief flirtation with death, the level of urgency to become that man whose portrait you will stop at became more urgent. Death is certain, but the hour uncertain they say. None of us know how much time we have to craft our legacy. All that I can promise you is that it is less time than you had when you started to read this. Take action now! Those in your life deserve it. Your future deserves it. Your legacy deserves it.

BECOME THE SUPERIOR PERSON!

Who would not want to be a superior person. This does not mean being ‘better than someone’. It means being better than you were. Holding yourself to a higher standard. These three things can help us get there. We will take them in reverse order. The first is Act with Virtue. This is really not as complicated as it seems. To understand how to do this, focus on the last word – virtue. What do you consider a virtue? Honesty? Than do not tell lies or spread false gossip. Maybe kindness and compassion is your idea of virtue? Than act in such a manner where you show kindness and compassion to everyone you meet. There are so many virtues. You could try adding one at a time to your life. If you are still not sure, just Google, “What are some virtues?” and take it from there.

The second skill to become a superior person is to Stay focused. This may seem simple, but in today’s distraction driven world, the focused person is a superhero. The average attention span seems to dwindle by the day. Most people do not live an amazing life not because they lack knowledge, but because they lack focus. Staying zeroed in on what is important to reaching your goal is not a skill many modern people possess. Working to improve your attention and ability to focus will put you far ahead. This can be setting limits on phone use, only watching one episode of a show instead of binge watching them all. Skipping watching television or scrolling until after you complete a task is even better yet! Use it as a reward!

This is one that people either have a hard time grasping, or forget all together. Far too many people let their emotions get the best of them and then spend their time and energy trying to correct the consequences. Does anger cause you to snap at people or say things you would not normally say? Instead use it to fuel a good workout, or put that anger and frustration to use as kindling for the fire of desire to become a better version of yourself and improve your life. Does sadness forbid you from even leaving the bed? Use that pain as a motivation to help others who may be hurting. All emotions, from positive to negative, can be made to work for us instead of controlling us. Is controlling your emotions and putting them to work easy? Of course not! Especially if you have been letting them run the show for most of your life. The important point is that it is possible. Putting your emotions to work for you can give you a superior life and make you a superior person.

One goal – to become a superior person. Three simple steps – control your emotions, stay focused and live with virtue. Can you see how easy it is to rise above the crowd? Yes, it will take some work. Yes it will be challenging. Ask yourself this question, “Is your life worth it?” If the answer is ‘yes’, begin to do these three things right now. Every day of effort makes you superior to anyone who is not trying, but most importantly, superior to the person you were yesterday!

HOW TO STAND OUT IN A CRAZY WORLD

Before we get into the actual quote above, I would like you to ponder something. If someone offered to pay you five coins to help them move would you? Most of you would think “No way am I helping someone move for a little bit of change!” I can understand that thought. What if I told you those coins were made of gold? That might change your mind. The value of five coins depends on the value of each one. They could be worth next to nothing, or as in the example of our gold coins, worth quite a bit.

You may be thinking, “That is a great lesson in economics Neil. What does it have to do with living an amazing life?” That is where we get back to the quote above. Words are much like coins. There are many people who talk just to hear the sound of their own voice. Their words are worth less. There are people who gossip. There words, much like those who complain, are actually a negative. There are also people who are thoughtful. There are people who inspire. Their words are worth gold.

How about you? Do you talk because you feel like you need to make noise, or do you only speak when you feel like your words will add something to the situation? Do you use your words for idle gossip or complaining? Bob Marley once said, “Complaints are like prayers to the devil.” I could not agree more. I feel we should all devote more of our time, thought, effort and yes words, to inspiring others. To uplift and encourage others is far better than to point out how they were wrong. Make your words more valuable by using them for good and only when necessary.

VALUE EQUALS CONTROL

Sometimes the oldest wisdom can enlighten us most in the present. Take a look at this quote from a Stoic Philosopher. Far too many young people place their value on ‘likes’ on social media. There are people who look at career advancement as a measure of success. Some view the number in a bank balance as an indicator of a successful life. All of these have variables that can slip out of our control. How many people ‘like’ something we put out on social media has so many variables that it is beyond comprehension. It is certainly not an indicator as to the quality of the content. Career advancement? Things such as market volatility, nepotism, and office politics can influence that. Bank balances? One health emergency and that can be upended.

Instead, focus on what we can control. Take the social media example. If you focus on putting out quality content verses likes, when you do have a post go viral, there will be no concern if it will be a good one. The best way to boost your readership is to write something worth reading. Career advancement? Becoming the most valuable employee you can be is something you can control. Learn as much as you can. Develop your people skills. Give them no choice but to promote you. If they still decide to go with their brother instead, you will be positioned to succeed somewhere else. Bank balances? Increasing your financial knowledge and skill is one of the best ways to insure yourself against catastrophe. Even if an emergency wipes out your savings, you will have the knowledge and skills needed to rebuild again, and do so in less time than most.

Whether your concern in life is finance, relationships or legacy, your best course of action is focusing on what you can control. In every situation there are things that are in our control and things that are not. To place value on the former, means less control in your life. To place value on the latter means more control. In the simplest of terms, one of the best things to focus on and put value on is becoming the best version of yourself. In that regard, no matter what outside circumstances hold, you are best positioned for success.

LET US POSTPONE NOTHING!

There is a cliche that says, “If you live each day like your last, one day you’ll be right.” That is uncomfortably true. As we have discussed numerous times on this site, the funny thing about death is that it seldom calls ahead. Even if you know you the end is near, you are often in a comprised state unable to fulfill all of your desires.

Keeping this in mind, it would be wise for us to start living this way today. There are things that take energy, vitality and time that we should begin today. If you wait until the grim reaper sends you a telegram, it can often be too late.

An added bonus to living this lifestyle is that it brings peace of mind. When you are living life to the fullest, and know it, it is far easier to lay your head on the pillow at night. How about you? Are you living life to the fullest? Are you going to face your end with peace or with regret?

A REFLECTION OF YOU

This is a good quote to keep in mind. Many people, when confronted with disrespectful people, want to ‘get back at them’. That is easy to understand. They hurt your feelings, so you want to hurt theirs. If you are a person who wants to live an amazing life that is not the way to go. When someone insults you, it is worth keeping in mind that it makes them look petty and rude. That is, unless we respond in kind. Then, we are the ones who look petty. In the moment it can be very unsatisfying to show respect to someone who does not deserve it. It would be so much more fulfilling to return with an insult of our own. Long-term, this would be a poor reflection of our character.

How can you remember or think of such things in the heat of the moment? That is why studying and memorizing quotes like this can be helpful. Putting them into our minds before we find ourselves in challenging situations can help us respond in a fashion that is a better reflection of our character. That is why it is a great idea to find quotes that help you develop your character and get them inside your head. What are some of your favorite quotes that can help improve your life and character? Please share them with all of us in the comments below.

IT IS NOT HOW POWERFUL YOU ARE…

One of the many great tragedies in life is how often we ask children what they want to be, verses how often we ask adults, including ourself, that very same question. There are far too many of us working hard to just make it through the day. We have no lofty goal, no aspiration greater than ourselves. Then we wake up and wonder why we feel so overwhelmed and that our life is meaningless. You want a more meaningful life? Than choose what meaning you are going to give. Decide on the purpose of your life.

We all work far too hard to not give it direction. Imagine getting in your car with no idea where you wanted to go. Would it matter how fast you drove? Of course not. If you have a clear idea where you wanted to go, than no matter the speed, you would be getting ever closer. Even if you encountered a detour in the road, you would still no what direction to go in order to correct the course. If you didn’t, you might think a closed road would be the end of the journey. Life is much the same. If you have a clear purpose and direction for you life, a challenge is a mere course correction, not an end.

Spend a few quality minutes deciding on the purpose and direction for your life. Whenever this subject comes up, I always get the same question, “What if I pick the wrong purpose?” To that question, I will give you two answers. First, you can change your purpose in life and adjust accordingly. When I was very little I wanted to be a whale. Obviously after some learning about biology my answer changed. I have been in a rock band. I have been a bartender. Now I am an author working on my fourth book. If you would have asked the child who was short on his interspecies transformation if he wanted to be an author, he would have said ‘No!’. If you would have asked the rock singer and bartender the same question, neither would have jumped at the chance. As the years have gone by, I have changed and refined the purpose of my life.

Which leads to the second point, you will find out a lot sooner if your purpose no longer aligns with you life if you have one! Not picking a purpose because you are afraid of picking the wrong one makes no sense. It is like skipping an audition because you might not get the part. By not even going you will not fail, but you will also never succeed. You will also feel overwhelmed and like your life has no meaning. Pick a purpose, put your entire actions behind it and see where it goes. If it is not what you hoped, adjust accordingly.

WANT AN AMAZING LIFE? REMEMBER THESE 2 THINGS.

On the journey to become the best version of ourself and live an amazing life, we have a tendency to overcomplicate things. If you want to discover the secrets to an amazing life and remain motivated to become the best version of yourself, it boils down to remembering two simple things. I even carry a coin that has both of them printed on it. The first can be seen in the photo above. Momento Mori. This is Latin for “Remember you must die.” It is a reminder that our time on earth is a finite and depreciating asset. Just the other night I was listening to a stand up comedian who mentioned someone said to him, “Look at this picture of me when I was younger.” He replied, “Every picture of you is when you were younger.” That is both funny and profound. Even in the digital era were pictures are captured and can be viewed in seconds, we are still that much older. Another way to look at it is that much of our life has already slipped away.

Time passes by in the blink of an eye. Above is a young me and the current me. Shocked and blessed I made it this far, a brief flirtation with death not withstanding. Chances are that over 50% of my life is already gone. Even the time exchanged for typing these words are minutes I will never get back. That is why it is so important to consider what we exchange the time for in our life. It is a our most valuable commodity and one that is constantly depreciating. Knowing that will hopefully spur us to use it wisely. Does that mean we should lock ourselves in our house and try to live the safest life we can? That brings us to the second thing we should remember. The one that is printed on the opposite side of my coin.

How do we make the most of our life as it continues to slip away? That brings us to the second thing we should remember if we want to live an amazing life. Memento Vivere. Latin for “Remember to live.” Do the things that feed your soul and not just your wallet. Worry more about the smiles on the faces of those you love than the bottom line on your bank balance. Spend time noticing the flowers and not just driving to work. This may all sound a little like ‘living with rose-colored glasses’. That is just a term the unenlightened use to describe those who have found the secret to falling in love with their life. It is often said with jealousy and envy. They are unable to get past the outside circumstances that challenge our emotional well-being.

Remembering to live is more than changing our actions. It is a change of mindset. It is seeing everything as the miracle it is. Helen Keller once famously said, “Life is a daring adventure or nothing at all.” Think of when you were a young child. Your life was one big adventure. Adventures contain ups and downs. If we are sheltering ourselves from living life to the fullest either out of fear or in an attempt to cling to the fictious feelings of comfort and security, we must know we are leaving a lot on the table. We are either enjoying life or we are wasting it. Even the struggles of life come to bring us lessons and experiences we could experience no other way. Be grateful for them as well. Develop an attitude of gratitude. Realize that life happens for you and not to you. If these concepts sound like positive thinking hype to you, realize that your cynical thinking may be preventing you from living life to the fullest.

When it comes to living an amazing life, keep it simple. Remember these two things and use them to propel your life to the successful level you deserve.

THE COST OF YOUR DISTRACTIONS

Have you ever thought of the cost of your distractions? What has that harmless scrolling really cost you? What started as a quick ‘5 minute scroll’ ended up having you hooked for hours. How about binging television shows? You think you will watch just one episode and suddenly your day is over. I hear lots of people justifying this behavior as “I just need to relax.” or “Well I have earned it.” Do not get me wrong, I am not one of those hustle until you die kind of people. Still, we must asking what we could have been doing during that time we were giving to our distractions.

Is it more fun to watch Netflix than clean the house? Undoubtedly. When you put off obligations for pleasures, you still have the stress of undone obligations. It is not just household chores that miss getting done. You could be taking actions that would increase the quality of your health, or your career, or your relationship? That one hour you spent watching videos of cats that look like pop tarts could have been invested in turning your hobby into a business that could add a stream of income. Thinking of ideas to increase the love of you and your partner could have a much greater impact on your life than finding out what the Kardashians are doing.

Do not think wasting one hour a day is such a big deal? If you only waste one hour a day, only on the weekdays, that comes out to 260 hours a week. That is a full 6 and a half 40 hour working weeks you could have invested in bettering your life. Instead of focusing on the pleasure of these mindless distractions, ask yourself what they are costing you. Think of the productive things you could have done with that time.

WISDOM IS NOT BY CHANCE.

I like this quote. It is as simple as it is profound. A lot of us are beginning to think of what we would like to improve about ourselves in the coming year. Without a good plan of action, many of the goals are merely wishes. You could replace ‘wisdom’ with whatever word you are looking to develop. It could be ‘health’ ‘compassion’ or any other quality worth developing in the new year.

Self-improvement always sounds like a good idea when you are sitting at home on a nice sunny day. “Sure, I will eat better, exercise and improve my mind in the coming year.” You say to yourself as you sit in your sunny kitchen sipping your morning coffee. What happens when you have had a tough day at work, you have to drive home in a winter storm only to discover that your spouse is upset because you came home late. Are you still going to think about how to constructively communicate all of the challenges you faced during the day and why they made you late? It would be a lot easier to snap and feel justified doing so.

What few realize is that self-improvement is not a glamorous road filled with sunshine and rainbows. It is often a gritty, painful transition to a better version of yourself. This includes admitting your wrong, confronting your inner demons and putting in lots of effort often filled with mistakes. It takes a strong belief in who you will become through this effort and a resilience to see it through. This is not easy. It can often leave you in a world of doubt and fear. You doubt if you made the right decision to embark on this journey. You doubt if you have the strength to see it through. You are afraid that you do not.

What eventually happens is that you discover strength that you never knew you had. You learn skills and fortitude that you never knew were inside you. Eventually you become a person far better than you ever thought was possible. The best part? You can use your journey to credibly mentor and help others on their journey. Self-improvement, like wisdom and life in general, is nothing that happens by chance. We must make a commitment and be resolute in our actions. The result is a life, and a person we can be proud of.