Tag: stoic philosophy

BECOME THE SUPERIOR PERSON!

Who would not want to be a superior person. This does not mean being ‘better than someone’. It means being better than you were. Holding yourself to a higher standard. These three things can help us get there. We will take them in reverse order. The first is Act with Virtue. This is really not as complicated as it seems. To understand how to do this, focus on the last word – virtue. What do you consider a virtue? Honesty? Than do not tell lies or spread false gossip. Maybe kindness and compassion is your idea of virtue? Than act in such a manner where you show kindness and compassion to everyone you meet. There are so many virtues. You could try adding one at a time to your life. If you are still not sure, just Google, “What are some virtues?” and take it from there.

The second skill to become a superior person is to Stay focused. This may seem simple, but in today’s distraction driven world, the focused person is a superhero. The average attention span seems to dwindle by the day. Most people do not live an amazing life not because they lack knowledge, but because they lack focus. Staying zeroed in on what is important to reaching your goal is not a skill many modern people possess. Working to improve your attention and ability to focus will put you far ahead. This can be setting limits on phone use, only watching one episode of a show instead of binge watching them all. Skipping watching television or scrolling until after you complete a task is even better yet! Use it as a reward!

This is one that people either have a hard time grasping, or forget all together. Far too many people let their emotions get the best of them and then spend their time and energy trying to correct the consequences. Does anger cause you to snap at people or say things you would not normally say? Instead use it to fuel a good workout, or put that anger and frustration to use as kindling for the fire of desire to become a better version of yourself and improve your life. Does sadness forbid you from even leaving the bed? Use that pain as a motivation to help others who may be hurting. All emotions, from positive to negative, can be made to work for us instead of controlling us. Is controlling your emotions and putting them to work easy? Of course not! Especially if you have been letting them run the show for most of your life. The important point is that it is possible. Putting your emotions to work for you can give you a superior life and make you a superior person.

One goal – to become a superior person. Three simple steps – control your emotions, stay focused and live with virtue. Can you see how easy it is to rise above the crowd? Yes, it will take some work. Yes it will be challenging. Ask yourself this question, “Is your life worth it?” If the answer is ‘yes’, begin to do these three things right now. Every day of effort makes you superior to anyone who is not trying, but most importantly, superior to the person you were yesterday!

HOW TO STAND OUT IN A CRAZY WORLD

Before we get into the actual quote above, I would like you to ponder something. If someone offered to pay you five coins to help them move would you? Most of you would think “No way am I helping someone move for a little bit of change!” I can understand that thought. What if I told you those coins were made of gold? That might change your mind. The value of five coins depends on the value of each one. They could be worth next to nothing, or as in the example of our gold coins, worth quite a bit.

You may be thinking, “That is a great lesson in economics Neil. What does it have to do with living an amazing life?” That is where we get back to the quote above. Words are much like coins. There are many people who talk just to hear the sound of their own voice. Their words are worth less. There are people who gossip. There words, much like those who complain, are actually a negative. There are also people who are thoughtful. There are people who inspire. Their words are worth gold.

How about you? Do you talk because you feel like you need to make noise, or do you only speak when you feel like your words will add something to the situation? Do you use your words for idle gossip or complaining? Bob Marley once said, “Complaints are like prayers to the devil.” I could not agree more. I feel we should all devote more of our time, thought, effort and yes words, to inspiring others. To uplift and encourage others is far better than to point out how they were wrong. Make your words more valuable by using them for good and only when necessary.

LET US POSTPONE NOTHING!

There is a cliche that says, “If you live each day like your last, one day you’ll be right.” That is uncomfortably true. As we have discussed numerous times on this site, the funny thing about death is that it seldom calls ahead. Even if you know you the end is near, you are often in a comprised state unable to fulfill all of your desires.

Keeping this in mind, it would be wise for us to start living this way today. There are things that take energy, vitality and time that we should begin today. If you wait until the grim reaper sends you a telegram, it can often be too late.

An added bonus to living this lifestyle is that it brings peace of mind. When you are living life to the fullest, and know it, it is far easier to lay your head on the pillow at night. How about you? Are you living life to the fullest? Are you going to face your end with peace or with regret?

IT IS NOT HOW POWERFUL YOU ARE…

One of the many great tragedies in life is how often we ask children what they want to be, verses how often we ask adults, including ourself, that very same question. There are far too many of us working hard to just make it through the day. We have no lofty goal, no aspiration greater than ourselves. Then we wake up and wonder why we feel so overwhelmed and that our life is meaningless. You want a more meaningful life? Than choose what meaning you are going to give. Decide on the purpose of your life.

We all work far too hard to not give it direction. Imagine getting in your car with no idea where you wanted to go. Would it matter how fast you drove? Of course not. If you have a clear idea where you wanted to go, than no matter the speed, you would be getting ever closer. Even if you encountered a detour in the road, you would still no what direction to go in order to correct the course. If you didn’t, you might think a closed road would be the end of the journey. Life is much the same. If you have a clear purpose and direction for you life, a challenge is a mere course correction, not an end.

Spend a few quality minutes deciding on the purpose and direction for your life. Whenever this subject comes up, I always get the same question, “What if I pick the wrong purpose?” To that question, I will give you two answers. First, you can change your purpose in life and adjust accordingly. When I was very little I wanted to be a whale. Obviously after some learning about biology my answer changed. I have been in a rock band. I have been a bartender. Now I am an author working on my fourth book. If you would have asked the child who was short on his interspecies transformation if he wanted to be an author, he would have said ‘No!’. If you would have asked the rock singer and bartender the same question, neither would have jumped at the chance. As the years have gone by, I have changed and refined the purpose of my life.

Which leads to the second point, you will find out a lot sooner if your purpose no longer aligns with you life if you have one! Not picking a purpose because you are afraid of picking the wrong one makes no sense. It is like skipping an audition because you might not get the part. By not even going you will not fail, but you will also never succeed. You will also feel overwhelmed and like your life has no meaning. Pick a purpose, put your entire actions behind it and see where it goes. If it is not what you hoped, adjust accordingly.

WANT AN AMAZING LIFE? REMEMBER THESE 2 THINGS.

On the journey to become the best version of ourself and live an amazing life, we have a tendency to overcomplicate things. If you want to discover the secrets to an amazing life and remain motivated to become the best version of yourself, it boils down to remembering two simple things. I even carry a coin that has both of them printed on it. The first can be seen in the photo above. Momento Mori. This is Latin for “Remember you must die.” It is a reminder that our time on earth is a finite and depreciating asset. Just the other night I was listening to a stand up comedian who mentioned someone said to him, “Look at this picture of me when I was younger.” He replied, “Every picture of you is when you were younger.” That is both funny and profound. Even in the digital era were pictures are captured and can be viewed in seconds, we are still that much older. Another way to look at it is that much of our life has already slipped away.

Time passes by in the blink of an eye. Above is a young me and the current me. Shocked and blessed I made it this far, a brief flirtation with death not withstanding. Chances are that over 50% of my life is already gone. Even the time exchanged for typing these words are minutes I will never get back. That is why it is so important to consider what we exchange the time for in our life. It is a our most valuable commodity and one that is constantly depreciating. Knowing that will hopefully spur us to use it wisely. Does that mean we should lock ourselves in our house and try to live the safest life we can? That brings us to the second thing we should remember. The one that is printed on the opposite side of my coin.

How do we make the most of our life as it continues to slip away? That brings us to the second thing we should remember if we want to live an amazing life. Memento Vivere. Latin for “Remember to live.” Do the things that feed your soul and not just your wallet. Worry more about the smiles on the faces of those you love than the bottom line on your bank balance. Spend time noticing the flowers and not just driving to work. This may all sound a little like ‘living with rose-colored glasses’. That is just a term the unenlightened use to describe those who have found the secret to falling in love with their life. It is often said with jealousy and envy. They are unable to get past the outside circumstances that challenge our emotional well-being.

Remembering to live is more than changing our actions. It is a change of mindset. It is seeing everything as the miracle it is. Helen Keller once famously said, “Life is a daring adventure or nothing at all.” Think of when you were a young child. Your life was one big adventure. Adventures contain ups and downs. If we are sheltering ourselves from living life to the fullest either out of fear or in an attempt to cling to the fictious feelings of comfort and security, we must know we are leaving a lot on the table. We are either enjoying life or we are wasting it. Even the struggles of life come to bring us lessons and experiences we could experience no other way. Be grateful for them as well. Develop an attitude of gratitude. Realize that life happens for you and not to you. If these concepts sound like positive thinking hype to you, realize that your cynical thinking may be preventing you from living life to the fullest.

When it comes to living an amazing life, keep it simple. Remember these two things and use them to propel your life to the successful level you deserve.

GET DEEP

This post should be coming to you from the Luxury Bahia Principe in Runaway Jamaica. Alas, due to the hurricane last year, our hotel was unable to open. Sadly, we were not told of this until recently. We certainly wish them well and look forward to visiting the country in the near future. Now the time we had planned to escape will be dedicated to spending time loving each other at home.

The reason I bring this up today is that is goes along with the quote we are featuring in today’s post. Just as life should be measured by depth and not length, so should the experiences of life. It may not often work out like we had hoped, but it is more about making the most of how it did work out. The Stoics have a saying – Amor Fati. It translate to ‘love fate’. It means to fully embrace the situation that we find ourselves in. This is not to say I am not grumbling a little about my trip being canceled, but instead working to find the pluses in the situation. It gives me some more time to work on my beach body. This I believe I last had in 2013, but we will get there. It allows me to save some money for an adventure while I am there. Perhaps the weather will be more to my liking? Apologies to the love of my life who likes it a little cooler.

We must work to make the best of every situation we find ourselves in. We never know when the length of our life will end, so we should make it as deep as we can. Enjoy every coffee with friends, every romantic night with your spouse, and every warm ray of sun. In addition, find ways to enjoy situations you face daily. Your daily commute? Find ways to add depth to that. There are some great suggestions in my book Living the Dream. You could listen to a life-changing audio book. Look to find things you love as you drive along. Muse things you have to be grateful for. Do not like your job? You and 87% of others are in the same boat. Find ways in which to add smiles to your coworkers and customers. Look for ways in which your job matters. Be grateful for the opportunity to work. Many would give anything to have a job.

Adding depth to life is not so much about changing circumstances as it is about changing mindset. Adding gratitude and being present can add a great amount of depth to your life. Keep in mind the Stoic phrase Amor Fati. Learn to embrace the life you are living while striving to make it better. We never know when the length of our life will come to an end so we owe it to ourselves to make it as deep as possible.

WISDOM IS NOT BY CHANCE.

I like this quote. It is as simple as it is profound. A lot of us are beginning to think of what we would like to improve about ourselves in the coming year. Without a good plan of action, many of the goals are merely wishes. You could replace ‘wisdom’ with whatever word you are looking to develop. It could be ‘health’ ‘compassion’ or any other quality worth developing in the new year.

Self-improvement always sounds like a good idea when you are sitting at home on a nice sunny day. “Sure, I will eat better, exercise and improve my mind in the coming year.” You say to yourself as you sit in your sunny kitchen sipping your morning coffee. What happens when you have had a tough day at work, you have to drive home in a winter storm only to discover that your spouse is upset because you came home late. Are you still going to think about how to constructively communicate all of the challenges you faced during the day and why they made you late? It would be a lot easier to snap and feel justified doing so.

What few realize is that self-improvement is not a glamorous road filled with sunshine and rainbows. It is often a gritty, painful transition to a better version of yourself. This includes admitting your wrong, confronting your inner demons and putting in lots of effort often filled with mistakes. It takes a strong belief in who you will become through this effort and a resilience to see it through. This is not easy. It can often leave you in a world of doubt and fear. You doubt if you made the right decision to embark on this journey. You doubt if you have the strength to see it through. You are afraid that you do not.

What eventually happens is that you discover strength that you never knew you had. You learn skills and fortitude that you never knew were inside you. Eventually you become a person far better than you ever thought was possible. The best part? You can use your journey to credibly mentor and help others on their journey. Self-improvement, like wisdom and life in general, is nothing that happens by chance. We must make a commitment and be resolute in our actions. The result is a life, and a person we can be proud of.

PREMEDITATIO MALORUM – YOUR KEY TO SUCCESS 🙌

What is this Latin phrase that we mentioned in the title? It literally translates to “the premeditation of evils”. What that consists of is mentally rehearsing troubles that we may encounter so that when they do arrive, we are better prepared to traverse them. Taking it a step further, it is often experiencing voluntary discomfort in order to prepare for life’s unexpected discomfort. This may all seem a little over-the-top for those not well-versed in the philosophy of stoicism, but it makes sense in a practical sense as well. Let us explore both.

Mentally preparing for life’s hardships takes some emotional investment. What it pays off in is an increase in gratitude and appreciation for the life you already have. Let us demonstrate by example. When you first wake up, try to imagine life without someone you really care about. Think about the inability to speak with them. The lose of companionship. Missing their smile. Really do your best to feel how you would feel if they were really gone. When you realize how much you would miss them and how much your life will change, you will be more likely to appreciate and see the value of that person and far less likely to take them for granted. This is not only true with people. It can be the same for a job, a pet or even a car as we will see in the next example.

This is a picture of the front of my 2024 Rav4, after meeting with a snow bank. On my way to work I hit some black ice and the car swerved into a snow bank cracking the bumper. This did not, in any way, improve my opinion of winter. I also have a 2005 Ford Escape which I use to transport our DJ equipment on Sunday. Ironically, it handles far better in the snow. As I dropped this car off to be worked on, I was grateful to have the other available to take with me to work and back.

There are some major differences. My 2024 has automatic start, heated seats and even a heated steering wheel. When, at 4am, I leave for work it helps me not mind the cold as much. In fact, I was getting used to how it felt only having to brave the cold a few feet from house to car. I was starting to take it for granted. Well, now I am driving my older car. No automatic start or heated anything. I leave the warm house with the hot lady and get into a cold car. The car happens to stay that way for the first several minutes of my journey. Just to make sure the point was driven home, mother nature decided to give us temperatures of – 5°F. When my new car returns, it will be quite some time before I take all of the heat for granted.

How many things in our life are like this? The fancy new car becomes our car. The promotion we worked so hard to get eventually becomes our job. It is not until things are taken away that we really appreciate them. This is the benefit of practicing voluntary suffering. By submitting ourselves to being uncomfortable for lengths of time, we not only appreciate comfort more, but are less phased should it be taken away.

This Stoic principle may not seem like the most enjoyable to engage in, but it will make you far more grateful for the rest of your life and better prepared for any challenge that life may throw at you. I would recommend engaging in it today.

3 WAYS HARD TIMES END

Nobody I know likes to go through hard times. Yes, it is true that they help us grow the most. Yes, it is true that we learn the most about ourselves and our character in those hard times. Still, this does not make them anymore fun to go through. We all wish they would end. Well, end they do. Above you will see the three ways it which they can. The first is the easiest. That is us giving up. There is no growth, no learning or nothing other than the pain of what we experienced. Often this course of action leaves us far worse off in the long run.

The second one is that it becomes easier. This is usually a result of perseverance. Managing to hold on despite the odds and circumstances not being in our favor. By staying in the fight, if I may use that analogy, we learn things or notice patterns that can make the challenge we are facing easier. By not giving up, we become used to the struggle and become more adaptive ourselves. This alone can make the situation feel easier.

Lastly, is the fact that we become stronger. This is a little different than just becoming more adaptable as stated above. This is putting the hard times to work for us. Once a hard time commences, we have the choice as to the attitude in which we approach it. The fact that we are going through hard times is seldom, if ever, under our control. The attitude in which we face these challenges, however, is completely under our control. Becoming stronger involves deciding we are going to use this hard time to develop some area of our character, practice a skill we are working on or maybe just learn something new. The difference is that we are actively deciding this from the onset.

Next time you are faced with a hard time, remember it will end. Most importantly, remember you have the choice as to how it will end. Going through hard times is never fun, but coming out the other side stronger makes them worthwhile.

DO NOT AVOID THINKING OF IT

A few posts back, we touched on the benefit of writing our own eulogy and how it can help us gain both clarity and direction for our life. The majority of people who listen to this concept whether through my book or in a seminar, can see how powerful it can be. By pondering how we want to be remembered and what we would like people to say about us and our life after we are gone, we can clearly see if we are taking the right actions. If not, we certainly know how to fix them. Having clarity and direction to our life can reduce a great amount of stress and a foster a greater sense of fulfillment.

When discussing this there are still a few people, some I know very well, find this concept morbid. I am not sure why exactly. Death is something that happens to 100% of us. It is one of the very few things that every human on the planet has in common. It should be something that unites us. The quotes above are Latin. They loosely translate as “Remember you must die” “Remember to live” and of course, “Seize the day.” These together provide a good map to life. Remembering we must die is what gives life its value. If we lived forever, it would little matter what we did. That fact that our time here is finite makes it priceless.

“I do not want to think about dying!” some people cry to me. As if not thinking about it will somehow delay its arrival. It will not. The only thing that not thinking about your death will do is leave you unprepared for its arrival. I do not know about you, but that would lead to a lot of stress as the end is drawing near. One tricky bit, as the first quote tells us, we do not know when that day will be! The older we get, the more likely it is to arrive. It is vital to know that old age is not a prerequisite to death. I died when I was 47. Lucky for me and my family, it was a temporary condition.

In the days leading up to that operation and temporary flirting with the other side, it became abundantly clear what was important to me. I no longer fear death. My fear is not accomplishing what I set out to do. Love my lady. Leave the world a better place than I found it. Inspire, encourage and empower all of those I come in contact with. Ignoring the fact that my death is drawing ever closer would rob me of a great source of urgency that I use to get a lot of things done in my life. Knowing that any hour could be our last to impact the lives of those we love, not to mention the world at large, should push us to be the best version of ourselves that we can be.