Who wouldn’t want to be loved by everyone? In a world where many people view their value on social media ‘likes’, it is important to consider this quote issued thousands of years ago. No matter where you stand on an issue. No matter how pure and good your intent is, you will face criticism. Can we remember, and more to the point respect, that others have a right to be different than us? It is what gives flavor and excitement to life. Can you imagine a world full of people just like us? It may sound good on the surface, but it would quickly spiral downward.
What would be so bad about everyone being the same? There would be no disagreements. While this is true, there would also be very little growth. There are also people who hold opinions that would harm others. Be that emotionally or physically. When we hear everyone being the same, most of us just assume that means that Betty and Bob would have to be just like us. None of us would stop and consider that we have have to become just like Betty or Bob. We may have to change our beliefs, our likes and dislikes. How would you like to be forced to do that? No? Than why should we expect anyone else to do the same for us?
When we receive criticism, it is important to remember this fact. All people are different and that is ok. We have all had different experiences and face different environments. A person born and raised in Fiji, for example, would have a much different view on life and what goes on in it, than myself. Although, if they would like to trade places for a bit, I would be down. Someone born in a single parent household verses a two parent household would be different. The list, as we can imagine, could be endless. Just remember, if you are going to say or do anything, there will be those who criticize and disagree. Also remember, that is just fine.
In today’s world, this is a very powerful message! If you are foolish enough to turn on the news, you will hear countless stories of conflict, much of it leading to violent and deadly consequences. This could be crime you see in your nation or even your town. On a grander scale, the events in Ukraine and Israel are broader examples of this.
It does not even have to be such extreme cases. There was a man at one of my books signings that told me about how he would always get so mad on his drive to work listening to talk radio. He was angered with the actions of those “idiots”. Those people, in this case, were people who differed from him politically. I don’t even recall which side of the fence he tended to lean. Not that matters much as the anger and hate is the same on both. You could see his blood pressure start to rise just telling me about it. All of this happened at a book signing for my book titled Living the Dream. I asked him what I thought was an obvious question. “Why don’t you just change the station to something you find enjoyable?” He looked at me as if I was being willfully ignorant. “How will I know what they are up to?” he asked. “What would happen if you didn’t?” I countered. He walked away shaking his head at the foolish author. It is my sincere hope he cracks open the great book he purchased and applies a few of its principles.
It doesn’t even have to be some outside source getting our blood pressure up. Many of us do this to ourselves. How many times have you seen something divisive that someone has posted online followed by an endless string of comments. As you read down the comments, they become more heated and lascivious. It doesn’t even have to be something controversial. No. Even people celebrating victories or sharing something that brought them joy can be subjected to scathing comments. Why people go through the trouble of sharing something negative when none is needed is beyond me. Here is something even more confounding – why do we even respond to these?
In our example of the string of comments, I can promise you that none of those people got anything beneficial out of them. In fact, most of them probably got an increase in blood pressure with a side of cortisol, the stress hormone. Quite harmless in and of itself, but I am guessing that was not the only “discussion” they had that day. Many of them probably continued to think about, and maybe even talk about, how wrong this person was. This only served to get them more upset and experience negative emotions while they were thinking and talking about it.
The crazy thing about all of this is that it is completely unnecessary. Is it that important that you have to be right? Here is another thought to ponder. Do you think it might be possible that due to different life experiences and circumstances a person can have a different, yet equally valid, opinion on an issue than you? Is there a chance that both you and that person could be right? Their opinion being right for them and yours being right for you? Do you think there is room to be friends with someone who doesn’t think and feel exactly like you? Hell, that even happens in my house. Of course we know the answer to all of these is yes.
One more question. If you finally ‘prove’ to the other person that your opinion is ‘right’ or ‘better’ than theirs, was it worth the stress and loss of inner peace to get there? What happens if you do win an argument? Do you get a trophy? A cash prize? No. I will tell you what you get. You get get stress, high blood pressure, a weakened immune system as well as a weakened friendship. For what? Are all of these arguments and needing to be right worth the loss of peace? How difficult would it be to say, “Although I disagree with your opinion, I respect your right to feel that way.” and then move on to a more agreeable topic? Next time we feel the urge to argue a point, or prove we are ‘right’, let us slow down and ask ourselves if it is worth our inner peace.
Here is a topic that I seem to be discussing with just about everybody lately. From those here online, to those at my seminars, book signings, DJ shows and even friends and family. That is cell phones and social media – are they good or bad? The general consensus is that they are destroying the fabric of human communications and personal relation. To a point, that may be true. Look at any line you see, whether that is for a bathroom, the grocery store or the coffee shop and it will look a lot like the picture above. Everyone with their face buried in their phones. We are becoming a world that lives in distraction.
What are all of these people looking at? It could be assumed a great percentage would be viewing some sort of social media site. This could range from Facebook, Twitter (now known as ‘X’), Tik Tok, or many others. When people start to venture into the world of self-improvement, one of the first things they do, or at least share with me, is that they have given up social media. If the reason to do so is that you have become too addicted to that and are trying to live more in the moment, than good on you. That, however, is not the reason most people give for making this change. When I ask them why they gave up their social media, they tell me the same thing, “It is just too negative.” I certainly advocate eliminating or at the very least, limiting our exposure to negative influences.
Here are two uncomfortable truths about social media. This was brought to my attention by one of my friends on LinkedIn. First of all, they are nothing but tools. Tools for connection. Tools for promotion, if you are in business. Tools for entertainment. She mentioned that people were complaining about TikTok specifically. How all they saw were videos of people lip-syncing to songs. I have heard this said about many different social media sights. People say all they see on Facebook are people yelling about politics or whatever social issue they feel like discussing. I couldn’t agree more that this happens a lot. Here is the interesting thing. If you want to promote anything online, you are aware there is an algorithm that they use to bring your material in front of others. What is that? You see more of what you react too. Let that sink in for a second.
Here is the second uncomfortable truth, along with an easy and fun solution to turn social media into a tool to work for you, instead of against you, if you so choose. Here is the truth. Who controls what you see on social media? Before you go back to the algorithm, and blame it on Elon Musk, Meta or some great unknown person behind the curtain, let me give you the answer. It is you. Whatever you subscribe to and react with, you will see more of. If you want social media to be a more positive experience, make it happen!
How do you do this? Much like many of the other areas of improvement, use the principle of addition instead of subtraction. What does that mean? Put these algorithms to use for you. Begin to subscribe to pages and people who bring you joy or inspire you. This will accomplish two amazing things at the same time. First, it will obviously add positive content to your social media. Second, by doing so, it will naturally dilute the negative content. The more space is taken up by positive, inspirational and motivational material, the less space is left for negative, soul-sucking content.
We are still going to run into some negative comments, posts and such. What are we to do then? Above are a few suggestions. If you find yourself feeling emotionally drained or upset by what you are seeing online, my first suggestion would be to step away. Go for a walk in nature. Get a cup of coffee with a friend. Watch a funny movie. Then, next time you are online, make sure to add at least one more positive influence to your sphere of social media influence. The last suggestion is one I really like as well. If you see a lot of negative comments, begin leaving positive ones. A good rule of thumb, for every negative comment you see, leave two positive ones. It doesn’t even have to be on the same post. Just go around leaving a little positive and encouraging feedback here and there. You will not only be helping yourself deal with the negativity, you will be making the internet a little more positive for the rest of us.
Remember, social media and cell phones are merely tools. They can be used for good or for bad. During the pandemic, it was social media that allowed us to stay connected. Being able to pick up a phone and call a loved one we missed seeing. Maybe even a Facetime or video call. As with everything in life, we are the ones in charge of how much we use these items, and how we use them. It is also our responsibility to make sure they do not prevent us from eliminating personal contact as well. Let us make the tools work for us, instead of the other way around.
I love this picture! I stole it from my friend Caroline’s social media page. I think it is one that we should save to use ourselves. Shutting ourselves down to work on our own spiritual maintenance is not only helpful, it is essential. If our spirit is tired or hurting, it will affect every other aspect of our lives. This includes our energy level, the way we treat others, our productivity, and a million other areas of our lives. Seeing how much neglecting our spirit affects our life, imagine what shutting things down to do a little maintenance on it would do? It would positively affect all of the areas we just mentioned above.
This week shut yourself down for a while. Put in that effort to help yourself heal from whatever challenges you are facing. Your life and your spirit will thank you. Feel free to save this picture to put on your social media profile. Heck, print it out and hang it on the front door. Bring one to the office to let people know what is going on. You don’t really need a sign, but you do need to maintain the spirit of yours.
The week is drawing to a close. Our thoughts may be drifting on our plans for the weekend. The focus we started the week with may have been replaced by the countless fires that cropped up that needing attending to. We may have been lulled into distraction by the many entertainment options offered to us after a hard days work. It is at this very point that we need to take a step back, a deep breath and refocus. While work can demand a great deal of our attention during the week, we cannot sacrifice our quest for self-improvement, our desire to become the best version of ourselves and live a positive and rewarding life.
This picture reminds us of the cost of not remaining focused. While we may have said we were committed to eating healthy during the week, time may have us grabbing that Big Mac. Thinking we are spending 4 dollars, when really we are giving away a piece of our health. Same with binge watching Netflix for hours instead of completing that project. The stress of still having to do it, along with the knowledge that we are not as self-disciplined as we should be. Have we read, researched or even listened to something motivational and inspirational online or did we just scroll to see what betty and Jim happen to be posting on Social Media?
It is Thursday and a lot of us are starting to get warn out from the work week. I get that. Take some time for self-care and recharging the battery. We need that to give us the energy to push forward. What we cannot afford to do, is become slaves to the distractions that seek to deprive us of the rich and rewarding life that we all deserve. Take some time to relax and enjoy life. Just remember to keep working towards the bigger picture of the life we desire and deserve. Everything is better when you earn it.
One of the areas people complain the most about is social media. Why is it so negative? Why are all the posts they see political or making fun of people. My first question is who chooses what you see on your social media? That would be ‘you’. If you have a person who routinely posts such content, perhaps you can live without their input online. If this person happens to be a friend or family member and deleting themwould only serve to start even more issues, you still have two choices. The first would be to ‘hide’ or limit the posts you see from them. Most social media platforms have this option.
The second option is even better and is what we will discuss here. Flood your feed with positive items. Follow people who provide positive content. There are endless motivational and inspirational pages as well. You can also change the discussion to something more positive. Look at the picture above. It is one of those things I happened upon on one of my social media platforms. Why not get people talking about what they like about each other? Do you know where people talk good about someone? At their funeral. Why not start doing this while they are alive? Post this picture and see what people like about you. I would love to hear what answers you get. I will certainly share mine. Encourage your friends to share the same picture so you can share what you like about them. It sure beats the “share this or God will fill your bed with fire ants.” or the “If you don’t share this, I know you don’t care” type post. Let us get people focused on, and discussing, something positive. Maybe ask people one positive thing that happened during their day? How about having them name a person who made a positive difference in their life? There are so many ways we can change the narrative.
As an added bonus, try using this in person. You can begin to change the narrative of in person conversations as well.
It seems in the age of social media, there are critics a plenty. You watch in retail environments and see people who have forgotten their manners. Certainly, the pandemic did not help us hone our interpersonal skills either.
That is why I am challenging all of us today. Become an encourager! That’s not actually a word or a title, but you catch my meaning. Be a person who helps others believe in themselves. Let a person struggling know it will be OK.
There are so many different ways to encourage others. Please 🙏 share your favorite ways of encouraging others. The more fun and creative ways we can list, the more we can fill the world with encouragement! 😃
In the next two posts, we are going to look at ways of becoming immortal. Don’t worry, this has nothing to do with magic potions, the occult or some guy trying to sell you snake oil. In fact, I want you to sell me something. If there was one thing that I would love everybody in the world to do it is this – share your story. I used to say I think everyone should write a book, and that still holds true, but writing a book is not for the faint of heart. After three of them, just trust me on that. Fortunately, for all of us, there are so many avenues in which to tell you story, you don’t have to write a single thing. My most recent book is about my heart surgery, but when I wanted to tell my story about the first person in my community to get Covid-19, I used YouTube videos. Now, to reach more people, I have started a podcast. You also have social media and many other outlets.
Nothing frustrates me greater than to hear someone exclaim, “I don’t have a story to tell.” Everyone has a story to tell. When I inform them of this, I hear some replies that leave me speechless. As anyone who knows me personally, that takes some doing. I have heard people say things like, “I am just a server.” “There is nothing special about me.” “I am just a parent.” or “I am not succeeding really well in life.” Those last two really get me. You are just a parent? So you are just responsible for crafting another human life and raising a future generation? Yeah, no big deal. You are not doing so well in life? Despite what you may see on Facebook, how many people would you guess have areas of their lives they are not doing so well at?
There are two VERY important reasons you should share your story. The first is the lessons you can teach the world. Before you tell me that you are not a teacher, or even haven’t been very good at something, let me tell you that you are a teacher. If you have not been very successful in life up to this point. Maybe you have made a lot of mistakes, or you let one big mistake continue to haunt you, do you think there are lessons you could give others in those mistakes? Even if your story consists of “Don’t do all of the stupid stuff I did.” You could very well save someone else’s life by doing so. Think I am being overly dramatic? Maybe that person would not be as resilient as you and would not be able to make it through. People get hung up by things that may not bother us. Let us say you have accomplished some things in life. Do you think there is lessons in them as well? “If you want a good relationship like me do this….” (My advice would be to become an active listener and work on being the best version of yourself)
Second reason you should share your story is that there are a lot of other people just like you out there. Those people may be feeling alone in their struggles. If you think of yourself as just a parent, how many other parents are out there that could relate to your struggles? That is the point, sometimes we just need others to relate to. When I am with fellow authors, guess what we talk about? The struggles of writing! When athletes get together they talk about their sports. Now imagine if you could reach a wider audience. How many people do you think you could affect? If you are a server, would you enjoy reading stories of unique customer challenges other servers have went through? Of course you would! I can just imagine you reading it shaking your head and saying “I know what that is like!” How about a parent going through the struggle of the ‘terrible twos’? I am sure just reading a story about it could help lots of other parents.
Share your stories my friends. You never know who you will reach. You never know who you will connect with. You never know who you will help.
With all of the negative news on television, it is easy to get trapped and bogged down with feelings of negativity, overwhelm, and hopelessness. Ask yourself this very important question – what has watching, reading or listening to something negative and fear mongering ever got you? Chances are it was the three emotions mentioned earlier.
These negative stories come to us everywhere! On our television sets, on our computer screens, theyeven go with us courtesy of news alerts on our cell phone! My suggestion? Turn them all off! Replace them with something positive and motivational.
You may say, “but Neil, I need to know what is going on in the world!” Two things of note here. If it is important enough, it will make its way to you anyway. Also, it is more important to focus on what is going on in YOUR WORLD. You can always get a weather app to know if it is going to rain. Why let others decide what you are going to focus on? Especially, if it doesn’t bring you joy? Just turn it off!
Here are some facts according to Pew research. The percentage of adults who report that they go online “almost constantly” was 21% in 2015. How about today? That amount has risen to 31%. Not to mention that is only the ones who realize and report that. Overall, adults who report they go online at least on a daily basis? That is 85%. For someone who runs a website that provides individuals tools and strategies to improve their lives, this is a good thing. Unfortunately, not all of those 85% are not spending their time online exploring ways in which they can expand their knowledge and improve themselves.
Even more depressing is the lack of compassion and human courtesy that proliferates in the online world. It would often appear that people are willing to say hurtful things to others behind a keyboard that they would never say face to face. This is just a fact of the world as it exists presently. It is my firm belief the best way to counter that is to supply inspiring and motivating material to people whenever and wherever you can. Recently, I saw a person posting that they finally got the job they had been trying to get for a long time. My first reaction was to feel happy for this person. When I looked in the comments, I saw people saying things like “Nobody cares” and “You couldn’t get anything better?” I was baffled. Why would someone even spend time to post things like this? Somebody did care. I believe not only the person who posted it, but their family and friends were probably very happy for them. They should have been. Why couldn’t get something better? Maybe they were starting out on the ground floor. Maybe they were just looking for something to support their family? Gratefully, there were many positive and uplifting comments as well. What do you think would stick in the mind of this young man? What do you think the people posting those negative comments online got for their actions?
My suggestion to all of us, is to dedicate a period of time to look for ways and opportunities to inspire and uplift people online. Look for places to leave positivity. Is there a place to cheer someone up? To congratulate them on a job well done? You could even just post a few inspiring pictures or quotes to bring joy to anyone who may come across them. It will not only make you feel good, but will go a long way into making the online world a better place.
Now back to some of the things we mentioned earlier. While 85% of people spend some of their lives online, and are so affected by it. They are still living most of their lives, we hope, in the real world. Even the 31% of folks who say they go online constantly should at least spend a portion of their time IRL (which is social media for ‘in real life’) Here is something I want to stress to all of you. It is even more important to be a decent person in the real world. Not even just decent, but kind, compassionate and inspiring. There are several reasons why we should do this. May favorite is simple and comes from the ‘Dean of personal development’ himself, Earl Nightingale. Earl said we should treat everyone we come in contact with as if they were the most important person on earth because that is how humans should treat each other. I can’t argue with the man. He also points out that to that person, they are the most important person in their life. This can be said for all of us.
I have another reason to consider. If more and more of us are spending a good portion of our lives online, we can run the risk of encountering those who are less than inspiring, to put it eloquently. If you haven’t run across a person like this online yet, rest assured you will. Some of them may even have you questioning your faith in humanity. That is why it is so important for us to be good stewards of humanity both online, and more importantly in the real world. This cannot be stressed enough. We never know what the person next to us may be going through. Starting today, I implore all of you to look for ways to inspire and uplift as many people as you can both online and, of course, in the real world. I would love to hear any ideas you may have for ways in which we can do this.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 