Here we are in the middle of the week. A time I like to pause and ponder. The quote in the picture above is great to meditate on. In all of our relationships it is important to understand the different perspectives. This can be extremely hard to do, especially when that perspective contains a strong emotional attachment. That is why topics such as money, sex, politics and religion are best avoided being discussed by those of differing opinions.
Sometimes it is not only helpful but necessary to have these discussions. Maybe your occupation is in one of the fields mentioned above? The same holds true if you are a parent talking to a child. It is especially important in intimate relationships where the more you understand your partner, the better your chances for success are. When I speak of these issues at some of my seminars or during coaching sessions one of the first questions I am asked is “How can I get my partner to agree with me?” or for the more enlightened, “How can I come to an agreement with my partner?” The answer to both of these questions is you do not have to. What the goal of such conversations should be is to come to a mutually understanding of each others perspectives and beliefs without judgment.
When you do so, you can then consider the best way to proceed that includes actions that both accept and respect both sides. I cannot begin to convey the healthy growth that will happen in any relationship when you realize, “This person views the world differently than me and that’s ok.” You will be able to better predict how a person may act or react to a certain situation. It will help you with knowledge in many areas including, but not limited to, what makes them happy, what motivates them, what will upset them and what will make them feel loved and appreciated. You can see the importance of becoming someone who does not waste their time with disagreeing with a different perspective, but instead one who seeks to understand.
When we happen to cross paths with someone who is not so enlightened (and why do these people seem to be some of the loudest and most opinionated?) we can either direct them to this blog or just calmly thank them for their opinion and move on. It will not serve them to explain that we have a different perspective and it certainly will not serve us. Be open to different perspectives. Just because you do not agree with them, do not let that stop you from using them to help you better understand and relate to others.
Last post we spoke about a relationship secret. That secret was treating each relationship the way you did in the beginning so that there will not be an end. This post focuses on one aspect of doing that. It is one of the biggest mistakes couples can do that will lead to you waking up years from now next to your good friend and roommate instead of your passionate lover.
How do you keep that passion alive? How, after years of seeing each other day in and day out can you not fall prey to the law of familiarity? When you are around someone enough isn’t natural not only to become immune to their charms, but take them a little for granted as well? It may be natural. It may very well be what happens to most of the couples out there. If you are reading this post on a website called Secret2anamazinglife I would trust you want a relationship that is better than the average couple.
Would you like to wake up just as passionate for your partner in year 20 as you were in day 20? There are several things you can do to accomplish that and we are going to touch on one of them today. In fact, that word ‘touch’ is what this is all about. One of the first things to fall victim to time in a relationship is romance and flirting. It is very important to maintain those displays of affection.
One of the best ways to fan your partner’s flames of desire for you is to make sure they know you still find them attractive. We are talking about more than a simple hug here. I have a friend I was discussing this with the other day who told me him and his wife do not kiss on the mouth anymore. When I asked him why not, he informed me that “It just feels kind of awkward now.” This is a sure sign you have moved from lovers to friends. In an intimate relationship the only thing that truly differentiates them from platonic friendships is physical intimacy. Sneak in a passionate kiss when they least expect it. Grab your partners butt. If you follow these actions up with genuine words like “I just want you to know I am as hot for you as ever.” I promise you that you will leave your partner speechless.
Be warned, however, that people outside your relationship may grow tired of the two of you showing each other affection. You may hear things such as “Don’t you two get enough of each other?” or the ever popular “Get a room!” Do not let these Debby downers prevent your show of love to your partner. They have more than likely fallen for the lie that affection should fade with the years a couple is together. Their relationship may very well be headed to the ‘friends and roommates’ category. Do them a favor and suggest they show the person they love some affection as well.
Another way to keep affection alive and well in a relationship is to always be open to new adventures. I can’t tell you all the fun things that Margie and myself have attempted together with love and an open mind. Even if it turns out you did not enjoy the experience you have a bit more knowledge about your relationship and on occasion a memory you can both laugh at.
Giving your partner something exciting to look forward to can make all the difference in the world. Plan romantic and sensual evening together and then send fun and teasing messages to each other leading up to the event. Maybe a text in the middle of the day, a note put in a lunch taken to work. Be creative. Use these and other fun items to keep the naughty side of your love alive. It just may very well save your relationship as well. Feel free to share any ideas you and your partner use to keep the passion alive in the comments below.
Many of the questions I encounter in my work have to do with relationships and the stress that goes with them. Add to the fact that in addition to being a self-improvement author and motivational speaker I also have a very public and loving relationship people are inclined to ask me advice.
The picture above is obviously geared toward men, but would work the same way for either gender. Most of us focus on finding the right person. In reality if we are focusing on others we run the danger of losing ourselves. When you are becoming the best person you can be, the right person will naturally be attracted to you. If you are a person who enjoys reading or who would even like to, you may find your perfect match if you spend quality time in a bookstore or library. Wanting to get fit? Your soul mate may not be at an all you can eat buffet.
Here is another aspect of working on yourself. A quote I love and do my best to live by is one from the author and speaker Eric Thomas “You must be ready for the opportunity of a lifetime in the lifetime of the opportunity”. That opportunity may be the person of your dreams. If you are still dealing with your own issues, that person may not find it desirable to be with you. How many times have we found ourselves saying “I wish I would have not done/said that”. I think all of us, myself included have uttered that phrase a million times. If we are dealing with anger management problems, or emotional baggage from a past relationship it can make it very difficult, if not impossible to enter into a new, healthy relationship. I can safely say the success of my current relationship has as much to do with both parties working on bettering themselves as it does both parties working on the relationship.
Take being a better listener, problem solver, communicator or any other relationship skill. If you learn how to do these effectively your relationship whether the one you are currently in, or the one you will enter into in the future, stands a far more likely chance of being loving and successful. Even if only one partner has skills in any of these, it is easier to demonstrate them to the other. Both Margie and I have shared things with each other that we have learned trying to better ourselves. Those very things have went on to better the other as well as the relationship.
The good and the bad news? The bad news is working on ourselves is a never ending project. There will always be areas in which we can improve. The good news about that is it means our relationships, as well as our life will continue to get better as we continue to better ourselves. So if you want a better relationship, or a better life. The answer lies as close as the bathroom mirror. Ask yourself the empowering question “How can I become more?”