It is time to start the week. I always do so on little or no sleep. We can’t start dragging our feet. We have to focus on why we are going to work, and what dreams we are chasing.
As you start the week off, what dreams are you chasing?
A few posts ago, we examined two secrets to a great relationship. If you are looking at strengthening your relationship with that special someone, or really anyone in your life, I suggest you give it a look. After I published that post, there was a lot of reaction. It always makes me happy to have engagement with anything I write. One particular comment brought to attention another very important aspect of a great relationship. If you seriously implement this one relationship tool, it will improve your outlook on your partner and their outlook on you. There will not even be a need for any awkward conversations.
There was a particular comment that brought up a really good point. The young lady shared the secret from turning frustration in her relationship into appreciation. Sounds like it could be an impossible task, but it is easier than you think. In fact, it only takes learning one thing. One of the most frustrating things in a relationship is when you feel your partner does not show enough affection. When you feel you are saying or doing all the right things and they seem unaffected. The only frustration that ranks a close second is when your partner says you are doing the same thing. Quite often, it is not affection that is missing from these relationships, but communication. Even if there is a lot of talking going on, we can often be speaking different languages. Can you imagine trying to solve a problem in a relationship if you spoke Zulu and your partner spoke…let us say French? How easy to you think it would be to understand and appreciate each other’s point of view? How about making each other feel loved or feeling loved yourself?
You might be saying, “Neil, both my partner and I speak the same language, but there still feels like a lack of love.” You might speak the same language, but do you speak the same Love Language? There is a great book called The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. I don’t get a commission on sales, but I would recommend getting your hands on a copy. You will learn a lot about yourself and your partner. You will learn the five ways in which people express love. Maybe you are someone who is more verbal (Neil) and you are good with putting your feelings into words. Perhaps you are someone who is more physical (Margie) and instead of some long-winded monologue comparing your growing love to a blossoming flower, you just want to come up and wrap your arms around the person you love. They are both expressing love, but in different ways. Add to that the other 3 languages and you can see how tricky this can get. Do you want to really blow your mind? People do not often express and receive love in the same language. They can express their love verbally, but like to feel it physically. Maybe it is the opposite? Maybe it involves acts of service? How about spending quality time with your partner? Maybe even receiving a gift? If your partner and you speak different love languages, it can often seem as different as Zulu and French.
Just like personality, where your partner can be more silly and you express your humor in a more stoic fashion. Once you realize and acknowledge your differences, you can help balance each other out and help grow and discover different parts of yourself you may have neglected. When Margie and I discovered our different love languages, it really helped us not only understand the communication coming from each other, but how best to communicate with each other. Doing the little exercises in the book The Five Love Languages did involve a little amount of work, but it was fun and exciting work. Discovering how both you and your partner speak and receive love can be one of the most rewarding experiences. It can also help you avoid many miscommunications in the future and help you remedy any disagreements a lot quicker. Imagine having the knowledge of “I know how to make my partner feel loved.” in your head? What a great tool to have!
Here are good friends of Margie and me, Chris and Nicci. Also, the couple that provided the inspiration for this post. Something that Nicci said in her comment is so true. It really made the difference in their relationship, it really made a difference between Margie and I when we implemented it, and I know it will help take your relationship to the next level. She mentioned when they really experienced joy and contentment in their relationship was when they stop looking for each other to express love in specific ways and turned their attention to finding the way that each other was already expressing love that they might be missing. It is important to both look for how your partner does express love and letting them know, lovingly I might add, how you really feel love. If your partner brings you flowers to show they love you and that works for you, great. If they change the oil in your car so you are safe and don’t have to worry about having it done, that is expressing love and caring too. I cannot express how much fun discovering each other’s love languages can be. It worked for Margie and I. It worked for Chris and Nicci. It will work for you as well. Instead of feeling frustrated your partner isn’t exactly as you would like them to be, look for the treasure they have that is already there. You might be missing a lot of love they are expressing.
I go to the gym roughly 3 to 5 days a week. I do so more for mental than physical reasons. I find working out to be one of the best stress relief tools. Breaking a sweat releases endorphins which make us feel good. I do my best to hit every area of the body, but I discovered I am missing some of the most important muscles.
This is CJ Fletcher, one of the fitness people I enjoy listening to. He, like myself, had open-heart surgery. He, like myself, died on the table. He did it 3 times, however! When he came back he was more determined than ever. He blends fitness with motivational and educational messages here.
This is Tony Robbins, the man who first got me interested in self-improvement over 20 years ago. CJ and Tony both mentioned working some muscles we don’t think of. When you work your arms, the more you do it, the stronger it becomes. When that happens, it can handle a bigger load. The same is true for your legs, your abs, your back and any other of the physical muscles. Most of us know this.
What we might not think of is the same holds true of our spiritual, mental and emotional muscles as well. The more we practice being patient, the better we become. The more patient we become, the bigger load our patience can handle. In our modern world, that’s a good thing. Before you run out to wait at the DMV, be aware there will be plenty of opportunities to workout this muscle presented to you. At the grocery store and the little old lady ahead of you has 50 coupons? You are working out. Waiting for your coffee and the person ahead of you has been arguing that they did not get 5.78 ice cubes? Yep, you’re working out.
It is not just patience that you can workout. Controlling your temper? That’s a good workout. Learning how to love your partner better? That’s a workout! There are so many muscles to be worked out that we might not think of. When life seems to be giving us a hard time, step back, take a breath and say, “thanks for the workout! I’ll be stronger next time!”
I am an advocate of making lists. In my first two books, I discuss creating a happy Playlist of songs that put you in a good mood. How helpful to be able to just push play and positively affect your emotional state. You can expand this list to include other media that put you in a good mood such as movies, books, restaurants and even people. Having this list done ahead of time allows you to save valuable time and effort when you want to turn things around.
The same can be said of today’s list. What fires 🔥 you up? What gets you motivated? When energy is lacking to you reach for another cup of coffee or energy drink? Do you turn up some fun music? Go for a walk in nature? What do you do to get your juices flowing? I suggest creating a list now so when your energy dips, there is no thinking you just grab your list and start implementing items to move your energy needle.
Lists are great because you can always add to and change them. They are always ready so there is no thinking involved. Have you ever tried to think of where you want to go eat right before dinner? Suddenly, all of those great places you wanted to try have left your head. If you would have had a list, you would have been set! What would be on your list of things that fire you up and get you motivated?
Today is Monday! This doesn’t have to be a day to struggle. Look at the breakdown of the word Monday in the picture above. Just a little something to think about as we start the week. Tomorrow, we will look at more ways to keep our energy at a peak as the week goes on. Until then, feel free to share with us what you do to get fired up on a Monday.
Scarcity is something I normally would not recommend focusing on. After all, where focus goes, energy flows. Today, we are going to have an exception for this. Today we are going to find out how to use Scarcity to help us live an amazing life.
The picture above, which would be a personal nightmare for me, shows when there is only one piece of pizza 🍕 left and several hungry people, it becomes more valuable. The same can be said of so many things in our life. A depreciating supply results in an increasing value. You should probably read that last line again.
Margie and I have conflicting feelings on several topics. That’s what keeps the spark in our relationship sometimes. One of those is the ticking sound of the clock. I find it soothing. Margie, on the other hand, says that it reminds her that her life is ticking away. That is literally true I suppose. Everyone of those ticks of the clock is a moment in time we shall never have back. She is also right about something else. Everyone of those ticks is also bringing us ever closer to our end.
Many people cannot bear this thought and do their best not to think about it. By doing so, it is my firm belief they are leaving one of the best motivators on the table. Yes, everyday the grim reaper gets one step closer. It is my hope for all of us that he is a very slow walker, but we never know. He could catch us in 20 years, one year, or tomorrow. Knowing that any day could be your last should motivate you to make it your best.
I’m hoping we are all taking care of our mind, bodies and spirits. Maybe we are not to concerned about our end approaching. There is one very important thing that Margie can remind us of. The most valuable asset we have in our life is a depreciating asset. That is time. In essence, our life is a depreciating asset. As we discussed earlier, this makes it ever more valuable. Like the pizza, every day we have one slice less.
To many this could seem doom and gloom, but it shouldn’t. Let me share with you what I thought of when I heard this. My mind, as it often does, thought of Margie. I always remind myself that on any given day, it could be my last opportunity to tell her that I love her and remind her how beautiful she is. That is why not a day goes by where I do not do that. Hearing her thoughts on the clock and thinking about the disappearing pizza made me realize two things. One, that it is national pizza month and I could really go for a slice. Two, and more important, is that our time together is depreciating. That means with every second that ticks off the clock, there is one less opportunity to say “I love you” to each other. That also means, every time that we do so, each one becomes more valuable because there is less of them left! Think of that when hugs, kisses, and “I love you” begins to become taken for granted.
All these thoughts are not limited to romantic relationships. It could be one less second to teach your children valuable life lessons. One less second to share your gifts with the world. One less second to be mindful and take in that sunrise you are enjoying. Life, our life, is a depreciating asset and every second it becomes more and more valuable. Next time you hear a ticking of a clock, or watch a second hand moving around, or the minutes pass by on your cell phone, remember this. Use it to motivate you into making the most of your every more valuable life.
Almost all of us know the cliche “the struggle is real.” I think all of us have struggled, or are struggling currently with at least one thing in our lives. That says that all of us will suffer and will continue to do so, to greater or lesser degrees, for the rest of our lives. Not very optimistic sounding, but certainly true.
How come some people seem to float through one struggle after another, while others are paralyzed? It is preparation and mindset. Our mindset, or attitude, about life has a greater impact than anything else. I heard a song lyric today that said, “You say the struggle is real. I say the struggle reveals. ” What does struggle reveal about you? Are you preparing your mind for the struggles that are coming?
That brings us to the next obvious question, “How can we prepare our mind for struggle?” Les Brown, when asked why he didn’t give up when he was diagnosed with cancer said, “I just decided cancer wasn’t going to beat me.” That is a powerful mindset. I determine to find the gift and lesson in every struggle. It is like saying to the challenge life has thrown at me, “You tried to destroy me, but I used you to help me grow.” In short, it is like giving a middle finger to struggle, but far more productive.
It is time for you to think how you handle struggle. None of them are easy. All of them suck. We have the choice to decide if the storms of life will use us, or if we can find a way to use them. PLEASE share any ideas you have for not letting struggle get you down. I think we could all benefit by working together on this subject .
What can your garden possibly reveal about your life? A lot. For those of you that are like me and have a thumb that tends to be a little more brown than green, fear not, it is more than your garden. If you have a garden, or just a yard around your house would you want it to look good and be doing well? I think most of us, especially those that read this blog, would answer in the affirmative. If, for some reason, your garden is not looking so good what would you do? Would you give up and just let it go? Would you spend extra time pulling up weeds and watering it? Would you call someone who knows better than you? In my case that would be my good soul friend Shannon. Maybe you would read up and study the different plants.
These may all seem like logical answers, but how you treat your garden has a lot to do with how other aspects of you life will turn out as well. What would you do if your relationship was not looking so good? Would you just let it run its course? Would you perhaps leave and go to a different relationship? That is like tilling a new field with the same gardening skills. You are likely to get the same result. Would you get in there and start working on pulling weeds (addressing problems) and watering (adding love wherever you can)? Would you read a book that can tell you more about how to have a successful relationship? Would you call a friend who has a great relationship?
You may think that this isn’t so. You may think you can put forth great effort in one area, such as a relationship, but slack off at your job. You may think that being a great father or mother and a great husband or wife take two separate traits. That is not really so. Consistent action, admitting to ourselves and others that we do not know everything and seeking the wise counsel of others, whether that be in person or through some other medium. Develop successful habits in one area and it will be a lot easier to do in others. The danger here is that it is a double edge sword. Develop lazy and unproductive habits and they will carry over to other aspects of your life, no matter how hard you try.
As Aristotle said, we are what we repeatedly do. What do you repeatedly do everyday? Is it successful habits? Are there areas which you could improve? If you are human, I would imagine the answer to the second question is a resounding “Yes!” This is good news, because it means there is room for both you and your life to get even better than it is now!
Here is a suggestion that I found worked in my own life. Start by putting habits in place in areas you are confident in first. If you are looking to be more self-disciplined, would it be easier to keep to a schedule at the gym, or getting up without hitting the snooze button? Start there and develop the habit. Once you have discipline in the area of life you are confident in, it will be easier to apply it to other areas of your life. Also, be on the look out for areas in which you are starting to develop bad habits. Are you slipping at the gym? Are you showing up for work late? It will only be a matter of time before this starts affecting other areas of your life. Make sure you address them as soon as you can.
This is a notification that I received a few days ago. At the time you are reading this, I believe we will be up to 103 days in a row. That is 103 days where I have written something to share with you, my wonderful reader and friend. I can say that because we are kindred spirits. You are reading posts on a site about living an amazing life. You are eager to learn tools and strategies that can improve the quality of your life. That is what I did over 20 years ago. That has allowed me to write over 1700 blog post, 3 books, and to date, 7 podcast episodes(found at living the dream with Neil Panosian) along with over 100 YouTube videos. (found at the channel ‘Neil Panosian’).
By doing this, I have reached people in over 187 countries. This is a feat that I could not imagine when I sat down at my computer to begin this blog in 2012. My books have been sold and read in multiple countries. There are still goals to reach, such as my good friends in Greenland, but every post helps me reach even more. In these 100 days of posting I believe I added a few new countries to those who have read my writing. More importantly, it has allowed me to share what I have both learned from others and discovered on my own to make our lives and the world at large a far more positive place.
That is the key to success – consistent action. It is like the old adage about chopping down a tree, was it the last swing of the axe that felled the tree or all of those swings before it? The answer is ‘yes’. It is both that final swing, as well as all of the ones that proceeded it. We may not think we are getting very far or making a great deal of progress as we begin. It may be hard to even see the result in our heads. Think of the tree metaphor. Could the tree have been chopped down if we skipped the first few deflating swings and went straight to the final swing? Most of you will realize what a foolish question this is. We could not even have the final swing if it were not for the many that proceeded it, including the first few that seemed like we were getting nowhere.
This same situation is true for any goal you are chasing in your life. At first it may not seem like you are getting anywhere. If you keep up with consistent action, you will look up one day to find that your goal is in sight! You will smile thinking of all the work you put in to get where you are today. You will be proud of yourself for not quitting when it looked as if you may never reach the destination you had set for yourself.
I would like to mention I am in no way promoting chopping down trees and to reassure everyone, no trees were harmed in the writing of this post.
This is not a post about breaking up with a lover. It is not a post about quitting your job or any other act of finality. It is about an act that we all do at least once, sometimes several times a day. Changing how we end this act can have a very positive impact on our life and those we share it with. Today we will be learning how to end this act so that both parties leave with a smile and a desire to get together again. Doesn’t this sound like something that could be useful in your own life? This ending we are speaking about is the end of a conversation.
This is something we often give little or no thought to. Most of the time, we just let conversations end themselves. Here is a somewhat morbid, but never-the-less true statement. At some point, the conversation you are going to have with someone will be the last. What would you say and how would you like them to feel if that were the case? It might not be this week, it might not be today, but then again…it might be. That is part of the craziness of the world; we never know.
While you are keeping that sobering thought in mind, I encourage you to ask yourself a question as well. This may seem like a lot of work, but stick with me. Not only will this pay off with both better conversations as well as better relationships. Ask yourself, “How do I want this person to feel when they leave me?” Have you ever encountered people who after you are done talking with them you want to take a shower to wash off the negativity? I have. Have you also left someone and just felt inspired and like their company was a real breath of fresh air? I think it would be safe to say we have all had our share of both of those situations. Now, think of how many times you have consciously acted to affect a conversation you are having? You have that power!
I would love to give you a personal example. The other day my mother and I met for coffee. Both of our schedules are usually pretty busy and walks or coffee are welcome escapes. They always come with great conversation. On this evening as our time together was drawing to a close, we found ourselves discussing the somewhat absurd nature of political ads. The fact that they spend great amounts of money to tell you how terrible their opponent is without actually telling you what they will do for you or any solution they may have. If you don’t believe me, feel free to check your mail or turn on the television. As with any conversation to do with politics, this started to leave us feeling drained and frustrated. The thought occurred to me, “Is this how I want us to go home feeling?” The obvious answer was “No”. I began to make a conscious effort to steer the conversation to a more inspiring and positive tone.
We all have the power to do this. Even with people that enjoy each other’s company, such as my mother and I in the example above, the conversation can take an occasional downturn. The more we make an effort to keep our conversations uplifting and encouraging, the more people will want to have them with us. That is not to say we should be ignorant or fake, but to find ways to see the positive side of even the darkest subjects we discuss. We should also make a point to end our conversations in such a way that both parties leave with joy in their hearts and a smile on their face. How do you end your conversation to make sure everyone leaves with a smile?
