Way too many of us can find ourselves in the cycle of waking up, paying bills, sleeping and repeating. We are in survival mode. I am as guilty as the next person on occasion. Life can come at you fast these days. I am working on changing that. Not only with this blog, but with my upcoming fourth book. We need to switch from surviving to thriving. Yes, that sounds like a cute self-improvement saying, but what does it really mean?
Thriving means different things to different people. What is universal is that we thrive when we are in the right environment for one. If you put an acorn in a one foot pot, it will not grow to be a huge oak tree. It doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong with the seed, it is just limited by its environment. You and I are much the same. What is the right environment? So glad you asked. First, it is being surrounded by the right people. We discussed this a few posts earlier. We need people the both encourage us as well as push us. Haven’t you just been around someone who makes you feel better about life? Spend more time with that person!
Contribution. You want to talk about feeling on top of the world? Find a way to contribute to it. By being the most authentic version of yourself and sharing that with the world. If you bring the best ‘you’ that you can to the world, everyone benefits. There are so many ways to contribute and each one not only makes the world a better place, but makes us better for it! You can contribute your time. This can be helping a cause you believe in, or just giving time to listen to your friends. You can contribute positivity to your community. This can be your online community, or your real community. Better yet, how about both? You can contribute by sharing your story and letting others know they are not alone!
Raise your hand if you have heard that love is the most powerful force in the universe? You can put your hand down now, as people may be wondering why you are reading with one hand in the air. It really is! If you want to raise your vibration, that is start feeling amazing, show someone else some love. This doesn’t have to be buying your spouse flowers for no reason, although might not be a bad move. No, love can be so much more! The great thing about love is that there is an endless amount of opportunities to show it.
Let us take a look at a few. Asking someone to text you and let you know they got home safe, that is love. Going for coffee or a stroll with someone and doing nothing but actively listening to what they have to share. That is love. Sending someone an encouraging text, or card. That is love. Posting encouraging or motivational content online to bring hope to those who may need it, that is love. I can tell you that being an independent author, when someone promotes my books, or leaves a positive review on Amazon, I feel the love. You can show love to friends, your family, your spouse, you coworkers or even complete strangers. Buying a coffee for the person behind you, letting someone go ahead of you in line or even just sharing a smile, these are examples of love.
Living your authentic self, contributing and showing love. These things will not only make you shine, they will make the world a better place for all of us. If you are reading a blog like this, you already know how to do many of these things. Let us be the light for others. In turn, it will help to feed our soul. Please share ideas how you go from striving to thriving so that we may all take advantage of them. Just another way of both contributing and showing love! Leave them in the comments below.
Here is a topic that I seem to be discussing with just about everybody lately. From those here online, to those at my seminars, book signings, DJ shows and even friends and family. That is cell phones and social media – are they good or bad? The general consensus is that they are destroying the fabric of human communications and personal relation. To a point, that may be true. Look at any line you see, whether that is for a bathroom, the grocery store or the coffee shop and it will look a lot like the picture above. Everyone with their face buried in their phones. We are becoming a world that lives in distraction.
What are all of these people looking at? It could be assumed a great percentage would be viewing some sort of social media site. This could range from Facebook, Twitter (now known as ‘X’), Tik Tok, or many others. When people start to venture into the world of self-improvement, one of the first things they do, or at least share with me, is that they have given up social media. If the reason to do so is that you have become too addicted to that and are trying to live more in the moment, than good on you. That, however, is not the reason most people give for making this change. When I ask them why they gave up their social media, they tell me the same thing, “It is just too negative.” I certainly advocate eliminating or at the very least, limiting our exposure to negative influences.
Here are two uncomfortable truths about social media. This was brought to my attention by one of my friends on LinkedIn. First of all, they are nothing but tools. Tools for connection. Tools for promotion, if you are in business. Tools for entertainment. She mentioned that people were complaining about TikTok specifically. How all they saw were videos of people lip-syncing to songs. I have heard this said about many different social media sights. People say all they see on Facebook are people yelling about politics or whatever social issue they feel like discussing. I couldn’t agree more that this happens a lot. Here is the interesting thing. If you want to promote anything online, you are aware there is an algorithm that they use to bring your material in front of others. What is that? You see more of what you react too. Let that sink in for a second.
Here is the second uncomfortable truth, along with an easy and fun solution to turn social media into a tool to work for you, instead of against you, if you so choose. Here is the truth. Who controls what you see on social media? Before you go back to the algorithm, and blame it on Elon Musk, Meta or some great unknown person behind the curtain, let me give you the answer. It is you. Whatever you subscribe to and react with, you will see more of. If you want social media to be a more positive experience, make it happen!
How do you do this? Much like many of the other areas of improvement, use the principle of addition instead of subtraction. What does that mean? Put these algorithms to use for you. Begin to subscribe to pages and people who bring you joy or inspire you. This will accomplish two amazing things at the same time. First, it will obviously add positive content to your social media. Second, by doing so, it will naturally dilute the negative content. The more space is taken up by positive, inspirational and motivational material, the less space is left for negative, soul-sucking content.
We are still going to run into some negative comments, posts and such. What are we to do then? Above are a few suggestions. If you find yourself feeling emotionally drained or upset by what you are seeing online, my first suggestion would be to step away. Go for a walk in nature. Get a cup of coffee with a friend. Watch a funny movie. Then, next time you are online, make sure to add at least one more positive influence to your sphere of social media influence. The last suggestion is one I really like as well. If you see a lot of negative comments, begin leaving positive ones. A good rule of thumb, for every negative comment you see, leave two positive ones. It doesn’t even have to be on the same post. Just go around leaving a little positive and encouraging feedback here and there. You will not only be helping yourself deal with the negativity, you will be making the internet a little more positive for the rest of us.
Remember, social media and cell phones are merely tools. They can be used for good or for bad. During the pandemic, it was social media that allowed us to stay connected. Being able to pick up a phone and call a loved one we missed seeing. Maybe even a Facetime or video call. As with everything in life, we are the ones in charge of how much we use these items, and how we use them. It is also our responsibility to make sure they do not prevent us from eliminating personal contact as well. Let us make the tools work for us, instead of the other way around.
Have you ever had a day where you feel like this? Not quite like a murdering doll, but where if how you felt on the inside could be seen, you might resemble this lovely character? I know I have. With many responsibilities, even enjoyable ones, comes much stress. When I have to fit in the day job, the gym and writing in one day , that can be rather stressful. I barely have enough energy to show my lovely lady how important she is to me. That only adds further stress.
What do you do when you feel burned out? Another reason why working on self-improvement and self-care is so important to start, and start now. If you get to the point of feeling burned out, the last thing you are going to want to do is spend mental energy on how to rid yourself of those feelings. What I can suggest is to start a self-care book. This is an activity that will be featured in my upcoming fourth book. In your self-care book, you can list everything that brings you feelings of peace, health and happiness. In other words, everything that refreshes your spirit. This can be songs that inspire you. Movies that make you laugh or energize you. It can be places you like to go, whether that is a park, a coffee shop or some place to eat. This self-care book can be updated as you discover new items to add. For me, who struggles during the long cold winter, this can be a life-saver. Place this book somewhere it can easily be accessed.
When you are feeling burned out, sad, uninspired or any of the other unpleasant emotions, pull out your self-care book and engage in one, or several, of the activities. When you find something that really brings joy, or inner peace, to your heart, pull out the book and add it. Having this resource available takes the thinking out of helping yourself. Composing the book is actually a fun activity. You can even ask your friends, family and spouse for ideas. You can do it together as a couple or as a family.
The old cliche says that “Youth is wasted on the young.” I think all stages of life have their place and their wisdom you can only gain at that time. Almost nowhere do I believe this is more true than in the area of love. We all remember early crushes and all those crazy days in our teenage years. Hormones barely allowed us to understand ourselves, much less have a healthy constructive relationship with another person experiencing the same thing. They sure could be intense though! Like a fire that burns so hot it eventually consumes itself. Intense? Yes, but often fleeting. It is easy for teenagers to spend equal amounts of time in both heartache and falling in love.
The secret to lasting love, I have been told, is to create a slow-burning fire. Warm embers, if you will. It may not have the extreme passion of the relationships of youth, but it will keep you warm and you will not get burned. I respectfully disagree. While being warm has its advantages, as I write this it is around freezing where I live, sometimes you just want to be hot. True? What is my plan? How can a relationship burn hot but not end up consuming itself? I say, buy a fire-proof suit and find yourself a bunch of kindling. Let us look at both of those shall we?
Getting a fire-proof suit is something we don’t think, or know, about when we are young and first experiencing love. It is an investment many of us never choose to make, despite the lessons love will teach us. A fire-proof suit is protection from the fiery flames of passion. You may be thinking “I don’t need protection from passion!” You may even being wishing there was a little bit more of it in your relationship. We will get to that next. What we must understand is, much like fire, passion can give our relationship life, or burn it to a crisp. When there is a lot of passion in a relationship, everything becomes more intense. That means in addition to levels of romance and sensuality, negative emotions can be just as intense. It is this experience that can cause the end of the “Honeymoon period” of relationships and why that is even a thing.
After getting burned by the flames once too often, many couples decide if things were a little less intense, it may not be a bad thing. While this seems to work great for arguments and hurt feelings, it creates collateral damage. Passion is generally an all or nothing affair. You cannot take it out of disagreements without it affecting the romance and sensuality. That is why you will not see many older couples in heated arguments, but you also won’t see them displaying intense forms of public affection either. They have sacrificed passion for longevity. It is a bittersweet proposition indeed.
They lowered the flames because they did not want to get burned. What they should have done is invest in a fire-proof suit. What on earth do we mean by a fire-proof suit? Investing in tools that help you channel the passion you will experience into a healthy and growing manner. It is literally the difference between starting a fire in the fireplace, or starting your house on fire. Both will warm you up, but one will leave you hurt and homeless. Is that what you want for your relationship? I have listed 3 amazing books that can help you in that regard. The first was a recommendation from one of the readers of this very site. Eduardo in Italy brought this book to my attention. It is currently on the way from Amazon. Creating miracles in the communication of your relationship? That would be helpful. The other 2 are favorites of mine. The 5 Love Languages helps you understand the way you, and your partner, both give and receive love. Do you think that might be just a little helpful? I have learned more from this book than almost any other. I say that because the other book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, is my favorite book of all time. I have read it more than ten times. It gives you tools and strategies to effectively communicate your emotions and feelings. Fellas, this could save your relationship.
The second part is to find more kindling to keep the flames burning. This is a challenge that grows more difficult as the years go by. It should be a fun challenge, however. Kindling is anything that increases or just adds a dose of passion to your relationship. This can be trying new things intimately. It can be discovering new ways to make your partner feel intense love. It can involve things that strengthen your connection. Perhaps showing your partner the beauty, sexiness or pride that you feel towards them in new and exciting ways. In some ways, this becomes more difficult the longer you have been together. You have done and tried so many things, how can anything be new and exciting?
Much like trying to burn the same piece of wood over and over again, doing the same things over and over again in the relationship will generate less heat until it doesn’t do anything at all. What is the solution? It is going out and finding new wood, or kindling. What the hell is that? It is finding new restaurants to try. It is cooking new dishes at home. It is taking classes to learn something new together. It is going to the movies, seeing a comedy act and dates of all kinds. It is finding new things your partner may find romantic. That could be flowers or jewelry given for sole reason that you love them. It can even be as simple as taking the time to create a personalized poem that expresses your unique love for each other. Reading classic poetry, such as the Brownings, may inspire you. I would go into details of intimate adventures you could try, but my mother reads my blog, so I will leave that research up to you personally.
One of the ways that this will become easier as you grow older is that your knowledge of your partner should also increase. How does this happen? In so many ways. Look at your partner as a mystery to solve. Which, at the heart of it, mysteries aren’t we all? You are the detective. A good detective hones their skills of observation. Watch your partner. When you go to the grocery store, what brand of mayo do they go for? This may seem unimportant, but knowing what brands they like can help you come home with just the right surprise. Use active listening with your partner. When they are telling you a story, maybe even one you have heard before, look for things that you can learn about them. Are they telling you things they like? Things that make them upset? Listen with the intent to learn. Ask questions if there is something you need clarification on.
All this may sound like work, but it is really fun once you get the hang of it. There are many other fun activities that can allow you to learn great things about your partner. I like those books of personality tests. I always find them amusing. They now have conversation decks with open-ended questions. Some specifically geared towards couples. Taking a class together can be fun. Even a walk in nature can allow you to get to know your spouse better.
The great thing is that people are always changing and evolving. Yes, this means you will never completely solve the mystery. Why would you want to? Relationships should not be something you stop working on. Just like your physical fitness, if you stop working out, you do not stay the same. You need to keep working on it. Same with your love fitness. Is that even really a term? It is now. The more that you learn about your partner, the more magic you will discover. The more I learn about my lovely lady, the more magical and beautiful she becomes.
Here is a bonus tool to use to see more magic in your relationship – gratitude. Finding as much as you can to be grateful for in your partner is one of your best uses of time. I suggest taking at the very least 5 minutes a day to do this. It can be on the drive to or from work. It can be first thing in the morning, or last thing before bed. It is not only about being grateful for all the wonderful things that your partner does, but even some of the things that drive you crazy. If you can find the gratitude in that, your relationship will be a never-ending source of magic. Margie and I wish you the greatest luck in your quest to discover the magic. We look forward to having you join us in living in a relationship full of passion.
Last post we discussed the importance of having fortifications of positivity in your life. If you did not read that post, I cannot stress enough the importance of doing so. In this post we are going to talk about winning the toughest war you have, the one in your own head. It is composed of many different battles. It is also a war without end. This may sound rather fatalistic, but that does not make it any less true. As with so many things in life, such as our diet and our fitness, we do not ever have them ‘handled’. Even if we get to a state of satisfaction with these areas, if we stop working on them they will not stay the same. If you get your body into great physical shape and then cease going to the gym or being physically active, your body will not stay in that state. After my heart surgery I can attest to that.
Here is the good news. Once you reach a state of accomplishment, it is easier to maintain than it was to get there. It his great book, The Art of War, Sun Tzu reminds us of the advantages of fighting from a higher elevation than our enemies. When you are climbing the hill in any journey it is difficult. That could be trying to get your weight under control. It could be reducing your stress. Climbing that hill is hard. Here is the good part, when you are on top of the hill, staying there is a lot easier than getting there.
You may be wondering what exactly is he getting at with all of this talk about fighting and wars. My life is not that bad. Les Brown, one of my favorite speakers, said “Life is a fight for territory.” If you do not control your life and what it consists of, someone will be more than happy to do that for you. There is no greater example of this than what is in your own head. I am often asked, “How can you be so positive all of the time?” or “What can I do to be more positive like you?” Two great items to get to here.
First, if you want to be ‘positive like me’, know it is something that will take years and years of effort. Before you say to yourself, “That sounds way too difficult.” Ask yourself what is the alternative? Your thoughts create your emotions. Do you know what your emotions are? They are your life. In short, how you feel is your life. Can you have a good run of luck and still feel sad and lonely? Sure can. How many celebrities have all of the fame, fortune and followers you can imagine, yet commit suicide? Have you ever seen some of the poorest people in third world countries who seem to have a grin permanently affixed to their face? Of course we have. Life is truly an inner game. Without mastering your mind and emotions, you will be at the mercy of them, and of life in general.
I fought the uphill battle against my emotions. I fought against the negativity. I fought against the seasonal depression I suffer from. I fought against the sadness of losing loved ones. I fought against defeats in business and my career. Want to fight uphill? Become an independent author trying to sell as many books so you can reach as many souls as you can. When I started, I was fighting uphill. These emotions had a strategic advantage. They had been there my whole life and had established themselves. They were at the top of the mountain. Many times, they won the battle. I slipped into depression. I lost my temper. I felt defeated. I kept fighting. With every loss, I learned. Eventually, I found myself winning battles and climbing that mountain.
Now I find myself at the top of the mountain in this area, so to speak. Does that mean I am positive all of the time? No. If you do not believe that, ask my lovely lady Margie. She will definitely tell you I have my dark moments. What it does mean is that those moments are now fighting uphill to defeat me, instead of the other way around. With the tools and strategies I have learned climbing the hill, I can usually fend them off with little or no damage. Do they knock me off the top every now and again? You bet. They say the wolf on top of the hill is never as hungry as the wolf climbing the hill. Sorry to use all of these cliches, but they do help paint a more accurate picture. These negative emotions, the depressing thoughts, the anger, they used to rule me. Now they want that power back.
It is said that those who lack power will fight to achieve it, and those who have power will fight to maintain it. The same holds true for the battle for your mind. Those negative emotions will be ever fighting to overpower you. Make sure they are fighting uphill. Last year, I released my third book and it was a flop. As an author, I had two successful books up to that point and felt like I was on the top of the mountain. I thought for sure the sharing of my recent health struggles and brief flirtation with death would really connect with people. I was wrong. What did those voices in my head start to tell me? “You are not a very good author.” “Nobody wants to hear what you have to say.” “Nobody really cares about your journey.” For a while it knocked me off the top of the mountain. What it didn’t do was keep me there.
If you are fighting uphill at anything in life right now, know that you will have to take some defeats along the way. That doesn’t mean you failed. It means you are climbing the hill. It means you have more to learn. Also know, when you get to the top of the hill it will be easier, but it will not be over. In the example of my third book failing to connect as I had hoped, I had tools and strategies that picked me up and helped me continue to fight. I had friends that encouraged me with what they enjoyed about my writing. I had my beautiful lady who not only literally picked me up when I was down, but fights along side of me. I have the very tools and strategies I wrote about in my first two books and talk about in the third that helped me survive death. They certainly can help me get back to the top of the mountain again.
In your own life, the time to prepare and conquer your mindset is now. Fight those inner demons. It is not easy, but it is worth it. Once you are on the top of the mountain, it will be easier. You will be able to not become stressed when things do not go your way. You will be able to maintain an attitude of gratitude (which is a great tool by the way) even in times of struggle. You will become your own hero.
One thing that really drives me to the edge of insanity is people who are gifted the tools and strategies to positively transform their lives, but leave them back in the toolshed, so to speak. There is no sense of urgency. Maybe they are too far entrenched in their comfort zone. Their life is not ‘bad enough’ to propel them to take any action. There are some people who tell me that they tried some self-improvement strategies when their life was going south a while back and it didn’t work.
Many people hear some of what I have to say and falsely assume that I advocate to stick your head in the sand and ignore all of the negative aspects of life. Nothing could be further from the truth. I know life can be hard some days. A few years back I appeared on the local show Positively Milwaukee. The episode is on YouTube, I will leave the link below if you are interested in watching the episode. At one point, the host, Carole Meekins, asked a very poignant question. Why should people take action on improving their lives? Especially if they are ‘ok’ at the moment. My answer was also a question. When is the best time to learn to swim, on the shore or when the boat is sinking?
Some people failed to grasp the intensity of that question. Maybe they just figured they would stay out of the water? I am not really sure. While driving to write today, another, and perhaps more apt, analogy occurred to me. We need what is pictured in the two pictures above. The great wall of China? A castle? Yes and no. What we need is fortifications. Have you ever felt like life was attacking you? Things were tough at the office. You drove home and had car trouble. You finally get home only to discover things are also tough at home. Throw in a sickness or medical problem you are dealing with just for good measure. It can feel like you are being attacked on several different fronts.
Let me ask you a question. It the midst of all of this chaos, are you likely to sit down with a cupcake and this great book and say to yourself, “Let me see what I can do to lower my stress?” No. You are going to have to address the attacks you are in the middle of. Can we all agree at some point life will attack us? That the examples above, or a million others, could happen at any time? I think we can. What would a great king or queen do if they knew their kingdom was going to be attacked? They did not know when, but they knew the attack was coming. What would they do? They would prepare! How? By setting up some fortifications. Like the great wall of China, or a castle.
In our life, these fortifications are the tools and strategies we have in place for the fight we know is coming. They are self-care tools. They are stress-reduction strategies. Lists of songs and movies that make us happy. They are making sure our physical body is in top shape to withstand the stress we will put it under. If you are going to try and fend off an attacker, would you not want the best fortification you can? Think of the story of the three little pigs. They each had a house to hide from the big bad wolf. One built it of straw. Probably quick and easy. The big bad wolf enjoyed some bacon that morning. The next pig built one of sticks. A little more time and effort. Still, the wolf had some pork chops for lunch. The third pig build one of bricks. Invested a little more time and effort, probably while the other pigs were enjoying a roll in the mud. When the wolf came knocking, he could prop up his hoofs and not let it affect him.
The best time to be able to prepare for the fight that is coming in all of our lives, is to fortify our kingdom now. What is our kingdom? It is our mental and physical well-being. It is our stress level. It is also our relationship, our family and our friendships. That is why it is so urgent that we take steps to live an amazing life as soon as we can. We don’t want to be looking for shelter when we are under attack. No, we want to be well protected when the enemy arrives at our door.
Here is something that is simple to understand, but far from easy to do. That is not to let outside circumstances and people control your emotions. This is more difficult the closer the people are to you. The more they mean to you, the more emotional reaction they can cause you to experience. That is, only if you let them. I am not advocating you become an unfeeling zombie. Far from it. What I am advocating is to not only control, but choose what emotions you feel.
If you are one of the 95% of people who go through life without taking a look inwards, this concept that you have any control of your emotions may seem foreign to you. Here is the truth. What you feel depends on the meaning you assign to someone’s behavior or words. If a stranger walks up and tells you they do not like you, it may bother you but beyond that you will go about your day. If a good friend tells you the same thing, it has a far greater impact. The emotion you choose in response to that will dictate your behavior, which will go a long way to deciding the fate of not only that interaction, but the life of the friendship.
This becomes even more difficult when the person’s behavior is down right disrespectful. Even then, you have the option, as Sun Tzu so plainly put it, to respond intelligently. You may ask what some man named after a star has anything to do with your life. Sun Tzu wrote the amazing book, The Art of War. It not only has timeless advice for military combat, but can be applied to your business and personal life as well.
When you pause and choose how to respond to a situation, you take control of that situation. In the case of our friend telling us they do not like us, we can choose several ways to respond. We can be defensive and inform them that we no longer like them. We may even go on to list their faults and how we feel we are better than them. That is responding from a place of hurt and anger. It will not only do little to solve the original complaint our friend may have, we have now widened the chasm between our hearts. If we are interested in maintaining this friendship, it would serve us far better to respond with a genuine caring and inquisitive question about what made our friend change their mind about our relation. We not only may preserve the friendship, we may also make room for it to grow and become closer. As an added bonus, we may learn something about ourselves.
I am not a fool to think that this is an easy process. I still struggle with it on occasion as well. What we must understand is that when we allow someone to affect us emotionally, we, in effect, become their servant and they become our master. We relinquish control of the situation and the repercussions that will result. A far wiser and more intelligent response would be to consider what outcome you wish for the situation. Another question to ask yourself is the effects of the negative emotions on our mental and physical well-being worth handing over control to our emotions? As I said in the beginning of this post, it is not easy. We need tools and strategies, many of which can be found in the articles on this website, to help us gain control. The price we will pay to do that will be well worth it.
As our calendars flip over to November, let us take advantage of the first two letters of the month. What do we need to say “No” to more in our lives? What do we do that steals our joy and robs us of living an amazing life? Is it getting stressed on our morning commute? Say “No!” to that. How? Maybe by bringing an audio book, or our happy playlist along while we drive. If you are not sure what that is, feel free to check out either of my first two books for a better explanation. Is it going to a job that steals our soul? Say “No!” to that. How? Either by finally leaving that job to find something more aligned with your purpose, or maybe finding things to be grateful for at work to focus on.
This month, ask yourself, “What should I being saying “No” to more in my life?” Once you figure out what that is, you can begin to think of ways in which you can do so. Make it fun. Make it a game. Enjoy the process and know for sure that you will enjoy the results!
Have you ever had something you really wanted to do, but life kept getting in the way? That is the story of this post. The idea came to me at work a few days ago. The more I let it bounce around in my head, the more I realized how important it was to living an amazing life. I could not wait to sit down behind the keyboard and put my thoughts together. Then, life happened. There was a DJ gig for elementary school children. That was two straight hours of screaming. There was checking in on someone’s cat in a snowstorm. FYI, I am not a fan of cats or snowstorms. It seemed like every time I wanted to sit down and write, something came up.
Today, I determined that after my 9 hour shift, I was going to stop at a coffee shop on the way home and get these words out today. Only to discover that the Wi-Fi at the coffee shop was not working with my computer. Ironically, this plays into the very subject that we are going to discuss today. As the title says, one word to make all of the other words better.
It began with a text conversation I was having with this lovely lady right here. Margie and I have a really great relationship, but just like everyone else’s, it needs looking after and requires a lot of work and effort on both of our behalf. This particular morning, I was mentioning that we could stand to focus more on a certain area that was getting slightly neglected. Margie agreed, and we began to come up with solutions to do just that. I began to think of what are the aspects of a relationship. You have friendship. You must be able to be your partner’s best friend and all that goes with that. There is romance. You must find ways in which to capture their heart and make them feel like they are floating. Lastly, there is sensuality. That is what separates a romantic relationship from a platonic one.
The crazy part of having a successful relationship is that one of these areas always seems to need a little attention. If you have been supporting your partner, trying to places for dinner and exploring new museums together, the friendship side feels pretty strong. Then your partner asks if you still love them? Your first thought may be, “What the —–?” Before you realize that all of those things, while enjoyable, were quite platonic. So, you become diligent with expressing your loving feelings, maybe even brought home some flowers and spent hours walking in the park holding hands. You are starting to feel confident when you partner asks, “Are you still attracted to me?” You realize that although you have been loving, you need to be more sensual. You plan a weekend a weekend getaway, a nice bottle of wine and some alone time in bed with the two of you. After a pleasurably exhausting weekend, you partner asks if the two of you should spend more time working on your connection, by say exploring new places to eat or museums together.
It occurred to me how much an ideal relationship is a balancing act. Yes, balance is the word that makes every word better. When you pay attention to one aspect of your relationship, another gets less attention. When you start to pay more attention to the one that is being neglected, then a third pops up, and so it continues. We need to discover what are the important areas of our relationship and work on providing balance to them. Often, when one person in a relationship feels unhappy or even unsatisfied, it is not that anything is wrong, it may often just be unbalanced.
You could literally go through the dictionary and pick out a word and discover the important balance needed in a relationship. Let us take communication. To me, that is one of, if not the, most important aspects of a relationship. There must be many balances in communication. You must communicate your love in both verbal and not verbal ways. You must balance what kind of communication you are giving your partner. Is it loving? Is it supportive? Is it encouraging? I think we could all agree a little of all of those would make a great relationship.
While reading this, and even while I was thinking of it, the fact that there is a lot of work involved here did not escape me. Do you know what that means? There is also a lot of opportunity to make your relationship better! Even if it is great right now, there are ways in which you could use a little more balance. In what areas could your relationship use a little more balance? Can you imagine how much more loving and strong your relationship would be if you worked on creating that balance?
If you have been in the self-improvement arena for any length of time, you have undoubtedly seen this picture. It is worth another reminder here at the midweek point. We never know how close we are. Our goal may just be one more away.
This could be one more call, one more email. At the gym it could be one more workout before we start seeing and feeling the results. In our relationship, it could be one more “I love you” to melt the heart of the one we love. Don’t give up! Remember, results could be one more away.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 