We always like to post encouragement on Wednesday. We are going to ask two questions of ourselves today. Feel free to share your answers in the comments below if you would like to add to the encouragement.
The first question is who are you proud of today? Is there someone you feel good above and beyond? Someone who makes your life better by what they do? Let them know and spread a little cheer.
The second question is often more difficult. Why are you proud of yourself? What amazing things have you done? How do you make the world a better place?
In many ways, I consider myself a modern-day stoic. There are many great thoughts expressed in this philosophy. Above is one of them. This is why it is so important to not only think of, but decide on and WRITE DOWN specific goals. View them daily, if not several times a day. Can you imagine having free plane tickets with no destination in mind? What good would they be? It is a shame to have good fortune thrust upon us and to not have a plan to make the most of it. As much as I like this quote on face value, I find that flipping it around makes it even more valuable. Let me explain.
I believe when you have a firm and worthwhile destination every wind is favorable. You can tell when the wind is blowing in your favor. You raise the sails and make the most of it. When the wind is blowing against you, you lower the sails, you may even have to row a little. If you get caught in a terrible storm of life, you know to ride it out and make sure your ship is pointed in the right direction to get back on track. When you have a solid destination in life there are two types of events. The one that makes you say, “This will certainly help!” That is when the wind is blowing in your favor. The other is when you say, “I can learn and grow with this.” That is when the wind seems to be blowing against you.
Think of trying to eat better. Someone brings in healthy snacks to work. (It could happen) You think to yourself, “This will sure make eating healthier more enjoyable and easier. The next day someone brings in doughnuts and soda. (This is far more likely) Then you say to yourself, “This will certainly help test my will power.” In both of these situations you get closer to your goal of eating better even though one of them is more helpful than the other. This holds true with fitness, study, cleaning the house or any situation you can think of.
In life if you do not know where you want to go, how on earth are you going to get there? We must make our destination firm in our minds and remind ourselves of it often. Life today is filled with distractions more so than any other time in history. Staying focused on our path places us in the top tier of successful people. Where is the port you are sailing towards?
Oh, another good one! When you look at things from a different angle, it can often help you to better understand the absurdity of some of the actions we take, or things we believe. When we are young, we always want to do what the ‘cool’ kids are doing. Sadly, depending on who we think is cool, this can end up with us eating tide pods. What is even more sad, is that some of us never outgrow this desire. We want to do what the ‘cool’ adults are doing. We could be involved with doing something that brings us a great deal of joy until some ‘less informed’ individual comes along and tells us how foolish it is. Suddenly we feel the urge to give up what brought us joy or at the very least, we can feel foolish for allowing it us to bring us joy. Either way is has stolen some of the happiness we had formerly experienced.
This brings two points to mind for me. First, there is a special spot in hell for people that make fun of someone who is doing, wearing or engaged in something that makes them happy. If it is not harming anyone else, what business is it of yours? The second point is that we give far too much importance to other people’s opinion. We touched on this last post. Comparison really is the thief of joy. You would not let someone come in and redecorate your house, why let them do the same for your life? Even if someone comes into Margie and my home and tells us they don’t care for our picture of Marilyn Monroe or Nat King Cole, my first thought is “I don’t really care.” Not to be rude, but it is our house and it makes us happy.
One of the ways in which I experience this the most is in an aspect of my relationship with Margie. When we feel an overwhelming love or appreciation for each other, we may post something on social media. There are people who are offended by this. They say things such as “You two make us sick.” or “We already know you love each other.” Again, first thought in my mind is…well…I can’t say my first thought, but it isn’t a worry about offending these people with the love I express for the amazing woman in my life. Here is the ironic part. We have witnessed these same people post negative things about their partner, or when they do find that special love, post the same things they were so bothered by that we posted.
My point in all of this is that you should do what fills you with joy. Do what makes you happy. If someone expresses a negative thought about it or you, examine it for any validity. If there is none, let it go and go back to enjoying life to the fullest like you have. Life deserves to have the most joy it can and you deserve to have the greatest amount of happiness you can.
Who does not like to receive gifts? I know I do. Just the other day, Margie got me this amazing book. It made me quite happy. Even thinking of it as I write this has put a smile on my face. Not everyone is lucky enough to have an amazing lady in their life like I have. You cannot always depend on people giving you gifts every day. That is unless they are the Amazon driver.
There are two amazing gifts that you can give to yourself daily that will not only make you happy, but unlike Amazon, they will actually add to your life! We are going to tackle these gifts one at a time. A little word of caution. Do not underestimate the power of these gifts. You may look at them and think, “Oh that’s cute.” Perhaps you might even think they sound a little cliche. I can promise you that if you make giving yourself these two gifts a habit, you will add so much peace and joy to your life it will seem like magic. As an added bonus, you will also reduce many of the negative stressors in your life as well. Like…well…stress. You will worry less. You will experience less anger. Are you ready to go shopping? I have great news! You do not have to go to a store. You do not have to go to a website. You do not even have to spend any money for these gifts. Perhaps that is why so many fail to see their value. You will be one of the few that do!
I can see some of you rolling your eyes at this one. “Another post about gratitude?” Yep! More than anything else in my life, gratitude has been so transformative. If you make it a focus and daily practice, the power it has to positively impact your life can seem like magic. Let us throw a little science in the mix. You think, on average, 60,000 thoughts a day. Some a little more. Some, it would appear, a lot less. 80% of those thoughts are negative. 90% are the same thoughts you had the day before. It is crazy how the human brain works. Here is how to change all of that. Begin by thinking with purpose and thinking with gratitude. I threw a lot of numbers at you but here is the important one. You can only think 1 thought at a time. Therefore, when you are thinking about what you are grateful for, you cannot be thinking about what you are worried about. When you are grateful, you cannot be angry at that very second. You can see where this is going. Less anger, less worry and more gratitude. Just think how that may affect your life.
When I mention the gift of forgiveness, people stop and say, “I thought you said this was about giving yourself gifts? Forgiveness is something you give to others?” This may seem so on the surface, but it really is the gift you give yourself. Forgiveness does mend relationships and that certainly helps. Before we get to far ahead of ourselves let us clear one thing up right away. Some people may think forgiveness is excusing the words or actions of another. It is not. What it is doing is preventing those very words and actions from hurting you over and over again. That is what happens when you keep hurt and anger inside yourself. Have you ever watched someone tell you a story about something they will not forgive? They often get upset just telling you about. Their blood pressure rises, their cortisol and adrenaline spike. Meanwhile, the person who did this to them is enjoying a latte and reading a book down the street without a care in the world.
There is a million reasons why people do hurtful and mean things. We can’t pretend to know everyone’s story. Truth is, it really doesn’t matter. Look at the quote from Buddha. We are only hurting ourselves. This is even trickier when the person that we are so upset with and cannot forgive looks back at us in the mirror. We hurt someone and never got the chance to apologize. We did something foolish. We self-sabotage. There are a million crazy reasons we get upset with ourselves. What do emotions like regret and guilt do? They can quite literally drive us to an early grave. It certainly does not change the past. It only steals joy from the present. That does not to much to help the future either. Just like when we are upset with someone else, hanging on to that pain only serves to hurt us over and over again. Do yourself a favor and let it go. Not for them. For your peace.
Can you see how focusing on these two gifts can radically transform your life? Imagine taking just a few moments of your day to pause in reflection on gratitude and forgiveness. How would that improve your life? I would love to hear your answers.
I have a few relatives that come to mind with this phrase. I have a grandma who talks…a lot. She is imperfect. I have an aunt that says the most inappropriate things at the most inappropriate times. Again, imperfect. Don’t we all know people like this? In some ways, unique to us, we are all people like this.
Yet in this imperfections, these people are at the same time perfect. My grandma, for example, will share so many amazing stories of her life. There are never any awkward silences in the conversation. My aunt and her inappropriate comments often break the ice at stressful times. Think funerals as an example. She makes others feel comfortable expressing themselves. Perfect!
Whatever perceived imperfections you may struggle with within yourself, know that they are perfect in their own way. Each of us bring something vital to the world that nobody else can. We are a blend of perfect imperfections.
Remember that doing the right thing once in a while is not what will take you to the top. Want to get healthy? You don’t go to the gym, or workout once and then you are done. You need to show up and take care of your body every day. Want to improve your diet? It is not a faddiet, but improving your relationship with food that works.
These are obvious examples. If you think of other important areas of your life the same holds true. Want to be a better spouse? It is respecting and learning about your partner every day. It is showing up and working hard at it. Same with career. The same goes for self-improvement. It is showing up daily. Winning the daily battle against laziness and procrastination. Discipline is what will solve 80%of your problems
How many of these amazing things do you make it a point to put into your life? The more of them we add, it is like watering a plant. The more we are likely to grow! In each of these items, there are also many options. Take ‘kind words’ for example. You could write affirmations for yourself. You could listen to an encouraging meditation or you could read secret2anamazinglife.com!
Out of these ways to water yourself, which is your favorite? Use as many as you can. The more you use, the more you will grow. You deserve it and you are worth it!
Something I heard Sadhguru say made total sense to me. He said that the past and the future don’t really exist. You can’t live in the past or the future unless you have a time machine. When they say someone is living in the past, they are actually remembering. When we say someone is living in the future, the are imagining.
This is so true. You can only do anything in the present as well. You can do anything in the past. It is over and done with. You can’t do anything in the future because it is not here yet. You can get lessons from the past. You do this in the present. You can prepare to set up better possibilities for the future. You also do this in the present.
How, in a world of a million distractions, do we stay present? There are a million different ways out there. Here is a good one I came across the other day. I hope it serves you. Call it the “5,4,3,2,1 method” When you find yourself slipping away from the present use this method. Sit up, take 3 deep breathes and begin. Start by finding 5 things you can see. It can be the windows across the room, people walking by, the sun shining. Don’t stop until you have 5. Next find 4 things you can touch. It could be the feeling of the material in your clothes touching your skin, the warmth of the coffee mug you are drinking out of. Then move on to 3 things you can hear. People talking, wind blowing. Next,2 you can smell. Could be the spring air,the scent of books in a bookstore. Finally, 1 you could taste.
I like this method because it uses all 5 senses. It forces you to really notice your environment. I would love to hear how you manage to get back to the present.
Every day someone runs a red light in an attempt to get home quicker and never makes it. Every night someone closes their eyes planning on what they are going to do the next day, completely unaware they will never open their eyes again. How many lives are not only ended every day, but can be turned upside down with an injury, a diagnosis or even a job loss or loss of a loved one? Countless. Most of them never thought it would happen to them.
These facts are not an attempt to get you feeling down. Quite the contrary. We can all agree that these statements are true. What this should do is create a sense of urgency to squeeze every last drop of joy and happiness out of the life you are currently living. The best way to do this is by becoming the best version of yourself. That means investing your time and energy into improving who you are today. Not to put it off. When I appeared on the television show Positively Milwaukee, one of the things mentioned was that the time to learn to swim is on the shore and not when the boat is sinking. What this means is that preparation is better than reaction. If we wait until the moment is upon us, it is often too late.
Take a literal example of the Titanic sinking. How many people aboard did not know how to swim? Many might have thought they did not have to know. After all they were aboard a ship “so unsinkable even God couldn’t sink it.” Something I would not recommend uttering. The fact is that the people felt safe on the ship. They were not prepared for the disaster that occurred. Even the White Star Company, who owned the ship, didn’t feel the need to equip it with enough life boats. After all the law at the time said they didn’t have to. Many people lost their lives due to these decisions.
Life is much like a journey of a cruise ship. We are sailing smooth when out of nowhere we hit an iceberg. If we are not prepared, the results can be tragic. This could even include a loss of life. Many of the lives lost aboard the ship that day could not have been saved. As we mentioned earlier, there were not enough life boats. That is why it is important to be present and enjoy every second of life. The better version of yourself you are, the more you can enjoy life. The more present you are, the more grateful you are, even the more in shape you are can allow you to enjoy more of the fruits of life.
Considering these facts, when would now be a good time to start working on your journey of self-improvement and self-development? The sooner you start, the sooner you can start enjoying life to the fullest. Not to mention, you never know what icebergs are right around the corner.
I love this quote by Carl Jung. As much as we work to better ourselves on this site and wish to help others on their journey, it is important to remember to convey compassion and humanity. Especially to those we disagree with and to those who… shall we say, are not as far along on their self-improvement journey.
I often wear a hat that says “Stay Human”. It is from the singer Michael Franti,but I wear it as much for the message. It is a good reminder that for all of the reasons out there to divide us, in the end we are all just humans. Yes, even those you might have doubts about.
This hat is also a good reminder for me everytime I look in the mirror. That you must connect with others on the basic human level, soul to soul. When you make a connection like this, that is when real change can take place in the world. How do you best connect with others?
