Tag: self-improvement

DO YOU HAVE ENOUGH ‘DUH’ TIME?ðŸĪŠ

Here is an example of how ideas and inspirations can come up when you are least likely to expect them. This one was relayed to me last Sunday night, or what would more accurately be described as very early Monday morning. After a night of DJing, Margie and I were speaking to our friend Heidi. She is a good friend of ours and this site, often adding very thought-provoking comments to a lot of my posts.

This particular conversation highlighted our morning routines. Mine was about to begin in roughly 2 hours after we completed our show and got back home. We usually get home about 2am and my alarm goes off at 4:45am. This is an every Monday ordeal. Heidi mentioned that in the morning she has what she referred to as ‘Duh Time’. When pressed as to what this actually meant, she explained it was just time sitting in silence not thinking or doing anything. Just sitting there mentally unattached. In a world where many of us wake up and grab our phone or check our emails, this is a very healthy alternative.

These moments of silence are worth their weight in gold. Starting our day with some time for ourselves and our thoughts allows us to get ourselves together. Before injecting any outside influences into our day, which can often be of the negative variety, we have a second to just breathe and relax. If we want to make this even more powerful, after a few minutes in silence, we could add some thoughts of gratitude or gratitude affirmations. There is another thing that happens during this ‘Duh Time’.

Often, our subconscious mind will have been working on a problem that is vexing us in the background. This happens while we are sleeping or otherwise occupied doing something else. When if finally comes up with a great idea and solution, it has to relay that information to the conscious or waking mind. The trouble is, when we are always busy thinking or doing something, there is no opportunity for our mind to speak to us. It is like trying to interject a meaningful replay to a friend who never stops talking. You may have the greatest idea, but they will never hear it if they don’t stop and listen. They same can be said with your mind. We need to stop and listen.

Give yourself some ‘Duh Time’. Your mind will thank you. Your day will thank you. Your life will thank you. I would love to hear what benefits you have found in sitting in silence. Is there a morning ritual that you find helps you live an amazing life? Share it with the rest of us so that we may benefit as well.

SOMETIMES IT IS ALL ABOUT YOU – AND THAT’S OK

Have you ever had a day where you felt a little down on yourself? Maybe you looked in the mirror and didn’t like what you saw? Too many wrinkles? Too much…umm…You? Maybe you said something you regret and are now kicking yourself for it? Maybe you didn’t get a promotion or achieve a goal in the time you had set for yourself? Whatever the reason may be, you are just not feeling the best about yourself. It happens to the best of us. I once had a book signing and only 4 people showed up. Never mind months earlier I had one where 50+ people showed up, I left feeling like a failure. There are all times where we could use a boost in the self-esteem category.

One group of people who gave the perception they never suffered this problem were old-school hip-hop artists. Before the music involved drugs, violence or demeaning women, it was mostly a “Look how cool I am” lyrical affair. There is actually something to be gained by this type of thinking. You do not have to put out an image that you are better than anyone else, but that you are an awesome person just the way you are. This is true. In every one of us, there is an amazing person. There are certain skills and things we do amazingly. I suggest we start to make a list of them. I do not advocate resting on your laurels and past victories, but visiting them to remind yourself the great stuff you are capable of is not a bad idea at all.

In reference to the music mentioned earlier as well as the picture of ‘The Rock’ that started this post, it would be beneficial to have such reminders placed around for you to see. The music can just be a playlist of songs that make you feel empowered. It can be rock, country, hip-hop or any other genre you enjoy. When you are feeling a little down on yourself or you act in a way that doesn’t exactly make you feel proud to be you, then look at these reminders, push play on your playlist and get out there to kick some butt!

The reason you want to keep your self-esteem high should be obvious. Are you more productive when you feel good about yourself or when you feel defeated? Are you better able to handle challenges when you feel empowered or disempowered? Guess when your health and immune system are more powerful? Any idea which time you are more likely to act in a kind and forgiving manner? Again, I must stress this should not be an attempt to be arrogant or ‘better than’. To be honest, those folks are usually covering up for a poor self-esteem. No, the idea is to get in touch with your inner bad ass, as the author Jen Sincero would say. You are awesome and you have a lot to bring to the world. It is important to have reminders of that. If you wait until you are feeling down to try to think of such things, you will find it near impossible. If you find gathering this list difficult, ask some friends and family why you are amazing. If it makes it easier, share why you think they are amazing in return.

USE THE LITTLE THINGS

Throughout the years I have started many habits that, at this point, almost unconsciously allow me to live a positive and amazing life. I encourage you to do the same. Yours will not be the same as mine, but that is the fun of it. There are little things that only you may know about, that will bring a smile to your face. The goal is to add so many to your life that on any given day you are doing several of them. I realize this may seem a bit vague, so allow me to give you a few of my personal examples and it may help you get the ball rolling.

Like many of the tools that I use and teach, many of these “Little things” came to me by accident. One of the first ones that I can remember doing involved working at the post office. One of the busiest times we had when I worked up front with the customers was tax filing time. Unlike the holiday season, when people usually have a little joy in their heart for what they are mailing, tax time has very little of that joy. One elderly lady was giving me a personal history of how the government took advantage of her. This may or may not have been exaggerated on her behalf. The government does a lot of strange things. Whether they focus on elderly women in the village of Greendale Wisconsin is hard to say. After listening to this our entire transaction, the time came to affix the postage. I looked in straight in the eye and asked with a serious expression, “Would you like to me use love stamps on this?” I thought this would be a fun and sarcastic form of silent protest. She, however, was not in on the joke. She suggested several suggestive drawings that I would not have guessed would come out of the mouth of an elderly woman. I mentioned this might lead to being audited and we left it at that. The idea of putting love stamps on bills seemed so ironic and silly, I started doing it. The few bills I mail now would get one.

Whether your “little things” involve throwing coins in a wishing well, or saying hello to a large statue of a rooster (things I may or may not admit to doing) you should find small things that bring you joy. In my first book, I mention I used to say hello to a heard of cows as I drove to the rural office I was postmaster of. Of course the cows did not understand me, but that was not the point. It was a “little thing” that I did that brought me joy. For myself, little things involving nature seemed to bring an extra amount of joy. You don’t have to do these out loud if you are worried about people questioning your sanity. At this point I am far from worrying about such a thing, so I say “Hello” to animals I meet, and have other fun actions that make me smile.

If you have enough of these in life, you are always doing something that makes you smile inside. Another thing that is almost guaranteed to work, is to make someone else smile. Even if they do not appreciate your attempts, knowing you did your best to bring a smile to the face of someone else will put a smile in your heart. It also has a funny way of coming back to you. In addition to finding the people you are nice to return the favor, people around you will begin to see how you treat others and this will begin to spread. Find your “little things” and start doing them today. If it brings you joy and does not harm others, do it as often as you can!

WHAT IS YOUR STORY?😕

One of my favorite exercises to have people do is to write their own eulogy. I feel it helps people get clear, often for the first time in their lives, what kind of person they want to be remembered as. It also makes it pretty clear if there are on track to be remembered as that kind of person. Going forward, it gives them a pretty good set of self-enforced guidelines. If you know what kind of person you would like to be remembered as, are the actions you are taking going to lead to that? If not, change them. If so, do them more often. It makes life simple and helps steer the rudder of our ship of life, if you will.

There are many people who have an issue with this exercise, or in some cases flat out refuse to do it. They have a hard time getting past the death part. Les Brown said it best, that you can’t get out of life alive. He also said, “Most people die at 25, but don’t get buried until they are 65.” Death is a natural part of life, but I do not want someone’s fear of it to get in their way of success. It is just this thought that I was pondering, along with what the subject of my fifth book will be, when the answer to both questions came to me!

Let me ask you a question that I really want you to think about. If you were to write your autobiography, that is the story of your life, what would the title be? I have been encouraged to write one myself. The best title I could come up with is The Amazing Life of an Ordinary Man. I will explain that in a future post. What I want to plant in your mind is the seed of what story you will leave behind. Will it be one of someone who inspired others or who was only out for their own gain? Will it be of someone who gave or someone who was always looking to take? A “What is in it for me?” sort of attitude. Let me give a clue to those people. As Denzel Washington once said, “I have never seen a U-Haul behind a hearse.” You can’t take it with you. Think of the title of your story. How will it read? Even if you find yourself down and out at the moment, that can be where your story changes. How many of us like to go to a movie or read a book where the main character rises up from the ashes to achieve a level of greatness? The story wouldn’t be as good without the struggle.

Want to take this exercise a step further to help improve your life even more? Imagine someone else was writing your biography, what would they say? What would they title it? Notice how this will be different with each person you think of. If you want to be the best spouse you can be, imagine your better half is about to begin work writing your life story. You certainly would not want them to say you were an inattentive lover. You wouldn’t want to read that you were emotionally unavailable. You want to read how you made their heart sing. You want to read that you made them feel safe both physically and emotionally. Ok, if that is what you want to read, what actions can you take to make that the story? How about if your children were going to write your biography? What would they say about you? Are there ways you could improve that story? Take those actions now.

Think about your own autobiography. Is it what you want it to be so far? If not, what actions can you take to change that? I would start with this first. Then when you are comfortable that you are on track to live the story you would want to write, think of others. What would your spouse write? Your children? Your friends? What actions could you take to make their story one that would make you proud. This should be a fun and insightful exercise. I would love to hear about your experience.

HOW THIS ALL WORKS

Law of attraction. Positive thinking. Manifesting. These words have almost become clichÃĐ. For a lot of left-brained folks they can also seem a little too New Age. I get it. I am a little left brain myself. Having faith in something that seems spiritual can be quite difficult for many of us. “Can I really just start thinking positive and my life will improve?” we wonder. The answer is both yes and no. I want to introduce you to a concept that will make this a little easier to understand and put into action.

When many of us hear of things like positive thinking and the Law of Attraction, we think of it as just blissing out and our life will change. It is not quite that simple. I have had people watch the movie The Secret and say I don’t believe that all you have to do is think positive for your life to change. They are right…kind of. You have to do more than think positive for your life to change, but if you don’t think positive, your life is highly unlikely to change. At least not for the better. This is not some strange occult or new age concept. There is actual science involved here.

If you google the reticular activating system like I did, you will be greeted with some wonderfully scientific definitions that you will have to read slowly and might not understand. Let me give it to you in terms of an example. Have you have noticed when you buy a new car or outfit that you start seeing that car or outfit everywhere? Let me ask, did everyone realize that you bought it and want to appear cool like you so they rushed out and bought it too? Could be. After all, you are a very awesome person. I don’t want to bring you down, but there is a far more likely explanation. The reticular activating system, among many other things, decides what is important and not important in your world. Here is the truth, those cars and outfits were there all the time, they just were not that important to you. Once they were, your brain began to bring them to your attention.

This is all really cool for new cars and outfits, but what does it have to do with positive thinking and Law of Attraction? When you are focused on positive things, or opportunities, what do you think your brain will bring to your attention? That is why people who say “Hope for the best, but expect the worst.” have it all wrong. Your expectation has a great deal to do with your success in life. Here is where those who argue that you can’t just bliss out and life will magically improve. If you just sit and meditate and all the wonderful things in life without doing anything, people will come and take your furniture. What this positive thinking, and exercises like vision boards do, is let your brain know what is important. Then, when your brain presents you with these situations, you must act. What the positive thinking and Law of Attraction will do is present you with more opportunities. Just like the cars and outfits. It is then up to you to take the inspired action. Here is the good news. It will seem easier and more enjoyable than before.

I hope the science behind all of this will make things a little easier to understand and will make it more likely for you to dip your toes in the water of putting your mind to work for you. Just remember, if it works for cars and outfits, it can work for opportunities and positivity. If you want to learn more about this, feel free to pick up my b, Living the Dream, on Amazon or wherever fine books are sold.

ARE YOU TRULY WHAT YOU ARE?

At first, this question may seem silly. Of course you are who you are. Looking at the quote above, we can dig a little deeper. The quote from Mr. Jung, whom I do not always agree with, brings some good questions to mind. How many of us know people who always seem to be preaching one thing, but doing another? You know the ones. They talk about how you should be healthy, all while they go out and get drunk several nights a week. How about those who tell us they can’t stand drama, but a few minutes later are whispering the latest gossip in your ear? I am sure we all know people like this.

Here is where things can get a little uncomfortable. It many ways, that person could be found in the mirror. On my YouTube channel (Neil Panosian) and in my second book, Living the Dream, I advocate an exercise that can be very beneficial. That is to write our own eulogy. This can sound morbid to some, but it is a very powerful tool for transforming your life. It has certainly made a huge difference in my own. This idea occurred to me while contemplating the death of my cousin in his early twenties. It solidified when I was asked to write 5 eulogies in 2 years. I began to think of what people would say about me when I was gone.

More to the point, I began to think of what I wanted them to say. I quickly scratched a few notes down on paper. I wanted to be known as someone who made a positive difference in people’s lives. I wanted to be a light that caused others to keep going when they wanted to give up. I wanted to be an example for how a man should treat a lady. I wanted to give to the greater good and leave the world a better place than I found it. I had parroted most of these statements for years. Then I had to ask myself a very important question – was I living them? In many ways, the stark truth was that I was not. At least I was not doing so to the fullest. In some cases I was at sometimes, and then not others. No consistency. My actions did not always match my words.

How about you? Do your actions match your words? Do you honestly think people will describe you as you hope to be when you pass on? In my own life, doing this exercise of writing my eulogy, helped me become clear, for the first time in my life, as to the person I wished to be. It also helped provide me a good course of action as well as a set of guidelines. These were not rules others were telling me, but instead ones that went with the values I had chosen to be remembered as. I can ask myself, is what I am doing an example of how to treat the one that you love? How about be a gentleman? What about leaving the world a better place? If the answer is ‘no’ I know that I need to change those actions to better match the person I am striving to be. If the answer is ‘yes’ I know that the actions I am taking are in line with the values I have and the kind of person I wish to be remembered as. How about you? How do you wish to be remembered? Are you taking actions that will lead others to remember you that way, or are you someone who they will remember as a person who said one thing and did another?

Road construction

Sometimes your life improving can be as simple as changing your perspective. This was brought home by something very common, yet very frustrating – road construction. In Wisconsin, where I live, there seems to be two seasons, winter and road construction. By the time the ice and snow on the roads disappear, they are replaced by orange barrels. This can lead to many unpleasant surprises. This can range from the simply frustrating longer commute times, to the more expensive flat tires and repair to your cars suspension system.

This had been taken a step further this year in my very own neighborhood. I live on the east side of our fine city. Most of what I enjoy doing is in the west part of the city. Normally, not too much of an issue. The drive is roughly 10 to 15 minutes for most places. That is until recently. They closed two of the main streets that connect where I live to the west part of the city. Just the other day, I went to pick up some flyers I had made up for my upcoming book signing. This should have been a 10 minute trip. It ended up being a 20 minute trip. With the current price of gasoline, this was a bit irritating. What I did learn was an entirely new way to get to where I was going. It also showed me a few different businesses I had either forgotten about, or never knew about. It was taking this detour that introduced me to them.

Another good thing about this detour caused by road construction, it caused me to use my brain. Often, we can get in a rut. How many of you take the same route to work every day? You drive on autopilot almost. When one street is closed, it can throw us for a loop. Much like no longer having to remember phone numbers because they are all stored in our phones, our brains tend to get a little lazy. What were to happen if we were in an emergency situation and we had lost our cell phone? Would we still be able to contact our work or our loved ones? By having to consciously come up with a new route to travel, and having to be alert on that route, my brain was getting a little bit of a workout. What happens if we never make our bodies workout? Do you not the same result could happen to a mind that no longer has to work?

Viewing the inconvenience of the road closer in this light, I found I had a lot to be grateful for. The new path caused me to be more alert and forced my brain to put in a little more effort. With cerebral decline becoming an issue the older we get, it is wise to take advantage of any brain workout we can fit in. The detour also introduced me to a host of new businesses and some that I forgot about. It allowed me to see a different part of my city I may have never had the reason to explore. These reasons turned the curse of road construction into a blessing. Next time orange barrels block or slow your progress, think of what benefits you may get out of the situation.

WHAT WE CAN DO ON A BAD DAY

Bad days, we all have them. Certainly, there are things we can do to minimize the possibility of one occurring, but there are just too many variables for us to contend with. One thing we have complete control over is the state of mind and attitude that we bring to each day. We all know people who can face the worst circumstances and have it bounce off of them like nothing ever happened. There are people who seem to turn every disadvantage to a learning and growing experience. Wouldn’t it be great to be one of those people?

We can! It only takes working on one thing – our attitude. We cannot know what variables are coming our way, nor can we hope to control them all. Trying to control every aspect of our lives, which often includes the lives and opinions of others, will drive us crazy. Just ask any micromanager. All we can control is our attitude towards life and its challenges. The way we do this is to surround ourselves with inspiring things such as calendars, screen savers and pictures. We also listen to empowering things on our daily commute. We read inspiring material. It is even more powerful if we do so to begin our day.

If you want to be a person who does not fall victim to every challenge in life, forget working on controlling everything. Switch your focus on controlling just one thing – your attitude.

USE YOUR ENEMIES

There are people in everyone’s life that seem to serve no other purpose than to make life miserable. Call them haters, gossipers, enemies or any other term you like. They can make our life more difficult and prevent a lot of the good we deserve. One of the best ways to handle these people is to use them. Nothing frustrates one of these people more than to know their actions actually went to serve the greater good. How annoying would that be? Here you are, just doing your best to bring some negativity to the world and someone finds a way to turn it into something good. If that keeps happening, it might not even be worth spending your energy on anymore.

So, how do we use our enemies? Listen to what they say. Often they are the first people to let you know some area in which you are slipping. That is why I always recommend using these people if you are working to improve any area of your life. Say you want to start working out, or maybe quit smoking? Tell these people who would love nothing better than to find you not keeping your word. They will watch you closer than any life coach you could pay. They will do it for free and be happy to. They will actually be exciting to catch you laying around eating a doughnut or out back lighting up. Can’t you just see the joy on their face when they mention it to you (and anyone else in earshot I would imagine) Now don’t you just want to smack the smirk off that face? After all it is hard enough to make a change without them taking relish in your struggle.

Before you give into the warranted violence, there is a better option. I know, it can be hard to imagine something that would feel better than knocking the block off some soul who lives to point out the faults of others. Here is what I suggest, put a big smirk on your face and say something along the following lines, “Thank you. It is hard enough to do this, but with your help I know I will succeed. Thanks again.” First of all, they were not trying to help you and will find it terrible to know they did. Second, their grin will usually fade into a look of confusion or contempt. Both of these will feel better, at least in the long term, than physically wiping their grin off yourself. It also gives you more motivation on your own journey. In the back of your mind will be the thought, “I better not light up or that jerk Mark from accounting will tell everyone and take delight in my failure.” Then Mark goes from a pain in the butt we might be trying to work on, to an unpaid employee that will gladly work for free. We also know if we view Mark’s delight in our struggle as something that works for us, it will take a great deal of joy out of it for him.

Even the people who are the biggest pains in our lives can serve to be a great asset if we find a way to use their behavior to our advantage. This will also take a lot of stress out of our lives and help us to live an amazing life.

WHAT I LEARNED FROM AN ANCHOVY

I eat a lot of crazy things. Most recently I tried a gummy bear brat. For those of you who may be unfamiliar, that is a sausage made with gummy bears on the inside as well as topped with gummy bears. This is served on a flavored bun with honey mustard. If we are being honest, it wasn’t that great. The point being, I love to try new and different things. One of those items happened to be anchovies. You know, the little fish they put on pizza. I am a fan of herring, tuna and other such fish. When a friend of mine offered me a piece of pizza (my favorite food) and told me it had anchovies on it, I did not bat an eye. My thought was more how interested I was to try something new. It really did not taste very bad. I actually kind of liked it. I remember thinking how exciting it was to find a new pizza topping I enjoyed.

Then it happened…I got violently sick. It took a while of thinking and one more experience with these little fish, to realize that they just do not agree with me. Oddly enough, I can have ceaser dressing which has anchovies in it. Not sure how that works. You may be wondering what this all has to do with living an amazing life. I know I would be if I was reading this. Here is a quote I heard the other day that reminded me of both this situation and how it relates to life. “Some things can taste good on the lips in the moment, but be bitter in the belly later on.” You see, I liked the taste of anchovies, but once they started swimming in my stomach, my stomach started swimming.

The same can hold true in life. Eating that doughnut may feel good in the moment, but the guilt you feel later will not. Not to mention the effects of too many doughnuts in the long term is not good. How about telling someone off? It certainly can feel good in the moment, but later on? You may end of feeling terrible about some of the things you said. There could be damage to the relationship that is beyond repair. Some things taste good on the lips in the moment, but are bitter in the belly later on. In a world of instant gratification, it is not that common to think long term. As we have seen in the 3 mentioned examples, that can really prevent us from living an amazing life. Can you think of anything that tastes good on your lips in the moment, but is bitter in your belly later on?