Last post, we talked about the importance of setting a good example for the generations to come. What are you saying to the world? Most of our communication is nonverbal. It is time to reflect on if our words and actions are matching. Think about the message you would like to share with the world. What is it? Are you sharing that message with the words you speak? More importantly, are you demonstrating it with your actions? If not, how could you do better?
This may be a short post, but there is a lot to think about. How can we promote our values with both our words and our actions? How can we both speak life and positivity into the world as well as bring it with our actions? It is worth it to take some time to think about what you are bringing to the world today and everyday.
Last post we discussed many of the great ideas put fourth by Frederick Douglass. I could not walk away without discussing one of my favorite quotes from this great man. “It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.” What a powerful statement. This speaks to all of us.
Let us start with the obvious. If you are a parent, which I think is one of the most noble and difficult jobs, this certainly speaks to you. Raising a child that not only has a good education, but good morals, a healthy self-image and compassion for others will make a huge difference in the future of the world. This is accomplished, and affected by, a lot more than we think. It is not only making sure they pay attention in school, do their homework and chores. It is setting a good example in our own behavior. Children may listen to what we say, but they will certainly pay attention to what we do. If your children live in a household with an abusive relationship, what do you think they will learn about relationships? If they watch you speak condescending to certain people, how do you think they will treat others when they grow up? If you do not take care of your health and indulge in self-abusive behaviors, do you think your children will grow up to learn a healthy lifestyle?
Parents are not the only ones affecting the lives of children. We all are. It could be a teacher. The job I consider as noble as that of a parent. Both of which play a large role in the development of our youth. Again, it is not just the academic lessons you pass along as you teach, but the examples you set as a person. This holds true not just for parents and teachers, but for all of us.
You never know when children may be watching us. If you are screaming at your spouse in the parking lot, a child could be driving by in a car and see two adults acting that way. This often occurs to me when I open the door for Margie. I am hoping a young boy will be watching and learn that is how you should treat the woman you love. Not because she is not capable of opening the door for herself, but because you respect her enough to do it for her.
Our world is filled with people in rehab, going to therapy and sitting in prison. A lot of these cases are the result of early life trauma. It can take many years of struggle and pain, both emotional and physical, to overcome. It can cost all of us a good deal of money. Living in a world that is prone to violence because people did not learn basic respect for human life costs all of us peace of mind. These costs are far greater than spending the time to make sure we set the proper example for, and raise strong children.
Like I said last post, Frederick Douglass had a lot of great wisdom to share. A man who lived through the horrors of slavery shared what he endured, so that we may leave the world better for our children. To let those lessons, and all that he went through to bring them to us, go without putting them into action would be a shame. Let us all work together to build strong children so that we may not have to repair as many broken adults.
I find Frederick Douglass to be one of the most remarkable individuals. After escaping slavery himself, he went on to lead many abolitionist causes. This, in itself, is not all that remarkable. What I find so impressive is his wonderful oratory and the fact he was able to use his own story to serve the cause of bringing freedom to so many. He did this by writing a total of three autobiographies. His story of slavery cast a light on the horrors suffered by so many. He was able to do all of this by educating himself. He knew one of the best ways to demonstrate the absurdity of slavery was to serve as a counterexample of the enslavers’ argument that slaves lacked the intellectual ability to function as American citizens. In doing so, he spurred more change than had he lead a violent revolt, or turned sword and pistol on those who had enslaved him. In fact, by doing so, he would have actually lent credibility to their argument.
This may strike you, as it does me, a very powerful story from our past. It is much more than that. If we think of the racism, prejudice, and division that grips our world today, Frederick Douglass gives us a course to correct many of them. That is to be the best version of ourselves that we can be. This can be accomplished through educating and improving ourselves. We all represent more than just ourselves. We represent our city, our race, our faith, our political party and a million other associations we have. Fair or not, this is how it is. When we act in a manner that is less than our best, it reflects negatively on everything we represent. This is true whether we want it to be or not. Conversely, if we educate and evolve, it reflects positively on all we represent to others.
Another amazing thing about Frederick Douglass, was his understanding of the need to engage in meaningful dialogue with those who would oppose, or even enslave us. When people asked him how he could talk to enslavers, he would answer with the quote above, “I would unite with anybody to do right and with nobody to do wrong.” When we look at the current state of politics and social reform, it would seem the modern world could take a great lesson from Mr. Douglass. How about in your life? Are you willing to work with people you may not agree with if it will result in serving the greater good? Are you willing to go along with others in your group and not stand up in opposition even if you know it is wrong?
Frederick Douglass gave us a lot of great lessons. Two of which are the power education serves in freeing an individual. This is not only true of racial suppression, but freedom from economic slavery, ideological slavery, intellectual slavery and many other conditions that will keep us from rising to become the best versions of ourselves. If you find yourself held down, held back or held up from being all that you can be, the secret is education. This does not even have to be formal education. Daily visits to the local library can transform our lives and give us the power to rise above our current circumstances.
The second lesson from Frederick Douglass was the importance of engaging in meaningful dialogue with those we may view as our opposition. If we want to accomplish anything to serve the greater good, we must work together. It is a lesson not only for our world leaders, but for us to take into our own lives. This is how we solve disputes with coworkers, angry neighbors and any other situation we find ourselves in. I encourage you to study the life of Frederick Douglass and to read his autobiographies. It will not only be a great lesson in history, but you will learn many great lessons you can apply to your own life.
A lot of us are looking to make a great change in the world. I can appreciate that. It is my own desire to be a best-selling author who positively impacts the lives of millions. In our urgency to create drastic change, we must keep in mind that every journey starts with that first step. We look forward to the end result we are pursuing, but seldom take a hard look at those first steps. Life seldom creates change all at once. The odds I am going to wake up as a best-selling author tomorrow are fairly slim. (Oprah, you know the number. Feel free to call.)
My work as a life coach reminds me often of how to accomplish large goals. In life coaching, we take a look at where someone wants to go first. Let us take the example of wanting to be a best-selling author who positively impacts millions. Good goal. Next, we take a look at where that person is. In this case, a local author working diligently on his fourth book. Then we work backwards to develop a list of smaller goals to bridge the gap from where that person is to where they want to go. When you work backwards like this, you can begin to see the value in the smaller steps you must take.
NEIL PANOSIAN
In the case of me becoming a best-selling author, I need to take some steps to get there. One of the first steps was to write a book. That sounds like an obvious first step. What we need to do is drill down even further. We need to write the first chapter, the first line, the first word. Even before we write anything we need to consolidate our ideas and research and organize them. After we write, we must decide what route to go for publishing. Even after the book is in our hands, we need to discover the best way to get it into everyone else’s hands. If we focused on how to get our book to the masses before we even write it, that would not be very productive.
Whatever goal you are currently chasing, try using the same process we just outlined. Get clear what the goal you are working to accomplish is. Next, discover honestly where you are currently. This is a step many people struggle with. Think of a map. If you have a place you would like to get to, but you do not know where you are, how would you even know what direction to travel in? Next, break down that journey into smaller and smaller steps. The more steps you have, the more likely you are to continue to make progress. Once you begin to make progress, then you gain momentum. That will keep you going. Before long your goal will be in sight. Take that first small step. You never know where it may lead.
Middle of the week. How is everyone doing? Last post we discussed the importance of setting a goal and having direction in our lives. We can have the best of direction and intentions and life can throw some pretty big tests at us! That can bring many of us down. What can we do to prevent life’s tests from stealing our motivation and inspiration from us? I suggest 2 things. Definition and putting them to use. We will look at each of them so you can put them into action in your life, starting today!
The first one is definition. What exactly is a test? It is a review of how sharp a certain skill or knowledge is. In other words, it lets us know where we stand at the moment. Life’s tests are no different. When they say that someone “Tests our patience“, all it really means is they are seeing how strong our patience muscles are. Life can test our health, our fitness, our relationship and a million other aspects of our lives. It will let us know if our skills are satisfactory, need a little work or if we have no idea what we are doing. Contrary to how it may feel, none of these results is better or worse than the other. They all can be used to serve us.
This brings us to our second way in which we can prevent life’s tests from bringing us down – we can put them to work for us. Nobody likes failing a test. I still remember when I stayed up all night helping a friend with his chemistry exam. By the time we were supposed to get to mine, he had went home and I have very little cerebral energy left. The end result? My friend received a B+ on his paper, and I get the letter that follows ‘E’ in the alphabet. It felt terrible, but it did provide some valuable information. First, you should always make sure you work on your own paper before your brain is running on fumes. Second, I should have not waited until the last minute to study. It showed me that I had very little knowledge on the chemistry topic my paper was on.
There is one other way is which life’s tests can serve us. It was brought home to me from a scene in the movie Young Guns. This was a western from the 1980s. In it, some outlaws are trying to convince Billy the Kid, played by Emilio Esteves, to escape to Mexico because of the danger the law that was chasing them provided. Billy the Kid goes on to explain to them that they have to test themselves every day so they stay sharp and alert. We may not have a posse chasing us or have to look out for the quick draw of an outlaw, but our tests in life accomplish pretty much the same thing. The more we get outside of our comfort zones, the sharper our minds and skills remain. When life becomes routine and safe, we can become lazy and our skills lax. Therefore, in a unique way, we should be grateful to the tests we face in life. They are helping to keep our skills sharp and us growing and evolving.
Picture this. A man gets in a taxi cab. The driver asks him, “Where will you be going today?” The man refuses to tell the driver. How far do you think he will get? If the cab drives off at all, he will be lucky to get anywhere. Let us picture a different situation with our friend in the cab. After the driver inquires as to his desired destination, our peculiar traveler has not only one answer, but several. As soon as the driver begins to take him anywhere near a destination he changes his mind and yells out a new one. What will happen then? Depending on how patient the cab driver is, the man will spend the afternoon driving around the city and paying the cab driver a lot of money.
These situations may sound comical to us. How ridiculous would it be to start out on a journey without having a destination in mind? How far would we get if we change our destination as soon as we make any progress toward the one we are traveling to? We would not get very far at all. Yet, as we begin a day and just go through the motions, that is exactly what we are doing. When we set out in life without a purpose, we end up being used to serve someone else’s purpose. It is equally as senseless to start one thing and hop to another and another. We end up making very little progress.
Like the photo above says, if you wake up without a goal, go back to bed. We excel so much greater when we have a purpose and direction in life. I suggest having a goal every day. If we do not it would be like getting in our car, shifting to neutral, and pressing the accelerator. We may put a lot of energy and power behind it, but without direction, we will get nowhere.
Here we are at the start of a new week. We can already feel overwhelmed with our ‘to do lists’ and obligations for the coming days. How many of us have self-care items on our ‘to do lists’? All too often, our self-care gets pushed down to the bottom of the list. We really must understand the importance of taking care of ourselves and the benefit to others.
Look at so many other things in our life. Take our cars for example. We get their tires rotated, we change the oil. Why do we do these things? We do them so our car will be able to get us from point A to point B. How about our cell phones? We keep them charged and updated. Why? So they will run at optimal speed and we can put them to full use.
When it comes to inanimate objects, we understand that taking care of them will help them serve us better. In the case of the car, the better we maintain it, the longer it will last and the more efficient it will operate. If we keep our phone fully charged and updated it will have a better connection and speed in use.
How come when it comes to ourselves we somehow think these rules don’t apply? If, like the car, we maintain our bodies with good food and fitness, won’t we last longer and be more efficient? Like the phone, of we allow ourselves to recharge, won’t we have a better connection with the world around us, and those in it? Won’t we have more energy and be able to operate in a faster rate than if we are living off 2 hours of sleep and 3 large coffees?
This week, stop viewing self-care as something selfish. See it for what it is; a necessary step to bringing the best version of ourselves to the world at large and to those in our life we care about. Next time you get in your car, or pick up your cell phone, remember how much better they operate when we take care of them. The truth is we operate a lot better when we stop and take care of ourselves as well.
In a crazy work-a-day world, we can often lose ourselves. This weekend, I think we should not only get in touch with our true selves, but turn up the volume on all of the things that make us the amazing people we are.
How can we do that? Take some of the examples in the picture above. Turn up your magic! What does that even mean? We all have a certain magic inside us. This usually manifests as a gift we are naturally blessed with. Maybe we have a great singing voice? Then sing your heart out for all the world to hear! Maybe you enjoy creating art? Make a special gift for someone you love. Maybe you are great at cooking? Invite a friend over for dinner!
What about turning up your kindness? You could find so many ways to do this! Do you find joy in buying a coffee for the stranger behind you in line? Do that! Maybe your kindness is towards animals? Find ways to help our winged and 4-legged friends! Maybe your kindness is the ability to truly listen and allow someone to feel heard? That is such a precious gift!
How can you turn up gratitude? Look at the ideas in the pictures above and below. The more you can turn up your gratitude, the more your life will improve! That is a great bonus of gratitude. Those you express it to feel good, and so do you. It is definitely a win/win situation. For that reason alone, find as many ways to turn up the gratitude as you can this weekend!
Whatever wonderful traits make up you, I encourage you to express more of them this weekend! Remember to always be yourself. Originals are always worth more than copies.
Often a great change in the quality of our life can come from a small shift in how we look at things. What if we started to view every challenge in life as an opportunity to prove ourselves? Whenever I mention something like this, the sunshine challenged folks always mention that is just being ignorant.
Is it really? Tell me when our character is proven and strengthened? Is it when everything is going our way or when we have to battle through something? Our mistakes, our seemingly bad luck,our losses in life, all chances to prove ourselves.
In my own life I know this to be true. Right now, I’m feeling a little under the weather. My beautiful lady made me some chicken noodle soup for lunch and has been so sweet. The sickness sucks, but she is really showing how much she loves me. Even when the two of us are not seeing eye to eye, it is a great opportunity. How much respect can be gained by loving someone through disagreement? How loving is it to be the first one to apologize and work to make the situation right?
This weekend, let us look at every challenge as a chance to demonstrate and improve on our good character. After all, that is what every challenge is!
This post comes from the minds of two of my favorite people. First, there is William James. If you read his life story, it is one of failure and depression. He was considered to be a disappointment to his family much of his early life. He then went on to become the father of psychology and was the first to offer it as a course of study. This quote about the power of our thoughts could not be more true. Our thoughts not only determine our emotional well-being and the quality of our lives, but what actions and activities we will pursue. Maintaining positive and self-empowering thoughts is one of the most powerful things we can do. There is one other thought and emotional state that we should focus on to improve the quality of our life. This comes from the second of my favorite people to be included in this post.
Here is another wise and thoughtful philosopher. Yes, it is my beautiful and sometimes crazy lady, Margie. Just this morning she surprised me by waking up with a deep thought that serves as the second part of our post today. It is the importance of living with inner peace. When you live in a state of peace within yourself, the chaos outside can affect you less. When you have peace in your heart, you are far less likely to inflict pain on others. There is a cliché that only hurt people, hurt people. There is a good deal of truth to that statement. The benefits of having inner peace cannot be overstated. It will help foster a feeling of compassion for others. It will help keep you from being negatively in your emotions. It will give you inner strength as well.
The million dollar question then becomes, “How do we develop inner peace?” There is no one quick answer to this question. The answers are as varied as the people trying to put them into action. One of the most important is to attach yourself to a purpose greater than yourself. When life is all about you, it is easy to let the outside world affect you. When you are living for a purpose greater than yourself, it takes a lot more to rattle you. That purpose can range from helping make the world a better place for our animal friends to increasing awareness and action when it comes to child and domestic abuse.
Inner peace can also be achieved a great deal through confronting our demons and putting them to use for us. When we suffer some physical or emotional trauma, especially early in life, it can haunt us and deprive us of our inner peace for the rest of our life. Through the use of a journal, or perhaps seeking professional help, we can confront and conquer these demons. When we do, we can reach back and help others who have faced, and are facing, the same trauma. In this case, we take a liability and turn it into an asset.
It takes work to do all of this. The payoff of developing and working to maintain inner peace benefits ourselves in terms of a healthier emotional state. This can lead to things such as a stronger immune system, increased joy and decreased stress. It can benefit others around us by making us more compassionate and understanding. This will make us a better spouse, friend, parent, coworker and any other role we choose to play. It will benefit the world at large by reducing the amount of stress and setting examples of how better to treat each other. It will also allow us to bring the best version of ourselves to everything we are involved in. This is what the world needs most. I would love to hear all of your suggestions for developing more inner peace.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 