There will be tests in life for all of us. Nobody is immune. This begs thequestion, “If all of us are tested, how come some come out thriving, will others come out barely surviving?” The answer to the question involves the use of one of our greatest weapons – our mind and attitude.
Most people when faced with a challenge,or test, of any kind ask, “Why me?” This leads to a feeling of victim mentality and loss of control. It feels as though life is happening to us. When we change that question to “What strengths can this help me develop?” We feel like we are in control and no longer feel like a victim. It also trains our mind to search for seeds of opportunity in the face of challenges.
Change your attitude about challenges and the tests of life and you will discover strength you never knew you had. Just like in the gym, where it requires resistance to build physical muscle, the same can be said about the muscles of character.
There are simple things that we can use to have a transformative effect on our lives. In my first two books, I mention the power of talismans. When most people hear that word, they think of an inscribed ring or stone that has magical powers. In fact, that is how the definition reads online. We are not talking about anything occult, but the way in can affect your life will seem like magic. As with everything I share, I can relate to you from personal experience. I am going to show you how simple it can be to cultivate inner peace by looking at the end of your wrist.
Above is a picture of a bracelet I purchased from an amazing young lady who turned her own personal struggles into a way to help and serve others. Her name is Pamela and she is the owner of At Peace Designs. A link to her amazing website will be found at the end of this post. I met Pamela at a local event called ‘West Allis A La Carte’ where I live. I noticed her stand and was drawn to it for the simple, yet powerful, message. The engaging owner came up and shared with Margie and I her story and what took her on the path to create the business. This included a great story about a tattoo on vacation, but I will let her share that one with you personally.
What makes Pamela’s products so great is that they provide us a simple reminder to put an accent on maintaining our inner peace. For me, all I have to do is look at the end of my wrist. She also has coffee mugs, yoga mats, stickers and my personal favorite – gratitude journals! She has many other products that feature her amazing logo as well. In a world where chaos and stress are everywhere we look, what a great advantage to have a simple reminder to focus on our inner peace. I highly suggest you take a look at Pamela’s amazing website at the link below and pick up your At Peace Designs before stress and fear gain any more ground in your life. Do you know someone who could use a little more peace? They make great gifts as well.
Many of us feel a mid-week slump. The stress of the work week is getting to us. Perhaps a lack of sleep is beginning to stack up. How do we counter these feelings? By pausing for a little Wednesday gratitude. Switching our focus from how tired and exhausted we may feel, to what we have to be grateful for will energize us and get us back in the game.
Gratitude can do many things. It will force us to breathe and bring us a moment of inner peace. That is very important in the middle of the week. It will also remind us of how amazing our life trulyis. Even if it is just being able to read these words of encouragement and inspiration.
If you really want to have a bonus, pick one, or several, people and share gratitude with them. You could do this by telling them why you are grateful for them, or even asking what they are grateful for. Creating an atmosphere of gratitude will only improve your life as we finish out the week!
A lot of people, I may even say most of them, have this confusing conclusion. Something they try doesn’t work out and they say out loud, and worse to themselves, “I am a failure.” Failure is an event, it is not a person.
Like almost anything in our life, the act of failing, and even the word failure, have a negative meaning. Why wouldn’t it? We want to succeed and in this case we haven’t. In some of our lives, we have decided something different. We have decided failure is not a result it is a stepping stone to greatness. Failure is a teacher of what does not work. That gets us one step closer to discovering what does. Failure can be fuel to pushing forward to never feel that way again.
How about you? What does failure mean in your life? Could the definition use an upgrade?
A lot of people incorrectly assume that I do not have bad days. In fact, a more common but just as incorrect assumption is that the goal of self-improvement is to rid you of ever having a bad day. There are, believe it or not, many benefits to having a bad day.
Yes, bad days are not fun. What they do is help us grow at a much faster rate than good days. It also helps strengthen our character and positive mindset. Just like in the gym, you only achieve strength through resistance.
You might be thinking, “Neil that is all well and good, but what good is self-improvement?” What my books, and this blog, teach us is how to reduce the severity and frequency of bad days. This is done by mining them for lessons and growth.
When you ask yourself, “What can I learn and gain from my life being a dumpster fire at the moment?” You view and approach life, and your challenges, in an entirely different light. Learnto use your bad days and not allow them to use you! Please share your strategies for putting your bad days to work for you.
Learn a secret to creating an amazing life that is in front of you all along. You will not only discover this secret, but learn how to put it into action!
All you have to do is click on the link below or listen to “Living the Dream with Neil Panosian” podcast wherever you find your podcasts.
I mentioned the book I am currently reading in an earlier post. Where I cannot assume you read that post, the title of the book is Happiness is a Choice you Make by John Leland. It was recommended to me by a dear lady whom I had met at a graduation party. She was someone whom I had never met, but we conversed the whole time I was there like old friends. I am hoping I have the opportunity to thank her for such a great recommendation. The book covers 6 of the ‘oldest old’. That is to say people who are above the age of 87. Which I learned, is one of the fastest growing demographics in the United States.
In the section I am currently reading, the author is talking with a couple who are in their 90s. They found each other at the nursing home where they both live. The dynamics of their relationship is so fascinating to me. One of the aspects that makes it work is a great secret that all of us could use in our own relationships. This secret works not only in romantic relationships, but friendships, business relationships or relationships of any kind. If you don’t manage this secret properly, it can lead to what poisons a great deal of relationships. If you do learn, and are able to master this, it will give your relationship an advantage others simply don’t have. Both parties will feel happier and more confident with the relationship.
That is what we do here at Secret2anamazinglife.com. We teach you secrets to have an amazing life. One of the biggest factors of the quality of life is the quality of your relationships. Learning how to improve them has a positive impact on every area of your life. What is the secret the couple in the book practice that we all could put into use in our own lives? Learning to not only give, but receive. That second part especially. Independent people often want to do everything themselves. This is not necessarily a bad trait. When you are in a relationship, it can leave the other party feeling both a little unneeded and unwanted. If someone offers to say, get you a cup of coffee, and you always reply “I can do it myself.” It will not only leave the other party feeling as though they lost an opportunity to do something for you, but done long enough, they may stop offering all together.
This is a tricky balance. We often to want to feel like a burden to our partner or friend, but we certainly want to give them an opportunity to feel as though they did something for us. Think if the roles were reversed. How would you feel if you were able to do something that would either help, or bring joy, to your partner or friend? You would feel good I would imagine. Why would you deny that good feeling to someone else? Have you ever looked at it this way? It may seem that one party is taking and one is giving in this equation. The truth is, they are both giving. One, the act of service. The other, the opportunity to provide that service. If you follow this up with appreciation, you actually get to give twice by receiving. How crazy is that? The other party feels good that they were able to do something for you, and they feel good that you let them know you appreciate what they did.
The picture above is me and my silly lady. We practice this secret daily. It is not always easy as we both love to do things for each other. We must remember that we like the other party to feel needed and appreciated. In fact, we love appreciating each other. One of the worst things you can do in a relationship is ‘keep score’. The thought that “Hey! I do a lot more for them than they do for me!” is poison to a relationship. You are actually providing them an opportunity to appreciate you and they are providing an opportunity to feel that you matter and serve a purpose in the relationship. Appreciation for your partner and all that they do is key in this equation. It is true that you never want to feel useless, or that you don’t serve a purpose in a relationship. You also never want to feel taken for granted.
Let your partner know that you appreciate everything they do for you. Give them an opportunity to do things for you, even if you can do it for yourself. This is not only a secret to an amazing relationship, but to an amazing life.
This is a big one! There are countless people who stifle themselves because of the opinions and actions of others. I have seen and heard it many times. I am sure you have too. “I would write this book, but my husband told me it is a waste of time.” Between being a bartender and a DJ, I have seen many people decide to quit drinking and going to bars because it does not serve them, or their live in a positive way. When others see this, they see things such as, “They are not fun anymore.” or “Remember when you used to hang out?” Plus, my favorite, “How come you do not have fun anymore?” This somehow translates drinking alcohol and being in a tavern as the only source of fun.
Whenever you are trying to make a positive change in your life, you will make some people uncomfortable. This could be for a variety of reasons. Two of the most prevalent are as follows. First, they often feel bad about their own condition. In our case of the person who leaves alcohol behind, their friends may, consciously or subconsciously, realize that they too would be better off with less imbibing. They realize their friend is making a decision that will improve not only their health, but their life as well. This may make them feel bad about the life decisions they are making. Instead of doing something to better themselves, they take the easier bath of lashing out and putting down their friend.
The second reason, which is even more common, is that people fear being left behind. Our example about the wife wanting to write a book and the husband not supporting her is such an example. Obviously, the husband should love and support his wife in something that she is really passionate about. In this case, he may fear that if his wife becomes a best-selling author, she will leave him behind. These sorts of reactions have more to do with the self-confidence of the other party than with your evolving. People fear if that are unable to evolve to the level their partner, spouse or friend does that they will be left behind. This should be source of motivation to better themselves or at least to share these feelings with the other party.
In your life, do not allow others to make you feel uncomfortable for wanting to evolve and better yourself. Go forth with the knowledge that by doing so you will make others uncomfortable. Do it anyway. If you notice this happening, you may want to reassure them, or invite them to evolve with you, but whatever you do, please do not let it stop your growth.
Here lies the secret for reducing stress and saving energy. It amazes me how many educated adults waste their time worrying about other people and their opinions. That is not to say you should charge through life without a care about anyone else. Not at all. Those closest to you, and those who play an important role in your life should be handled with care. What we are talking about is those who do not play an important role in your life.
In today’s world of social media and ‘keyboard rangers’, there are a lot of people who feel the need to express their unnecessary, and often unwanted, negative opinions. I often relate the story of a stranger on the site Nextdoor who placed negative comments on a post of mine for 2 days straight. Why? Simply because my title was in all capital letters to delineate the title from the body of the post. He felt I was personally yelling at him. For 48 hours straight, this man continued to post hateful things in the comments of my post about positivity. What did he think of the post itself? He never actually read it.
Sun Tzu, who work the great book, The Art of War, tells us the wise warrior avoids the battle. Does that mean we should live our lives as cowards? Certainly not. What Sun Tzu was telling us was that in every battle there will be losses on both sides. This holds true not only in war, but in business, our career, friendships and our personal relationships. Even if one ‘wins’ a battle, or argument, there will be some damage done. That could be in the form of some resentment from the other party, damage to our reputation, hurt feelings from words or deeds that can’t be undone and a million other things. The point is, there is no battle that does not have casualties. Which leads us to our final point on the subject.
The most important decision when fighting any battle, be that militarily or personally, is whether it is worth fighting in the first place. You might want to write that down somewhere. If we run around responding to every fool out there, we will not only become very tired, very quickly, but we will become a fool ourselves. For it is a fool who attends every argument they are invited to. Again, you might want to write that down. Take, for example, a young lady at my day job. She has some severe anger management issues and seems generally unhappy with her life. There are times she lashes out at me and even spreads lies and vicious gossip about me. If I were to get upset every time she did that, I would end up as unhappy and angry as she is. Like our first photo reminds us to ask, is why would I care if this generally unhappy and angry lady is unhappy and angry with me? I don’t. If I were to spend my energy on that, I would have less energy for the things that really matter. I would have less energy to check in with friends. I would be too exhausted to make it to the gym. There would be less energy to put towards loving my beautiful lady. For what? To sink to the level of someone else? I don’t think so.
How about your life? Do you spend energy fighting battles that really don’t matter in the big picture? Do you worry if everyone likes you? Are you overly upset when one person decides not to like you? Why do you care? Again, if it is someone you genuinely care for, that is a different matter entirely. However, if this is just a negative Nancy, do not let them bring your energy down. Another warning about letting everything upset you, if you do so long enough, there will be a greater price to pay. When you are in a negative emotional state for a long period of time, your immune system goes down. You develop physical ailments such as an upset stomach or ulcers. It also starts to affect your outlook and well-being. It may even turn you into Negative Norman. Ask yourself, “Is the battle I am about to fight even worth fighting?” It will save you a lot of stress and a lot of energy for things that are far more important.
I want to share a story about a farmer with you. There was a young man who wanted to be a farmer. He thought it would be an easy endeavor. “All you do is plant the seed and the crop comes.” He believed all he would have to do was work one time and he would reap the rewards as long as the crop grew. He bought some seeds and quickly put them in the ground. Then he proceeded to relax in the knowledge that soon the crop would come and he would be rich.
A few days went by and there was no crop to speak of. Concerned the young farmer went out and dug up the seeds to see why they were not growing. The few he found had not even sprouted. He put them back in the ground and began to impatiently wait some more. A few more days; still no plants. He decided the seeds he had got where no good and went back in town to complain to the seed store where he had purchased them. “Those seeds were just fine.” the man behind the counter informed him. “Farmer John bought the same seeds and already has a crop coming in.” Informed he would not get his money back, he decided to start bad-mouthing the store and its owner to everyone in town. Within a few minutes he ran into farmer John. “What kind of soil did you plant those seeds in? Was it properly tilled?” farmer John asked him. The man said he had just placed the seeds in the land behind his house. “Did you at least water and fertilize them?” Farmer John asked. The young farmer looked down as he confessed ignorance to knowing that he was required to do that. “Oh yes. Not to mention you must look out for the weeds and the insects that will come to ruin your crop once it starts growing.” farmer john offered. The young farmer just walked away meekly complaining about the bad seeds he was sold.
This farmer may sound like a complete idiot. Perhaps he should have learned about farming and what was involved before getting started. He should have not have been looking for the easy way out. Before we pass judgement on our young farmer friend, let us make sure we do not have more in common with him that we think. How many of us are looking for an opportunity to take the easy road in life? Whether that is playing the lottery, hitting up the casino or buying into some get rich quick scheme? Maybe we even think starting our own business is the way to riches.
For every budding entrepreneur, there are a million who dive in planting seeds without testing or tilling the soil. That is, they start businesses without knowledge of what is really involved. They do not develop their own self-discipline and work ethic. They do not craft a solid business plan. They do not research markets and set a good foundation. They also are not patient to understand the time it may take to succeed. They are like our young farmer digging up seeds they just planted. They move from one opportunity to another. They also do not take the time to invest in their endeavors. Putting in the effort. They think they can just put in effort one time and it will succeed. This makes no more sense than skipping the watering and fertilizing like our young farmer. What about preparing for those pesky weeds and insects? In every endeavor we embark on, there will be challenges and people who will be obstacles on our path to success. If we are not prepared for that, it will destroy our crop as farmer John warned.
How about you? Are you taking all the steps necessary to be a successful farmer? Are you setting a foundation to make sure your undertaking has the best possibility to succeed, or are you just starting anywhere? Once you have begun, are you willing to put in the work even after you start seeing results? How about those insects and weeds, or negative people and challenges, that will show up? To you have a plan in place to deal with them, or will you let them destroy your crop you have worked so hard on? Be a smart farmer. Be like farmer John.
*Side note – my grandfather’s name was John and he was a farmer as a young man.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 