I had the esteemed honor of appearing in the Peak Physique Podcast recently. It was a great discussion on how I became an author, a little about my books and included many great pieces of advice to begin your journey to a healthier and more rewarding life.
If you could use some tips on reducing stress, increasing joy and improving your mental health, then you owe it to yourself to watch this quick interview. Not to mention it contains two very charming and good-looking fellows 😉
We touched on this theory in the post Live in a loving world. We are going to look at how to make the life we are living a beautiful experience. It is not as difficult as many would like to have you believe. The ‘sky is falling’ or ‘chicken little’ approach taken by many in politics and the media is great for selling, but not necessarily reality. Yes, life is full of challenges, disappoints and loss. It is, however, also full of beauty, opportunity, and abundance. It is really what we choose to focus on. As Tony Robbins says, “What is wrong is always available, but so is what is right.”
I look at this as a challenge of sorts. Can I find the beauty in whatever situation I am going through? I know there is always something beautiful and grateful to be found. In the beginning, the trick is sticking with it long enough to find. What is the payoff for this challenge? Noticing the beauty that is all around us. What is the big deal there? It changes our emotional state. If you stop and think about it, our lives are our emotional states. If you are poor, and are an angry and pissed off person, what is your life? Angry and pissed off. Now if you got money and became a rich angry and pissed off person, what is your reality? It is still angry and pissed off. Therefore, taking charge of our emotional state is taking charge of our life.
The more you can find the beauty that is all around you, the more beautiful your life becomes. Let me use my own current situation as an example. I am writing this in a coffee shop as I so often do. Across from me, a couple is sitting side by side doing their homework together. Rather beautiful. The sun is shining through the windows despite it being a rather chilly October day. This is rather beautiful. Behind me, I hear the sounds of friends laughing together while enjoying a coffee. Laughter is a beautiful sound. The fact that I can enjoy a hot cup of coffee is a beautiful thing. At the turn of the last century, coffee was a rare commodity. Kind of hard to imagine now. Lucky me.
How about your life? What is beautiful in your life? Remember, it doesn‘t have to be perfect to be beautiful. Even the broken can be beautiful. I recall the pain of losing those I loved, and really struggling to find the beauty in that. What I learned was that in order to hurt so greatly, we first have to love so greatly. This is not an opportunity afforded to all. The more loss we feel, the greater we have loved. It also means we are better able to understand and help those who also experience and feel loss. Something we would not be able to do had we not felt the loss ourselves. The beauty in the struggle is the opportunity to feel the victory in overcoming, or even just pushing on. I would love to hear what is beautiful in your life at the moment. The more we stop and look for beauty, the more it will appear. Wouldn’t you like your life to be more beautiful?
I think discipline, especially self-discipline, is one of the most attractive qualities. Being able to do what you said you would do, long after the urge to do it has passed, is very admirable. It is not only keeping your word to those you told, but, and perhaps more importantly, it is keeping your word to yourself. How do you think people feel about you when you break your word to them? Not so good would be my guess. They start to trust you less and view you as less reliable. When you do not maintain your self-discipline, that is how you start viewing yourself. It begins to tear down your self-image. This, in turn, affects your self-confidence. Having a poor self-confidence and self-image can lead to a whole host of problems. The inability to put yourself out there. The reluctance to try new things. Missed opportunities.
If we stop to think about it, self-discipline is really self-love. When we keep our world to others and to ourselves, we can hold our heads up high. We have a sense of pride. Not to mention, we do not have the stress that comes with not getting the things we planned on getting done just because we didn’t feel like it. If we only work when we feel like it, we will only go so far. I heard a saying that went something like this, “Motivation gets you started, discipline allows you to finish.”
Next time you feel like ‘giving yourself a break’ and not finishing what you said you would do, realize you are doing yourself a great disservice. You will diminish your standing in both the eyes of others and in the eyes staring back at you in the mirror. Keep your word to yourself. Here is what I have found, the more you act with self-discipline, the easier it becomes. If you take control of your mind, instead of it controlling you, the muscle of self-discipline will only grow stronger.
Here are some acorns. These things are everywhere right now. My mom and I went for a 3 mile hike the other day and almost the whole trail was covered in them. They are fun and add a little extra natural beauty, but you can easily twist an ankle if you are not careful stepping on one. A thought occurred to me as we were walking along the trail. The little acorns we were stepping on, came from the mighty oak trees that we were walking under. Inside everyone one of these little acorns, was a large oak tree that could grow to drop hundreds of more acorns of its own.
I thought about the fact that each one of those acorns could grow into a tree, and there were thousands on the ground. I began to think of what has to occur to turn the acorn into the oak. What came to me was far more than a nature lesson, so please stick with me. In order for the acorn to sprout, or for any seed to do so, it has to be buried in the ground. It must be covered with dirt and water, often for months. If that acorn is never buried, it will never grow into the oak.
This reminded me so much of us as people. Inside every one of us is something waiting to sprout and grow. It may not be as big of a transformation as the acorn to the oak. Then again, it may be even bigger. When life throws a little dirt on us, we have to make a decision. Are we being buried or are we being planted? What is the difference? When you are planted, you are using that dirt as fertilizer. You are stealing the nutrients to help you grow and develop. When you are buried, you are just laying there decaying. Becoming part of the soil, if you want to stick with this analogy. What makes the difference? Our decision. Which one we will decide it will be.
The same holds true with us. When life throws a little dirt on us, we lose a job or a relationship. Maybe the loan we were counting on getting doesn’t come through. Whatever the challenge is, life is throwing a little dirt on us. We could lay there and stay buried, or we could use that dirt. Maybe develop our skills so we can get a better job, or one in our chosen field. We can work on improving our relationship skills so that we will be a better spouse. Perhaps we will be more selective and find someone better aligned with our values? When life throws some dirt on us, we should ask ourselves, am I going to be buried or am I going to be planted?
What if it seems that life has been throwing dirt on us for years and we are not growing one bit? What if we have spent years toiling away, seemingly underground, for little or no result? For that, I will leave you with this little info about the growth cycle of bamboo. Just something to ponder. Don’t give up. Never give up!
I love this analogy. We can all picture this can’t we? It happens in our house more than we would like. You get one bad fruit and suddenly, the whole bunch is no good. People are not much different. One of the axioms of the self-improvement industry is that you ‘become the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with’ or something close to that. If all of your closest friends are poor, there is a very good chance that you are not that far from them. There was one study that revealed you are generally within 10,000 of income to the people you spend the greatest time around. Sometimes much closer. Want to be fit, but spend your time around people who keep doughnut shops in business? Chances are it is going to be a long and difficult road to that dream body.
You may be tempted to say, “Neil, people are not fruit!” While this is true, at least for most of us, the situation is the same. One negative person in the workplace can destroy the mood of the entire office. Look at our examples above. If you are in a group of people who spends their money for short-term gratification and does not know how to make their money work for them, how are you every going to learn those skills? You will be tempted to have the same Amazon packages filling your porch that they do. How about the fitness and healthy eating example? If your friends are going out for ice cream and chicken wings every night, you are either going to not be spending a good deal of time with them, or searching for the ‘healthiest’ thing on a menu that may not offer you a good option.
That is not to say you have to dump any friend that does not align perfectly with your life goals. Just that you should be aware that attitude, habits, and discipline, or the lack of, can spread just like that mold on the fruit. One of the scariest things about this, is often, unlike the mold, you cannot see it happening. A bad attitude or lack of discipline are not visible. The effects of them are. if you have any rotten fruit in your life, you should throw it away before it spreads. That holds true as much for people and habits as it does for the oranges on your counter.
Here is another reminder of how strong you are. Before the work week begins and we indulge our crazy minds with all of the challenges that we are going to face, why not take a second to think of some of the ones we overcame. Didn’t think you could get that job and now you are about to clock in for another day? Didn’t think you would ever make it through that terrible bit of allergies, but here you are breathing free and clear! Didn’t think you would ever survive the break-up with what’s their name? Here you are living a happier life without them.
In life we make it through a whole host of things we never thought we could. We make it through the loss of a job. That could be getting fired or downsized. We make it through the loss of a relationship. That could be divorce. It could be the loss of a close friendship. We even survive the loss of those we love. This is not to say that we do not feel the hurt and loss of some of these situations, but we wake up and put one foot in front of the other. It is time to recognize that is true strength. We are more resilient that we give ourselves credit for. We notice when we are overcome with sadness and grief, but we should acknowledge the fact that we push on. Yes, we may take a day or more hiding from the world under the covers, and that is ok. Eventually, we venture out into the world once again. The inner strength this takes is no small feat.
Give yourself credit for the days you make it through and be kind to yourself the days you struggle. That is true strength.
Mr. Dyer got it right here! He grew up in a rough world. He lived in an orphanage a good part of his young life. He had many challenges, but still viewed the world as a loving world. To some of the more cynical, this may sound like some positive thinking nonsense. Let us take a step back and look at what we are talking about with this quote, because it really is a good one.
Let us start from the beginning. “Loving people live in a loving world.” Does this mean that they will never face challenges? Of course not. Does this mean that everyone in their life will be loving? We all know that you cannot control others, nor should you try. What does it mean? It means that by being loving to others, they are far more likely to receive that love in return. Let us look at a logical example. I am writing in a local coffee shop, as I so often do. When I come here, I am always pleasant to the staff. Not only because that is how we should be, but because I know first hand how challenging working with the public can often be. Knowing that I always treat them with respect and kindness, how do you think they feel when they see me coming through the door? What kind of service do you think I will receive, even on a busy day? This not only holds true for people working at a coffee shop, but your friends, the Uber driver, your coworkers and anyone else you come in contact with.
Now, let us look at the second part of the quote. “Hostile people live in a hostile world.” If you are someone who is always complaining or noticing what is wrong in the world, how do you think others will treat you? Let us take the same coffee shop example. If you always complain about your drink, or treat retail help like indentured servants, how do you think they will feel when they see you walk through the door? What kind of service do you think you will receive? Nobody really wants to be around a hostile or negative person, even a hostile or negative person.
The last two words of this quote may be the most powerful, “Same world.” In every life there are things to complain about. There are circumstances that are unfair and negative. There are also moments of beauty and joy. There are random acts of kindness to notice. It is not about denying either of these, but which one we focus on. The crazy powerful thing about it is, the choice is ours. If the world seems unloving or unusually negative, we can turn it around quicker than we might think. If we feel like life has been unfairly hostile to us, we can change that too. Whatever we feel our life is lacking, we need to give away. Tony Robbins says, “The secret to living is giving.” It really is. Not only will giving bring us a great amount of joy, but it will also bring us untold returns. Whether we give away love and positivity or hostility and negativity is up to us. Just so I can have two posts that quote both Winnie-the-Pooh and Tony Robbins to make the same point, I will leave you with this quote from that loveable bear.
In today’s world, it is easy to get discouraged. We know that there are negative influences at every turn. There of course is the nightly news. Turn that off. There is all the political division. Do not fall for that. There are different faiths convincing you they are right and everyone else is wrong. Love everyone anyway. News even comes to our phones. Turn off the notification.
Even if we take all of the measures to insulate ourselves from the pressures of life that may bring us down, it can still get through. We can witness it at the coffee shop. Coworkers can come up and inform us of it. Sometimes we can just feel discouraged and lacking hope. It is at this very moment we should do what the photo above suggests. It works 100% of the time. There is nothing that feels as good as knowing you helped make the world a little brighter for someone else. The opportunities are everywhere. People post their tough days on social media. There are charities to help at. This could be a food bank, a domestic violence shelter or a million other options. Even something as encouraging a server in a restaurant, like my lovely lady did today, or a retail setting can make their world a lot brighter.
Wisdom from one of my favorite philosophers. Winnie-the-Pooh touches on something very helpful here. When we are feeling discouraged, it can be tempting to just sit at home and wallow in our misery. Seeking out others in “our corner of the woods” that could use some encouragement is just what the doctor ordered. It not only gets us out of the house, which will help our emotional state in and of itself. “Motion equals emotion.” as Tony Robbins says. Yes, I just quoted both Winnie-the-Pooh and Tony Robbins to make the same point. That is just how my brain rolls. It will also give us a mission and an important reason for being. Two more ways to positively impact our emotional state before we encourage a single soul. When we do find those in “the woods” that need us, we will be helping them as much as they will be helping us.
Creating as many of these win/win situations as we can will rid our life of that terrible feeling of discouragement. Here is something that should be obvious, but since we are focused on feeling discouraged, I thought I should mention it. This works even if we are having a good day. When we encourage others, it will give our own emotional state a lift. This is true whether we are feeling down in the dumps, or even if we are walking on cloud nine. Encourage someone today! It will make someone’s day and may save yours!
Many of us concern ourselves with being powerful. We try to control situations as much as we are able. Some of us even try to control others. Those are fools endeavors. You will never be able to fully control any situation. There are just too many variables and doing so will only add stress to it. Controlling others is not only morally incorrect, but it leads to resentment and loss of respect. If we wish to be truly powerful, we should focus solely on controlling ourselves.
When we allow someone to affect our emotional state, they in turn become our master. If we put the key to our happiness in someone else’s pocket, true happiness will be a door that forever remains locked. Our emotions are powerful. Our mind is beyond powerful. It is up to us to control and direct that power to a worthwhile end. If we do not, it will be at the whim of outside circumstances. Our live will feel out of control, and worse than that, it actually will be.
This is not a state secret. The mind is a very powerful force. The constant conversation existing there can either be encouraging, or limiting. We can be filled with confidence, or with doubt. The difference is having control of our mind. How do we get control of our mind? There are many ways. Meditation is one. Learning to harness all of our runaway thoughts. To strengthen the mind/body connection so that we may use it for healing instead of sickness. Another way to control our minds is developing discipline. Many people think this is just for overachievers. Not so. Your mind will forever convince you that you have earned that binge watching session on the couch. Maybe you have. Delaying immediate gratification for accomplishment of long-term goals means you will not be a slave to your desires.
You may be asking yourself what the big deal is in all of this. Who cares if I take an extra break? Would not life be more enjoyable spending extra time in pleasure activities? It would be…if we earn them. To know that our paper isn’t written, or our housework is not done will be a constant source of stress no matter how hard we work to ignore it. Think you are pulling one over on the boss by taking an extra break? For several reasons this is not so. The obvious one is that you will be one of the first employees to go when the company hits hard times. Even worse is the knowledge that you are getting paid for more than you are doing. Your coworkers could see it. Your boss certainly might notice. Even if you manage to fool all of them, the loss of pride and self-realization that you are not being the best version of yourself at whatever endeavor you are engaged in, will haunt you when you are alone.
Today, do not give in to the voices in your head. Become the master and not the mastered. You deserve to bring the best of you, not only to the world, but to whatever you are doing. Put off immediate gratification. Remember the long term goal. It may not seem as ‘fun’ but it will leave you with a sense of pride in yourself that will feel better than any binge watching session or high-calorie indulgence you may be considering. You can do this. You got this!
On this site, we have focused a great deal on gratitude. For my money, there is nothing that will positively affect your life more intensely, or quicker, than developing an attitude of gratitude. Focusing on all of the amazing things that we do have in life will place us in a state of abundance quicker than anything else I know.
Today’s post is a little of the opposite. This may sound a bit funny after all of positives we listed in the paragraph above, but hear me out. Today is about focusing on all of the challenges we have in our lives. Not to leave us feeling overwhelmed. No. No. Understanding that we have kept going despite many things that would have stopped others. We may have stumbled. We may have fallen. We have not given up! Look in the mirror and realize that you have survived 100% of your worst days. Even the days that seemed the darkest.
Today, take some time to recognize how strong you are, even if it does not always feel like it. You have made it, despite feeling the urge to give up. You should be proud of yourself. We, at Secret2anamazinglife.com, are proud of you. By reading this blog post you are working to improve your life and add just that little bit more light. Now, go out into the world with your head held high! You may have a long way to go to be where you want to be, but you are a far way from where you used to be. More importantly, you are still here. Still striving. You are stronger than you think! Be proud of yourself.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 