Tag: Self-Help

BE CONTAGIOUS

In a post-Covid world this could be an alarming title. What we are talking about here is authenticity. We are talking about courage. So many of us do our best to hide what perceive as our faults. Filters on our pictures on social media. Holding back our laugh because we think it sounds funny. There are a million other examples. Can you think of some in your own life? Nobody wants to look like they are less than perfect. There are so many benefits by doing so.

To start, it is liberating. When you become comfortable with people knowing your perceived shortcomings, it takes the power away from them. If you are comfortable with them, nothing anyone else says can upset you. That is a very freeing feeling. Second, it is vital to becoming the best version of ourselves. Admitting and working on our imperfections is the first step to improving them. If we pretend the do not exist, or spend a good deal of our energy hiding them, it will slow our self-improvement.

Lastly, the quote above reminds us that by being comfortable with our perceived imperfections, the more we give others permission to do the same. It can be contagious. Can you imagine asking all of your friends to try not to show anything that is less than perfect about themselves? Hopefully you cannot. Most people would consider that pretty rude. Not to mention, you would never get to fully know what makes up your friend. The crazy part is we basically say that very thing to ourself. By changing our inner-dialogue, we give permission for others to do the same. We get to know each other on a more deeper and intimate level. That will only strengthen our friendship.

Did you notice something else that I did throughout this discussion? I used the word perceived in front of imperfections. The reason I did that is very important. You may think your laugh is ridiculous, and it may be, but it may bring joy and a smile to the hearts of all who hear it. What you view as an imperfection may be a gift to others. What you spend your time and energy trying to hide may be just what the rest of the world needs. Even just having the courage to be imperfect can eliminate a lot of stress for those around you. Let this be contagious. Be brave enough to embrace every aspect of yourself and you give others permission to do the same!

A CRUCIAL MONDAY REMINDER

This is a good reminder for any day, but this post happens to come out on a Monday, so there we are. Recently, I did something that I have not done for over a year. I called in sick to my day job. For the last 2 weeks, I have not been eating or sleeping right all while pushing my body physically. I woke up feeling like I had been run over by a truck. Normally, I always feel a little guilt when I call in. This time it was clear that it was the smart thing to do. My body basically told me, “You could make it through, but it would not be a good idea.”

On the same day I ran into our friend Cindy at the coffee shop while getting some writing done. She told me that she had quit her job of over 20 years. The commute time had tripled for her and they had recently let her boss go. That was the last straw for our friend. Cindy is in a position where this is a possibility. Never quit your job without have adequate income lined up.

The point of both Cindy and my situations was the same. Value yourself over your job. Yes, it is very important to have a good work ethic. I believe that gives you self-confidence and a good self-image. Continually sacrificing yourself for the company is a fool’s errand. Yes, they may appreciate it. Yes, maybe it will help you climb the corporate ladder. The question is, at what cost? Are you sacrificing your relationships? Your health? Your home life? The knowledge that your job will move on it what will be a shockingly quick amount of time, where your family and friends may never move on.

Being a dependable and solid worker is part of becoming the best version of yourself. So is setting boundaries and respecting your health, both mental and physical. If you run yourself to the ground, you will not show up as the best version of yourself. Then you will be more likely to make mistakes and not do a good job. Working hard, but taking the time you need to remain healthy is a balance you must discover for yourself. Just remember to make you, and your family the priority.

YOU ARE NOT LAZY!

How may of us feel paralyzed by inaction? I would gather in a world filled with options and stimulation, that answer would be quite a few people. It can set us up with a negative mindset. We can get down on ourselves, asking why we are not getting more done. We may even call ourselves lazy. The truth is that we are trying to do far too many things at the same time.

I recall when I was growing up and when I had entered the workforce, the phrase you heard everywhere was ‘multi-tasking’. Which means you should be working on accomplishing several things all at the same time. My guess is that some corporate bigwig invented that idea with the thought that he would have to pay less employees. Trying to accomplish several things at the same time is like chasing two rabbits and expecting to catch both of them. It just doesn’t happen.

From a more scientific standpoint, the amount of time your brain takes to lock in and focus is roughly 23 minutes. That is when you are operating with peak efficiency. Can you see how jumping from one task to another you will never be able to give your best to anything. You would be far better off, from a productivity standpoint, to focus on one item on your to do list for a specific amount of time. Ideally, longer than 23 minutes. Then move on to the next one. By doing so, you will likely complete more and do so in a more efficient time frame. In addition, you will do a better job on each task.

As we go into the week full of tasks that need to be done, remember to focus on one at a time. Even if you have several that need attending to, schedule time for each one and approach them that way. You will feel more productive and you will be more productive.

HOW TO STAND OUT IN A CRAZY WORLD

Before we get into the actual quote above, I would like you to ponder something. If someone offered to pay you five coins to help them move would you? Most of you would think “No way am I helping someone move for a little bit of change!” I can understand that thought. What if I told you those coins were made of gold? That might change your mind. The value of five coins depends on the value of each one. They could be worth next to nothing, or as in the example of our gold coins, worth quite a bit.

You may be thinking, “That is a great lesson in economics Neil. What does it have to do with living an amazing life?” That is where we get back to the quote above. Words are much like coins. There are many people who talk just to hear the sound of their own voice. Their words are worth less. There are people who gossip. There words, much like those who complain, are actually a negative. There are also people who are thoughtful. There are people who inspire. Their words are worth gold.

How about you? Do you talk because you feel like you need to make noise, or do you only speak when you feel like your words will add something to the situation? Do you use your words for idle gossip or complaining? Bob Marley once said, “Complaints are like prayers to the devil.” I could not agree more. I feel we should all devote more of our time, thought, effort and yes words, to inspiring others. To uplift and encourage others is far better than to point out how they were wrong. Make your words more valuable by using them for good and only when necessary.

SNAKE BITES HAPPEN TO US ALL

This quote seems to logical when it comes to snakes. Why would you try to prove to a snake that it should not have bit you? Even trying to answer the reasons why the snake bit you would do nothing to help you heal from the bite. You first priority would be to heal the bite. Then, if you are so inclined, discover what prompted the snake to bite you in the first place. That way you could avoid being bitten in the future.

Why this is not common sense when it comes to people and the hurt that they cause us is beyond me. Maybe it has to do with emotions that come with it. Perhaps, unlike snakes, they can communicate with us. Still, the logic is the same. When we are hurt by someone, we must first address healing that hurt. It could be asking why it hurt us. Sometimes that answer is obvious. Sometimes it takes a little reflection. Then, we must ask what we need to begin the healing from that. This could involve a great many things. Then we take those actions.

The point of all this is that healing comes from within. If we are waiting for an apology, it may never come. If we are needing a reason why we were hurt, we may never discover it. Snakes are just snakes. They bite because that is what they do. The same holds true for many human snakes. Yes, it could be they felt they were in danger. Yes, it could be that they were injured and hurting which made them more likely to lash out. We will only be able to logically understand this if we heal first. The answers we are seeking may allude us if we are still hurting when we search for them. Some hurts may never heal, but we at least much endeavor to do so before anything else.

MY PATH TO FINDING THE RIGHT PARTNER

Working in the self improvement field, there are times when people ask my advice on relationships. It doesn’t hurt that I have a relationship most people would love to have. It may appear from the outside that our love comes naturally. That is good. Behind the scenes we both put in a lot of hard work to enjoy the love that we do.

My advice for anytime someone asks is to work on being the best version of themselves. That way, should you discover in the end that you are not right for each other, you not only come out as a better version of yourself than when you started, but you also have far fewer regrets.

The above quote begins “Man to man” but the gender is not important. What is important is that we take the steps listed above, and any other we think will help us improve, to continually improve. We do this as much for ourselves as we do for the person we are in the relationship with. Every aspect of your life improves when you do.

Not in a relationship? That’s great too! Instead of seeing who you can “get” at the current moment, focus on yourself. Work on becoming the best ‘you’ there can be. Keep your eyes open as you do. When the right person comes along, being the best version of yourself gives the relationship the best chance of success.

LOVE THROUGH A CORN DOG?

Last week, I had posted about being on vacation and attending our wonderful state fair. The Wisconsin State Fair brought many fun memories again this year. Great bands, great shows, wonderful food, but most importantly, time with family and friends.

I was lucky enough to have a few days with my lovely lady. We always get a coupon book that makes the whole experience a lot more affordable. One of the foods she enjoys eating during the fair is a corn dog. We were going to grab one a few times, but usually ended up too full by the time we got to the stand.

One day while I was wondering around by myself and missing her, I reached in my pocket and pulled out this corn dog coupon we were going to use. It made me think of how lucky I was to have such a wonderful partner to share things like the state fair with.

In life, there are reminders all around us of the special people in our lives. Reminders of things we should be grateful for. We often dismiss them as everyday objects. Perhaps they mean more to us after a person has passed away.

One of the secrets to an amazing life is to call your attention to these items while they are present. Spend some time pondering what they represent and the people you care about. It will increase the amount of love and gratitude in your life. That, in turn, will make your life more amazing!

WE DID IT! THANK YOU FOR YOUR HELP!

A wonderful thing happened on my last night of vacation. As of August 16th, we surpassed the record amount of views we have received on this site… for a year! We still have 4 months to go and have already had more views than last year.

Why is this such a great thing to celebrate? More views equal a larger amount of people joining our community. That means more people who are working towards making this a better place for us all. If you enjoy this website, feel free to share it on your social media pages, tell a friend or promote it in any other manner.

Even better is the fact that we have reached a great number of countries on 6 continents. Spreading the message of positivity and self-improvement across the globe! That’s why working together we can make a change.

WHAT SPARK ARE YOU GRATEFUL FOR?

Yesterday we talked about hope and the importance it plays in an amazing life. Today we are going to ask ourselves another question. That question is “what spark are you grateful for?” Sometimes what is needed in life is the catalyst to ignite the fire of passion that is often extinguished by the daily grind.

That spark can be a place that you find peace and tranquility. It can be a fun activity that makes you forget your troubles for a while. We have been discussing the fact that I have been enjoying the Wisconsin State Fair. It is this joyous event in which I was reminded of another spark in life.

The photo you saw at the beginning of this post was Kathy and Tony. Two amazing people. One amazing couple. I was blessed to know them both when Tony was my dentist. An important side note – he is also the most talented dental wizard I have ever come across. If wanting to go to the dentist was possible, he we be the one to make it happen.

More important than his dental magic, is the fact that both Tony and Kathy are two incredible human beings. They are genuine, and have the amazing ability to demonstrate strength through vulnerability. They also seem to age in reverse. That last part has nothing to do with what we are discussing, but is an unusual fact not common in most people.

What may be the most powerful and inspiring aspect of this amazing couple is their ability to see the good in life, but even more, the good in the people they share it with. There are occasions when we need others to believe in us until such time when we can believe in ourselves.

By being able to see, and articulate the good in you, it makes you want to strive to become the best version of yourself. Case in point my interaction with Kathy and Tony the other day. They inquired about my writing, offering me encouragement. Asked about my upcoming wedding. More importantly, listening to my reply with not only attention, but genuine interest.

I walked away inspired to work even harder to be the best version of myself, and bring even more good into the world. In other words, be the kind of person Kathy and Tony think I am. Having friends like that is a spark everyone should have in their life.

A TERRIBLE RECIPE, BUT A NECESSARY INGREDIENT

Have you ever baked a cake? My beautiful lady and her daughter own a bakery. I’ve seen more bakery than you can imagine. Don’t confuse that with me knowing how to bake. What I do know is that many ingredients play a role in creating the perfect recipe.

Some ingredients change the recipe slightly. If you accidentally forgot them, the dish might be different but it would not be ruined. Others are vital. Forget this one ingredient and you might as well throw the whole thing in the trash and start over. Can you imagine making a cake with no sweetener?

I think hope is the sweetener of life. It makes even the worst situation a little sweeter. Life without hope would be a terrible recipe indeed. As important as an ingredient is, it does not make an entire recipe. Pouring a bunch of sugar in a pan does not create a cake!

The same is true with hope. You cannot rely on hope as an entire life strategy. You must take intelligent action and put forth consistent effort. Those are some of the other ingredients in the recipe of a good life! Just do not forget to keep hope in your heart. It will keep the sweetness in your life.