Let me ask you a question you may have never been asked, or even thought to ask. What stress are you grateful for? You read that right. Most of our lives, and a good many posts on this site, has been focused on reducing or eliminating stress. Wouldn’t a life with no stress be a great thing? You might think so, but stress does us a lot of good if managed properly. I recall listening to a talk by Norman Vincent Peale where he described a place where not a single person had a problem. Everyone there was completely problem free. A friend of his asked him to take him there. His response? “It is Woodlawn cemetery.”
That is very true. Stress is a sign of life. Many of us spend our lives trying to get rid of our stress. Our time would be best served if we found a way in which we could put stress to work for us. Changing our approach and interaction with stress can do this. A change in mindset can transform how we see stress. It will not change the stress. It will change us. The world will give us stress no matter who we are or what level we reach. Having a healthy approach to stress will allow us to succeed at every level. What is this switch in mindset? Let us take a look at it below.
I always reference working out. Lifting weights is a stress. It stresses the muscle. In response the muscle grows stronger. Without that, the muscle would remain weak. The same is true for our mental, emotional and spiritual muscles. Increasing our resilience, patience and compassion happens when we face opposition. It can be hard to be grateful for them in the moment, but they are indeed making us stronger, if we decide to let them. It may be a slightly tired cliche, but an airplane rises flying into the wind. How do you manage stress? How do you use it for motivation and getting stronger? Share your ideas with the rest of us in the comments below.
Everyone is looking for new and exciting secrets that will help them live an amazing life. That is the entire point behind this website. My quest has been just that for my entire life. What I learn, I share with everyone in this community. As exciting as some of the new tools and strategies we have discovered when it comes to the mind and success, some of the truly great ones have been around a long time. My favorite book, that has given me countless tools for success in my life, was written in 1936. That is almost 100 years ago. How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie is a book I have read countless times. It seems every time that I pick it up I am either reminded of something important or I discover something I may have missed. That is one of the great reasons to read a book several times. You are a different person each time you pick it up. Your experiences and the way you look at the world change and may allow you to see something you missed in the previous reading.
One of my favorite tools put forth in that book is using someone’s name often. We all enjoy hearing the sound of our own name. It makes us feel important and valued by the other party. It is takes away the feeling of ‘being just another number’ in the corporate world. If you are looking to retain customers from a business aspect, or develop rapport on a more personal level, using a person’s name is helpful. I find when I throw in a server’s name in a few times while out to dinner, it improves service. Why wouldn’t it? It shows you value and appreciate them as a person and the service they are providing.
The photo above was my coffee cup this morning. By adding my name to the little greeting written on it, they made me feel like a valued customer. Feeling valued will make me more likely to return to this location. Can you think of ways in which using a person’s name can make someone feel more valued? In what ways do you enjoy it when someone uses your name?
Have you ever had a moment in your life that made you feel a certain way at the time, but upon reflection, has taught you lessons you missed completely? If we spend a moment pondering that question, I am sure we all have. Allow me to share a humorous story from my own life that was both humbling and embarrassing at the time, but has since taught me some very valuable lessons.
This happened early in my life. I was working in a shopping mall at of all places a hair salon. Back then malls where busy places. It was both a place to shop and a social gathering place. This was before there were as many online communities in which to gather. If you wanted to meet and converse with people you had to do so in person. It was also a place to show off your fashion, have a first date and enjoy a day with friends. It was exciting to be a part of it.
Wherever there are large groups of people, there are usually large messes. Someone has to clean that mess up. In the mall I worked at it was a young man named Oscar. He was an immigrant from some Central American country I honestly cannot remember. Oscar was short and his English was not the best. His job was menial, but very important. People did not stop and consider what would happen if nobody were there to clean up after them. People either ignored Oscar as if they did not even see him at all. Worse yet, some made fun of him or treated him like an indentured servant. Crazy thing was Oscar was friendly to everyone. Even those who treated him unfairly harsh. I admired this about him and told him as much. Before long, he and I had a casual friendship. He enjoyed having someone who respected and listened to him. I enjoyed having someone who managed to see the sunshine in the cloudiest of circumstances.
One day my friendship with Oscar would come back to haunt me. I had forgotten my lunch and ate food in the mall food court. Moments later, my stomach had let me know that I would have been better off going hungry. I rushed to the public men’s room with not a moment to spare. The one stall that had all of the items necessary to do the business I needed to conduct had one outstanding feature. When you closed the door, there was about a 2 inch gap between the door and the side of the stall. Being that it was a busy day at the mall, this was quite a predicament. Unfortunately, mother nature does not afford you many options in this situation. As I sat contemplating the unsavory ingredients that could have been used in my lunch, I could see through the gap in the door my friend Oscar walk in. He was there to clean the restroom. With the greatest of regret, I discovered he saw me through the same gap, although my position was a far more humbling one. He immediately began to talk to me through this gap, all while keeping eye contact. “Mr. Neil, how are you today?” After much back and fourth, I was able to convince Oscar it would be best that we continued our conversation at a later time and in a different locale.
I know Oscar was trying to be friendly. He didn’t have many friends and perhaps it was a cultural difference of not understanding the need for privacy. After this humbling interaction I noticed Oscar was never quite as friendly. Perhaps, considering my position, I was a little too direct in letting him know I did not want to talk. Maybe he felt bad when he realized I was embarrassed talking through a men’s room stall. In retrospect, it was a good lesson for us both in respecting boundaries. I am sure, in an attempt to help, or just be a friend, I have overstepped someone’s boundaries. There have been times that I have felt hurt when someone was rather direct in letting me know they did not want my association, even if just for the moment.
When I think back to that moment in the mall men’s room, I remember how there were two different people, in two different positions that both ended up feeling uncomfortable. It taught me, and still teaches me, that I need to recognize when some people just need their space. It also reminds me not to take it too personally when people are direct about communicating their need, or desire, to have that space. It has become something I have learned to appreciate. How about you? Have you had one of those experiences?
Each one of us, the author included, is on a journey to become the best version of ourselves and to create an amazing life. One of the most difficult things to understand about that is that self-improvement, like many other things in life, is not linear. That is to say you do not become a progressively better version of yourself every day. Your life does not go on a perfectly upward trajectory. It sure would be great if it did, but it does not. You feel like you are finally getting a handle on your anger, and then on a stressful day you snap on someone for no good reason. You feel you have managed to heal from the hurt in your life, and one morning you wake up in tears. It can be tempting to think this amounts to some sort of failure. It does not. In fact, it is necessary for several reasons. When this happens to you, as it will to all of us, there is one thing to remember.
This was brought home to me in a personal way today. Writing this site, and writing in general, is something that always brings me a great day of joy. Researching and learning ways in which I can make my own life better and then sharing them with this community is often one of the best things in my day. There are days, like today, that I find myself in a funk. Have you ever had one of them? You wake up and feel down. A little defeated. Perhaps a bit of sadness fills your heart? It is worse when you can’t even pinpoint what the cause of these feelings are. Maybe there are a million things you are dealing with that all happen to tap on your brain at the same time and it feels overwhelming. That was the kind of day I am having today.
The coffee shop I write at has its own little community. A group of regular people who come and go and cross paths. We learn a little about each other and our lives through simple conversation. One of those people is Cindy. She knows and interacts with many of the people in this coffee shop. Today she asked how I was doing. “Well Cindy, the tricky thing about writing a daily motivational website is doing so when you feel in a funk.” Cindy looked rather understandingly at me and said 3 words that I feel is an important reminder for all of us to carry on this journey to better ourselves and our lives. She said, “You’re only human.”
There is a great thing about days like this. It reminds us why we want to improve our life and ourselves. It also reminds us what it is like to struggle. It is that reminder that allows us to have compassion for the rest of the world who struggles too. It reminds us that there will always be challenging days and that they give us the kick in the butt to build a life where they are fewer and less intense. In this case, it also reminded me how important it is to befriend others. They can give us that powerful reminder like Cindy did to me today. In your own journey, when you make a mistake or have a day where you are in a funk, remember you are only human. Use those days and that pain for motivation. Use it to increase your compassion for others.
Like many of Mark Twain quotes, this is both filled with truth and a little humor. What he so eloquently expressed is that we should live a life so good that even those who stand to profit from our death would be sad to see us go. How on earth do you do that? Think about those in your life that you impact. That would be everyone you see, talk to and now digitally, impact online. It is not only them, but the people they interact with. Think of what happens when you pay a friend, or even a stranger, a genuine compliment. They feel good about themselves. They have more joy in their heart and their spirit. How do you think they will interact with those they run into?
Even those who seem to be against us in life. There are those sunshine-challenged souls who may be offended at your attempt to better yourself and the world. What about them? You may think they would be happy to see all the joy you attempt to bring to others gone. On the surface that may seem true. Even the hardest person among us appreciates people who are genuine in their desire to bring joy to others.
In my humble opinion, living an amazing life means leaving the world a better place than you found it. There are endless possibilities on how one may accomplish this. You can donate money or time to a charity. You can work hard to be the best spouse, parent or friend you can be. You can look to bring smiles to as many faces as you can on a given day. You can pick up trash. You can feed birds. The list is truly endless. We could do a different thing every day and be good for an entire year. Once you see, or feel, the ways you are improving the world, your heart will be happier too. When you are gone, and there is one less person working to make the world a better place, even the undertaker will be sad.
The above photo is one that Margie drew on the window on our front porch. She really is a talented lady. What does this have to do with you and living an amazing life? Plenty. Stick with me and we will uncover this secret together. In the title of this post we mentioned what you should express more often to have an amazing life. The answer is as simple as it is profound. What are you looking to have more of in your life? Health? Love? Money? The key is expressing that as often as you can. Even if you do not currently have as much of it as you desire. When it comes to love, can you really have too much?
This may sound like an odd version of the law of attraction. In some ways it is. When you surround yourself with what you wish to have more of, it is a constant reminder to focus on the that. Take the picture above. Every time that Margie and I sit on the porch, which we enjoy doing with a good cup of coffee, we will be reminded that we are two love birds. We have pictures of moments that we enjoyed together throughout our house and loving reminders of each other. Whenever we glance at one of those items, it gives us a gentle reminder of our love. If you are constantly reminded of how special something is, you are far less likely to take it for granted.
It can be easy to see how this works in love, but how about when you are looking for financial abundance and you are so poor you set off bank alarms simply by walking by? By focusing on what little you do have, even if it is far less than you wish. It can also be taking little mental vacations to where you wish to be. These can be facilitated by having those reminders placed around. It is more than just your decor. It is how you speak, what you think and most important, how you feel about a certain subject. If your bank account is as barren as a desert, it can be hard to feel abundant. That is when you must do your best to do so. You see, if you are constantly reminding yourself about how little you have you end up in a defeated mindset and may miss opportunities that could help that. It is not to say that you should act fiscally irresponsible, but foster a gratitude for what you do have.
Having these reminders work great to increase what you want to have in your life, but they work just as good for helping you to get back on track when things start to slip. Should you and your spouse find yourself in a moment of discord, seeing loving pictures or symbols of the two of you can help remind you that this is a moment in time. Yes, you may not like your partner very much at the moment, but you will be reminded how much you have loved them, and deep down still do. This can help keep the negative in perspective.
The secret to having an amazing life is to express all that you are grateful for and wish for. It is to limit discussing and thinking about all that you want less of. Think about your own life. Do you spend time thinking and getting excited for all that you have and all that you want? Do you find yourself worrying and complaining about all that is wrong in your life? It is important to be present and be aware of your thoughts. Yes, we all have challenges and bad days. Nobody’s life is all sunshine and rainbows, but the goal is to have more sunny days than cloudy. You can set yourself up for success in this by catering your surroundings and expression. How can you improve your own life in this way? I am always looking for suggestions. I would love to hear your story.
“Who is this charming and handsome man?” you may be asking yourself. This is what I look like when I am supposed to be writing. At this moment there was a little flash rainstorm and I was looking out watching it. What was even more important was where my head was at. I was thinking of my life. Not only was I just pondering it, but I was thinking of all I have to be grateful for in it. I was sitting inside, dry and comfortable. I was working on my fourth book. At least that was what I was intending to do. My mind was filled with these positive distractions.
Many of us, myself included, view these moments as a mistake. Perhaps a hiccup on the road to productivity. The ironic thing is that we, as a society, need more moments like this. We are so busy trying to get so much done that we do not give ourselves the one requirement that would help us the greatest. That requirement is time to sit and think. With all that I have going on in my life, I do not take this time enough. I work 40+ hours a week at my day job, DJ on the weekend, write this website and, as mentioned above, am writing my fourth book. Moments of relaxation and contemplation are viewed as some sort of guilty pleasure. That is the emotion that comes up often when enjoying a moment of cerebral solitude – guilt. This time could be used for doing something productive. It could even be used to spend time with the woman I love. At the very least, I could use it to catch up on the sleep I never seem to fit into my schedule.
Here is the crazy part of all of this. This unproductive time will help me do everything better! Many of the best ideas for writing that I have came to me in moments where my mind was free to express them. That is true for both the website you are now reading as well as my books. As far as my relationship goes, that was one of the things I was thinking of. My lady had sent me a picture of her earlier and I swear she looks younger and more beautiful every day! She is amazing cook and we are going to have a great meal tonight! Do you think spending a few minutes thinking thoughts like that are likely to help or hurt my relationship? It will not only make me feel good, but increase my gratitude for both the relationship and the lady I share it with. By allowing these thoughts to manifest themselves while I am awake, I may even be able to sleep a little better. Have you ever laid down at night, your body ready to collapse, only to have your mind be flooded with a million thoughts? That is because they finally have a chance to manifest themselves. We are so ‘busy’ during the day we never have time to listen to our own thoughts.
Do yourself a favor today. Spend a few moments just sitting and thinking. You will be amazed at what might pop in your head! If you want to level up even more, maybe jot it down in a journal. It is like having a conversation with yourself. Will people think you are crazy? Perhaps. Just remember there is a thin line between genius and insanity. Looking at the picture above, I am not sure which side of the line I fall on. What I am sure of is that giving my mind time to let loose will only improve my life and it will do the same in yours!
One simple change we can make to improve our life greatly is to switch from waiting for miracles to noticing them! This may sound a little crazy to some of you, but it really isn’t. I have experienced a brief flirtation with death after my heart surgery. Coming out of that, it really changes your perspective. Knowing your life can be gone in a fleeting second really puts things in perspective. Everything, and I mean everything, is a gift. That is why I was drawn to the quote above. It mentions the ability to love as being a miracle. We all know that to be true. Who doesn’t feel the miracle of love? This could be love for a spouse, a child, a parent, or even just a good friend. Whether you are giving or receiving love, it feels like a miracle.
Love, joy and all the other amazingly positive emotions are easy to feel like a miracle. What about when life goes in the opposite direction? How can that feel like a miracle? It is is. Look at what else this quote mentions. The ability to learn, heal and begin again. Those are all miracles. Learning can be one of the most humbling and challenging circumstances. Who likes to look foolish? That is usually the first step in learning. When the process concludes, you come out the other end as an entirely different person. One that is stronger, smarter and more resilient. That is a miracle. Healing is really a miracle. How many times in life have we felt like there was no way in which we would be able to continue? It could have been a terrible break up or divorce. Perhaps the pain of losing someone we love? It can leave us in such a dark place there can seem no way out. With the help of those who care about us, maybe a little professional help and of course time, we come out the other side. We may never be the same, but we now have an experience in life in which we can draw strength from. Healing is often an ongoing process, but each step is a miracle.
Even when our life seems like a total loss, miracles can still be found in the ability to start again. Losing a job? Filing bankruptcy? Tornado or hurricane destroy all you have worked for? The game is not over. You can start again. Often with more knowledge to create a better future. This is a miracle itself. The fact that the game does not have to end when we are faced with a great challenge and seeming end, that is a miracle. As you can see, from the positive to the negative, miracles are all around us. Switch your thinking from waiting for a miracle to noticing them and your life will become filled with miracles.
The ability to be satisfied with your life as you are working to improve it develops a special inner peace that many never find. It also tends to open our eyes to opportunities that we would miss in a depressed state. This alone will add to the increased satisfaction of our life. It will have us feeling lighter knowing that there are things in our life that are going well. It is a feeling that can help balance the challenges we face.
This can all be accomplished by creating a habit of sitting down and asking ourselves, “What can I be grateful for in my life?” Yes, more benefits of being grateful. This change in attitude and perception has daily benefits. A life filled with more inner-peace has a ripple effect. It comes out in the way we treat others. Guess what happens when you treat others with more compassion and grace? You have less drama and problems in your life. That leads to more inner peace. You can see how this can go. It is careful to note it works the same way in reverse. If you are constantly focused on what is not working in your life and feeling down, you may snap at someone for little or no reason. Now you have a fractured relationship that needs attending to. One more problem that weighs on you.
Focusing primarily on what is going right is not permission to ignore all that needs fixing. Quite the opposite. It is setting yourself up in a better emotional state to handle those challenges. Give yourself the life you deserve. Treat yourself with more grace and compassion and you will be amazed at how much better your life becomes.
Self-improvement, personal-development or whatever term you choose to use can be a complicated affair. It need not be. Searching in your local library or bookstore the ‘self-help’ section can seem overwhelming. Where do you start? I wrote 3 books on the matter myself. They are filled with great tools and strategies that will improve the life you are now living. If you are interested, feel free to search ‘Neil Panosian’ and pick one up. That being said, there is a simple way to begin to live a more enjoyable and fulfilling life starting right now. You need not purchase a book, seminar or anything else. All it takes is a change in mindset.
As you can see in the photo above, it is more accurately a change of focus. As humans we are programed to focus on what is wrong with our life. That can be helpful. It can also be extremely detrimental. When our focus is exclusively, or even primarily on what is wrong, we can be left feeling heavy and defeated. Life can feel like something we have to ‘make it through’. This is a terrible way to go through life. A simple shift can lighten that load and make our life more enjoyable.
Many people call this change in focus “Looking at the world through rose-colored glasses”. That is but one way to look at it. Changing our primary focus on what continues to go right in our life is not denying that there are things that need work. What it does acknowledge is that in any life, there is still plenty of things to be grateful for. Will this help you fix and improve your life? The answer is a surprising ‘Yes’. Will being grateful that you only have a flat tire and not a more expensive repair fix the tire? No it will not. What it will do, however, is keep you in a better frame of mind. It will make the effort to change the tire, or the time waiting for someone to come and do it that much more enjoyable. To that end, you will treat those who help you with more gratitude and appreciation.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 