Tag: Self-Help

IT IS BETTER TO BE THOUGHT A FOOL 🤡

What a great quote from Abraham Lincoln! In fact, my very first book, A Happy Life for Busy People, begins with a quote from this gent. Back to the quote at hand. How many of us know someone who seems to have something to say about everything? Worse yet, how many of us know someone who is under the impression they know everything? Worst of all is someone who has both of these beliefs.

I speak more than the average individual. It is actually tied to what I do for a living. Still, I know there are times when less is more. One of those times is when you do not have knowledge on the subject you are speaking of. With elections coming up in the United States, this will happen a lot more this year. People often confuse opinion with facts and end up looking foolish. Often, the smartest phrase to utter is “I don’t know.” It shows that you are self-confident enough to know that you do not know everything. Nobody does.

There is a gentleman in the self-improvement field who does this quite often. He has a degree in psychology and is quite knowledgeable when it comes to human behavior. This same gentleman often feels compelled to speak on things like climate change, politics and other avenues that he is not an expert on. I admire what he has to say in his field. He truly has some great expertise. When he speaks as if he has the same level of expertise in these other arenas, he ends up sounding foolish.

This week, let us keep the quote from Mr. Lincoln in mind. Let us fight the urge to have something to say on every subject. The creator did give us two ears and one mouth for a reason. That is to listen twice as much as we speak. Here is an added thought. When we listen we may learn something. When we are speaking, we are only repeating what we already know, or think we know.

THE BIGGEST DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MONEY AND TIME 🕑

This could not ring more true. Our time is far more valuable than our money. They say that you can always earn more money, but you can never earn more time. What makes life so precious is the fact that it ends. Far too many of us spend time stressing about the past. Mistakes we made, things we could have done better, things we should have done. This is rather crazy. Get the lesson from it and move on. The past is over with and cannot be changed with all the regret in the world. On the opposite side of the spectrum, many of us spend a great deal of time worried about the future. There is one, and only one way to affect the future, and that is by making the most of today. Worried you will not have enough money in the future? Start by saving and starting a retirement plan today. Worried about your health in the future? Start a fitness and healthy eating program today.

The best way to fully make use of your time is to be fully present today. How do we do that? Put down the phone, the remote and the laptop. Pick up a cup of coffee with a friend or with the birds in the park. A great exercise is to sit still somewhere and pay attention to each of your senses in turn. Think of sitting in a coffee shop. You could smell the fresh ground coffee, maybe some caramel. You would hear the roaring of the espresso machine. You could touch the wooden table, feel the warmth of your coffee mug. Taking a sip of that coffee, you could really focus on the taste. Try to discover as many flavor notes as you can. Look around and take note of what you see. What is the most common expression people have on their faces? How is the sun coming through the window, or did some heartless soul close all the blinds so the room is dark and resembles a tomb?

Another one of my favorite places to do this is in nature. To really make the most of it, you should be stationary. Find a nice bench in a park and grab a seat. Look around and notice the different songbirds you see. Maybe the sun reflecting off the pond. Close you eyes and listen. Do you hear the songs of the birds? Perhaps you hear the sound of the leaves blowing in the wind? Keeping your eyes closed, you can feel the wind blowing on your skin. Smell the oxygen in the air from all of the trees. Wait…is someone grilling in the picnic area? You could always try to convince them you need a hamburger to do the taste portion of this exercise.

I cannot emphasize enough how many of us lack the ability to be present. It is a difficult thing to do in today’s world. Distractions are everywhere. The phone is beeping. There are flashing electric signs everywhere. All too often, we only appreciate the moment in a memory. Those memories will be a lot richer, as will our lives, if we take time to be present. Try the activity mentioned above. Pick somewhere and notice as many of your senses as you can. You will be surprised at how much you are missing. If you like, share your experiences in the comments below.

NOBODY IS USELESS IN THIS WORLD 🌎

Old Charlie brings up a really good point here. Everyone wants to be useful. One of the six basic needs is a feeling of significance. A quick and easy way to be useful is to do something to help out someone else. It improves the lives of both you and the person you are helping. It is a two for one! What a better way to improve your life, someone else’s life and feel useful. If one out of every ten people decided to do this, that would be roughly one billion people doing something to help lighten the burden of another! That would positively affect the lives of two billion people! Can you imagine how powerful that would be?

If you want your life to have a greater level of importance, it does not take more likes on social media. You do not have to be a greater ‘influencer’. It is far more simple than that. If you want to be important in the world, find as many ways as you can to serve others. The more lives you touch and help, the more important you will become. Not to mention, you will make the world a better place for us all.

FORGET EYE CANDY, BE SOUL FOOD.

It is Friday the 31st. That means it is both the end of the week, and the end of the month. It is time to reset for both a new week and a new month ahead. Even if you happen upon this post on a day other than the one on which it is released, it is still a great time to take a step back and reset. Here in the United States where I live, summer is about to begin. People are busy working to make their summer body ready for the beach. That is good. Focusing on health and taking care of our appearance can be very beneficial. When we look good, we tend to feel good about ourselves as well.

An even more important thing to focus on is our inner beauty. Yes, having friends or a partner that is eye candy can be fun, but what really makes you attractive is being soul food for someone. I can speak for this as I am lucky to have both. My lady is not only extremely beautiful, and makes me so proud when we are out together, but she is even more than that. When we are home alone we have some of the most fun and silly conversations. We read together. We laugh together. We learn together. Recently, we even began exploring the world together by going on vacations.

It is important to look and feel our best, but why not develop our inner beauty and character? That is where true attraction is. Having friends that nourish our soul and help us believe in ourselves, that is priceless. While you are working on your six pack, or just reducing the size of your keg, why not work on your listening skills? How about developing your compassion while developing your biceps? Working on lifting your backside? That is great, but what about the ability to lift others up?

Ask yourself, would you rather have someone around you who just looks good, or someone who makes you feel good? Someone who is good for your ego or someone who is good for your soul? When I think about people that I would like to spend time with, it is their soul that makes me want to include them in my life. Focus more on being soul food and less on being eye candy.

BUTTERFLY 🦋 LESSON

What an important lesson today is! Talk about the power of attraction, this is a great analogy! Many of us spend our entire lives chasing what we want. We chase the perfect relationship. We chase happiness. We chase inner peace. While pursuing all of these is certainly a noble end, it would be far better to attract them. If you think of the butterfly analogy the picture above offers, I hope you can see how this could transfer to other areas of our life.

Let us take a look at the few we have mentioned. Many people chase the perfect relationship. The perfect relationship is one that loves and learns from the imperfection. Instead of looking high and low for the ‘perfect partner’, it would be wise for us to take an attraction course of action. That would be to get clear on the what we are looking for in a partner, than working on ourselves and our own lives that they would be something that someone would want to be a part of. If you become the best version of yourself, that is what will make you irresistible.

How about chasing happiness? This is something I learned all about in writing my first two books, A Happy Life for Busy People, and Living the Dream. The more you chase happiness, the more it eludes you. Instead, work on creating an environment that allows happiness to grow and flourish. What kind of new age mumbo jumbo is this? It is common sense really. Start a ritual of gratitude. Maybe writing down three things you are grateful for that day and why. Begin each day reciting a positive affirmation that empowers you. Listen to something inspirational on the way to work. Give a genuine compliment to one person each day. Before long, happiness will fill every corner of your life. That does not mean there will not be tough times, but their frequency and duration will continue to diminish.

Chasing inner peace is much the same. If you create circumstances that will provide you inner peace, that peace will have a chance to flourish. It will be different for everyone. Some will set aside, and stick to, twenty minutes of mindful meditation a day. Some will need to drive around blasting their favorite 80’s hard rock. If you are like me, it could be a little bit of both. Reducing factors that cause you stress and increase factors that reduce stress will help you achieve inner peace.

Think of butterflies. You cannot chase them down. They will just fly away. If you focus of creating a beautiful garden the butterflies will love to come to, they will flock to you. How about in your life? What are we chasing when we should be attracting?

IF YOU ARE BRAVE ENOUGH ♥️

Here is an activity that is perfect for our Wednesday! Say something nice about yourself. To many of us, this feels awkward as we are told that this is not a good thing to do. We might not be told this directly, but we are warned about being self-centered or bragging. The sad part is that this often leads to a lack of self-confidence or a negative self-image. We can recognize our redeeming qualities without slipping into arrogance. There is something amazing about each of us. Acknowledging this will assist us in living an amazing life.

Think about the people in your life. When you think about all of the amazing things they bring into your life, you are motivated to treat them with the love and care they deserve. My lovely Margie, for example, always brings laughter and silliness into my life. This is such an important thing in a stressful world. For that, and a million other reasons, she is very valuable to me and I treat her as such. My mother keeps me company on walks in nature, which refresh the spirit and keep the body fit. Therefore, I value her and her company. How about you? Are there people in your life that you value for the wonderful things they bring into your life?

When you stop and appreciate the wonderful things that you bring to the world, you value and treat yourself better. When you treat yourself better, you are in a better state to treat others with kindness and compassion. This activity may feel strange at first as we are not used to complimenting ourselves. As we get used to it, we will realize what amazing souls we are. This helps us in so many ways. It helps us set boundaries with others. This can protect our physical, mental and emotional well-being. It develops self-respect. It may also help us realize our gifts and better share them with others.

I will share my answer with you, and I would love to hear yours as well. Something nice about me is that I love to share knowledge that I learn to improve life with as many others as I can. To me, the more people living an amazing life, the more amazing the world will be. Share your answer to this question in the comment below.

A PHILOSOPHY FOR US ALL 🧘‍♀️

This post comes to you on a Monday. This can be one of the toughest days of the week for many. In actuality, every day should be a challenge. Why? We should be challenging ourselves. This idea of never ending improvement is a good one. We can always be healthier, smarter and most importantly, kinder. Tony Robbins has a term he uses called ‘C.A.N.I.’ standing for “Constant and never-ending improvement”. Many of us are living life focused on a achieving or obtaining a certain goal. That is all well and good, but then what?

Whether you are 18 or 80, we should be working to be the best version of ourselves. It not only helps in our relationships with others, but with the world at large. The better version of ourselves we become, the more we can enjoy the world around us. Ask yourself how you can improve today. Even if it is just one percent.

DO NOT SUFFER MORE THAN NECESSARY 😢

Here is a fresh reminder to do your best to keep things in perspective. We often suffer dreading an upcoming event long before the event occurs. This only extends the time we spent in suffering. This may seem like something only a fool would do. To that end, I would like to ask you if you can recall the days leading up to your last dental appointment? How about your last proctology exam? Hopefully they were two different doctors. We can get ourselves all worked up, and end up have a nearly painless experience. Then again, it may not be painless, but what has worrying and suffering before the experience done other than to serve us up an additional helping of suffering?

Instead, I would encourage you to focus on the best possible outcomes of any situation. Not only will this help reduce the stress before hand, but may also help manifest a better outcome. You can always focus on the long-term result. Such as the dentist. It may hurt in the short term, but you will end up feeling better, and usually looking better, in the long term.

Do not suffer the needless in your mind. Focus on both the long-term results as well as the best possible outcome. This is one of many ways to reduce stress in our lives.

WHERE KINDNESS BEGINS 🌻

On the surface, this seems like a no brainer. Yet, how easy is this to understand in the heat of the moment? When a customer is screaming at us for giving them the wrong flavor coffee. When are coworker snaps at us for no particular reason. When our spouse seems to be angry with every little thing we do. It is very difficult to pause and ask ourselves, “What are they hurting from?” It is true that only hurt people, hurt people. Considering this, anyone who hurts us is probably struggling with something themselves.

The first step would be to honestly ask ourselves if we had played any role in why they might be currently treating us harshly. If so, we should apologize and follow that with some sort of corrective action. If not, consider that they may be hurting inside and for some reason be emotionally ignorant on how to constructively express themselves. This certainly does not excuse their behavior, but it may help us approach it with a little more compassion.

Why should we even care that they are struggling, when they may be doing their best to put us in the same state? Understanding this will allow us to take their actions a lot less personally. This means we will feel less stressed and hurt. This can only be a good thing for us.

Another time to remember that we all struggle is when we are tempted to treat someone harshly. The classic example of someone cutting us off in traffic comes to mind. They may have been distracted, lost or just a jerk. What they also be is dealing with the loss of a loved one, a serious negative medical diagnosis, or a million other versions of suffering. Our negative reaction to their seemingly careless action could be the one to put them over the edge. I can’t count the times I have been lost in emotion and may not have been paying close enough attention to whatever it is I am doing. Someone acting harshly towards me at that moment would probably be the least helpful thing that could happen.

One of the best examples I can recall comes from the author, Stephen Covey. He was on a subway, and there was a father who seemed to be letting his children run wild without a care in the world. Finally, unable to take it anymore, Stephen said to the man, “Don’t you think you should do something about your children?” At this moment, I am sure he was feeling frustrated, angry, and perhaps some other unpleasant emotions. We would think rightfully so. The man looked at him with a hollow expression and replied, “You are right. Their mother just passed away, and they are not really sure how to act. In fact, neither am I.” What do you think Stephen felt then? The point is, none of us know what pains someone may be suffering. Be kind. It is always the right decision.  Click the link below to check out my podcast, or just search “Living the Dream with Neil Panosian” on your favorite streaming platforms.

https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/neil-panosian

DON’T TAKE 5 YEARS! 😕

I love Marilyn Monroe. One of my favorite Hollywood icons. Margie and I have many Marilyn things at our house. This quote, although an exaggeration I am sure, makes a good point. How many of us have a hard time letting go of anger and frustration? When I use the term ‘us’ I am certainly including myself. When someone does something to upset me, I have a hard time letting it go. This is even more true if I do not understand why they did it in the first place. This is a character flaw I am working on, but still working on. Finding myself hours later asking, “Why would someone say/do something so hurtful?” is not only frustrating, but debilitating.

What I mean is that holding on to anger only extends the physical, mental and emotional discomfort after the original event has passed. This is like letting that person hurting you over and over again. It can also cause you increased blood pressure, upset stomach and suppressed immune system. This can lead to things like heart issues, ulcers and other illness. Is that really worth pondering why some fool cut you off in traffic? I would guess not.

One of the best ways not to have this issue is to take the suggestion of Marilyn above and try to avoid getting upset in the first place. There are several ways to do this including the realization the we can never be 100% sure of anyone’s intention. It also includes attaching new meanings to actions that offend and upset us. The most powerful way to beat anger is with gratitude. Being grateful will not allow us to be angry, at least not at the very moment we are being grateful. Whatever you do, work on reducing the amount of time you spend in anger.