Tag: Self-Help

EXPAND THE POSITIVE 🌞

How many of us have had a medical issue, then look it up to self-diagnose only to discover we are terminal? We are so worried, we end up making our condition worse. What we have imagined to be the black death, turns out to be a sinus infection. I think we are all guilty of this is some fashion. It is not actually our fault. Through evolution, our brains are hardwired to think negative and imagine the worst case scenario. This is done as a form of protection to keep us safe. While this worked fairly well for our cave-dwelling ancestors, it really is a bummer for modern day humans.

Imagine if we fought against evolution and focused on the positive? How different would our life be? Is it possible to dwell on outcomes we desire, instead of ones we fear? Not only is it possible, it is a lot more enjoyable. Just like overcoming any learned, or even evolutionary behavior, this will take time. One great way to start, is to begin visualizing positive events in our life. Doing this when we are feeling good should be a lot easier than waiting until we are worried about something. The more we do this, the easier it should be when we are nervous.

Using our imagination will not only reduce the amount of pain in our lives, but will increase the amount of joy. It may also open our minds to see opportunities that may have passed us by if we were only focused on what could go wrong, or how terrible a situation may be. Do yourself a favor and expand the positive.

VERY HARD TO BE SIMPLE 🤔

Ah, to be simple. This seems like a quest that is next to impossible in today’s complex world. Here is thing, it is one of the secrets to happiness. With our propensity to over-complicate things, we create unnecessary stress and chaos in our lives. One great way to limit stress and help bring us peace is to become simple. This can be done in many different ways. Just to get you started, we are going to look at two examples that I think everyone could benefit by putting into practice.

The first is to find joy in simple things. Have you ever tried booking a vacation to the tropics? How about doing it as a surprise for the birthday of the woman you love? Let me tell you, a lot of complications there. A lot of stress. However, have you ever made a conscious effort to set and really listen to that same woman in an attempt to not only make her feel heard, but to perhaps learn a little more about that special person in your life? Pretty simple and brings joy to both parties. How about just going for a walk in nature and enjoying the fresh air and all that you see? The benefits of walking in nature are worth both researching as well as experiencing.

If we thought that being simple in today’s world is difficult, try being present! With that little device in our pocket calling our name every second through the beeps and other such noises, we can miss the world passing us by. When my mother and I walk through the woods, we occasionally see people walking through this beautiful scenery, face buried in their phones. They miss the deer munching on some clover, or the hawk soaring above. Maybe they miss the chance to sit and enjoy a quiet sunset.

More than digital distractions, is the distraction of our own minds. Many dinners are ruined by someone lost in thought over a work problem. What is crazy, is that these people often feel guilty about not paying more attention to their dinner company, thus adding even more stress. This tends to be a repeating cycle. It would benefit us greatly, and reduce our stress, to simply do what we are doing. If we are eating dinner, put our attention there. Not only will we better enjoy our company, we will taste the food more. If we are going for a walk to reduce our stress, let us not ruin it by dwelling on the stress while we are walking. Let us be present as often as we can.

By simplifying our life, we will increase our happiness. Enjoying pleasures that are more simple and organic as well as being present, are only two ways in which we can do so. In what ways do you think you could make life more simple? What would you recommend to someone who is looking to do this? Let us all share our ideas and help each other.

ARE YOU GOING TO AFFECT OR INFECT? 👀

As we sit here looking at another work week about to begin, we have some very important decisions to make. One of the most important is the energy that we are going to bring to it! I like the picture above because it reminds us of the power and influence we have with others. It is rather ironic that people will work so hard to set up their influence online to become a famous ‘influencer’, yet they forget the influence they already have.

Whether you are looking for your next million followers, or have no idea what an online influencer is, this post is for you. The energy we bring to the world and to the day has an impact on others. Not only the people we come in contact with, but often far more than that. If you berate the young lady at the coffee shop for putting too much ice in your drink, it may not seem to bother her, but it is one bit of negative energy she probably did not need. What if that same young lady has a date set up with the person she loves after work? Do you think that negative emotion could impact that date as well? If she is unable to enjoy her date, do you not think that will also affect the person she is on a date with? It is like throwing a pebble into the ocean, the ripples with continue to spread out.

Let us look at this from the opposite angle. What if you can radically positively impact someone’s day? Maybe the stranger you let go ahead of you in the grocery line just learned their child has a serious illness? What if the smile you shared with a stranger helps someone who is struggling with depression? Think of how adding joy to someone’s day can make a difference? It can help them have a more positive emotional state. The things this can impact are many. When we are in a positive emotional state, our immune system functions better. We are more likely to take advantage of opportunities.

You might find this a little dramatic. “Neil, you really expect me to believe that my energy can ruin someone’s date or help them against getting sick?” Yes, it actually can! With this knowledge, we should be excited to positively impact as many people as we can. Just like our negative example, this will impact far more than just the lucky souls we are sharing our positivity with! This week, let us make an effort to inspire and not to infect.

THE BRIDGE BETWEEN GOALS AND ACCOMPLISHMENTS 🌁

Today, many of us are looking for the one trick, or hack, that will allow us to turn our life around. Here is the good and bad news. There is a hack that will allow you to accomplish all of your goals, in all the areas of your life. Here is the bad news for many of you. That hack is self-discipline. Consistent focused action is what will allow you to reach, and in many cases surpass, the goals you are now chasing.

This should make you breathe a sigh of relief. There is no wondering “Is this going to work?”. There will be ups and downs, but every day you will be getting closer to your goal. It may seem like you take three steps back for every step forward, but even then there are lessons to be learned. In this way, you are still moving closer to your goal, even if it does not feel like it.

If you want to succeed in life, if you want to accomplish any goal or achieve that dream, know that it is self-discipline that is the key to getting there. If you are looking for a bridge from where you are to where you want to be, it is the discipline of consistent action. Start that journey today.

1 WAY TO AVOID CRITICISM 😔

Who wouldn’t want to be loved by everyone? In a world where many people view their value on social media ‘likes’, it is important to consider this quote issued thousands of years ago. No matter where you stand on an issue. No matter how pure and good your intent is, you will face criticism. Can we remember, and more to the point respect, that others have a right to be different than us? It is what gives flavor and excitement to life. Can you imagine a world full of people just like us? It may sound good on the surface, but it would quickly spiral downward.

What would be so bad about everyone being the same? There would be no disagreements. While this is true, there would also be very little growth. There are also people who hold opinions that would harm others. Be that emotionally or physically. When we hear everyone being the same, most of us just assume that means that Betty and Bob would have to be just like us. None of us would stop and consider that we have have to become just like Betty or Bob. We may have to change our beliefs, our likes and dislikes. How would you like to be forced to do that? No? Than why should we expect anyone else to do the same for us?

When we receive criticism, it is important to remember this fact. All people are different and that is ok. We have all had different experiences and face different environments. A person born and raised in Fiji, for example, would have a much different view on life and what goes on in it, than myself. Although, if they would like to trade places for a bit, I would be down. Someone born in a single parent household verses a two parent household would be different. The list, as we can imagine, could be endless. Just remember, if you are going to say or do anything, there will be those who criticize and disagree. Also remember, that is just fine.

ARE YOU BUYING, OR ARE YOU SELLING…. YOURSELF?🤔

In a world of quick gratification, this quote should really hit home for a lot of us! We associate pleasure to so many things, that we fail to realize how much we have become a slave to these pleasures. How many of us have seen a couple out for dinner and spend the entire meal staring at their phones, barely interacting with each other? When we cease to be able to enjoy things in moderation, we become a slave to them. Yes, pizza, I am looking at you. When we ‘have to have’ the latest gizmo or gadget, we are giving our money, our attention and most importantly, our energy to them. There is nothing wrong with obtaining nice things. When that becomes a problem, is when getting those things is our main goal in life.

This is so true in life. One of the reasons that I have such an amazing relationship with the lady in my life, is the experiences we buy or pay attention to. It is not the big things, although those are amazing. It is the simple things. The pleasure I seek, is her smile. What I choose to pay attention to is the little things she does that melt my heart everyday. By investing in these pleasures, it creates at atmosphere of love and appreciation for each other. Just the other day, she even had a little sign on the door when I came home from a hard day at work. It cost her nothing but a few minutes of her time. The return on that investment? Every time I see, or even think about that sign, I love her even more.

Think of the pleasures in your life. Are you really buying them, or have you become a slave to them? One of the greatest ways to prevent this from happening is to remain present. That way you can not only get pleasure from each moment in life, but you will be aware enough to realize the pleasures that have taken over your life.

THE CHOICE IS OURS 😉

Welcome to Wednesday! One of my favorite days of the week. Also the one I have the hardest time spelling. Today we remember, uplift and encourage one another. This quote above is a great reminder of the power we have over our own situation. Most people spend their energy trying to control what happens to them. This can be slightly beneficial, but it is important to note that we have little or no control over events in our lives. What we have complete control over is ourselves.

This is another great example of the 80/20 principle. We should spend about 20% of our efforts on affecting the events around us and 80% on our attitude and mentality. Whether we view an event as a obstacle or an opportunity will not change the event. What it will change is the actions we take, and thus, our quality of life. It is the glass half full or half empty argument. One will see life as a constant struggle and full of lack. Can you imagine how it would feel to go through life like that? The other will view life with gratitude and a feeling of potential and abundance. How would that feel? Same situations, and entirely different life.

When people ask how important attitude is to your quality of life, I ask them how important granite is to the Himalayas. (Ok, I stole this quote from Earl Nightingale) Attitude truly is everything, as the saying goes. The pessimist, and even those calling themselves realists, may say that this does not change the facts of life. I would counter that they are 100% correct. What it does change is the quality and enjoyment we receive in life. Is attitude important? I don’t know. How important for you is the quality and enjoyment you receive out of your life? We should put less effort worried about things we can’t control and more effort towards improving our attitude.

SWEAT MORE, BLEED LESS. 🤺

The point of this quote should be obvious. In case it is not, let me expand on it. The more we prepare, the better we will be when faced with a challenge. This really holds true across all areas of life. If we save money, or work to create a good side-hustle, we will be prepared for any financial challenge that may arise. If we work on our health and fitness, we will be better prepared for a challenge in that arena. This came in handy for me when I needed immediate open-heart surgery. The doctor telling me, “If you hadn’t been in such good shape, we would not be having this conversation.” Some good food for thought there. Had I waited to take care of my health until I was told that I had a problem, you might not be reading this.

The common theme through all of these is that if you work on yourself, you will be better prepared to take on any challenge in life. One of the more interesting ones that many of us may not think of is our spirituality. Whatever your faith may be, even if that is faith in yourself, it needs to be fostered and grown. The more you do so, the more you will be ready to face life’s toughest challenges. Many times it is difficult to find the motivation to do what needs to be done in our lives. It is the work we put in when nobody is watching that not only allows us to face challenges, but to grow into the best version of ourselves.

Every second of training and preparation we do, is less damage we will incur when we face a challenge. Trust me when I tell you, face a challenge we all will. You never know when life will test you. The better prepared you are, the more likely you are to pass that test.

DO NOT DIE BEFORE YOU ARE BURIED 💀

I have always liked this quote by Ben Franklin. Yes, we are on an informal basis like that. Actually, Ol’ Ben was quite a party animal, but that is a post for a different day. What does he mean about Dying at twenty and not being buried until we are seventy five? Does that mean they leave us out long past our shelf life? No. What it means is that we stop living a life of purpose and passion and settle into a life of mediocrity. It is the “Wake up, pay bills and die.” mentality.

My fourth book will deal with this in depth. Until that wonderful piece of literature is published, let us have a brief discussion on the subject. Does life feel like a chore to you? Are you busy just trying to survive, or are you focused on thriving? Whether you are 18 or 80, the time is now to focus on living. Ask yourself, how many times a day does your soul feel on fire with the passion of life? Many people think this is an unrealistic goal. That, in itself, tells you how far removed from truly living they are.

It may be quite a high standard to walk around in a state of bliss, although there are those who manage. Your life should, and quite frankly must, contain moments of this. If not, you are not really living. As someone who works 45 hours a week at his day job, writes a daily blog, is working on his fourth book, hosts a podcast and is a DJ on Sunday, I can understand that quite often responsibilities can take up quite a bit of our lives. Sneaking in reasons to be full of passion is what makes life feel alive.

I recommend creating as many of these moments as you can. One of the best ways to do so is to be fully present. In a world where more of us stare at our phone than out in the world, this alone could make a huge difference. Spending some time in nature revives the soul in many ways as well. Having a purpose bigger than a paycheck is not only a good idea, it is vital to creating a rewarding and fulfilling life. Let us start living more, and let us start doing so today.

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2 THINGS WE SHOULD STRIVE FOR 💪

In a world where everyone seems to be chasing something, why not put our focus on these two priceless items? Waking up and thinking about the potential in each day will have us feeling far more optimistic. All our dreams may not come true that day, but then again, they might? Something even better that we haven’t thought of may occur. We might face a tough day, but discover an unexpected blessing in the middle of it!

How about as we fall asleep at night? Doing so with peace in our hearts is a gift that cannot be overstated. It is, more often that not, our own thoughts that torment us. Knowing, even if we made mistakes, that we are working to do the best we can and will continue to do so, should give us peace. Filling our hearts with gratitude for both the day, and for all the good yet to come, can allow is to get the rest we need. If something is vexing us, journaling about it or getting it out in another fashion, until our mind is able to be still.

Forget all of the material objects often chased by the ignorant. It is the two ‘P’s that matter. That is potential and peace. These are far more valuable than anything you can purchase in a store. A soul excited about potential and a heart filled with peace are more precious than anything we can work for. Invest in these two items and everything in your life will fall into place.