Tag: Self-Help

WHAT CHANGES THE WORLD 🌎

After all of the political nonsense has settled, we are left with one truth. The world is changed by our example, not our opinion. Before elections, politicians will say anything to get elected. They will tell you how they will end crime, end world hunger, cure cancer and a million other promises that could never really be fulfilled. What is more important to me is to look at someone’s character. Do their words match their actions?

Lately, I have really been focused on discovering ways in which I can improve myself. The first major steps to improving myself was to be honest in areas in which I could improve. After all, if you don’t know where you are starting from, it is really hard to get anywhere. In reflection, I not only cringed at how I used to be, but had some pride with how far I have come. One of the major changes was being an example of how I think people should be. It may be difficult to figure out what is the right action to take in any situation. The easy way to solve this is to make sure your actions are an example of your beliefs.

This quote is a fine example of what we are talking about. Living your faith is far better than preaching it. Being an example of kindness and compassion is truly the way to live. Whatever you wish the world to become, the best way to move it towards that is to be it! At least you are one person closer and are showing the others just the way to accomplish it. People listen to your example far more than they listen to your words.

If you want to change the world, think of what example you would like be and be one.

MY TIPS TO EASE THE GRIEF OF LOSS 😭

One of the traits I have developed through the years is an ability to survive the passing of loved ones better than most. This is not to say that I have been cold and uncaring. Quite the opposite. The sadness and sense of loss is just as great in my heart as the next person. What I have learned to do is give the loss, and in doing so the life of that person, a sense of meaning. A few posts ago I, titled You might be asking the wrong question, I spoke a little more about this process. If you are really struggling, or would like additional thoughts on grief and loss, you might want to read that after you are done with this one.

The earliest example of putting this to use was the passing of my grandmother. In my life, I was very close to both of my grandparents. When my grandmother passed, it was like the ending of an era. The large family gathering began to lose people one by one. Family gathered around the table for a big meal became less and less of an event. When I stopped to finally soaked in everything that was different about my grandmother being gone, I decided the best way to honor her memory was to be what she brought to the world. When my grandfather passed, that was an even bigger blow. It seemed surreal at the time. What it did do was make me appreciate everything my grandfather taught me both by word and example.

Between 2017 and 2018 I gave 5 eulogies. I am a public speaker, but let me tell you, those are some of the most difficult to give. It wasn’t until I turned the focus into serving those who were there also experiencing loss, that it became far easier. The same is true in dealing with my own grief. turning it into serving those in the world who would be missing the traits that those I lost had brought to the world made my grief easier to handle. Those we are filled with sadness due to their loss must have done many things that brought joy to our heart and others. If not, chances are we would not be that filled with grief over their loss. It is identifying those traits and stepping up to be that for others that will not only honor the lives of our loved one, but help us in our own grief.

I am not telling you that being a good listener because your late aunt was, or always blessing people with a little humor because your mother did is going to change the fact that you are filled with grief over missing them. I don’t think we should be focused on trying to remove the grief. Again, I suggest reading the post You might be asking the wrong question. By giving our grief, and therefore their life, some purpose, our heart may find it a little easier to go on. In fact, when we find ourselves doing something that our loved one would have done to make someone smile, it just might do the same for us.

HOW TO FIX THE WORLD 🌎

There is a lot of apprehension in the hearts of many people. It seems there is a great deal of concern that people with little care or concern to treat others with dignity and respect have been put in positions of power. As someone who has made it their life mission to leave the world a little better place than I found it, I can totally understand this. We were taught as children to respect each other, including those we differ with. We were taught that it is right to disagree with someone in a respectful fashion. Even on the elementary school playground we were taught that it was not nice to call people names just because they were different or held different opinions than us. Hopefully, these are the same lessons that we taught our children.

It is therefore understandable to be concerned when those who are supposed to be examples do the very opposite of this. Will the world become less caring and callous? I would be lying if I would tell you that some less-informed souls may view this as permission to act that way in their own lives. What can we do about all of this? Surprisingly, quite a bit. It is easy to feel hopeless and despondent about the whole thing. The more constructive action would to be to intensify our acts of kindness and compassion. Recently, I wrote a letter to the Dalai Lama, who is a master at teaching compassion. If you want any lessons on how to stay compassionate in an often cruel world, I recommend listening to some of his talks. Many are available on YouTube.

Many people view this solution as ridiculous or think of themselves too small to make that big of a difference. Nothing could be further from the truth. Let me break this down for you. How many people on average to you interact with on a daily basis? If you work in retail, this could be close to 100. Even if you don’t, you probably run into at the very least 10. Let’s just say 20 as an average. If you do your best to treat everyone you contact with kindness and compassion, maybe even say a few empowering words to them, do you think that would make a difference? What difference would 20 people make in a world of 8 billion? Let us do the math. 20 people a day, on average, for every day of the year equals 7300 people. If we went for the person in retail who sees 100 people a day, that number goes up to 36,500! Can you see the power we hold? You could be a beacon of hope for so many people. An example of goodness in the world. A reason to believe.

If only 20 retail employees did what we are discussing, that would bring us close to a million people shown kindness and compassion. When you add words of empowerment, that could be a million lives you positively impact. What do you think those people would go on to do? You can see the power of the ripple effect here. It works in reverse too. If one person decides they are too insignificant to make a difference, that is between 7300 and 36,500 people who will be negatively affected. Do you see the power your one example can make? What if you are a teacher? A boss or a leader of some other fashion? The impact of everyone makes a huge difference. Do not let an election or a sometimes hard world make you believe otherwise.

BE A FOOL FOR A MINUTE ⏰️

One of the things I loved best when I was in West Hollywood, and even when I go back to visit, is the complete shock with someone who is honest and sincere. In an Instagram filter world, many people are so afraid not to be perfect. Although, if asked in private, 99% of them would admit they are not perfect. Here is a news flash, none of us are! One of the ways in which this reveals itself is the fear of asking a question. This I cannot understand. One of the quotes I like best is that when we talk we are only repeating what we already know, but when we listen we can learn something new. In the shower I talk to myself, so I guess I am both at that moment.

The one glaring exception is when you open your mouth to ask a question. Yes, you reveal that you may not know the information that you are requesting, but you also show all of those in attendance, including the person you are asking, that you have a desire to acquire more knowledge. Another point to ponder is that you may never have an opportunity to ask the question again. There are so many unasked questions that I wish I would have asked people who have passed on, moved away or situations that have just passed. I feel like a fool for missing the opportunity.

If you find yourself afraid to ask a question, remember you will only be a fool for a minute, or until you get the answer. If you never seek the information, you will remain a fool forever. How long do you want to be a fool?

IT IS TIME TO GO! 🌴

Wow! With all of the political negativity and the fallout that comes after it, I could sure use a vacation. Sadly, this year I do not think that will happen. Currently saving for a car and a wedding, funds can be a little tight. My brain is currently where this picture is. Presently, I am sitting in a coffee shop typing on a lap top. I would much rather be sitting in one of those beach chairs…typing on a lap top.

It will be vital in the coming months that I practice many of the self-care tips I recommend on this site. Usually, one of my secrets to make it through the cold and snow is having a tropical vacation to look forward to. Without that, the grey snow and trees without their leaves could hit a little harder. One axiom that I am always reminding people of, is that there is no law of physics or biology that states your mind and body have to be in the same place at the same time. Even though my body is here at the coffee shop, my mind can be on the beach drinking out of a coconut!

One way in which we can help ourselves along is to use reminders of where we want to be. For me, it could be laying down, closing my eyes and listening to the sound of ocean waves. I even recorded a bit last time Margie and I were in the beautiful Bahamas. I could put some coconut or vanilla scented oil in a diffuser. We even have what I call an oversized green house here in town that I could visit to see some living plants. Trying to convince my lovely fiancé to walk around the house in her swimsuit might not happen, but I can look at pictures of our vacation and be grateful for all the fun we had!

If you find yourself overwhelmed by recent affairs, or just by life in general, it is important to remind yourself of the importance of self-care. Keeping our spirits and energy up with help us greet the world, and those in it, with the best version of ourselves. It will also keep us from being forced to rest when it might be less convenient.

WE NEED THIS TAG! 🔖

This tag is really great! It is something we should all wear. Sure, the ingredients and warning signs may differ slightly, but we are all 100% human. It is true that our contents may vary in size, shape, color and belief. Underneath it all, we are all still human. We all need to be handled with care. I certainly would require caffeine. Wouldn’t it be great if people came with instructions like this? You could look at their tag and know exactly what you are getting. Unfortunately, it does not work that way. We need to put forth a little effort to get to know our fellow humans.

It wouldn’t be a bad idea to make a little tag for each of your friends. Not for them to actually wear, but for your own records. Remember what they enjoy, any warnings that come with that person and anything that would be on a tag if they were to have one. It is important to remember that we are all 100% human, no matter how different we are. We all need to be treated with love, dignity and respect.

LET US SHARE!

Whether it is political nonsense, office gossip or the news in general, we are regularly exposed to negative influences. Think about what you tend to share when you begin a conversation with someone. This could be in person, on the phone, social media, or even via text. How much of the conversation is positive verses negative?

I think we should make it as much of a point to share as much positive as we are able. If we look around, sometimes we have to look hard, there is always something good to find.

The benefits of this are two fold. First, we will make the person we are taking to feel positive by hearing the good news. We will also feel good sharing it. Second, by making sure we always have something good to share, our subconscious mind will be on the lookout for good things in life that we can share. This will go a long way to changing our perspective.

How will waking around with good news in your heart just bursting to share affect your day? My challenge to you is this – for the next 7 days share as much good news as you can. This can be sharing many good things with one person, or sharing one good thing with multiple people. You can start right here by sharing something good with our community!

WHAT WE DO NOW..🗳

As you read this blog, the United States is going through a very important election. One of the more important in my lifetime. It will not only decides who will lead our country, but also many of the elected officials that will serve with them. This will help shape the future of the country for the next few years and beyond. As you might expect, it has also been one of the more polarizing elections as well. Understanding that our control is not so much in electing an official, but how we respond to our family, friends and neighbors. This is especially true of those who may vote or believe different than us.

I am writing this post long before the election is over. I have no clue who will win and it is really not important for the point we are making here. When the dust settles and those we have elected settle in to blaming each other for what is wrong, hopefully balanced out with finding solutions for it as well, we must set the example. Whether the election turns out in favor of your candidate or not, we should act with kindness and humility.

Another very important point is to not stress over national events. Often, quite often actually, political parties and the media will seek to divide us. They do that by filling us with fear and anger. Do not let this happen to you. Tomorrow we will look at wise words that will give us a much better option. Until then, realize that if you voted, you did your part. Focus on what you can control. That is the love you bring to others. Whether you are a force for good in your community or not. We cannot control what those in power do. What we can control is how we use our own power. Let us use it to empower, encourage and inspire. Let us use it to stay united and not give up that power to fear, anger and division.

1 RABBIT OR 2? 🐇

Before some well-meaning reader reminds me, I am fully aware that I used this quote in a post not long ago. No, I am not getting lazy on my mission to post inspiring content for 1000 days straight ( this is day 855) I am posting this quote again because this came up in conversation the other day. One of the wonderful things about having conversations in the self-improvement field is that there is always so much to learn. Even after over 2 decades in the field, I benefit tremendously by staying humble and keeping an open mind. The moment you think you know it all is the moment you cannot learn anything else.

Case in point, this quote. When I wrote about it last time, I used the example of someone who is multitasking. This is a great example as to why that is not a good idea. When we picture someone, even ourselves, trying to chase two rabbits at the same time, the visual is pretty hilarious. That is always how I viewed this quote. The person I was speaking with reminded me of the flipside. “I think it means that when you focus, you are more likely to ‘catch the rabbit'” they said.

What a great way of looking at this quote. It is a reminder of the power of focus, and the penalty of the lack of focus. Working together we had come to this conclusion! There were so many lessons to take away from this. If I had acted as if I knew everything there was to know in the self-improvement industry (which is impossible) than I would not have been open to hearing his great interpretation of this quote. If I had been stuck in my way of thinking I may not have rejoiced in seeing his. Working together we more than doubled the knowledge we took from this inspirational quote.

Keep your mind open and stay humble. Do not forget the power of focus and the penalty for not focusing. Remember, if we chase too many ‘rabbits’ at once we will catch none of them.

MIRROR OR A CELL PHONE 📴

As a speaker, one of the things I enjoy doing is watching other speakers. I can see how they use their body language, how they use their words to get their point across and a million other things. Even things I do not like about their delivery can help me improve my own. To this point, I found myself watching a live seminar by one of my favorite speakers. During his performance, I witnessed something I have never seen at a motivational seminar – a heckler. Why on earth would you go somewhere to be motivated only to heckle the speaker, I have no idea.

This gentleman is a rather passionate and aggressive speaker. If you had your heart set on derailing a motivational seminar, his would not be my first choice. He is also a very smart and quick-witted gentleman. After the heckler had called him a “fake” and said all of his stuff “doesn’t work”, the man calmly asked the man one simple question. “What kind of phone do you have sir?” The man quickly pulled out the latest iPhone. When asked how much it cost the young man, he sheepishly replied his parents had purchased it for him. Passing on the opportunity to address this, the speaker simply asked how much the phone had cost his parents. “About $1000 dollars I guess.” was the young mans reply. Without changing his tone, the speaker asked the young man one final question, “You spend $1000 every year to update your phone. When was the last time you spent $1000 to upgrade yourself?”

I was obviously cheering for my fellow speaker until I realized something. He could have been talking to me. How long had it been since I invested in myself. Sure, I have bought new shoes because I thought they would help me workout better. If I bought a new cellphone I might be able to upgrade my YouTube videos, but that is not investing in myself. That is buying myself new things. What if I invested that money in courses or books to gain more knowledge? That would upgrade my videos in a much better way. I realized it had been quite some time since I had invested in myself.

We often view investing in ourselves as something indulgent or selfish. That is foolish thinking. Look around at the people closest to you in your life. Do you think they would benefit with an improved version of yourself? How about your career? Do you think improving yourself could lead to some advancement or additional compensation? I think we can agree that the answers to all of those questions would be ‘yes’. We are actually improving the lives of those we care about, and the world at large, by improving ourselves and striving to be the best version of ourselves. It is actually a very selfless thing to do.

As the new year approaches, let us all work a little bit harder to balance investing in material things, with investing in ourselves. That investment does not always have to be financial. Committing an hour three days a week to working out is an investment in ourselves. Investing time to read or meal prep is also investing in ourselves. Learning is an investment in ourselves. Therapy or meditation is an investment in ourselves. Saying ‘no’ when our spirit is drained is investing in ourselves. How do you plan on investing in yourself in the new year?