Tag: Self-Help

3 SIDES TO EVERY STORY

Have you ever heard that there are 3 sides to every story? Usually this consists of one side, the other side and the truth, which is somewhere in the middle. That is just one of the reasons you avoid gossip every chance you get. In the picture above you will see another reason to avoid gossip. It is the like game ‘telephone’ you used to play as a child. One person says something and it is passed down from person to person. In what seems like an alarmingly short time, the story does not resemble at all what it first started out as. Gossiping the same way. Taking part in it and you may unknowingly fall victim to information that is quite far from the truth.

Here is another point to mention. Gossip, even if there is a great deal of truth to it, makes the person saying it look bad. When you are sharing bad things about others, especially in a public forum, you look bad. Most people look at someone speaking ill of others and think that they look shallow and vindictive. Even if what you are saying is 100% true, which is seldom the case, what good is there is sharing someone else’s faults with others? It is unlikely to help change what you view to be their faults. It is certain that it will not help the person spreading the gossip. There is one other important thing to consider when you are spreading gossip.

Spreading gossip makes you look untrustworthy. Even if that is the very gossip you are spreading about someone else. Hearing someone say, “Don’t trust her, she can’t be trusted.” People will notice it is coming from someone speaking ill of a person who is not present. How trustworthy is that? Not to mention, the thought that eventually creeps in everyone’s mind who hears gossip is, “If they are saying that about them, what do they say about me when I am not around?” Considering the times that we get upset with others, including those we care about, it is a legitimate question.

If you really feel the urge to gossip, there is a way in which you should do so. If you feel you must discuss people instead of ideas, there is a way in which you can satisfy that urge and maybe even help yourself in the process. That is gossip positively about someone. When was the last time you heard any gossip that was positive? Have you noticed that when people discuss others in their absence it is almost always negative? How do you feel walking away from one of those conversations? It usually brings your energy down and as we discussed earlier, makes you think less of the person doing the gossiping. Now, how would you feel if you were witness to some positive gossip? Never heard of such a thing? Just imagine how you might feel then? One, the person doing the gossip would feel a lot better than had they just been trashing someone. Secondly, those listening would have a much more favorable opinion of the gossiper. Lastly, they would not worry about what you are saying about them when you are not around.

Try this today. Spread some positive gossip. It may even feel weird at first. Run with it anyway. It will force you to think of positive aspects of those you know. This will also help increase your feelings of gratitude. Trust me when I tell you there is never enough gratitude in our lives. Watch other’s reactions when you do this. Watch their faces light up and notice how it will even make them feel good. Word of warning. Sometimes others will be so unused to this that they may try to turn the gossip negative. Do not let that happen. It is not that they are willfully being malicious, it is just that they are also used to gossip being negative. Change the narrative. Be the light in a world of darkness. Next time you hear someone gossiping, let them know you are not interested and walk away.

WHY TIME GOES FASTER AS YOU AGE 😒

This is a phenomenon that young people may have a hard time grasping. How do I know that? When it was told to me when I was young, I recall thinking it was the stupidest thing. How can an hour be more than an hour? Now I am 50 and it feels like every time I sneeze it is next week! Something that Mr. Einstein called the ‘relativity of time’. An hour at the dentist seems a lot longer than an hour out with friends. How can that be? They are both 60 minutes long. Once I read a quote that summed this whole time thing up nicely. The quote was this – “How long 3 minutes is depends on what side of the bathroom door you are on.

Why does time seem to go faster as we age? The photo above gives us a great look into the answer. We tend to have less new experiences. We find things we like and tend to stick with them. Security becomes more important when we age. The ironic thing is that security can cause things to fail. Think of romantic relationships. Far too many marriages end up in divorce. Why is that? Why do two people who were so in love they spent thousands of dollars and invited many of their friends and family to commit to each other, then suddenly never want to see each other again? The reasons can be varied and complex, but one of the main ones is security. A relationship without change is one without growth. If a relationship seldom has anything new, it becomes boring. Then, when it becomes tough or a challenge arises, nobody wants to fight for what is boring.

This is not a post exclusively about marriage or even relationships in general. The relationship example we just mentioned works the same with our life. When our life becomes boring and predictable, what is the point of living it? There is a cliche that states, “Ships are safe in the harbor, but that is not what ships were built for.” People can be safe in their predictable life, but would it really be worth living? Try that new restaurant, take that new class and start that new hobby. Not only will it help you savor your life, but it keeps the mind sharp well into old-age. We only have one life. Let us make sure it is worth living.

WE ARE NOT HERE LONG ENOUGH ⏳️

One of the things that is difficult for many of us is letting things go. This can be made even tougher when there seems to be no good explanation as to why something, or someone, hurt us. You can be thinking hours, days or weeks later, “Why did that happen?” Most of us have had someone say something hurtful to us that has left its mark. It pops up in our heads now and then and we can’t help but wonder, “Why did they say that?” I know I have been there. Perhaps you know why they said it. It could have been completely unfair and unjustified. That can make it even worse.

Do you know what is worse than staying upset? Realizing what we lost by being so. The picture above shows the temperature on my way to work the other morning. Mind you, this is in summer. Only a few days earlier, it was in the 80s. In this state, the weather can turn that quick. Life is much the same. While we are busy being mad or being stressed out ruining our ability to have a good time and enjoy life to the fullest, life is moving on. What do I mean by life is moving on? We are getting older. Those we love are getting older as well. The most common emotion I have seen displayed at funerals is regret. If only I had one more day with them. If only we had spent more time together. Have you ever heard yourself say things like this? Have you thought them to yourself?

See this pretty lady next to me? We occasionally get upset with each other. There is usually a pretty good reason when it does happen. In the heat of the moment we can lose touch with how beautiful it feels to be in love with each other. That is why we like to fix things and get back to loving as quickly as possible. Why is this important? Hourglass. Life is like the sand in an hourglass. It is always slowly draining away. The time we lost fighting is time we will never have back. Say we spend an hour mad at each other. If we are together for 20 more years, we still would have lost that hour of love we could have had. Here is the important bit, we do not know how long we have with each other. Hopefully it is long, but there is the chance it could end for one of us tomorrow. How would we feel if we would have spent 60 minutes of the time we had left mad?

Do not misunderstand me. There are reasons to be upset. You should not fake emotions or not communicate your unhappiness. That will only lead to more problems and resentment later on. The point here is that we should work diligently to discover ways to solve our problems and move on. We all have less time than we think. I do not recall hearing of anyone who looked back on their life and said, “I sure am glad I spent that time being upset.” That is why self-improvement is so important. Becoming our best version of ourselves will allow us to experience more of the joy life has to offer in however much time we have left.

SLOW DOWN THIS WEEKEND 🐌

We touched on this last post. We need to slow down on occasion. Spending time in nature has so many benefits that we have devoted entire posts to it in the past. Laughter is truly the best medicine. Without the best medicine, there is no way your life can be healthy. One thing that wasn’t listed in the photo above that I believe is important is connection. In all of our lives we need to experience, and feel, a sense of connection. With friends, with nature and with ourselves. This can be a spiritual practice, a meditative practice or making it a point to be present with a night out with friends.

A fun little art project that can die this all together is to come up with a ‘Slow down book’. Just my idea of a title, use whatever speaks to you. This can be something as simple as a notebook, or as fancy as you want to be. In this book, record moments where you do slow down and feel connection and inner peace. You can do this by jotting down a memory of the moment, placing photos you have taken of the event or maybe a menu if it is a place to eat. The possibilities are endless. Customize it as you see fit.

Why is creating a ‘memory book’ so important? Can’t we just remember these moments in our head? Sure, but having a tactile reminder can be such a heart-warming experience. It can supply us with extra feelings of gratitude when viewed after the fact. After a stressful day when we are doing our best to think of a way to unwind, we can review the book and see events that have brought us joy in the past. You would be surprised how difficult thinking can be when you are already stressed out.

I would love to hear about some activities that bring you peace and joy. What do you think about the idea of creating a book like this?

HOW TO FLUSH AWAY NEGATIVITY!💩

Tell me this isn’t an odd question to ponder on a self-improvement website? Before we flush out what your bowel movements have to do with improving your life, let us sit down and think about this for a second.

When I was young, people often wrote on bathroom stalls. Usually informing us as to what number to call if we were in search of a good time. In this case, a person  took the time to have us look at an emergency in a whole new way. With the advent of cell phones,graffiti decreased, even if time spent in a stall rose slightly.

How about at home? Some people grab their copy of War and Peace, or whatever they happen to be reading at the moment. I would suggest any of the great works by the author Neil Panosian, but I might be biased. Some just sit and think while they wait for the miracle to happen.

Have you ever noticed that’s when some of your greatest ideas occur to you? I think that stems from the fact that in this busy world it is one of the few times we are left alone with our thoughts. What I am about to suggest now may sound like a crappy idea, but hear me out and out might just change your life!

If you read our post on what to do when you shower, you might have an idea where this is going. Going to the bathroom, like showering, is hopefully a fairly regular affair. Putting this time to use as a self-improvement moment can transform our life.

In an attempt to maintain eloquence, when you use the porcelain throne, you are eliminating toxins from your body. Stuff you don’t need and could make you sick. Why not use this time to visualize eliminating mental and spiritual toxins as well? A toilet meditation? Why not? You’re there anyway, you might as well put the time to good use!

Just like the shower example, it is not something we would have to do every time. Using our toilet time as a moment of self-care or self-development could help us empower our life. Imagine walking out of the restroom a more empowered and fulfilled person. It sure beats reading about what pop star got engaged to what football player.

3 STEPS TO PARADISE 🌴

As much as I would like this post to be about 3 steps to finding yourself on a tropical beach somewhere, that is not what we are discussing today. This is something even better! What could be better than being on a tropical beach? Can you believe that I even said there is something better? What is better is living a life that you do not need a vacation from. That has been so much in self-improvement circles that it almost sounds cliche. Living this kind of life is not as difficult as one may think. The principles we are going to discuss can be applied on a beach in Jamaica, or while working in a state that seems to have 9 months of winter…hypothetically.

Paradise, like this dinner on the beach in the Bahamas Margie and I shared, can be reached inside one’s soul. The first of the three steps listed above in a good thought. I cannot mention how much this can change your situation. Just this morning I was working on a very physically demanding task at my day job. Struggling to get through it, I thought of the beautiful lady above and how I was earning money to be able to do things to bring a smile to her face. Would you believe that gave me not only the boost of energy to continue, but made the task an almost pleasant means to an end.

The second step to paradise, going by the quote we started with, is a good word. This is certainly something the world needs. There is quite a bit of negative, angry and depressing words around. Sharing a good word with others can not only change their world, but yours as well. That word could be encouragement, a genuine compliment or just sharing of good news. In doing this, you create a more pleasant environment for all of those around you, and in turn, they tend to be in a better mood. When you are surrounded by people in a good mood, that makes your life a lot sweeter.

The last step to paradise is a good deed. Like making delicious tacos for the man who loves you so much. Margie made me these tacos the other night after a hard days work. I cannot begin to explain the joy, gratitude and love for her this kind deed invoked. When you do a kind deed for others, again it is a win/win situation. You make them not only happy, but grateful that you are in their life. How do you think that will affect your future interactions with them? You also get a feeling of contentment knowing that you have brought joy or assistance to someone else’s life.

Using the principles discussed in the quote above, people who think good thoughts, speak good words and do good deeds will have a life that feels like paradise. That is why people who may appear to have it all, but do not practice these three things, will not have a fulfilling life. If you are thinking about revenge, speaking with a lot of sarcasm, and worried only about yourself, your life will never feel like paradise. Does your life feel like you need a vacation? It happens to all of us. Just do more of the three things above and soon your life will begin to feel better than ever.

NEXT TIME YOU SHOWER..

Far be it from me to advise you what to do while you are in the shower. That seems a little invasive from someone you may have never met on the other side of the screen. This meditation might be another secret we could all add to help us reach that amazing life. Developing rituals that lead us in the direction we wish our life to go will be something discussed in depth in my next book. Until that is released, allow me to share this idea with you.

Showering is something we all hopefully do on a regular basis. Why not turn this experience into one that refreshes our soul and spirit? Picturing, and feeling, all of this happen can really give us a change in attitude. I often say when stuck around people who have a ‘sunshine challenged’ attitude that I need to take a shower. This is metaphorical, but I guess does not have to be. Showers are cleansing physically, why not mentally and spiritually as well?

Take the time you spend in the shower to mentally disconnect for a while. It is warm, you are by yourself, you can’t really hear much. If you have a shower speaker, maybe some meditative music would be nice. Picture all of the negativity of the day being washed off you and going down the drain. Feel your energy being renewed. It may be that little bit of peace you need in the middle of a chaotic day,

There are many other cleansing rituals that people do that can work as well. In Native culture there is smoke from smudge or sage that is used to cleanse spiritually. That are people who go to special mineral baths to bath in. Showers are nice because most of us use them on a regular basis. It might be fun to employ this same thinking next time you are caught in the rain as well. The waters could be washing all of the negative energy in your life away. By the time you arrive home, your clothes may be heavier, but your spirit will be lighter.

ACCEPTANCE LEADS TO CHANGE

There is a very important lesson in this quote. That lesson is the need to be honest with yourself. If we fail to enact this first step, we will never succeed in our path to self-improvement. I am living proof. It was not until I became honest about who I was, and learned to accept it, that I could begin to improve on some of the areas I need to. That is why constructive criticism can be so helpful. Quite often, we simply do not know what we do not know. This is especially true about ourselves. It can be very difficult to hold up an honest mirror.

Accepting who we are is so important because it allows us to have a starting point. Think of a map. If you do not know where you are starting from, how do you know what path to take to get to where you want to go? Accepting yourself does not mean that you are satisfied, or not acknowledging that there are areas that need improvement. It means that you came to terms with who you are. You are no longer fighting against yourself. When we refuse to accept what we truly are, we are like that hamster in the the wheel. We can work as hard as we want, but we will not get anywhere.

Set aside some time for quiet reflection as to your true identity. If you are brave enough, seek help from a trusted and loving friend. Do not forget to show them compassion and understand that they are not hurting you by making you aware of some of your faults. Then, lovingly accept who you are. That is both the areas that are amazing as well as those that could use a little improvement. The sooner you do this, the quicker you can begin to improve yourself and your life.

3 STEPS TO A SUCCESSFUL MONDAY ✨️

Life isn’t as complicated as we sometimes make it. Take Monday for example. Here we are. The start of the work week. Most of what makes Monday so dreadful is a the psychology. We begin to dread the day the night before. The end of our weekend. Back to the grind.

What if we took a few steps to make Monday a lot more successful? The photo above is a great start. Stay focused on your goals. In other words, think of the big picture. Maybe you have a vacation coming up in a few months? Maybe you are saving up for a gift for someone you love. Think of everything your job allows you to do.

Next is keeping a positive attitude. That can be made a lot easier by thinking of what your job allows you to do. Would we rather be able to make money sitting on the beach? Sure, but the next best thing is to earn money to take that beach vacation. Not to mention keeping the lights and power on until then.

Lastly is work hard. I’ve said it before. Hard work cures a lot of ills. When you work hard you have little time to waste on petty drama so many worry about. When you work hard you earn your sleep. Hard work builds character and self-confidence.

This Monday, focus on your goals, stay positive and work hard. Friday will be here before you know it!

YOU HAVE TO WORK FOR IT!

It would seem that far too many people are complaining about where they are in life without working to change it. Maybe it is having a year of isolation that has people forgetting they are not entitled to anything. You get what you earn in life. If you want more, or something better, the solution is simple – work harder.

Another important aspect to remember about this is entitlement leads to a lack of control. When you are waiting for the world to change for you, essentially you are putting control of your life in the world’s hands. The world, in this case, is everyone and everything else. Is that who you want controlling your life? Everyone and everything else? Not me! I want to control my own fate. Working hard and having ownership over your decisions and mistakes is what makes life yours.

I am not taking to you, I’m talking with you. I have been there. Complaining the world wasn’t fair. It often isn’t. Waiting for others or my situation to change. It never did. Do you know where that got me? Nowhere! It actually had me falling behind those who accepted life as it was and then worked to change themselves and improve for the better.