I am not a huge fan of the term “Social Distancing”. It is my belief that it should have been called physical distancing. During this pandemic, I think it was important to stay as social and connected as we could. communication and social interaction is very important part of keeping our emotional and mental health running smoothly. Video chatting with family, zoom meetings with not only work, but friends as well, texting, messaging and of course a good old-fashioned phone call are so important. It can provide both us and them a feeling of connection, love and support.
Now that, in some places, restrictions and rules are being lifted we are able to gather with each other once again. In some situations, we can shake hands and give each other a hug. Which not only makes us feel good physically, but has great effects mentally as well. Even being able to see a face not covered up with a mask is almost enough to send a heart soaring. This may sound like hyperbole, but after so long of not being able to see smiles on the faces we encounter every day, it is not far from truth.
If there was one plus to having to maintain distance from everyone, it is that we had to maintain distance from those who do not serve our best interest. Whether that is someone who is a gossip and says bad stuff behind our back, or just the Debbie downer type person who always has a black to our white, being away from them probably did us some real good. As we are adjusting our lives back to what is the new normal, we should seriously consider leaving these folks in the rear view mirror.
This may sound harsh or mean to some, but it is the exact opposite. Your peace of mind and inner joy is worth so much more than you realize. Take the time and effort to recreate your life to your standards. If there are pieces, or more to the point people, that to not add to your life, it may be time to let them go. This does not have to be done in the spirit of anger or malice, but of love for yourself. We are presented a unique opportunity in these challenging times. Now that we are slowly adding events and individuals back into our lives, we can do so with the thought of building a better life. I encourage you to put you and your happiness first when it comes to forming new connections as we move forward. You deserve to have the best life possible, do not settle for anything less.
We touched on this last week, but we are going to double down today. My third book is currently in the works. I swear as an author you are either just starting a book, in the middle of a book or just finishing a book. Actually, it is usually a combination of all three. Back to our thought for today’s post. My third book will be titled “Life is a Party, put your name on the guest list”. The idea is how to live life in such a way that it generally feels like one continuous party. This is actually easier than you think it may be. As with my first two books, inside this upcoming book will be tools that will help you turn your life into one amazing celebration.
I am going to share one of the ideas that will be in my book with you here today. You must take time to celebrate. I don’t mean a slight pause on birthdays and holidays. What we are talking about today is scheduling celebration days. I suggest a minimum of once a week. We will get into what to celebrate in a second, but first let us look at why we should do this. Planning something to celebrate gives your brain and you as a whole, something to look forward to. If all you have is a yearly vacation that can make the other 11 months + a little hard to cope with. If you look forward to the weekend, but it is filled with accomplishing the chores you had no time to get to during the week, that is not much to go on either. What we need is a little inspirational fuel to power us through the tough days. If you celebrate every Friday, that means you will have something to look forward to every 7 days. If you do it twice a week, every 3 days or so you will have a celebration to look forward to. If we are honest with ourselves, isn’t easier to push through when we have something to look forward to celebrating? Providing emotional and inspirational motivation is one reason to schedule celebration days.
The next reason is the actual day itself. How do you feel when you are celebrating? Excited? Happy? Perhaps even a little grateful? Who wouldn’t want to feel this way more often? The second ‘why’ of living life in celebration is the feeling of elation that comes with it. Keeping in a positive emotional state can do so many wonders for us. Increasing our life expectancy. Strengthening our immune system so we stay healthy. Science has even shown it can help speed healing and recovery from illness. Being in a positive emotional state can also help us get along better with others. We become more compassionate and understanding. We are just more fun to be around as well. It is also good if you are looking to attract the partner of your dreams. There is no better accessory one can put on than a smile. Happier people are just more attractive. When we are celebrating something we are in a healthier, more positive emotional state.
Can you imagine life as a state of celebration? How can we do this and what on earth can we be celebrating so often? Glad you asked! The list of things to celebrate is endless. Even if you find yourself living a life that is far from your ideal, you can still find things to celebrate. Our friend for self-improvement, Google, can help us. Look up “holidays for _____” and just put in tomorrow’s date. There will be a list of holidays that you never knew existed. For example, tomorrow will be July 6th. Holidays on this day include International Kissing Day. Think of the fun ways you can celebrate this day! Come home and instead of complaining about the work day, plant a passionate kiss on the lips of your spouse! Maybe even follow that with a card that says how much you love their kisses. Don’t have a special someone in your life or wish to use your mouth in a different way? It is also Fried Chicken Day. Treat yourself to your favorite chicken spot. Maybe try recreating grandma’s fried chicken recipe.
What if none of these holidays work for you? Perhaps you are single and your ex was a butcher so you have decided to become a vegetarian? No fear! There is so much around us to celebrate it is almost criminal that we are not always in a state of celebration. The origin of the word ‘celebrate’ comes from Latin and means frequented or honored. How many people in your life can you honor? Think of how you would feel if one of your friends informed you they have decided today they are going to celebrate you, especially if it is not your birthday? How would you celebrate a friend? Take them out for coffee or dinner? Do a post of appreciation on social media? Send them a card? Maybe a small token of appreciation? The possibilities are plenty! We can even celebrate our favorite celebrities! Pick a favorite actor and set aside an evening and a bowl of popcorn and have night watching a few of their films. This can be done with singers or even authors and blog writers!
Having someone or something to celebrate not only gives us something to look forward to, but allows us to exercise our creative muscles in deciding how to celebrate. We can celebrate our favorite animal. We celebrate our favorite kinds of food. I am looking outside the window right now appreciating how lovely the trees look. Could somebody really have a day celebrating trees? Why not! Can you imagine living in a place with no trees? Not so pleasant. How would you celebrate trees? I am really not sure, but it could be fun to come up with an idea. I am looking forward to hearing your thoughts on what you can celebrate and how. Please feel free to share them in the comments below!
Do you recall the idea of getting a time out from when you were a child? The version may differ slightly, but generally involves having a child sit on a chair in a corner when they misbehave. My first recollection of having a timeout happened in preschool (I am sure I have several before that, but my memory is hazy) The teacher had left the room for a few minutes and I decided to lead the entire class out of the school on a impromptu field trip to a local park I knew of. This was not done out of any reaction to authority or a desire to cause trouble. Those skills would come along later in my life. It was done because I genuinely wished to share my enjoyment of the park with my classmates. I can only imagine the feeling the teacher had returning the classroom to discover all of her students missing. I can further muse as to what her thoughts were as she saw us walking down the street outside her window. Whatever those thoughts may have been, the result for me was one thing – timeout.
To this day, I still do things that would put me in a timeout chair. Ask Margie and I am sure you would get a good sized list. The idea behind a timeout chair is twofold to my best estimation. First, it is to show the person there is consequence for their actions. “You must sit here while the rest of the kids get to play” kind of thing. I am not sure how affective that part might be. The other part of serving a timeout is to give you ‘time to think about what you done’. The prevailing thought would be that this young child would use this time facing the corner or whatever to think about why they did what they did, how it impacted others and what would have been a better solution. Most of the time I believe children spend thinking of how upset they are at their teachers or parents and pondering if dragons or unicorns really exist.
As an adult, nobody is going to ‘give you a timeout’. That may seem like a good thing until you really think about it. With nobody watching our behavior, things can go sideways in a hurry. We need to give ourselves timeouts on occasion. I think this would be a healthy idea. Yelled at your spouse instead of handling it in a healthy way? You get a timeout. Hit snooze on your alarm clock one too many times and were late for work? You get a timeout. Sacrificed your family to put in extra hours at work for a long period of time? You not only get a timeout, but might actually need one. Nobody is going to tell us we need a timeout as an adult, I would guess, but ourselves. Matthew McConaughey calls it our own personal Jiminy Cricket, referring to the insect that served as the conscious of the wooden boy in Pinocchio. We must serve as our own judge and jury. If we are honest with ourselves (something that make take a little time if we are out of practice) we know when we have done something that doesn’t live up to our standards. In other words, something that deserves a timeout.
We have done some blockheaded move that deserves a timeout. What then? Just like when we were children, we should find some out of the way place to sit and think about what we did, the effect it had on others and how we could have done it better. As you can tell by the pictures in this post, I have an idea where my timeout chair should be. That is the caveat here. It does not have to face the corner of a white wall, it doesn’t even have to be uncomfortable. It should just be a place free of distractions that allows us to be alone with our thoughts for a while. That could be a chair on the beach, a bench in a park or even sitting in our car in a parking lot while we figure things out. This is a good practice to share with others. It may very well help them in their own lives.
Time alone with our thoughts should not be viewed as a punishment. After viewing a ‘timeout’ through the lens of our childhood this may take some recalibration. It should be viewed as a chance to learn and grow. To turn a mistake into a lesson and a chance to do better the next time. Think about where your timeout spot could be. Perhaps give yourself several options to accommodate weather and other obstacles. I would love to hear about where you have decided your timeout spot should be and what you will do during your timeout to make it valuable to you.
Today is the first of July. This also happens to be the month in which I was born. One of the things I have learned from the love of my life is that it is ok to celebrate this occasion all month long. As she informs me, “It is not your birthday it is your birth month” I am not sure how she came up with this and I do confess to have found it rather silly to begin with. Like many things she has brought into my life, upon further inspection I have come to see the great gift in this. We spend 11 months of the year sacrificing our health, our time and our well-being for others, for our work, for our world in general. We should, at the very least, take one month of the year to celebrate and focus on ourselves. It is a great recharge and recalibration of life. Discovering and being reminded of the gifts we bring to the world is not only important for the way we live our lives, but would certainly take more than a day. So I say, celebrate your birth month!
Michael Beckwith, one of my favorite mentors, encourages us to ask ourselves what we can celebrate everyday. Can you imagine if everyday of your life was a celebration? It really can, and should be! There is so much in our lives that we can be grateful for we really have a reason to celebrate everyday. Even if you are short of reasons to celebrate, just look up holiday on ____ and put today’s date in the blank. There are holidays everyday of the year. July 1st, for example, is National Postal worker day. That is a double for me. It is my birth month and I am a postal worker! It is also National gingersnap day, National creative ice cream flavor day, and for my friends north of the border, today is also Canada day. What fun ways could you celebrate all of those? Imagine doing this daily? Life would be one continuous celebration!
Back to the birth month idea. Imagine if you could come up with 30, or in the case of my birth month 31, ways in which to celebrate yourself? How good would you feel about yourself at the end of the month? How might that good feeling impact the way you interact with the world? I can assure you that a confident and happy Neil interacts with the world a lot better than a self-conscious and doubtful Neil. For my friends that are a bit too humble to dive into this right away, their are still ways to celebrate. Celebrate all of the ways you make others happy. Celebrate the ways in which you make a good spouse. Celebrate ways in which you can bring your gifts to benefit the world. Celebrating yourself does not have to be an exercise in ego, but taking a break from focusing on your faults and starting to focus on your finer attributes. You may discover this feels so good that you decide to do it more often.
It is true there can be a great deal of growth and self-improvement by studying our faults. There is, however, a totally different kind of growth that can be had by focusing on our gifts and talents. Developing them can leave us not only feeling happier and more fulfilled, but increase the way in which we can contribute to the world. Another great thing to keep in mind for our more humble-minded friends. This month of self-celebration can result in us being able to better share our gifts with the world or at the very least show up as a happier, more self-confident version of ourselves. Can you think of 30 or 31 ways in which to celebrate the awesome person you are? I believe you can and you should!
Let us all decide to use our birth month to our advantage. What if July is not the month you were born in? It’s ok, I give you permission to borrow mine. Plus, let’s face it, you haven’t celebrated a birth month up to this point, you deserve a bonus one this year. Starting today, think of one way a day to celebrate how you are awesome. It may seem like a challenge at first, but it can be fun as you get used to it. If you want to be really brave, share this experiment with others. Get you spouse or your coworkers involved. Encourage them to celebrate themselves everyday for a month. Offer ways in which you think they are amazing and ask them the same about you. Share your celebration with those you care about. Celebrate them as they celebrate you. It will end up with both of you feeling better about each other and yourselves. I encourage you to do this with everyone in your life. Can you imagine how good your friend will feel if everyday in their birth month you text them something you admire about them? Imagine the great work this could do in your intimate relationship? Celebrate my friends. Please leave both the ways you are celebrating yourself and what you are celebrating in the comments below.
I hear many people discuss how they have decided to remove certain people out of their lives because they want to reduce the amount of negativity/drama/disrespect that these people bring. Good plan. I actually heard no less than 3 examples of this last night. What I find ironic is that this is usually followed up by how much they are concerned that these people are upset with them. This is just another part of the drama and disrespect. If you truly want peace in your life, you may have to deal with some folks not being happy about that. Rest assured they will find another soul to peddle their drama with. They are just upset at the prospect that their audience has decreased by the size of one. This is no longer your problem.
I love this quote because it is quite true. If you were to be asked directly, “What would you give up your peace of mind for?” the answer would be quite high or maybe even nothing at all. Yet, when done indirectly, we settle for some quite low sums. We give up our peace of mind so our coworkers will like us. We give up our peace of mind so we will not look foolish in front of others. We may not look at quite this way, but that is exactly what we are doing. When we engage in needless gossip at work or in a social setting just to fit in, we are giving up our inner peace. There is nothing that will destroy our inner peace like speaking ill of others. When we don’t speak up when we disagree with something that is happening or being said around us, we are giving up our inner peace just so others will not think us as different or rediculous.
Here is another way we negotiate our peace of mind for a price far lower than we should – we react to others. This is one I can be guilty of myself. If someone does something to upset you it can be hard to let that go. It might be bouncing around in your head for some time after. Those pressing thoughts like “Why on earth did they say/do that?” If asked, “Is it true that all someone has to do is say or act in a certain way and you will let them decide your emotional well-being?” Most of us would certainly respond that there is no way we will give them that kind of control over us. Still, isn’t that what we are doing when we let the actions of others upset us? Especially long after the event has occurred. It is a thought worth considering. Next time we find ourselves upset at the actions of others we should ask ourselves this very important question, “Am I negotiating my peace of mind at a price far lower than I deserve? Am I also giving this person’s words and actions control over my mental well-being?” Reframing it this way can change how much importance we place on the poor choices others make and how we let it affect us.
Next time you find yourself concerned that certain people may be exiting your life and taking their drama with them, realize this is the price they are paying for your peace of mind. Is having this person in your life worth the unnecessary drama they bring? All of our friends have problems and down times that we must support them through, but being someone who fills your life with at constant stream of negativity is something you do not need. If you find yourself being upset over the words and actions of these folks it is time to make a change. If they are owning to much space in your head or your heart raise the rent or evict them.
When it comes to the area of self-improvement, one of the things that prevents people, including myself, from using what they know is the complicated nature of it. To be honest, the easier and quicker something works, the more likely I am to implement it in my daily life. It was this thinking that drove the creation of my first book, A Happy Life for Busy People. In it, I used tools that take only 2 to 5 minutes and can have dramatic change in your life. The reason I wrote that book was simple. I wanted to change my life, but every book I read usually contained a litany of changes that involved complex processes. With everything I do in my life, that wasn’t happening. Life is complicated enough, improving it shouldn’t be.
That is why I like the quote above. It gives us 3 criteria to measure things in life by. If what you are doing doesn’t fit these 3 areas, plus a bonus one I am going to give you at the end of this article, then it probably isn’t worth doing. Let’s take them one at a time starting with the first one – make your parents proud. I would say we could even substitute the word ‘parents’ for those who believe in you. When you think of your parents, or people who believe in you and support you, what comes to mind? To me, it is a feeling of gratitude. I am overwhelmed by people who often believe in me more than I do. This can go for your spouse too. When you are making life decisions, especially ones involving morals and character, it is important to think of those who count on you and stand with you. If something would cast you in a negative light, think of how it may affect these individuals. That will help keep you on the straight and narrow path.
To me, this is the least motivating of the 3 steps, but worth considering. I usually recommend not wasting time, energy or thoughts on those who speak or act against you. As with many things in life, this can be easier said than done. This is especially true if the offense comes from somebody you did not expect and can feel like a betrayal. Those really sting. In this case, as is the case if it comes from somebody you don’t like, becoming the best version of yourself is the best answer. I recall a quote from Frank Sinatra – “The best revenge is massive success.” How foolish does someone who speaks ill of you look when you are being the best version of yourself? This includes being kind and compassionate towards others as well as material and life success. Being a great human being does not make you immune from criticism, there are people who will criticize the best of us, but does certainly make those things said against you a lot less believable. Next time you hear or see someone being against you, say to yourself, “thank you for reminding me to be the best version of myself so what you are saying looks foolish.”
The last of the 3 steps listed is one of the most important – make yourself happy. People may view this as a selfish thing to be concerned about, but the opposite is really true. Think about how you treat others when you are happy? Are you more tolerant? How about more forgiving? When you are happy, do you tend to spread that cheer to others? Now, think about how you are to be around when you are unhappy or feeling miserable? Are you more easily upset? Do you tend to complain more? Who would you rather be around, someone who is happy or someone who is not? Being in a positive state has many benefits for you as well. It strengthens the immune system. It prevents things like high blood pressure and upset stomach that being upset can cause. When you are happy you are better able to handle stress and make decisions. You become a more creative problem solver. It helps reduce pain and adds years to your life.
If you still have a problem focusing on making yourself happy here is a thought to help. It does not have to be a you/them proposition. If fact, doing things that make you happy at the cost of other’s happiness will generally make you less happy in the long run. You may need to say ‘no’ to attending a social function and you may need to disappoint people at times for your own physical and mental well-being and that is ok. Quite often explaining that to someone can reveal what degree of friend they are to you. Doing something that will cause another person harm or pain, be it emotional or physical, for your own benefit will leave you feeling regret and guilt in the long run. Chances are it will also leave you with less friends, which in turn will leave you with a lot less happiness. Most of the time, however, keeping yourself happy will also keep your friends happy. When you take time and effort to make yourself happy, you can show up to be a better friend/lover/coworker for those in your life.
Bonus time! If you are looking for another question to ask yourself, try asking this one – Does it make the world a better place? Think of things like throwing your empty bottle in the recycle bin instead of the trash. Not only will that small step make a difference, but it will give you a little feeling of happiness. This isn’t limited to being a responsible consumer, but a responsible human being. Think of what a difference treating everyone with respect and kindness would make? Think of doing this with everyone one you come in contact with? How would the ripple effect of that change the world? Think of the effect if everyone you came in contact with did that? World changing.
I would suggest making sure most of what you do fits in one of these categories. Does it make your parents, and those who believe in you proud? Would it make your enemies jealous or look foolish for speaking ill of you? Would it make you a happier person so you could bring the best version of you to the world? Would what your doing make the world a better place? If so, do it! If not, find a way that it can fit one of these categories. As for myself, I am going to start thinking of activities that I can do more often that may fit several, if not all of these categories. These are 3 steps to living an amazing life.
On a cold day in December of 2013, my first book A Happy Life for Busy People, was released. It featured some of the best blogs I had written to that point. Focused primarily on happiness, that book was my first dive into the vast ocean of writing. In reflection, that seems like a lifetime ago. My life was different, and I was a different person.
Before that book was even released for sale, I had begun writing the follow up book. The idea was to live a life that felt like you were on vacation, no matter where you were physically. The first step was learning to do this myself. There was much research involved. I interviewed people who seemed to keep a positive resolve despite the most negative of circumstances . I also read and researched countless books and articles on positivity, productivity, spirituality and many other topics related to life satisfaction. I gave many seminars and spoke with those who attended to see what their experiences and challenges were. Through this very blog, I have had the pleasure of connecting with wonderful people from around the globe. I even took a trip to Jamaica with Margie to reconnect with how it feels to actually be on vacation. All in the name of research of course.
Over the next 8 long years, I began to write, rewrite, and try out many of these ideas. In the course of discovering how to turn my own life into something I loved, I had to overcome many of the obstacles we all face from time to time. Loss of a job, loss of those we love, loss of friendships and even the addition, loss and addition again of some extra weight. Realizing life is multifaceted, I began to work on improving one area at a time. Doing so allowed me to gain momentum for improving my life. I began to discover what worked in each one. Some worked in several areas, some methods had to be employed differently depending on the situation.
As you can imagine, this also required making many mistakes. Each one was a valuable learning opportunity. I knew the more mistakes I made and learned from, the less you, my reader, would have to endure. I discovered not only what worked, but how to put it to work in your own life. Imagine instead of waking up with dread, you wake up with a sense of passion and purpose for the day? As you’re going through the day, the feeling of being stressed replaced with one of inner peace? Imagine being able to do all of this without switching jobs (unless you want to), partners or even winning the lottery? Imagine being able to do all of this by using simple secrets that take mere minutes a day and are enjoyable too! You will watch your life improve like magic all while enjoying the process! You may be thinking, “Neil you are living a dream!” I would tell you that you are correct! You too can be Living the Dream by getting your hands on my new book! It can start the day you read the very first page!
Busy People enjoying a happy life!
Last book we showed you how to have a happy life, even if it is a busy one. In this new book you will learn many amazing secrets including, but not limited to the following. You will learn the three levels of life you must master. You will learn how to develop a champion’s mindset. You will discover the essential keys to success and how to use them to unlock any door in life you please. You will be given the magic pill that will transform your life and learn how to become immortal. I will share with you the four-letter word that used to offend me, but now helps me transform my life for the better and accomplish great things with amazing speed. How about relationships? You will learn the one word the will allow you to get inside anyone’s head and know what makes them happy and what does not. Would you like inspiring stories filled with secrets about how others created the life of their dreams? You will find that in your copy of Living the Dream as well! I am so excited for you to get your hands on this life-changing book and begin to turn the life you have into the life your love! Do yourself a favor and click the link below and order your copy today. I look forward to hearing all of the great things it will allow you to do in your own life.
Growing up, many of us did things we thought were silly just to fit in. We wanted to be part of that certain peer group. Looking back some of these things may seem kind of foolish. One thing that we may have done as well is hide aspects of ourselves we thought people might not like. Perhaps we worried about not seeming ‘cool’ enough. We liked a movie we thought everyone might make fun of us for. Maybe there were even certain friends we didn’t speak to because they didn’t fit that cool group we were looking to be a part of.
I did a lot of stupid things while I was growing up. I think we could all claim that statement to some degree. One thing I was proud of is that I never let anyone decide who I should speak to or be friends with. Even at an early age I realized that all of us have value in different ways. To my everlasting joy this has brought more to my life to most anything else I can think of. The gift of relationships I had formed back then and since have brought me countless blessings.
One thing I did do, and continued to do through adulthood is keep some of who I am to myself. We may worry that revealing too much will leave us vulnerable and open to criticism. It is something I suppose we begin in our teens and carry with through adulthood. We don’t want those at the office thinking we are some kind of weirdo. As we grow older it seems more difficult to make new and deep friendships. I am not 100% certain as to why that might be, I suppose there are several reasons that factor in. So we hide little bits of ourselves in hopes we may not offend too many. We also do want the added drama that comes with showing our true nature. There are times when this is prudent. If you know someone has passionate and opposing views on politics or religion for example, it may be wise to avoid broaching those subjects.
If, however, we really want to develop deep and lasting friendships we should be our complete and full versions of ourselves. As long as we are not hurting others, we should let our light shine as bright as it can. This does two very important things. First, it lets people know who you really are. You may find people who share the same interests that you have you may have considered weird. Like to go ghost hunting? Do you enjoy visiting classic diners? Perhaps you have an interest in bird watching? (these are all true of me btw) The more you put this information out there, the more people will know and you will find yourself crossing paths with those who have similar interests. Even friends who might not share your exact interests, may have a different friend who does and introduce you. Attending events that center around these interests can introduce you to a whole new group of friends. This is something that seems to be difficult as we grow older. Will there be a few who still may give you a hard time or even belittle you for your interests? I am not going to lie, the answer is ‘yes’. There are simply those who haven’t grown up yet. It could be that they are doing so because they are afraid of revealing who they truly are. It could also be that they are just jerks when it comes to that. Which is information that is good to know as well.
The second, and perhaps more powerful thing that being your authentic self does is provide freedom. It can give those around you the freedom and courage to be their authentic self. Margie does this for me to this day. I can still be slightly guarded, and with her free spirit and silly humor can give me the courage to open up a little more.
What I think living life as the truest version of yourself does the best is give you personal freedom. It allows you to live life with a passion and inner joy that those who hide who they are will never fully experience. It also helps you grow and blossom to become even more of what you were born to be. If there is one thing this world needs it is people living the life they love.
In a personal example, I used to keep my self-improvement studies and interests to myself. I figured “who would be interested in this anyway?” I thought it may be to ‘new age’ for some people. I was right, but to a much smaller degree than I anticipated. This is true for almost any interest. What was interesting was that I began to include a circle of new and wonderful people from around the world who share this passion. I have been able to offer them some insight and they have done the same for me! The more of myself I let show, the more free I feel and the deeper the sense of inner peace I experience.
It takes bravery and courage to show the world who you are. The payoff is a group of friends that you can truly connect with and who when they like you, will be liking the complete and true version of who you are. It also helps you bring the most to the world in the time you are here. What is the most beautiful thing is that is provides a sense of inner peace and freedom knowing you can be loved for who you truly are. Be yourself my friends! There is no greater gift you could give yourself or the world.
I’m not one to promote ‘life hacks’ as a solution. Generally, it takes consistent action and work to change one’s life for the better. This idea above can certainly guide us in the right direction. If we consistently ask ourselves how the person we want to become spend their time, we will find ourselves wasting a lot less time.
Another way to do this is to write down everything you do one day and how much time you spend on it. Do not try to alter what you would normally do. If you find yourself sitting down watching meaningless YouTube videos for 30 minutes, write that down. Do you scroll through social media for just a little bit? Write down when you start and when you end. It may shock you how much time all of those little bits add up to. Also, write down what you do that is productive and how long you spend on that. Did it seem like forever you spent cleaning the house or sending emails out to promote your business? Write down when you started and when you stopped.
As you spend time sitting and pondering what the person you are striving to be would do, it would be helpful to pull out your list. This is not merely to find out how much time you are spending productively verses unproductively, but gives you a list of other benefits as well. It will show you when you tend to be most productive during the day, as well as when you seem to fall victim to distraction. You could use this information to better plan when you should schedule work related items verses recreational items. Adding items from the list of things the person you are working on becoming would do will be easier if you have this list as well. If you spend an hour a day watching videos of bears sitting at picnic tables, it may be more beneficial to slip in a few videos of cost effective ways to promote your book. Maybe if you would like to dedicate a certain amount of time to getting the the house in order you could look at your daily list and find out when you seem to have the most energy and set a timer for 30 minutes.
Thinking about how the person you want to be would spend their time will keep you disciplined to not waste as much time and make better use of the time you have. This does not mean there is no time for recreation, but that there is certainly ways in which time can be better spent. Perhaps having a picture, or pictures, of the kind of person you wish to become posted where you will see them will also serve as a good reminder. Remember it takes more than asking yourself this question once. Ask yourself at least once a day, preferably first thing in the morning, how would the person you are trying to be spend their time and energy? This will give you some great energy and plans for your day. Do this often enough and in no time you will become the person you are striving for.
These next few posts are going to be a collection of lessons that I have learned from coworkers. Three different people, three different post offices. We begin in the sunny town of Franksville where I used to be postmaster. I was discussing self-improvement and introspective topics with the person who works there. We often have brief but intense discussions on some of our favorite people who inspire us.
On this particular day, the young lady mentioned she had been having some stressful days where she was feeling down. She was concerned that in her journey she might be taking a step back. I think any of us on a path to improving our lives and ourselves, have felt something similar. One of the most common questions I am asked at book signings, seminars and just by people I interact with is “Do you ever have a bad day?” “Are there days you are not in a good mood?” My answer is simple, of course I do. Everyone has days in their life where things just seem to go south when you would like them to go north. I actually had my day start that way today.
Does this mean we are not being successful in our self-improvement journey? Does this mean we are somehow doing it wrong? Are the amount of days we feel down indicative to our progress in life? Not at all! As the movie Forest Gump made light of, “Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you might get.” There are many situations that are beyond our control. Some moments it would appear we are having a run of ‘good luck’ where other times it would seem ‘the deck is stacked against us’. I am here to tell you that kind of thinking is a bunch of BS! (Belief systems).
Our success is not in eliminating every single challenge in life. We will all have days or more to the point, moments when life gets the best of us. The true test of our character is in shortening both the intensity and duration of those experiences. In fact, we grow most in times of pain and challenge. We learn the most about ourselves, those we care about and the world around us when times see the darkest. It is in putting these situations to work for us that we can take an experience that is a negative and turn it into a positive. Like finding a big hole in the ground and turning it into a mind in which we pull diamonds out of. These diamonds are better than jewels though. They can be diamonds of physical, mental and emotional strength we never knew we had. It can be the jewel of gratitude for those who help us when we are down.
How can we turn all of these negative situations in positive ones? I am going to give you a quick tool to start using by the end of our time together here today. Here it is – ask two simple questions. It would be a good idea to write these two questions down so when times get tough you don’t have to search for them on top of everything else. The first one we kind of alluded to earlier. How can I use this? Can I use it to be better prepared for a similar event in the future? Can I use it to develop a skill that I do not have at this moment in time? Can I use it to stoke the fires of motivation I have to succeed in the future?
The second question we should ask ourselves when things are bad is What is good about this? If you ask this question second it usually works a lot better. Once you found how to put your grief/pain/anger/sadness or whatever other challenging emotion to work for you, it can be a lot easier to find something positive in it. Perhaps you are experiencing the pain of regret over not spending enough time with a love one you lost. You can put that pain to work to motivate you to cherish and give 100% to those you love who are still here. The ‘positive’ that could come out of that pain is to remind you to express your feelings and take time for those who are in your life presently. I am sure you could think of examples in your own life as well.
To wrap up what turned out to be a longer post than I expected, let us remember the true measure of success. It is not to eliminate all stress and never have a bad day. We would never really grow then. It is finding ways to shorten the duration of time we spend in that negative state. We can do it by asking the two questions in the order we demonstrated above. When we go through pain and struggle we gain valuable tools that will allow us to better contribute to and serve others around us and the world at large. Next time you find yourself having a day where you are feeling down, remember that does not mean you are failing. What it does mean, is you have an opportunity to grow and develop tools you would otherwise not have.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 