Tag: self-development

UNDERSTAND BACKWARDS, LIVE FORWARD

With the ending of one year and the beginning of another, there is plenty of time spent in reflection. Many times, as we discussed a few posts ago, we discover that some of our seemingly worst moments have brought us some of our greatest gifts. Life is like that. As it says in the photo above, life can only be understood backwards, but must be lived forward.

Life can be likened to driving a car. For safety, tell you to glance in the rearview mirror every 8 seconds. One of the key words here is ‘glance’. It is important to see what is behind you. It can come up and cause trouble. Same with reflecting on your past. Spending a small amount of time reflecting on your past can serve you. It also lets you know if something in your past can negatively affect your present or your future. The key word here is ‘glance’. If you were to drive constantly focused on your rearview mirror, it would cause considerable issues with you going forward. Same with life, if you were constantly focused on your past, it would prevent you from making the most of your present. It may inevitably cause your present circumstances to crash, as you would do in your car if you drove looking in the rearview mirror.

Just as important is the part about living life forward. We mentioned it is important to glance (about 1 second) in the rearview mirror every 8 seconds. That means spending 7/8 of your time looking forward. Again, this is the same as life. When you drive you look ahead anticipating obstacles, challenges and drivers who do not realize their cars are equipped with turn signals. Then we take the appropriate actions to deal with these upcoming challenges. The same is true with life. We must look ahead and anticipate challenges and take actions to deal with them before they approach. Take that new year’s resolution you made. There will be a challenge to staying committed to that resolution. If we anticipate that in advance, we can take actions in the present to address those. Thus, making it more likely to succeed in our goal.

Will there still be the occasional driver that pulls in front of us without warning? Will there still be people who feel red lights are optional? Yes indeed. That is why looking ahead and anticipating challenges is so important. It will allow us to deal with the unforeseen challenges that much better. It is also the same reason why it is important to glance behind us. Some challenges can sneak up from behind. Same with life. Unexpected challenges can crop up out of nowhere. You anticipate expenditures, but then the water heater goes. You plan a picnic, then you get the flu. We must be prepared to deal with the unexpected. In addition, issues from our past can crop up out of nowhere. We must be prepared for that as well. In life, as well as in the car, remember to glance behind you while you focus on what is in front of you.

THE PAIN CAN BE A BLESSING

The last couple of posts we have been discussing being the light in the darkness and appreciating the present with love and gratitude. One of the challenges of this is when we are focused on our own self-improvement, it can come with a lot of growing pains. What we must do is realize that these growing pains are a blessing. Remember we cannot have growing pains without…well…growth!

Think of when you are working your hardest to overcome a negative habit. It can be so deflating at times. You promise yourself, and maybe even those closest to you, that you are going to the gym regularly. Before you know it, a week has passed and you find yourself “too busy” to focus on your health. Maybe it is your diet that you are working on fixing. As you are enjoying your second free doughnut in the breakroom, you are so upset with yourself. You could even mutter, “It is no use. I will never be able to beat these cravings.”

What many of us fail to realize is that these moments of disappointment in ourselves are signs that we are getting better. The fact that our perceived ‘failures’ are making us doubt ourselves, are signs that our goal has become more important to us. Celebrate the fact that you are feeling more pain at straying from your goal. Then, go on to use that disappointment in yourself as fuel to better your life. Next time you say no to the doughnuts in the breakroom, or go to the gym when you say you are going to, celebrate yourself. acknowledge that you have taken a step towards becoming a better you. Next time you drop the ball and disappoint yourself, remember the fact that you are experiencing growing pains is a blessing. You are growing and it is not always easy, but you are taking a step in the right direction.

THE SECRET TO BEING HAPPY  😊

We often make happiness some complex realm that takes years to get to. It is even a multi-billion dollar business. These three simple rules can supply you with more happiness than you can imagine. Can doing three things really bring you happiness? Let us look at them one at a time to find out how we can.

The first one is having zero expectations of others. This can be so helpful in any relationship from business to intimate. Expecting people to have the same standards and beliefs we have is not only foolish and unrealistic, it will lead to conflict and disappointment on our behalf. Everyone has experienced life differently. They have their own unique way of looking at the world. The best we can do is to kindly explain ours, and do the best to understand theirs. When we feel people have let us down, it would serve us a lot more to try to understand why verses condemn them. Communication and conveying standards is essential, but so is compassion and understanding.

The next is taking 100% responsibility for our own lives. Let me tell you how freeing this is. The more we place the blame for our circumstances in life on other people or things, the more we relinquish control of our life to those very people or things. If it is your boss’s fault you are having a bad day, than it is your boss who would have to change that. If the person in the blue car who drove across 2 lanes of traffic to turn in front of you (actually happened to me on the way to write this) made you mad, than they have the power to control your emotions. The more responsible for your life and your emotions you are, the more control of them you have. Would you not want control of your own life? If you need help on this, I would recommend the book, Extreme Ownership, by Jocko Willink.

The last is being grateful. If you have read anything that I have wrote, you know that I cannot encourage people to be grateful enough. Gratitude really does change your life faster than anything else I know. Look at the picture above and the multitude of things in life we have to be grateful for. The list is really never ending. Even when life seems negative, gratitude is the other side of coin. Take the worst situation in life – losing someone you love. When we are sad thinking about the loss, we can help ease our pain a little by feeling grateful for the opportunity to know and love them. Will it erase the pain entirely? Of course not, nothing will. What it will do is give us another perspective. You would not miss someone so much if you did not love them a great deal. Loving someone and being able to share a portion of life with them, no matter how great or small, is something to be grateful for.

Here is a secret. The more you occupy your mind and heart with gratitude, the less you leave room for negative emotions. If you are keeping score at home, that means more positive emotions and less negative emotions. That is a win/win situation and one that will lead to a happier life.

As you can see, happiness really can be had by utilizing these three methods. It will take some time and practice, but it can be done. The more you work on making these three things a part of your life, the more happy it will become.

IMPORTANCE OF CONFIDENCE

One of my guilty pleasures in old-school hip-hop music. The ones from the late 80’s and early 90’s. I enjoy the fact that you can actually understand what they are saying and the lyrical content is usually not too off the rails. In fact, one of the main subjects they include in their lyrics is how great they are. It reminds me of the boxer Muhammad Ali. He told the world he was the greatest before he even won anything. He was that confident.

Confidence is a tricky thing. It is often confused with arrogance. In reality, they have very little to do with each other. True confidence stems from a believe in yourself. This can be fostered from the knowledge of work you did to prepare, or past performance in overcoming a similar situation. It may be an inner knowing that you are going to persist no matter what challenges appear. Confidence is earned. It is never earned at the sacrifice of others. In fact, confidence doesn’t involve others. It is an inside job.

What tools and strategies do you use to boost your confidence? Have you ever thought about this? Having confidence allows us to keep going when others would quit. If we have built up enough of it, we could keep going long after we thought we would quit. It is another reason to stick with the promises that you make to yourself. Knowing that you keep your word to yourself is another way to give you confidence. I would love to hear what other ways you give yourself confidence.

DO NOT LET THE NAME CONFUSE YOU 🫤

Many people shy away from the world of ‘self-improvement’ because it sounds like something is wrong with them. Let us not get started on the term ‘self-help’. That sounds like you are in a bad way and needing some help. The truth is far subtler. We could always improve ourselves, and thus, our lot in life. We all could use a little help. This is true when we are striving to learn something new, or unlearn something we have been doing for years. Both ‘improvement’ and ‘help’ are not a sign of weakness. They are signs you are seeking to become a better version of yourself.

Do not let the terms trip you up. Even if you love your vehicle, wouldn’t it be great to get better gas mileage? There is nothing wrong with you; improve anyway. This would be a great mantra to have in your head. If you are always working to be your best and do your best that is great. As we go through life, we learn and experience more. That means our best is a moving target. As we improve, so does the best of what we can be. That means there is never a finish line. That should not make you feel defeated, but excited. There are always opportunities to be healthier, happier and more loving. Keep striving to improve yourself. By doing so you will continue to improve your life.

WHEN IS NOW A GOOD TIME? ⏳️

Every day someone runs a red light in an attempt to get home quicker and never makes it. Every night someone closes their eyes planning on what they are going to do the next day, completely unaware they will never open their eyes again. How many lives are not only ended every day, but can be turned upside down with an injury, a diagnosis or even a job loss or loss of a loved one? Countless. Most of them never thought it would happen to them.

These facts are not an attempt to get you feeling down. Quite the contrary. We can all agree that these statements are true. What this should do is create a sense of urgency to squeeze every last drop of joy and happiness out of the life you are  currently living. The best way to do this is by becoming the best version of yourself. That means investing your time and energy into improving who you are today. Not to put it off. When I appeared on the television show Positively Milwaukee, one of the things mentioned was that the time to learn to swim is on the shore and not when the boat is sinking. What this means is that preparation is better than reaction. If we wait until the moment is upon us, it is often too late.

Take a literal example of the Titanic sinking. How many people aboard did not know how to swim? Many might have thought they did not have to know. After all they were aboard a ship “so unsinkable even God couldn’t sink it.” Something I would not recommend uttering. The fact is that the people felt safe on the ship. They were not prepared for the disaster that occurred. Even the White Star Company, who owned the ship, didn’t feel the need to equip it with enough life boats. After all the law at the time said they didn’t have to. Many people lost their lives due to these decisions.

Life is much like a journey of a cruise ship. We are sailing smooth when out of nowhere we hit an iceberg. If we are not prepared, the results can be tragic. This could even include a loss of life. Many of the lives lost aboard the ship that day could not have been saved. As we mentioned earlier, there were not enough life boats. That is why it is important to be present and enjoy every second of life. The better version of yourself you are, the more you can enjoy life. The more present you are, the more grateful you are, even the more in shape you are can allow you to enjoy more of the fruits of life.

Considering these facts, when would now be a good time to start working on your journey of self-improvement and self-development? The sooner you start, the sooner you can start enjoying life to the fullest. Not to mention, you never know what icebergs are right around the corner.

A PHILOSOPHY FOR US ALL 🧘‍♀️

This post comes to you on a Monday. This can be one of the toughest days of the week for many. In actuality, every day should be a challenge. Why? We should be challenging ourselves. This idea of never ending improvement is a good one. We can always be healthier, smarter and most importantly, kinder. Tony Robbins has a term he uses called ‘C.A.N.I.’ standing for “Constant and never-ending improvement”. Many of us are living life focused on a achieving or obtaining a certain goal. That is all well and good, but then what?

Whether you are 18 or 80, we should be working to be the best version of ourselves. It not only helps in our relationships with others, but with the world at large. The better version of ourselves we become, the more we can enjoy the world around us. Ask yourself how you can improve today. Even if it is just one percent.