Tag: self-control

THE WARRIOR WHO WINS

Talk about a secret weapon in the war against mediocrity. A calm mind will allow you to see not only solutions to challenges, but opportunities you may have missed if you were too emotional. Yes, it is good to have enthusiasm. Yes, it is good to be passionate. What is required is to not let those same emotions blind you to certain things. Can you stop and think of areas of your life that remaining calm will give you an advantage over someone who is emotional?

One of the first things that comes to mind is interpersonal relations. Having the ability to remain fairly calm when there is discord between two parties is a super power. The closer these parties are, the more difficult it is to remain calm. It is also the more important it is to do so. Think of a disagreement at the office. How you handle things with your coworkers can affect your life 40 hours a week. It can influence promotions and productivity. How about friendships? Being able to disagree with friends can mean the difference in relationships that take years, and sometimes decades, to develop. Most important, think of your romantic relationship. I believe that lack of proper communication is the cause for most divorce.

Have you ever seen a couple disagreeing so passionately that they forget what they are actually disagreeing about? Have you ever been part of a couple like that? Sometimes, parties may be discussing totally different things. If your partner thinks you are upset about one thing, but you are really upset about something else, can you see how difficult it would be to get that disagreement solved? Often this leads to arguing about the same thing over and over. The solution is to be able to communicate what you are upset about, the solution you would like to see and how to work together to achieve that. They only way to do this is by managing to be calm.

Of course remaining calm in the midst of conflict is easier said than done. Can you see why it would be worth the effort? Even in the internal battles that exist when we are working to be a better version of ourself, the ability to be calm is so helpful. It allows us to be objective and view our life with a healthy detachment. Being able to be honest with ourselves without getting emotional will allow us to make necessary changes. It will allow us to do this without feeling depressed or like a failure. From relationships with others, to the relationship with ourself, being calm is what we should aim to achieve.

WE NEED TO BE REMINDED

I often mention that Mr. Rogers is one of my favorite philosophers and teachers. Many think this is some kind of joke. “He teaches children.” they say. That is only partially true. He taught lessons that we should learn as children. What is abundantly clear is that many have either never learned these lessons, chose not to learn them or have sense forgotten them. Looking at the picture above, “What do you do with the mad that you feel?” Even the subtitle ‘Self-control, expression and healthy outlets’. How many people do you know could use a refresher in these lessons? I think all of us could at some point in our lives.

Do we still need Mr. Rogers? Looking at some of the issues in the news such as Brown University, Australia, and even the director Rob Reiner, it is apparent lots of folks do not know what to do with the mad they feel. We need guidance in self-control, expression and healthy outlets. Certainly, Mr. Rogers is not the only solution, but would it not help us to review some of the childhood lessons that we do not always live up to?

One of the best things we can do for this world is to make sure that we teach the children these lessons. Not only our children, but by our example teach any children, or adults for that matter, that may be watching our behavior. Let them see there are healthy ways to solve a disagreement. Emotional maturity may not be discussed as openly and often as it should be. Let us work together to change that. Mental health in general is a very important topic that we need to make sure everyone feels safe to bring up and ask for help. Each of us working together can change the world.

THE KEY TO BEING POWERFUL 💪

The lust for power is one of the strongest urges in human nature. Wars are started over that very thing. In fact, we have several going on at the moment. Having power over others is the main motivation of many politicians and some in the religious field. Yet, many of these lack the true source of power. That is power over ourselves. If you have all the knowledge and tools to become successful, but lack the discipline to consistently put them into practice, you will not be successful. If you have no power over your emotions and let them control your actions, your relationships will certainly suffer.

Conquering ourselves may sound like it should be easy, but nothing is further from the truth. I recall hearing in a talk from David Goggins how the mind has the tactical advantage over us. That is so true. Our inner dialogue knows our greatest fears, it knows what our strongest desires are. If left unchecked, our mind can make us its slave. When we foster self-discipline and emotional control, we make the mind our servant. We use those fears and desires to drive us to take actions that lead us towards a successful life. If we do not invest in taking this control it will have us making the same self-sabotaging actions we have for years.

Gaining control over ourselves can be one of the most powerful investments we can make. It will allow us to become better in whatever field we are pursuing. It will also allow this to happen quicker and with less resistance than if we do not have control over ourselves. Invest in power over yourself and you will become a powerful person.

DON’T MAKE IT WORSE 😒

Anger sucks. Feeling anger causes many poor physical symptoms. High blood pressure, depressed immune system, and impaired judgment. Can you imagine how maintaining these for any length of time could affect you? There are some people who live an angry lifestyle. Continuous high blood pressure can…well…kill you. That certainly is not envious. Short of killing you, there are many other bad options from high blood pressure. I will let you research that on your own. A constantly depressed immune system means you will suffer many more colds and illnesses. You will miss more work and not be as productive in general.

What is worse than anger? When you let someone else’s anger make you angry. It is like trying to put out a fire by throwing gasoline on it. If we are being honest, it can really be difficult to not get angry when someone is yelling at us. When we do, however, we fall victim to the three conditions mentioned above. We did not even mention the impaired judgement. Sure, what someone did to anger us is most certainly terrible. When we respond from that state of anger, the chances that it will be a good response is slim to none.

Work on mastering your emotional control and your response to anger. When you do become angry, realize your ability to judge the situation objectively is seriously compromised. Learning how to get yourself out of anger quickly will reduce the chances of having to deal with the consequences of choices made from a poor emotional state.

WHATEVER YOU DO… BE A PRO 🏆

Today we are going to talk about the huge difference between two different words, reactive and proactive. Let us look at reactive first. When we put ‘re’ in front of a word, it means to do something again. If you think of what it means to reclaim something, it means you had it once, then you did not have it, now you have it again. In terms of our lives, when we react it is the same thing. There was an action and then it caused our action, or our reaction. That means our actions or behaviors, are predicated on the actions or behaviors of others. How would you like to live your life when how you feel, or how you act, is determined by others? I can’t imagine that you would feel in control of your life. In fact, you wouldn’t be. You would be at the mercy of outside circumstances.

What does it mean to be proactive? It means that we take action in advance of the upcoming situation. If you know you have an early morning, you may be proactive in your actions by putting your clothes out the night before, or getting the coffee maker ready. When you show up the next day you will be well-rested, well-dressed and on time. In short, you will look like, and act like, a pro. This not only works for getting up early. One of the best ways to be proactive is to work on controlling your thoughts, emotions and focus. Eventually, you will be faced with challenges to all of the above. If you are proactive when it comes to your self-control, you will be less likely to be reactive when the situation arises. This means if someone were to treat you unkindly, you would not have to react by feeling anger towards them or sadness based on their treatment of you. If you are able to control your thoughts, emotions and actions regardless of outside circumstances, that will make you a pro.

Invest in being proactive when it comes to improving yourself today. The result of such preparation will be more control over your life and less stress about it. Ask yourself, do you want to be at the mercy of the world around you and controlled by others, or do you want to be a pro?

HEADING INTO MONDAY 🤨

Monday can be one of the toughest days of the week for many of us. That is one of the reasons we exist. Here at Secret2anamazinglife, we supply motivation and inspiration you can use to get you through, not only Monday, but the rest of the week as well. Today we are giving you this little bit of wisdom to ponder as you start the weekly grind.

What can make Monday tough for some of us is our coworkers. We all have one that can get under our skin. It might not even be coworkers, but people we encounter throughout the day. Customers, the inconsiderate person on the road in front of us, or a million other souls in which we share this planet with. They often provide us with plenty of opportunities to practice our character building skills. This is great and is certainly something we should be grateful for. Unfortunately, this is not easy to remember early in the morning before the coffee has kicked in.

Just remember two words – react or respond. One gives the control of your emotional well-being, your life and your day to the knuckleheads we were discussing earlier. When we react to what others do, we let them determine how we will feel and how our day will go. If, however, we decide to intelligently respond to their actions, we say something entirely different. We are saying, albeit in our head most of the time, “Despite your foolish manner of acting, I am not going to let it disrupt my rockstar flow.” In slightly cruder terms, it is like giving them half a peace sign, or maybe a whole one if we are really in self-control, to those who could ruin our day with their thoughtless actions.

Two words to remember for the week ahead – react or respond. One gives control of your life away. The other keeps control right where it belongs, with us. Who do you want to control your life? You or someone else?

REMEMBER THIS!😮

It is important to remember not to let outside influences override or inner character. Yes, this is easier said than done. We must remember that if we respond emotionally to every person and situation, we are in effect, allowing those people and situations to control us. Are you the type of person who wants to be controlled by everything and everyone around you? That does not lend itself to an amazing life.

This week, when some less-enlightened person does something to aggravate your emotions, remember to respond from who you are and not who they are. One secret to an amazing life is not letting ourselves be controlled.

ARE YOU OK WITH BEING MEDIOCRE?🤔

Anyone of you reading a website about secrets to an amazing life are not ok with being mediocre. The simple truth to living an amazing life is focusing on what we can control and not being bogged down on that which we cannot. What we can control boils down to one thing and one thing only – ourselves. We are not happy with our health? It is up to us to change our diet and physical activity. Not happy with your job? Complaining about your boss or coworkers will not change a thing. Going back to school or pursuing your passion on nights and weekends while working that day job will. Not happy with your relationship? Blaming your partner for everything only puts the key to your happiness in their pocket. Working your butt off to improve every aspect of yourself and your relationship, that will make a difference. If it still does not, it may be time to take a hard look at that relationship to decide whether you are truly right for each other. That doesn’t involve blaming either party, just deciding your values may be different. Only do that after you have given 120% on your end, or you may end up living with regret for the rest of your life.

Learning to control and master ourselves will give us an amazing life. Realizing that there is nothing else we can control will make that a lot easier. If you are truly looking for an amazing life, and one that is far from mediocre, than look no further than the mirror. That is the person in charge of your life and the only thing you can, and should, have control over. Today, let us all work on gaining control over ourselves. Whether that is to say ‘no’ to that doughnut in the breakroom, or ‘yes’ to getting up and going to the gym, we must control ourselves. Can’t get control over an aspect of your life? It is your responsibility to seek out more knowledge or assistance to do just that. Today, begin the journey to an amazing life. Take control over yourself.

I USED TO BE TOO COOL FOR THIS

I recall some of my first exposure to the principles of self-improvement. They seemed hokey and new age at best, far out and ridiculous at worst. I was a singer in a band, I was a bartender. I had no desire to take my inner child on a play date. When I heard someone talk about meditation or keeping a journal I thought they would be someone sitting alone in a tent in the middle of the desert giving advice or something. That was actually a description I gave to my good friend Russ. In short I thought all of this self-help stuff was a bunch of B.S..

My dramatic change from someone who mocked all things that might be labeled ‘self-improvement’ to someone who is not only a proponent of such material, but a creator and distributor as well, happened over a period of time. It is like the story of boiling a frog in a pot of water. If you put a frog in a pot of hot water it will jump out, but if you turn the heat up slowly it will sit there until it boils to death. Please know I am not advocating harm to animals, but my life proceeded along a similar path. As life slowly turned the heat up on me I found myself literally boiling to death in a pool of stress.

One of the first stresses I can think of is when I was working at a telemarketing job. For those of you who have never had a job in this field, just consider what you have said, or heard other people say to telemarketers. Now, imagine being the person on the other end of the phone…eight hours a day…6 days a week. I remember listening to Bob Marley’s Legend album on my lunch hour every day. I would close my eyes, push play and picture being on a beach in Jamaica. Little was I aware I was practicing visualizing and meditation. Not that I called it that. At the time I just said I was “unwinding on lunch”. All I was sure of is that is made me feel better and be able to withstand the constant barrage of colorful phrases people share with telemarketers.

Fast forward a few years and I find myself awake at 3a.m. ready to go to the post office job I was thrilled about. This was after working an entire bartending shift I was also growing weary of. As you can imagine this and other stresses also affected my relationships with others at the time. While sitting on the couch putting on my shoes I saw an infomercial. It was for a collection of CDs from Tony Robbins. Being half asleep and feeling frustrated with the direction my life was going at the time, I thought “What the hell do I have to lose?” I ordered the tapes, went to work and soon forgot all about it. A week later they arrived. I listened on my short commute I had to work at the time and soon found myself taking detours to listen to more.

Soon I found myself looking at life from a different angle. Shortly thereafter, my job was downsized and the real test began. I found myself at the local library looking for answers. Those of you who have read my book or followed me for any amount of time have no doubt heard this story countless times. After finding things that helped a former ‘rock star’ and bartender who was too cool for self-help, I wanted to share it with others who thought themselves too bad ass for this material, but were silently, or not so silently suffering on the inside. That lead to the creation of this website, a book, a YouTube channel and seminars. In short, it brought us to where we are now.

If you came across this on accident, or are postponing on taking the leap on learning tools that could improve your life because you are simply too cool, I urge you to reconsider. First of all, get rid of the term self-help. I never liked that term to begin with. It has the feel like you are helpless and can only succeed with the help of someone else. I prefer the term self-improvement. The truth is you don’t need anyone else. What you may be lacking is information and a plan. As long as you have the desire, there are many paths that can lead you to success.

The other thing you might wish to consider is that in the beginning nobody needs to know what you are doing, or that you are doing anything at all. You can read in private. You can rent and watch movies in the privacy of your own home. You can start like I did listening to things while you are alone in the car. Once you see, and more important feel the increase in joy and reduction in stress, you can decide how public you may want to be with your quest to become the best version of yourself.

As a bonus, here are a list of a few recommendations I have for improving yourself after spending over two decades in the field. This is not a complete list by any means and if you would like to add to it feel free.

Books

  • A Happy Life for Busy People
  • Think and Grow Rich
  • The Power of the Subconscious Mind
  • The Tao of Pooh
  • The Secret

CD or MP3 Programs

  • The Strangest secret
  • Personal Power
  • Any videos or audio by Tony Robbins, Earl Nightingale, Les Brown or Eric Thomas