Tag: secret2anamazinglife.com

WANT TO IMPROVE YOUR RELATIONSHIPS? USE GRATITUDE’S TWIN SISTER! 👧

I heard something the other day that will be in my upcoming fourth book. I wanted to give you an abridged version here today. When it comes to improving our own lives, we have spoke volumes about adopting an attitude of gratitude. This is for good reason. You hear it so much it almost sounds cliche. The reason you hear it so much is because it works. We recently even discovered a new and almost effortless way to do this. That was creating an album of pictures (either a photo album or in your phone) that reminds you of what you are grateful for. Then, all you have to do is scroll through the pictures and you start to feel grateful.

This is technically not a post about gratitude. No, it is about gratitude’s twin sister. What are we talking about here? Let me explain. Gratitude works wonders on our relationship with ourselves, but what about our relationships with others? Wouldn’t it be great if there was a magic wand for improving them? There is and it is easy to use and will work on any relationship. Looking to deepen your love with your spouse? This will work. Looking to be on your cranky boss’s good side? It works for that too. How about conveying positive feelings to a friend? This is perfect for that! The more you get in the habit of using this skill, the more polished you will become at it and the more powerful it will work.

The secret power we are discussing, and gratitude’s twin sister, is appreciation. When you appreciate someone, you are telling them why you are grateful for them. This is not to be confused with flattery. That is false praise, usually delivered in hopes of gaining favor. You might think people can’t tell the difference. They can and nobody likes flattery. Appreciation is a genuine expression of gratitude for another person. Letting someone know you are grateful for them and exactly why is so powerful it can deepen the strongest love and soften the hardest heart.

Delivering appreciation is an art form. It takes a certain finesse. Using the right tone and body language. Maintaining eye contact without being creepy about it. This will all come with practice. Do not worry about being perfect. Appreciation is so rare today it is always treasured. Just be genuine and the results will be amazing. We are all out here trying our best and working hard. For someone to notice and let us know means the world.

When you start using genuine appreciation, I can promise you that every relationship in your life will improve. Who would not want that in life? When you think how interconnected we are in life, it is important to let others know how much they mean and how grateful we are for them. Start expressing appreciation today. Make it genuine. Make it sincere and it will change you life.

CELEBRATE VICTORIES ALONG THE WAY! 🏆

Today we celebrate a great milestone. This is the 2500th blog on this site. That means you could read one of these blogs everyday for almost 7 years and not repeat once. That is a lot of content. It has also spanned the course of 3 books written. Neither of these are the current goal that I am aiming for, but they are certainly worth celebrating along the way. Our current aim is to have a post for 1000 days in a row. We now sit at 873, which is very close. With your help and encouragement we will get there sometime next year.

When I sat down and made this goal on July 3, 2022, I never would have imagined we would be sitting here nearly 3 years later. There has been ups and downs. There has been writer’s block, illness, a busy work schedule and many other challenges. Yet there have been so many things worth celebrating along the way. We are now viewed in over 200 countries and on all 7 continents. That is quite an accomplishment. I have made friends in Italy, Lebanon, and many on the continent of Africa. Still looking for Greenland, but that will be another goal to celebrate.

In your life, when you are chasing goals, do not forget to celebrate along the way. Whether that is in your health, your career or your relationship. It is not all about the destination, but who we become on the journey. I would love to hear about the goals you are chasing and what you will celebrate along the way. Please share so we can encourage you and celebrate with you along the way.

WHAT IS YOUR DEFENSE?

The world can sure be a rough place. It can feel dark and overwhelming at times. It is then that we should think of this analogy. I ship in the ocean is surrounded by water, only a tiny fraction of which could sink it. Yet it can survive years, decades or longer without the slightest issue. Even an occasional leak can be fixed and the ship can continue to sail the oceans without succumbing to the water. We are not much different when it comes to the negativity of life. We are often surrounded by it. Some sink and some continue to sail through life unencumbered. What makes the difference?

The difference is, much like the ship, those people who sail through life have found a way to not let the negativity get inside of them. It comes down to having a good defense for the mental, physical and emotional challenges that we will come up against. The time to come up with this plan is now. As the saying goes, the best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago, the second best time is today. Do not wait until your drowning to learn how to swim. Yes, that was a lot of metaphors in a row, but I am hoping it helps get the point across. Life may be smooth sailing now, but a storm is always right around the corner. Yes, that was another analogy.

There are many ways to set up a defense. Some people meditate. Some, like my mother, walk in nature. My fiancé likes to shop and create. I go to the gym or write. You have to find a constructive way to keep the water, in other words the stress, out of your ship. Should a leak develop, and you start to feel the negative creeping in, patch that sucker and get back to sailing. Having a healthy stress reduction plan could be a therapist to talk to, a journal to write in, a friend to meet for coffee or a dog to go for a walk with. What is your defense against the ocean of negativity we are all sailing through?

WHAT YOU HAVE TO OFFER

Which one of us are not guilty of feeling insignificant at some point in time? I am a published author of 3 books that are owned by rock stars, movie stars and billionaires. I have a blog that is followed in over 200 countries. I say this not to brag, but to say that I have reached many people. Still, there are days I look at my beautiful Margie and ask her if I am really making a difference. Side note of this would be that I love engagement, so feel free to comment. My point here is that anyone can feel that what they do does not matter.

There are 2 things that I would like to mention in this post. The first is that what you do absolutely matters! If you are a server at a restaurant, you can make or break someone’s meal and often a special occasion they are celebrating. Maybe you are the person who cleans the same restaurant, can you imagine how you feel when you walk in a place to eat and it is dirty? It absolutely makes a difference. Are you a stay at home parent? You are raising the next generation and that makes a huge difference. There is not a single person who does not make a difference. It is not just about your career either. We will get into that next. Just know that you do make a difference.

Here is the other point I wanted to make. If you do not feel that you are making enough of a difference, there is a way to fix that too! Add more things that are impactful. These do not have to be big or complex. Make a point to smile more or to give someone genuine compliments. Let someone know they are appreciated and express gratitude wherever and whenever you can. Not only will this make those around you feel good, but it will have you feeling happy and abundant as well.

Remember you do make a difference, and there is always room to make more of a difference! While we are on the subject, a great thing to do is to let others know that they make a difference. To think you are alone in your struggle to feel significant, couldn’t be further from the truth. So many of us often fail to realize the difference that we do make. I am reminded of the movie, It’s a Wonderful Life. By some miracle if you have not seen the picture, I will give you the theme in a nutshell. A man feels that he has not made a difference and is thinking of ending his life. He is allowed to see what life would be like had he never been born. He then learns how many lives he has impacted. Sadly, the rest of us cannot see what the world would be like without us, but trust me when I say each one of us makes the world a brighter place. You do make a difference. When you feel like you don’t, follow the steps above. Do simple things that make other’s lives better. Express gratitude whenever and wherever you can. Let others know what a difference they make.

THE ANSWER TO ANGER AND FEAR 😨

There is a lot of fear and anger in the world right now. Many people are scared of what tomorrow may bring. That is not only understandable, in many areas it is justified. There is also a lot of anger in the world. The powers that be seem to be succeeding at dividing the people in a bid to control and conquer them. You are hearing more than the average amount of people bashing each other and their opinions or stands on many issues. This could be political, religious, climate or a host of other categories. What is the cure to all of this craziness.

At the risk of being anticlimactic, the answer is in the photo above. We must promote what we love instead of bashing what we hate. Another way of looking at this, is promote solutions instead of complaining about problems. It is easy to point out what is not working. It is far more difficult to actually come up with a solution for solving that problem. The first step in creating a solution for any problem in this modern age is to find a way to work together. That doesn’t mean have everyone agreeing on everything, but there does have to be a mutual respect. Ask yourself who profits from us hating our neighbor? Here is a clue, it is not you or your neighbor. When we learn to work together with a healthy dose of respect for those who differ from us, that is when we become strongest.

A more direct and simple way to happiness over fear and anger is to promote what you exactly love. Talk about what gets you fired up and what puts joy in your heart and a smile on your face. As an example, I do not care for 70’s folksy rock or disco. I do, however, enjoy classic jazz and 80’s hard rock. What do you think would bring more joy to my heart, to complain and tell everyone how much I think one genre of music sucks, or to talk about my favorite bands and which songs I really like from them? Not only will that make my life more enjoyable, but I will be more enjoyable to be around. Nobody wants to be around the person who is constantly complaining.

Next time you find yourself filled with anger, fear or sadness, just start promoting what you love. Talk about and share what makes you happy. Here is a warning, there will be people who will tell you that what you enjoy sucks. There are just those people out there. Who knows, they might be filled with anger or fear and just not know how to express it. Instead of getting into a disagreement with them, just let them know you respect their opinion and end the conversation. You will not waste any energy and you will walk away a lot happier. An added bonus about expressing what you like is that you find people who like the same things. The same goes true for complaining, but what is more enjoyable, being in a crowd of people constantly complaining or people on fire with passion for what they love?

QUICK MONDAY BOOST

It is Monday. We have probably all worked very hard and the last thing we want to do is read a long blog post. Today we will just feature this handy list that might be worth printing out. Energy gainers and energy drainers. As the week goes on we will need more of the first and less of the second. Take a look at the two lists. There are some you might have thought of and some you might not. I am going to give you some from each list I am going to work on. I would love to hear yours in the comments below.

From the energy gainer list, first up I am going to use gratitude. A few post ago we touched on a new way to infuse more gratitude into our lives. This is a good idea no matter who you are. The benefits of being grateful could fill a book and has on several occasions. The new way we talked about was creating a gratitude picture folder on your phone. I am going to work on adding to mine and make it a point to look at the pictures of things I am grateful for at least once a day. The second one I am going to use is meditation. I normally meditate before falling asleep, but I am going to take a few minutes each day for a ten minute meditation. This doesn’t have to be complicated. You can even just close your eyes and count your breath. There are also plenty of meditations on YouTube you can just push play and away you go.

In the energy draining department, I am going to work on eliminating more news. With current political events, news is everywhere and it is seldom good. Avoiding it and focusing on news of friends and family would be far less stressful. I am also going to work on cleaning up some clutter. We may not think of this as an energy drainer, but it can be a big one. Looking at the paperwork you have stacked up, or little things you have to go through can sap your energy in a hurry.

These are my energy gainers and drainers I am going to focus on. How about you? Which ones jumped out at you? I would love to hear your answers in the comments below.

TAKE THEM ONE AT A TIME ☝️

Does the above example remind you of your self-improvement journey? If not everyday, maybe at least some days? With everything I have going in my busy life, it can be me at times. It is important to recognize when it comes to improving ourselves, slow and steady is often the best course. As I so often do, I am going to use fitness as an example. Say you are extremely out of shape and want to improve in a hurry. So you go to the gym and workout hard for hours on end. One of two things will happen, neither of which is good. Let us take a look.

The first, and most obvious, is you will burn out. This can manifest itself in many ways. You could injure those muscles that still have a lot of rust on them. This could cause long-term or even permanent damage. Speaking of damage, you could go from a weight bench to a table in the emergency room if your heart is not up to the task. Second, you could burn out mentally. Deciding it is too hard or even impossible to workout. It wasn’t working out that was the problem, it was your approach. That is why slow and steady is the best.

If our person in the example above focused on just one thing instead, they would have been a lot better off. Maybe commit to doing a certain number of squats everyday or even a simple walk after dinner. In any area of improvement, I feel it is best to leave wanting to do a little more. That way you will approach the next time with enthusiasm and eagerness. Sure, you could push your body and heart to run a couple of miles, but you would be exhausted and not look forward to doing it again. Instead, start with a nice neighborhood stroll after dinner. Gradually go a little further each time.

This works the same with any kind of self-improvement. If you add too much all at once it can seem overwhelming and you may be tempted to quit. Instead, try meditating for a month before adding journaling. Start with stopping drinking soda before a total diet over hall. The secret to success is to start small and think big.

EVERYTHING WILL SHIFT 😮

This is a great secret to overcoming life’s challenges. When you cease to have problems and start to have lessons, not only does your stress reduce, but your intelligence increases. This simple change in inner dialogue has a huge impact in your life. Changing the question you ask yourself may not seem like that radicle of a shift, but it is. The reason this is so, is because your brain will always come up with an answer. Look again at the two questions and consider what kind of answers could come from either.

Asking yourself the question, “Why does is this happening to me?” can lead to some disastrous results. You could start to assign blame and attach to things that it has no business being attached to. Like some kind of karma spin the bottle. You may start to compare it with the lives of others. “How come this never happens to Bob or Betty?” you might ask. The truth is that we never know what challenges Bob and Betty are facing. They have their challenges and we have ours. The bottom line is that the situation is happening to you. Those are the facts. To move ahead in life it is far greater to work with the facts than to wonder why they exist.

Asking yourself, “What is this trying to teach me?” or “What can I learn from this?” turns a challenge into an opportunity to come up stronger, smarter and maybe even a little happier in the end. Say you lose a job. That is a painful situation. It is also a good reminder that we should have multiple sources of income and always stay brushed up on our resume and skills. What if your car calls it quits? Perhaps it is reminding you to be better with preventative maintenance or to have savings set aside for such an occurrence.

The questions we ask ourselves will go a long way into determining the actions we take. Make sure the questions you ask yourself will lead to empowering actions that will improve your life. Start with changing the one above. Be patient with yourself. It takes time and practice to change thought patterns, but the returns will be well worth the effort.

WHAT CHANGES THE WORLD 🌎

After all of the political nonsense has settled, we are left with one truth. The world is changed by our example, not our opinion. Before elections, politicians will say anything to get elected. They will tell you how they will end crime, end world hunger, cure cancer and a million other promises that could never really be fulfilled. What is more important to me is to look at someone’s character. Do their words match their actions?

Lately, I have really been focused on discovering ways in which I can improve myself. The first major steps to improving myself was to be honest in areas in which I could improve. After all, if you don’t know where you are starting from, it is really hard to get anywhere. In reflection, I not only cringed at how I used to be, but had some pride with how far I have come. One of the major changes was being an example of how I think people should be. It may be difficult to figure out what is the right action to take in any situation. The easy way to solve this is to make sure your actions are an example of your beliefs.

This quote is a fine example of what we are talking about. Living your faith is far better than preaching it. Being an example of kindness and compassion is truly the way to live. Whatever you wish the world to become, the best way to move it towards that is to be it! At least you are one person closer and are showing the others just the way to accomplish it. People listen to your example far more than they listen to your words.

If you want to change the world, think of what example you would like be and be one.

MY TIPS TO EASE THE GRIEF OF LOSS 😭

One of the traits I have developed through the years is an ability to survive the passing of loved ones better than most. This is not to say that I have been cold and uncaring. Quite the opposite. The sadness and sense of loss is just as great in my heart as the next person. What I have learned to do is give the loss, and in doing so the life of that person, a sense of meaning. A few posts ago I, titled You might be asking the wrong question, I spoke a little more about this process. If you are really struggling, or would like additional thoughts on grief and loss, you might want to read that after you are done with this one.

The earliest example of putting this to use was the passing of my grandmother. In my life, I was very close to both of my grandparents. When my grandmother passed, it was like the ending of an era. The large family gathering began to lose people one by one. Family gathered around the table for a big meal became less and less of an event. When I stopped to finally soaked in everything that was different about my grandmother being gone, I decided the best way to honor her memory was to be what she brought to the world. When my grandfather passed, that was an even bigger blow. It seemed surreal at the time. What it did do was make me appreciate everything my grandfather taught me both by word and example.

Between 2017 and 2018 I gave 5 eulogies. I am a public speaker, but let me tell you, those are some of the most difficult to give. It wasn’t until I turned the focus into serving those who were there also experiencing loss, that it became far easier. The same is true in dealing with my own grief. turning it into serving those in the world who would be missing the traits that those I lost had brought to the world made my grief easier to handle. Those we are filled with sadness due to their loss must have done many things that brought joy to our heart and others. If not, chances are we would not be that filled with grief over their loss. It is identifying those traits and stepping up to be that for others that will not only honor the lives of our loved one, but help us in our own grief.

I am not telling you that being a good listener because your late aunt was, or always blessing people with a little humor because your mother did is going to change the fact that you are filled with grief over missing them. I don’t think we should be focused on trying to remove the grief. Again, I suggest reading the post You might be asking the wrong question. By giving our grief, and therefore their life, some purpose, our heart may find it a little easier to go on. In fact, when we find ourselves doing something that our loved one would have done to make someone smile, it just might do the same for us.