Tag: Secret

WHY FIT IN WHEN YOU WERE BORN TO STAND OUT

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This picture stood out to me for several reasons. Notice the guy in the middle, he is yellow, he is smiling, he has a sign that says “Thank you” he stands out. This picture is true of how it works in the world. When we are grateful we stand out and separate ourselves from the crowd. Think of how that person that always smiles makes you feel. We all know one. If you wish to stand out from the crowd do something different, be happy, be grateful. Then you will be like our friend in the picture here.

I must confess when I first saw this picture and thought of using it as a blog post this is where the idea sat, to stand out from the crowd all we need to do is be happy and be thankful. I even printed out the picture to help remind me of that. I welcome you to print out this blog post and share it with everyone you know. Let us fill the next picture with smiling happy guys saying thank you.

Would you like to know a secret? An additional thought came to me while I was pondering how to word this post. How to put this into an application that can be a win/win for yourself and those around you. Take this to a personal level. If you are a parent, try finding one thing a day to thank your children for, even if they happen to be driving you nuts. Try finding one thing a day to thank your coworkers for, even the one that you would rather be without. every time you speak with a friend, try beginning the conversation with something you are grateful for about them. Most powerfully, try this with your spouse. When, at the end of the day when you are laying down to retire try genuinely thanking them for something they did today. Especially if it has been a trying day. Do this for a few weeks and see how things in your life change. How your relationships deepen. I am just starting it myself and will let you know how it works.

THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL MAY BE YOU

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The title of this post is a phrase I use to close most of my YouTube videos (find them on YouTube under Neil Panosian) and is also a line I must confess to stealing from an Aerosmith song. What does it really mean? Well often something we may forget when searching for that feeling of joy or inspiration in our lives is the easiest way to get that feeling is to give it away. We never know who may be looking to us for their inspiration. You do not have to be an individual who writes or lectures about motivation to be in that category. Although let me tell you it is great to be reminded how much my work touches others. Perhaps you are a person who demonstrates a strong commitment to their faith as my friend Cari does. Perhaps you wish to let your challenges inspire others as my friend Travis does on his site bringitivity Whatever your situation or story may be remember you can inspire others as well. My lady makes beautiful cakes that not only bring joy to others, but serve as an example of the great use people can put their creative skills to.

What does all this have to do with me? You might find yourself asking this very question. Perhaps you don’t think you have a skill that can inspire anyone? Think again! No matter what your state or occupation you have the chance to do it with passion and joy. I personally cannot count the times my day has been made better by a cheery face behind a counter, stocking shelves or even cleaning the hotel I am staying at. They have all inspired me. The great thing is it works both ways, I have also had the good fortune of inspiring them. Too many times we may forget or take for granted how important each one of us is. Showing kindness to everyone we meet can be the light at the end of their tunnel. You never know what people may be going through and what they may need. So do yourself and the world a favor, if you can’t find the light, be the light.

YOU DO HAVE CONTROL

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“I would be angry a lot less if my wife/husband would be more understanding and not make me so angry” “I would love to be more positive, but everything keeps going wrong for me”

Have you ever heard others around you saying phrases like this? Have you ever found yourself uttering the same type of phrases? Today’s post is about one of the hardest lessons I have ever had to learn. I once heard at a seminar that nobody can make you feel anything, that all emotion comes from within. My first instinct, as is so often the case was to challenge that notion. After all, how can the girl who just broke my heart not make me sad? How can the person who just said something hurtful and insulting to me not affect me?

Did you ever notice that some people can be put through the same event, but come out feeling two completely different ways? Have you ever told a friend “I don’t know how you stand that, I would have been so mad” or something more colorful? How can people be affected so differently by the same things? The answer is simple, and a bit hard to believe, but once you understand it will give you a personal freedom you may not have ever had. How we feel about any given situation is based on the meaning we attach to that situation. Does the person who is insulting us really suffer from some internal pain we do not know of? Are they really jealous of us and therefore put us down to make themselves feel better? I know it can really be hard to not be affected negatively by outside situations. Believe me between adults that act more like teenagers and last minute adjustments to my seminars, I have had lots of practice deciding what challenges mean to me. So how do you start to change your course from ‘reaction’ to ‘action’? The quick easy answer is change your question. What do I mean by this? When you are faced by a seemingly negative situation there are 3 questions you should train your brain to ask. Perhaps writing them down on a small piece of paper may help as you are beginning. They are as follows. 1) What else could this mean? as we mentioned earlier in the case of the person insulting you, maybe they were hurting or maybe even jealous of you. Perhaps they have really low self-esteem or maybe it might be an issue people insult them with as well. 2) What can I learn from this? Sticking with our previous example, perhaps the person is simply pointing out an aspect of your life you need to work on, and just doing so in a very unhealthy way. Sometimes all you learn is that person acts like an ass. Why is this important to learn? When they do so in the future you will know that is just who they are and take it with a grain of salt. 3) How can I use this? Out of all of the questions I find this one to be the most powerful. It puts negativity in your life to work. You could use the persons insult to remind you to treat others with more compassion. You could let it serve as a practice for these principles. In my own life recently when my seminar was forced to relocate a mere 15 minutes before it was set to begin, I used that as an example of how to remain positive in the face of negativity. Which just so happened to be what the seminar was about in the first place.

Trust me this is not always easy. It is something that you can work on over a lifetime. Controlling your emotions instead of letting them control you sounds so simple, but takes a lifetime to master. Just last night I dropped the ball on this one. So what to do when you do mess up? My suggestion is the same as above. If you have already reacted and let others actions get the best of you, do yourself a favor and ask the three questions anyway. Why? It will both give you some insightful answers and a way to put this to work for you as well as begin to show you the power of acting from your own place instead of reacting to their emotions. It will also show you how in control and wonderful you can feel in the face of situations and emotions that used to challenge you. If you continue to react time and time again, just remember a certain blog writer/self-improvement author is still working on this himself.

KEEP YOUR DREAM SAFE

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“A blog about happiness? that is just stupid!” “writing a book is more complicated than you know, it will take to long and cost too much” “Ok, so you wrote a book, don’t expect to sell too many copies” “My friend wrote a book and all he sold was a few dozen copies so don’t expect too much” These were actually all quotes I have been told. Some by very well-meaning people who I believe just didn’t want to get my hopes dashed. Do you have people in your life like this? They seem to find the thorn in every rose. Like I said earlier, some even mean well. They don’t want to see your dreams get crushed, but little do they realize that by doing so they are contributing to the crushing. I am here to tell you that I believe in you. I have seen people with every disadvantage succeed. For my own story and the quotes above I did manage to launch a blog, the very one you are reading presently. 3 years and getting bigger every day. I also managed to complete my book A Happy Life for Busy People and learned some great things along the way. I have sold about 500 copies to date and look to get it in the hands of more people. If you would like a copy just click on the title above and it will take you to a place where you can order it.

Does my own story not inspire you enough? Still finding it hard to listen to people saying no to you time after time? Trust me, I can understand. Promoting my books, website and seminars has taught me you have to go through many ‘nos’ to get a ‘yes’. So how do I keep going? Well, in addition to the tips I mentioned in yesterdays post on determination I have one more for you. Keep a record of, and read about people who have overcome challenges to achieve their dream. Here is one to get you started. There was a gentleman who was creative and determined to achieve his dream. Sadly, the one thing he was missing was capital. So this man went to the bank to try to find funding for his dream. They said no. He did not give up, he went to the next bank, they also said no. Imagine how that must have felt. Being rejected personally twice? Here is the amazing thing. It took over 300 banks to get a ‘yes’. I don’t know about you, but I am not sure my self-doubt would not kick in before bank 300. Still this man succeeding beyond his wildest dreams. For us, these days there are things like the internet, crowd funding and virtual banks to assist us.

Oh, and who was this man? Walt Disney when he was trying to get funding for Disneyland. Imagine the loss to millions of adults, not to mention children if Mr. Disney had not been so passionate about his dream. So believe in yours, find people who also  believe. read and discover stories about others who have succeeded and remember often the people putting down your dream may just be hurting because they have not achieved theirs.

THE MOST POWERFUL SECRET

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People always are asking me, “what can I do to become happy right now? What is the single quickest way to turn my life around completely?” I must confess I cringe at this question. Let’s be real the passion and joy did not get sucked out of your life overnight and it probably will not come back overnight. Still, I understand we live in a nanosecond world where everything is expected yesterday. So I am going to share a simple thing you can do that will turn your life around like magic. Yes, I said like magic. If you do what I am going to suggest In a mere few days your life will not be close to the same. Before I share this, however, I have a word of caution. Do not overlook what I am about to tell you. It is so simple you may be tempted to not see the immense transformative power in what I am about to tell you. Do us both a favor and prove me wrong. How? Try the secret power I am about to let you in on for a month. You can even take off on the weekends. Just put this into practice Monday through Friday for a month. If it doesn’t change your life for the better in major ways feel free to let me know.

So what is this crazy magic spell you can put on yourself? What magical items will you need? Ok all you will need is a pen and a piece of paper. Not to magical right? Wrong. These items will change your life if used properly. So what to do with them? Simple, every day write between 5 and 10 things you are grateful for that day. Sounds easy right? To be honest it really is. So many things happen each day that we can tend to overlook given our focus on things that may not have gone the way we planned. Doing this simple list will do two very important things for you. First, it will help you to focus and remember things that have gone well in your day and serve to balance out the scale a bit. Second, and here is where the magic begins, it will begin to have your mind on the lookout for things to be grateful for that you can write down.

Ok, one more magical step. As you are laying down to sleep look over your list of things you were grateful for that day and pick the best one. whether it be the one you are most grateful for, the one you liked the best. It doesn’t really matter, just pick the one you like the best. Then recall that event, say the words “Thank you” to yourself, or even out loud is better and feel the gratitude for that event. repeat this at least Monday through Friday. You can do all seven days of the week if you would like, but if you would like the weekends off go right ahead. Here is a secret, the more items you write and the more days you do it the more powerful the change in life will be. Do this for a month and I promise you a new life, and a new person will greet you in the mirror.

PICK YOUR SPOT…OR SPOTS

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As i have mentioned throughout the last couple days, i have spent a great deal of time at our state fair. This picture was taken at a bird show. Notice the wing on the right side of the picture. What is the point of all this? The State Fair is a place I go because it makes me happy. I suggest you start to find a place that just makes you feel good. I suggest making it somewhere you can get to in less than a day. I personally like a few different places for a few different reasons. As mentioned I go to the fair for a boost of positivity. Even when the fair itself is not going on you can find me roaming the grounds reflecting and soaking up the vibes of the place. I also suggest having a place you can be alone. Personally there is a small clearing in a park not far from my house that I go to. When I am there especially when the bugs are not to bad, I can meditate or just be alone with my thoughts. There is a specific coffee shop I go to write as well.

Why have all of these different spots? What is the purpose? Before I answer that let me state you do need to be flexible. I write at home and other locations as well. You can often find me meditating while I am stuck in line somewhere or having to wait. It is putting that time to good use. Still I use the above places for most of the reasons I described. Here is the benefit. When you are in the same surroundings doing the same activities it can make it easier for your brain to get into the state it needs. As I write this I am in the usual coffee shop. My brain just goes into creative writing mood. I know another author who uses the same pen for notes on an entire book. Somehow his mind connects with the pen.

Try it out today. What places make you happy? Is it window shopping at the mall? A hiking trail outside your house? Whatever place that is make it your own. There are no steadfast rules either. If you feel more comfortable meditating in a room filled with people than do that. I have a friend who is cheered up walking through the cemetery by his house. If it feels right for you and doesn’t break any laws, then by all means do that. Find your sacred space today. Feel free to share your ideas as well.

I PROPOSE A TOAST

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While writing my book “A Happy Life for Busy People” i was always on the lookout for little things we could incorporate into our lives with minimal effort that would return a great amount of joy. It is even better if these things can be fun and easy to do. I guess that habit has never left me. Which, unlike other habits I have, may be a blessing. It was while walking by this picture the idea came to me. You see the gentleman in the picture I am standing in front of is proposing a toast of some sort. It is exactly that which I would like to discuss with you today.

Toasts are common place at weddings, graduations and fancy dinner parties. What is a toast? One person who is either designated or the host/hostess of the party raises their glass of usually an alcoholic beverage and says what all in the room are ‘drinking to’. This is usually someone’s good health, good fortune or in terms of a wedding, to the couple who are being joined. What happens next is everyone thinks that thought be it good wishes, gratitude or joy, they all bump glasses and drink. Everyone is usually in good spirits and has taken if but a moment to ponder something worth drinking to.

Here is my thought, why wait for a special occasion? Why does it have to be champagne? What do you think your spouse would do if over your morning cup of coffee you bump your mug into theirs and say here is to our love? Perhaps they may fall over? Look at you and wonder what is exactly in that coffee cup of yours? Either way they will more than likely feel good you are taking a moment to celebrate your love together. Don’t stop at your spouse. How about at work? How do you think things would improve if you raised your coffee/water/rum whatever you can get away with and said “here is to my great coworker!” Again you may be initially greeted with suspicion and random drug testing, but I think a little more joy may be the end result. What if you are on lunch alone? Why let that stop you? Raise your glass and toast to having a great day or whatever you feel at the moment. People may wonder if you are having a conversation with your imaginary friend. Let them wonder while you focus on what you are looking forward to or being grateful for.

These small acts will do more than make others feel good. They will also serve to change your focus. You will be constantly thinking and looking for things to toast to next. Recently I was listening to a audiobook by Michael Beckwith in which he suggests you should ask yourself “What can I celebrate today?”.  After all that is what toasts are, mini celebrations.  Let’s face it in every day there is something to celebrate. Maybe just making it through the day? Here’s to a life of toasts and reasons to have them. I’ll raise my glass and drink to that.

AN IMPORTANT ADDITION

 
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Back to the discussion of my lady and I, seen in the picture above and what makes us such a strong and great couple. There is one essential element all good relationships need, and that is humor. Now whether your partner is more Jim Carey or Steven Wright does not matter. We all have our own version of humor and so does our partner. Understanding and appreciating that humor can be a great gain in any relationship, but especially in romantic ones. Quite often a humorous memory can soften the blow, or even help bring you back to love when a challenge or misunderstanding arises. So build humorous memories with your friends and loved ones. Taking pictures of them can add something special and help the memory last.
My only warning here is never to use humor at the expense of your partner. This can lead to resentment and a bad memory. Also avoid humor at the expense of others. Your partner may start to wonder what you say about them when they are not around. It also puts you in a negative light and opens the door to gossip which we discussed in the previous post.
So today’s homework, find ways to make your partner laugh and smile that will also bring you closer. Capture that humor anyway you can to use when needed.

GRAPH OF PROGRESS

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As you can see in the graph most prices has both its ups and downs. Just stay focused on your goal and keep moving forward. Whether your goal is to improve your financial situation or your relationship there is very seldom a straight line up. Nor should there be. The beautiful thing about the downs is that is forces us to refocus. If everything is going along smoothly there is little motivation to think about improvement. When things start slipping away then we often are forced to take things seriously and work harder. It is quite often after someone suffers a heart attack or some other health scare that they suddenly adopt a healthy lifestyle they have been avoiding. When someone loses some of their income they often start to review their budget. We grow from our challenges. A set back is only a failure if you give up. Any growth or goal you are working toward is never a straight line from A to B but is quite often a crooked line moving in that direction. If you are able map your goal. Keep an eye on your budget, if you start to spend more than you should or income should decline and the graph go down use that to motivate you to positive action. If you are trying to keep track of how many positive days you have with your spouse and one week you have 5 and the next week you only have 3 use that to examine the difference. Sometimes it can be circumstances you hadn’t expected or even ones beyond your control. Your car breaks down, your spouse is sick and in a bad mood. Still keep your goal firmly in mind and remember where you are heading.

HOW TO GET ANYWHERE…

“A number two pencil and a dream can take you anywhere”

This fabulous quote was given to me by a good friend who saw it on a sign at her work. At face value it seems a little pie in the sky, but is it true? In a word, absolutely. Every great dream begins with these two elements. First we need a dream, goal or whatever you care to call it. Without this step it is hard to get excited In fact without a destination in mind it is hard to get anywhere in life. I relate it to getting in your car on the passenger size, starting the ignition and putting a brick on the gas pedal. If you don’t steer and break you will either end up in someone’s back yard, or in the back of someone’s mini van. Either way effort without direction is wasted effort.

Ok, so you have a dream, now what? Can it really be realized with a simple #2 pencil? The simple answer is yes. Let me relay a personal example to you. When I began work on my book “A Happy Life for Busy People” I had a dream. That was a strong desire to bring what I have learned about living a successful and rewarding life with as many people as I could. What didn’t I have? Any idea what the hell I was doing! This can be the biggest obstacle to people achieving their dream life. It has been mine in the past. You have a great idea, but not the slightest clue as to how to accomplish it. Some see endless challenges and often quick before they really begin. I did this in years past. I would think 12 steps down the line and get so overwhelmed I wouldn’t even start step one. This is where the pencil comes in handy.

When I began work on my first book the same idea constantly came into my mind over and over again. That idea simply stated was “I have no idea how to write a book” So I began to write down everything I could think of. Every question I thought of I wrote down. “How do you get your book printed?” “What website is the best choice to use?” “Who do I know who has written a book?” Then I made lists of pros and cons of subjects. I jotted down ideas and bits of inspiration that came to me. Most of which would later only make sense to me. Considering my wonderful handwriting sometimes even that was debatable. The point being I was literally teaching myself as I went along. I wrote down the information I needed to continue. Then I would write down sources I could get that very information from. Is there a website that has that? Do I have to get a book on the subject? Is there a person I know who could advise me in this field?

I would have to say I would add one item to a dream and a pencil. That item would be a positive and expectant attitude. In reflection I fully expected and knew I was going to write a book. So when challenges arose I would just have to ask myself how can I solve this to move forward? Without this valuable tool you may be inclined to give up. If you totally expect your goal to be reached obstacles just appear as challenges to be solved and not walls stopping you.

Another important thing to realize when chasing your dreams is that chances are someone less talented, connected or gifted has accomplished the very thing you are trying to do. Even if this is not the case, consider how many people have done things others have thought impossible. So if you are considering chasing a dream grab a pencil and a great attitude and begin your journey there!