I mentioned the book I am currently reading in an earlier post. Where I cannot assume you read that post, the title of the book is Happiness is a Choice you Make by John Leland. It was recommended to me by a dear lady whom I had met at a graduation party. She was someone whom I had never met, but we conversed the whole time I was there like old friends. I am hoping I have the opportunity to thank her for such a great recommendation. The book covers 6 of the ‘oldest old’. That is to say people who are above the age of 87. Which I learned, is one of the fastest growing demographics in the United States.

In the section I am currently reading, the author is talking with a couple who are in their 90s. They found each other at the nursing home where they both live. The dynamics of their relationship is so fascinating to me. One of the aspects that makes it work is a great secret that all of us could use in our own relationships. This secret works not only in romantic relationships, but friendships, business relationships or relationships of any kind. If you don’t manage this secret properly, it can lead to what poisons a great deal of relationships. If you do learn, and are able to master this, it will give your relationship an advantage others simply don’t have. Both parties will feel happier and more confident with the relationship.

That is what we do here at Secret2anamazinglife.com. We teach you secrets to have an amazing life. One of the biggest factors of the quality of life is the quality of your relationships. Learning how to improve them has a positive impact on every area of your life. What is the secret the couple in the book practice that we all could put into use in our own lives? Learning to not only give, but receive. That second part especially. Independent people often want to do everything themselves. This is not necessarily a bad trait. When you are in a relationship, it can leave the other party feeling both a little unneeded and unwanted. If someone offers to say, get you a cup of coffee, and you always reply “I can do it myself.” It will not only leave the other party feeling as though they lost an opportunity to do something for you, but done long enough, they may stop offering all together.

This is a tricky balance. We often to want to feel like a burden to our partner or friend, but we certainly want to give them an opportunity to feel as though they did something for us. Think if the roles were reversed. How would you feel if you were able to do something that would either help, or bring joy, to your partner or friend? You would feel good I would imagine. Why would you deny that good feeling to someone else? Have you ever looked at it this way? It may seem that one party is taking and one is giving in this equation. The truth is, they are both giving. One, the act of service. The other, the opportunity to provide that service. If you follow this up with appreciation, you actually get to give twice by receiving. How crazy is that? The other party feels good that they were able to do something for you, and they feel good that you let them know you appreciate what they did.

The picture above is me and my silly lady. We practice this secret daily. It is not always easy as we both love to do things for each other. We must remember that we like the other party to feel needed and appreciated. In fact, we love appreciating each other. One of the worst things you can do in a relationship is ‘keep score’. The thought that “Hey! I do a lot more for them than they do for me!” is poison to a relationship. You are actually providing them an opportunity to appreciate you and they are providing an opportunity to feel that you matter and serve a purpose in the relationship. Appreciation for your partner and all that they do is key in this equation. It is true that you never want to feel useless, or that you don’t serve a purpose in a relationship. You also never want to feel taken for granted.

Let your partner know that you appreciate everything they do for you. Give them an opportunity to do things for you, even if you can do it for yourself. This is not only a secret to an amazing relationship, but to an amazing life.