Today is the 999th day in a row we have posted content on this website. That means tomorrow is day 1000! It was an arbitrary goal set almost 3 years ago. When it was set, there were no thoughts of how long that actually was. Simple math could have shown it was a lot more of a journey than it seemed.
Some of the challenges faced in maintaining this content were vacation in the Bahamas. Yes, that doesn’t sound like much of an obstacle. Let me tell you, when you have to write before you can try the buffet or swim in turquoise water, it is a challenge. There of course were health challenges. Allergies, a cold, a Dislocated shoulder to name a few. There were also times I had no idea what to write about.
That is why it is so important to surround yourself with people who not only encourage and assist you with your goal, but hold you accountable to it. A debt is owed to so many. My friends Maryand Eduardo who are so kind as to share these posts on their social media. My mother who shares ideas of subjects she would like to hear discussed.This is very helpful. Everyone who engagesthrough comments, likes and other manners. Even my friends in the great country of Greenland who give me other goals to reach.
A very special amount of gratitude to this lovely lady, my fiancee Margie.She not only provides the occasional idea for me to write about, but puts up with all of my crazy thoughts as a writer. She also does her best to make sure I get enough rest, and keeps my belly full of delicious food.
Each one of these amazing people helped this site reach 1000 days in a row of content. Without them, it would have been far more difficult, if not impossible. No great feat is accomplished alone. After tomorrow, I look forward to settingmy sights on the next horizon. I would be honored if all of you would join us as we continue to help each other become the best version of ourselves and discover the secrets to an amazing life.
Learn a secret to creating an amazing life that is in front of you all along. You will not only discover this secret, but learn how to put it into action!
All you have to do is click on the link below or listen to “Living the Dream with Neil Panosian” podcast wherever you find your podcasts.
This idea may seem very basic to many of you, but it is still very valuable and has a great deal of truth. This is a simple scale. As you can see it goes from negative four, to positive four. This is a great metaphor for our lives. If we think that by eliminating the negative, it will give us a positive life, we can see that is not so. If you think, “I don’t beat my spouse. I don’t smoke. I don’t say anything bad about others. That makes you a positive person.” As you can see by the graph above, that is not exactly so. If you are not doing anything negative, that puts you at zero.
To get to the positive, we must add positive things. We must work hard to make our spouse feel loved and appreciated. That is a positive. Ok, now we are at one. Don’t smoke? that is great. Staying active and eating a healthy diet, that is a positive. That puts us at two. It is good to not say anything negative about others or spread gossip. That means you do not get a negative. Want another positive? Try speaking empowering and kind things about as many people as you can.
The secret to an amazing life is to blend eliminating as many negatives from your life as you can. You also have to add as many positives as you can.Doing both of these at the same time will lead to the biggest improvements. Just make sure you are not making yourself feel overwhelmed. How many negatives can you think of to eliminate in your life? What are some positives you can add?
This recording The Strangest Secret by Earl Nightingale, has been one of the 3 items that changed my life the most. I must have listened to it thousands of times. Inside it does reveal a great tool to help you live an amazing life. I highly recommend you check it out. (There is a free audio on YouTube)
Today’s post is not about Earl’s Strangest Secret, but yours. I want to know what is the item of knowledge that had the biggest positive impact on your life?
Here is a subject on which I feel I can speak with great authority. I say that for two very good reasons. One, I have a relationship, that although is far from perfect, it is amazing and we are working on making it better every day. The second reason is that I have screwed up so much in the past I have quite a few ideas of what doesn’t work in creating an amazing relationship. In this post we are going to unlock two insider secrets that if you put them into play, I promise will not only improve your relationships, but will improve your life. As an added bonus, it will also improve your most important relationship. That is the one with the person in the mirror.
In this blog we explore ways in which you can live a more amazing life. There is no greater area of your life that influences whether your life is amazing or not than your relationships. Although we are going to look at this from the point of an intimate relationship, you can apply these two secrets to any relationship from friend to coworker and watch them blossom into something very special. In fact, if you honestly give these two secrets I am about to share with you an honest try for 30 days, I promise you that your life will be better than it has ever been. One of these secrets will not only make you more popular, but will give you the appearance of having an almost supernatural power to make anyone feel special and appreciated. The other secret will not only take your relationships to a whole new level, but will have you happier, healthier and more full of inner peace than you thought was possible! Sound like a lot of hype? I promise you that it is not. Remember, I have been on both sides of the coin. I know what doesn’t work and have made most of the mistakes. (Sorry baby, but I am sure there are still some I am have yet to get to) and I have also used these tools, and continue to use them, to create some of the most rewarding and dynamic relationships I have even had. Are you ready to learn these simple yet powerful secrets so you can put them to use in your own life? Before we jump in to what they are and how to use them, a quick warning is needed. These secrets are deceptively simple. You may hear them and assume you already are using them. Let me assure you that odds are you are not. You may also assume that since they are so simple they will not work. Not only am I living proof, but the countless people I have shared these two secrets with can attest to their magical quality. Heed these two warning as you read on and I promise you that your life is about to transform.
LISTEN
The first amazing tool is to listen. Before you start telling me how you have been listening to your spouse complain for years, let me stop you. This is a different kind of listening. This type of listening will help you get inside your partners head. It is active listening, or as I like to call it, listening with a purpose. The picture above is of myself and my love Margie. Fear not, her tongue is not normally blue. I want to share a quick story about how listening changed my relationship with this beautiful young lady. Early in our relationship I found my self at the grocery store wanting to bring her home a little something to let her know I was thinking of her. The sad part was I did not know what she would like. What kind of cereal did she like? I didn’t know. What fruit might she enjoy? I was clueless. I made up my mind to focus on what she seemed to gravitate towards next time we were at the store together. When I did the information was overwhelming. As we walked and did our normal shopping I suddenly heard her tell me about her passion for black olives and why Lucky Charms should be considered a healthy cereal.
I was so happy and excited with all of my new found knowledge that I couldn’t wait to go to the grocery store again and be able to pick out something she would like. I must confess that I almost missed the true value of this. It does not just have to be limited to the grocery store. I began to listen to find our what made her happy. I watched as she seemed to brighten up around certain flowers. I learned that when she is stressed shopping at the craft store is good for her. Not so good for the bottom line, but I digress. If you listen to your partner to discover what they like and what they don’t, what makes them happy and what makes them mad. Recently, I recall hearing Margie mention she wanted a water bottle that broke down how much water she should drink by certain times of the day. Without saying I word I looked online and found one in colors she enjoys. The effect on your partner is the true reward here. They will not only be happy you are doing more of what makes them happy and less of what makes them mad, but they will feel listened to and valuable. For your benefit, you will now have the ability to bring joy and happiness to your relationship almost at will. The great thing about this is that the more you listen and learn, the better you will be at making your partner feel loved.
BE THE BEST VERSION OF YOURSELF
This secret I have only really come across recently. When things seem to be struggling in your relationship, focus on yourself. It may be true that your partner is treating you unfairly. It may be true times are just rough. What is a certain truth is you have no control over your partner nor outside circumstances. Trying to get and maintain control over either of those things will not only drive you crazy, you probably will end up a jerk as well. What you do have complete control over is yourself. Why is this important? If you are working on improving yourself, it is pretty hard not to win the admiration of your partner. If you work on getting in better shape and becoming healthier you will have more energy to bring to the relationship. Maybe you could work on expanding your knowledge base (Learning new things). That will provide more stimulating conversation in your relationship. How about working on your relationship skills in general? There are plenty of fun and amusing guides on how to become more romantic, adventurous, charming and whatever else you may wish to be.
What if you do all of this and your relationship still falls apart? Believe it or not, this is the best part about using this tool. If you truly work to become the best version of yourself and things do not work out, you can be confident in two very important things. First, if the relationship did not work when you were the best version of yourself, than it would not have worked at all. The worst thing about the end of a relationship is saying the ‘should of’ and ‘what if’. If you did the best you could, you should have no regrets. The second thing is even better. If you continue to work on yourself to improve every day and things do not work out with your partner, you are going to be in a far better position to start your next relationship. I enjoy learning new ways to make my love smile. Everyday at the gym I know I am working to be a healthier and happier version of myself. On the days I do screw things up, I am always eager to learn something new about improving myself and what I bring to our relationship.
In the end, becoming someone who can listen with a purpose and constantly improving ourselves will not only benefit our relationship, it will make us better and more powerful people. Being able to listen to someone, not to reply, but to learn and understand is so rare it could be considered a super power. Developing the drive to work on ourselves everyday will not only set us up to have our partner falling in love with us all over again, but at the end of the day we will be a better person. Practice these two relationship tools. They really are the secret to an amazing life.
Last post we spoke about a relationship secret. That secret was treating each relationship the way you did in the beginning so that there will not be an end. This post focuses on one aspect of doing that. It is one of the biggest mistakes couples can do that will lead to you waking up years from now next to your good friend and roommate instead of your passionate lover.
How do you keep that passion alive? How, after years of seeing each other day in and day out can you not fall prey to the law of familiarity? When you are around someone enough isn’t natural not only to become immune to their charms, but take them a little for granted as well? It may be natural. It may very well be what happens to most of the couples out there. If you are reading this post on a website called Secret2anamazinglife I would trust you want a relationship that is better than the average couple.
Would you like to wake up just as passionate for your partner in year 20 as you were in day 20? There are several things you can do to accomplish that and we are going to touch on one of them today. In fact, that word ‘touch’ is what this is all about. One of the first things to fall victim to time in a relationship is romance and flirting. It is very important to maintain those displays of affection.
One of the best ways to fan your partner’s flames of desire for you is to make sure they know you still find them attractive. We are talking about more than a simple hug here. I have a friend I was discussing this with the other day who told me him and his wife do not kiss on the mouth anymore. When I asked him why not, he informed me that “It just feels kind of awkward now.” This is a sure sign you have moved from lovers to friends. In an intimate relationship the only thing that truly differentiates them from platonic friendships is physical intimacy. Sneak in a passionate kiss when they least expect it. Grab your partners butt. If you follow these actions up with genuine words like “I just want you to know I am as hot for you as ever.” I promise you that you will leave your partner speechless.
Be warned, however, that people outside your relationship may grow tired of the two of you showing each other affection. You may hear things such as “Don’t you two get enough of each other?” or the ever popular “Get a room!” Do not let these Debby downers prevent your show of love to your partner. They have more than likely fallen for the lie that affection should fade with the years a couple is together. Their relationship may very well be headed to the ‘friends and roommates’ category. Do them a favor and suggest they show the person they love some affection as well.
Another way to keep affection alive and well in a relationship is to always be open to new adventures. I can’t tell you all the fun things that Margie and myself have attempted together with love and an open mind. Even if it turns out you did not enjoy the experience you have a bit more knowledge about your relationship and on occasion a memory you can both laugh at.
Giving your partner something exciting to look forward to can make all the difference in the world. Plan romantic and sensual evening together and then send fun and teasing messages to each other leading up to the event. Maybe a text in the middle of the day, a note put in a lunch taken to work. Be creative. Use these and other fun items to keep the naughty side of your love alive. It just may very well save your relationship as well. Feel free to share any ideas you and your partner use to keep the passion alive in the comments below.
There are things we do as children we could stand to do more as adults. Playing outside, using our imaginations to solve problems come to mind. I am going to share another one with you today. Once again I am going to use the two people in the picture above as an example. That would be Margie and myself. Before we get into the idea I want to share with you, allow me to give you the all important back story. When Margie and I met and after we started dating we initially saw each other at work. Work in those days saw Margie behind the DJ booth and myself behind the bar. It was at a place called The Hideout. It was a small corner bar but between the two of us we packed the place most nights. This was great for business and for our pocketbooks, but not so great for being able to love each other.
The dilemma we faced was the only time we really got to see each other was when we were both so busy it was hard to even say ‘hello’ to each other. Both being creative souls, we came up with a unique solution – a secret language. Something you may have used as a child when playing games or forming secret clubs. Margie and I came up with hand gestures that we could use with each other across the bar to say simple things like “I love you” or “I’m missing you”. We continue to develop our secret vocabulary to this day. Thankfully, we no longer work separately. We DJ sitting right next to each other. Although still working in the bar industry which is a challenge to even the best relationships, we have moments where we cannot hear each other or may have to be away from each other. There are also moments when we are out with friends, or at social events where we may be across the room wanting to let the other know we are thinking about them.
Developing this unique form of communicating allows us to keep loving when it may otherwise be a struggle. It is also a fun way to be creative in our relationship. Having something that is uniquely between us also creates a special bond. Create signs that can communicate with your loved one. It is fun, creative and can really come in handy at certain times.
The man on the far right, with the megaphone, is the mayor of my fine city. Every year he holds a 30-day challenge to have members of the community be active for 30 minutes a day. This year the challenge was kicked off with a one mile walk that the mayor led. In politics there is too often examples of “Do as I say, not as I do.” It is refreshing to see a leader who leads by example.
Not only was this an example of a leader walking the walk, but of one who truly cares about the city he leads. Wanting the people who live in the city to be both healthy and happy is an extra step that most officials would not take. The position of mayor is filled with lots of obligations and responsibilities. Arranging both a walk and a 30-day fitness challenge creates a lot of extra work. Including, but not limited to, setting up police presence to make sure the course is safe. Working with sponsors and allocating prizes to be given away, t-shirts printed and what is sure to be countless other details I am forgetting.
Sure, setting up such an event can help you during reelection, but so could just being a great mayor. Why take all of the extra steps? That answer was made clear as we walked along. The mayor did not discuss politics, or as some national politicians are wanting to do, discuss how great of a mayor he was. No, today as we walked along he discussed his son’s love for sports, his family’s like for vacations in northern Wisconsin and an eventful trip they had made to Disney world. Most importantly, the mayor listened. Another sign of a great leader. He listened patiently as people voiced their concerns about aspects of the city, but also when they shared stories of their families as well.
After the walk had concluded, there was a small gathering where water, yogurt and prizes were handed out. Sadly, I did not win any of the State Fair tickets that were up for grabs. I did win, however, by being part of this great community.
I had the great pleasure of talking to wonderful neighbors like Jon and Robin who are also working diligently to foster a sense of community. Even though she wasn’t able to attend, there were plenty of discussions about my amazing neighbor Linda and what a caring neighbor she is. To make the day even better I was able to finally meet several neighbors I had only previously interacted with online including Denise and her fabulous husband. I look forward to chatting more with all of them as we work together to foster a greater sense of togetherness in West Allis Wisconsin.
If your community offers programs such as this I encourage you to join. If they do not, work with leaders to begin some. They not only do a great deal to reduce crime and increase a sense of community, but bring people together for positive and healthy reasons. Leaders, take mayor Dan Devine’s example. Caring about your constituents runs deeper than success at the polls and does not go unnoticed.
In reflection it has come to my attention how many moments that seemed insignificant at the time ended up being life-changing. Here is what I mean. When a friend suggested in 2006 I see the movie ‘The Secret’ I thought it would be just another movie. It turned out to change the way I look at the world. When I ordered my first Tony Robbins product off an infomercial I thought it would end up on a shelf collecting dust. Now I practice a lot of what I learned from that. In addition I have made my life’s mission to help others learn how to better their lives and the world around them. When I started this blog which is going on 500 posts ago, I thought it would merely be an outlet for my philosophical musings. It has turned into a book A Happy Life for Busy People as well as several speaking engagements.
Even when my boss at the time told me that my hours at the post office were going to be cut from 45 a week to 10 due to down-sizing I thought that was going to be a major negative moment. It was that event that pushed me into the self-improvement field. So never underestimate the effect that things can have on you. Keep your ears and mind open. Also stay present in the moment to be able to take from life what you can. Each moment presents its own lessons and its own opportunities. Make sure to grab them all.
Lastly, some moments may not become important until long after they have passed. My grandfather was a very important figure in my life and taught me many things. Some of which I thought were crazy or even disagreed with at the time. He passed away years ago, but often I find myself thinking of things he said and appreciating them in a whole different level. He is still teaching me long after he is gone. Sometimes there are things you have to experience, or a place in life you have to be before the lesson can be fully appreciated.
The takeaway here is to soak up everything in life. It may seem insignificant at the time, but you never know when it may be just want you need!
When I first saw this picture I thought “that is kind of redundant”. Actually it is quite profound. Seeing the best in the world, or the ‘glass half full’ is a good part of what keeps me happy. Does that mean denying the half of your glass that is empty? Not at all. It is merely focusing on the part that is full.
In my own life there have been countless situations that could certainly look terrible. If you need an example please see the previous post about the pigeon. I know that in life whatever you look for you will find. Stop and read that last line again, maybe even a third time. Let it sink in. This is really the key to both happiness and success in your life. If you are focused on what is working in your life and what there is to enjoy and be happy about you will find it. Truth is that it is there all along just waiting to be noticed.
My law of attraction friends will tell you that whatever you focus on expands. I believe that, but I also believe this: the more you focus on something the better you get at finding it. It may seem like more of what you are focusing on is appearing, but I also think you are also noticing more of what is already there.
Why is this so important? Let’s recap. What you focus on both expands and you tend to notice that thing easier and more often. That means you get to choose what your life will be filled with! Want joy and prosperity? Start to look for all the opportunities for both joy and prosperity in your life. Now, before you say “Neil, I try but there are still problems” that is true, we need to focus on them only enough to develop and begin working on a solution. After that, switch to what you have to be grateful for.
If you are anything like me, you may still have some lingering doubts. That’s good, do not accept what I am saying without proving it to yourself. I have a little experiment for you. Try this for at least 3 days, more if you like. Pick a color you enjoy. Mine would be blue, but pick whatever color you like. As often as you can for the next couple of days try to notice all the things of that color when you enter a room. By about the end of the third day you should notice something. Things of your determined color seem to jump out at you. They seem to be all over the place. This experiment works easier because there is no emotion attached. Changing to a positive focus takes a little more work, but you can see how it will happen using this little activity. Do it with a friend. Compare your results and discuss them with each other. Share this post with others and get them involved as well. Remember you create your own life.
SECRET 2 AN AMAZING LIFE 